You say you love me,
You say you understand,
You say you will follow,
You say many things,
And i trust you !

But how can i be so sure when you escape all fights, all clarifications of situations ?

You know after all I think I never really believed in love or any emotion at all.

That’s quite hard to admit that I was so broken that I never let it in properly. I never accept it either.

I think that all those emotions are inside of me I just don’t let other seeing it because I don’t want anyone to be able to hurt me. What I realized is that hurt is uninvatable and it’s part of this beautiful life.

I am sick of hiding my emotions like nothing hurt me. I am not afraid anymore because I prefer to get hurt than to feel nothing at all.

So I am going to danse until I can’t feel my feet, I will sing until I loose my voice, I will eat until I can’t see food anymore, I will cry in front of romantic film until my eye explode and i will love just to get hurt. Because if I keep not feeling anything at all I will loose the best part of myself.
^^

I can’t be someone propriety.
I am not a jewellery we wear on shows and put on a side when the party is over.
I am not to play or I rather win the game.

Call me

Just call me and let’s meet somewhere in the world.

Somewhere we will be alone

We know that we can’t be together for long because we would destroy each others world.

Let’s meet for a few days, keep those days as our secret, our escape.

We felt so happy together don’t you remember ?

- We don’t need to talk and we talk for hours
- We don’t need drink and we got so high

Would that be possible ? For a day !? A week? A month ?

We know we can’t stay close forever but could we just enjoy this moment of life this short time and believe the world his ours.

I want to feel that love is now and just now
That every feeling is real
That the world is ours
That no one else exist

Then we would continue our life wishing the best to each other until the next time we meet and can hug.

After all : short time, big love that’s all we want that’s all we have and everything we born for.

Just tell me where and when.

Because all the world turn around you does not mean that you can make it stop.

Because no one see trough does not mean the miroirs lie.

Because at first it feels right and at the end so wrong.

What if I actually don't care? What if I don't want to play by the rules?

Less I think better I feel.

If i am not all you need
Why don't you let me go ?

This is what you told me the first night we met,
And now i am wondering, if egoist and love go together.

Oh yes sure, but as friend then?
- Why would you say that?

- Remember talking about respect when you wanted to fight?

This is also to me the only thing that makes me angry and want to fight. As you, I have a high respect of myself and don't like to feel ignore, disrespected. It might be a big word just to explain that i don't appreciate when someone read my messages and decide not to reply.

Listen, it's not against you, i understand, you are busy, I might not be your priority. But i learn over the past year not to let anyone taking the chance to be able to hurt me. You might not be the kind of guys who like texting fine, then you should have tell me (same way as you asked me why i left and i replied).

It was really nice meeting you, i would love to see you again but not without disrespecting myself. That's a lot of feeling, but after what i saw in you, I am sure you will understand. I am free tomorrow, if you understand that we can meet. If not i want to tell you that i also feel this connexion and wish you a beautiful week.

--
Self respect is a high value i want to keep. I am mature enough and have been hurt enough not to let anyone getting this power over me.

Some people talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you, i am learning the difference and i am looking to let people in my life only with the second option.

If you are able to rise you standard to meet girls like me.

Please lift me high

I feel like a teanager again
Full of hope,
Smile on my pocket ready to be shown as soon as needed
Going on a trip like it's my first holidays
Seeing my future ahead
Feeling like my first love
Today I feel like a teanager, first love, first holidays without parents, freedom and happiness like I just found the purpose of life.
I love this feeling so much, being happy, feeling my heart bumping and so exiting for anything coming.

More I look around better I feel about my life. People of my age seems so stuck, so unhappy while I decided to follow my dreams and make it my way.

I passed each challenges that life brings me while they choose the easy way.

I always keep smiling,  my head up and my heart open just to make sure I won't regret anything. And so far I am doing pretty well.

As long as i beleive that destiny as a great life to offer why should i not follow the signs?

For me the signs are "Feel free, be wild, don't worry everything will be alright, let's go on an adventure"

I just have to be a little careful because the days i get off track,  i feel bad until i get back on track and that can take some time...

