you graduated
but didn't move
didn't work
didn't study
just stayed behind
in your hometown.

that's the hardest part about
staying
when everyone else left
the world doesn't care
what you think
or how you feel.

you're in the queue
at the store
getting flashbacks
then you see a youngster
paying at the other till
it's like seeing yourself
from two years ago
and all of a sudden,
you miss everyone.

the way she cracked her fingers
and licked her lips
sent shivers down my spine.

oh, darling
pucker up
and colour code those lips.
burgundy means stop
crimson means ****.

the world is our enmityville
don't bother trying to catch that bus,
the driver won't stop for you.

hissing telephone wires
noisy tea kettles
the lonely ******
you hear through your wall.

people bringing you down
people getting the best of you
funny how saints are born
once they've run out of sins.

this is enmityville
where neither life nor death
seems appealing.

Ironically, I'm on the bridge,
after burning too many,
I've pushed away people,
family
friends
lovers
and now I don't have any.

You need help!

They cry, they chant
Stay on this Earth, life is lovely,
but I just ******* can't.
No one cares about you, life's tough
right until you're suicidal
then everyone's an idol.

You need help!
You need help!

No, I don't.
You're in the wrong,
Politicians lie and you eat it raw, the rich are in control
I don't belong.
I want out, noose in hand
suddenly, life doesn't seem so bland.

Get out, get out, get out
I'm feeling this too early

22, young, whole life ahead of me,
this is not a call for help, not a plea
Society, life and I are too disjoint
and we'll all die
so after all, what's the point?

Get out, get out, get out
Get out, get out, get out
Get out, get out, get out

I want out
don't let me stay
if my noose snaps,
you'll find me somewhere in the bay.
Please let me out,
I beg you,
offing yourself is so hard,
too hard,
I am too scarred
and survival instincts are tough
I wish this was bluff.

You need help!
*You need ... *

Get out, get out, get out
Get out, get out, get out
Before it's too late

I feel trapped, no air
legs kicking, arms flailing.
People stare,
but now I don't care.
No grey, colours come back
blue
green
yellow
red
orange
they are all there
I'll never look back.

she said
but we never
met again.

Freakishly tall trees on both sides, all ceasing and dying
People's din, cars, trucks, motorbikes,
youse all barefooted, watch the pikes
Tall handsome man, all cool, without trying.

He never pussyfoots, he only calms you with his eyes
****, he sets the gardens ablaze
all barefooted, all in a daze
flickering bulblights, everything still dies.

Silky crinkly smooth voice like sonnets
Look, concrete cages hits concrete
bones crack to the beat
they split him open with onyx.

Always a joy, always a delight