Anyway, good thoughts : keep it easy.  Follow happy thoughts, happy people, love and share

"There is no destiny, nothing to save.
I don't know how to receive love
It makes me feel uncomfortable
Before I think I was for but
I emptied a gun loader into my foot"

"Kiss slow, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Some eyes contact need no words... My soul is too deep to be explored by those who always swam in the shadow.  Believe in myself --- Be unstoppable."

Maybe I should stay alone
I always knew that I won’t be good at love
I hurt myself more than I ever hurt other
Alone or not it keeps hurting
Deep down I just know I am stilll not saved even if I try to hide this scare everyday it always comes back every 3 years like if every 3 years I remember what happened 3 years before those 3 years before those ones

3 is then my breaking number

But it kind of always get better when I break the circle

I can see it from the way they look at me
Some questioning why I don’t walk the line
Most don't even care about the person that I might be
Is is not kinda crazy ?
Living in a world where everyone has something to say about everybody.
While not many really work on who they are?!
I never been afraid to be different but always to be the same than everyone,
Should we not worry more about loving ourselves rather than loving the idea of people loving us?
Self-love is not selfish is the way toward love
I know when the time will be right everything will fall into place and I am ready to work hard for it.
Until then let’s share love!
Mind, Body, Spirit

Will be now a year, a year I put on paper everyday my feeling

All those feeling make me think that I should always go when I just want to stay

And once again I want to escape to go far, will someone ever know how to hold my hand and tell me how not to go?

If he is too perfect I go, too loving, too addicted, too boring, too far, too old, too young I always leave afraid that love could take me.

I believe i found exactly what i would like to do in life.
And all my little world is falling apart.
My mum always happy start being moody.
My boyfriend always staying starts leaving.
The gouvernement quite supportive, start withdrawing all my rights.
My emotions quite inexistant start fighting.

But if i look deep inside me, i know i am still there, i know i can trust myself, i know i will and i am making the right decisions.

So let's it be, let the world fall apart, because the one to come will never.

She might have the same way to walk but she get closer to you and you know she will never touch you like I do.

She might have the same kind of deep voice but her words will never resonate as mine in your heart.

She might have the same eyes she will never understand you like I do.

Enjoy having the same, while I am still somewhere around.

Be happy that same same is always different <3

Tonight i want to be love like in the films, like I read on Instagram. But who could I ever ask that?
I always pushed love away and even if  I succeed to get the best lover ever I always **** their feeling and mine.
At the time that I am actually ready to share there is no more perfect lover in front of me to receive them as they should be received : with butterfly in the stomach and hapiness in the smile.

Maybe I just always ruined everything. I just don't beleive I am enough to love.

I hope you can just hold me and tell me that you feel better.
Sometimes I feel like giving up but it’s not in my genes I keep taking care.
I look into my phone and know that nothing will pop up and I know you know it hurts me but at least you feel better and you will be better without me.

Now that my heart is free
I actually feel much more better toward you
And I think I would have to thank you to open my eyes and my heart to the greatest gift humans can get : LOVE.

You show me it was possible, even if I believe that you always lied, your lies stayed in me like something I have to follow.

It’s weird how I hated you so much for putting those felling into me and now that I am free of any relationship I think you did good.

I believe that two souls never meet for nothing, there is always a reason. I now found why I met you. I was thinking it was a bad experience but I now think that it was needed.

I am perfectly fine by myself, I rarely need someone to tell me what to do, who to be, what to want.
P
A
R
A
D
O
X
When I am all alone, I need someone to tell me that I am amazing and deserve it all.
*
I hate lies but in those moment I just need a lier
P
A
R
A
D
O
X
My happiness can’t be linked with anyone, I need to become my own lier.

Maybe I am just living in a parallel world, after all why I have the feeling I am the only one who wants this kind of life : freedom and love all at once no more no less.

I am looking at those people going back to their country after a month in BALI and feeling unhappy. You f they are so unhappy why do they go back ? Why don’t they stay?

Choice is a matter of mind set, keep the right mind set and I beileive that all yours dreams finish to come true.

Why should I find someone ?
Why should I need someone else everything
Why don’t we share ?
Why don’t we spread love and happiness

I have only one philosophy
Be accepted as I am.

There is nothing left to say
I will be fine!
Every little lie
I am letting go
I open my eyes

---
There is nothing left to say
(When i want to scream about this mess)
I will be fine!
(Pretending that I am alright)
Every little lie
(Impossible to hide)
I am letting go
(Anyway you are already gone)
I open my eyes
(Even if my heart is closed)
---

You could just fix it with words
(Don't want to hear your voice)

It’s not their job to like me, it’s mine.

What a better place than Bali to fall in love?
More I know myself less ******* I tolerate

Many people believe they know
Most think they are lost forever
The most important would be not to judge, no to question so much

How could we still listen to those haters
When they are the one that are mainly lost

This voice in my head most of the time if **** up
But at least I always know where she is and who she is

Why are you running away from me all the time?
Because i can no longer be held responsible for my actions when I am with you.

I am in the restaurant
My friend just left the table
And here I feel all complete

I enjoy being with her
But her leaving remind me how much
I love to be by myself

I guess that’s what we call self love
I spent the all day stress
Now just being alone
Remind me that the smallest thing in life are the one I enjoy the most

Sharing a meal with myself
Watching people around
I never feel alone by myself
This is supposed to make me afraid
Afraid that I loose my social part but I don’t think I do

It’s noisy I am surrounded by people
It’s just me and my beer and I fell complete
I guess that’s what we call self love

I am in the restaurant
My friend just left the table
And here I feel all complete

I enjoy being with her
But her leaving remind me how much
I love to be by myself

I guess that’s what we call self love
I spent the all day stress
Now just being alone
Remind me that the smallest thing in life are the one I enjoy the most

Sharing a meal with myself
Watching people around
I never feel alone by myself
This is supposed to make me afraid
Afraid that I loose my social part but I don’t think I do

It’s noisy I am surrounded by people
It’s just me and my beer and I few complete
I guess that’s what we call self love

i want want a simple life
With nice people
A world where eveyone love each other where eveything is real
Where love is not a goal but a way of life
Where I can walk bare foot and smile to eveyone without looking weird
I want to party until morning
Wake up and start again just to meet all those amazing people

Can someone tell me where is this place ?

I am here alone sitting at the restaurant
People are wondering why am i alone
If they knew...if they knew that this is my new happiness. I decided to do what I love even if not one follow even if no one understand.
While they look at me I am sending back the weird look to those couple with kids. I am pretty sure I am currently looking at them the same way they look at me. And I am wondering :
This is what people aim for ? I am sorry I am not in! I want the father of my kids to look at me as the most Beautiful woman in the world because I am the mother of his. I don’t want the guy to stay there because he has to, the guy who stay there and look at the young ******* the other table.
Where is the love ? Where is the respect ?
Having kids is not the end of a life it’s a beginning of a new one, a powerful one. Being able to raise a kid is seeing someone impress by every little things, learning every single new words, running all over the place and knowing some how what they want. Kids are magic, being two to make one is wonderful begin able to stay passionate, in love and admirative is the goal not the impossible !!

being alone

I am tired of falling in love
I sick of covering up
Seems that for staying safe I should change and become something that’s not me
But I was always taught to be myself
I am my own independence, the reason I am smiling in the morning
Who I am need to be enough
—
We can do anything, just run away with me
Put your hands into mine and let’s be each other everything
Give me your heart I promise I won’t break it
—
I want to sing and dance and feel beautiful

"They say soulmate is a perfect eternal lover that fate brings into your life, is irreplaceable. You can find your soul in our universe even if your light years away and in another lifeform. Every soul has a soulmate that offers powerful love energy, it's an equal exchange."

Then if it's so obvious, can someone just come to me and tell me" hey it's me" no need to worry anymore, not pressure, no society feeling nothing. Just easy and eternal unconditional love.

Anyway, if it was that easy peole would have already make business out of it. But i beleive in miracles, so I will wait.

You can't stab and apologie,
You can't say bad words and take them back,
You can't make me say something and then say you are sorry to force me,
You can't make me believe you are perfect and then take it all back,
You can't say you are sorry when it's too late.
You can't, that's it.

I am not afraid to target the moon.
More I try better chance I have to get to the stars.
Even if it takes time I beleive in it, again and again.
Keep trying

I remember loving a lot of you.

Teenage lovers.

My first was useful, my second kind, my third animal, my forth useless and my fifth friendly.

We were teenagers.

Now stop there and remember when we were teenagers. All those small situations and compliments that makes you feel unbreakable like the world belong in your hands.

Teenage love.

I miss this love so much. Maybe that was the one I needed after all.

Teenage love is pure, is crazy, is for life in our mind. Oh but remember how Teenage love is painful? Do I really want to get there?

Teenage love have no fears, let me get there.

Tell me, after all which love is the best when you know all of them ?

The real truth is that I am scared to be alone that’s why I don’t leave you. But I am also scared to be with the wrong person and that’s why I dont want to be with you.

I crossed oceans, rode the highest mountain,  fished Piranhas, fought with a crocodile and I am not able to succeed any challenges in my love life ... really ? That’s so stupid

Love is too challenging, can I surrender ?

You say things and you never respect them,
You say you have money but you have to sold your computer to get out of ****,
You say you decided to be nice with people and you fight with them,
You say you don't like when people leave but you make them,
You say you don't have many friends and there is always a new one around the corner,
So don't say you love me because it does not make any difference,

I say i don't share feeling and I don't,
I say i have a BF and i do,
I say i am afraid and never sure of anything and I am,
So trust me, when i say I don't want to talk anymore, I mean it !


At least for now.

There is no Happy love story.
Come one look around you and show me one, one love story that is happy ever after.

We got sold this idea of the charming prince, the beautiful princess and this huge castle.

Seriously ? I am just ****** at love.

The "..." in your messages make me relax,
Because i know that more you think, better you are at calming our fights.
But sometimes i need to scream, sometimes just sometimes.
But i love it so much when you calm me down, i always wait for you to do so.
I am just afraid one day you push me away and the "..." i love so much during our fight will turn from I love it to I don't want to talk to you.

Today I was angry, impossible to control my emotions and the only thing I have in my mind is let's fall in love.
But am I even ready for it, would I ever be ready for strong emotions?
Last time I let them inside they nearly killed me that I had to learn how to fake.

It’s 3 in the morning
I can’t sleep
I have everything I want,
I am lying in a new bed
Have this awsome job
Nevertheless I cry
I feel alone in this big room
I talk all day as I love
I don’t want to talk anymore
Can I just watch Netflix all night
And order wine ?
I will be fine tomorrow
The sun always come back

Tonight I feel like writing, nothing comes. I am getting out of track.

I follow my head and my heart is crying. I keep myself focus at work and keep reaping in my head that everything will be OK. But that's just for my head, mid time I feel my heart crying.

I hate this feeling so much.

I am happy when I feel angry, I am full of energy when I cry, I am feeling it all when I am disappointed.

All those year not wanted to feel teach me how to twist and fake emotions. I could make you happy when I was down. I could make you angry just because you did not know yet but you will hurt me so I could push you away before letting you touch me.

I don’t want it anymore I will be a ball full of emotions any of them I will let them come in.

Make me angry, sad, cry, love, smile, drink I want to feel. I want to feel so badly

I never be really a huge fan of love
I prefer to be tough
Or maybe all those romantic movies does not have that much influence on me
And then you pop up into my life I was kind of looking for you but not ready for it

There is still protection and walls and million of gates to cross to my heart

But now I know I am not an helpless soul

That is not to say I will run to you that is just to say I am happy you give me this and I won’t forget it ever

Now the question is still the same should I stay or should I go most of the time I decide to go... only the future can show us the answer

Until the future come please live, laugh, love

The time might come or not we will always have somewhere in our heart, this feeling of unconditional impossible love

You are all after me
Telling me my life is perfect
As if i plant that in your brains
As if as soon as i feel down
I have all of you reminding me it's perfect
it's a dream

--
Really now i just feel alone
Right waiting for my familly to come home
How can i feel so alone next to the one i love
Afraid to be stuck
Back to a confort zone i don't feel confortable

--
I pannick
I need control over this emotion and very soon
--

Calm dow
Brief

You know it will all be alright
Remember to feel every moment
--

Actually I recovering from my bad side
I know it hurts
Not wondering why i feel what i feel
I am just fighting fall in love with you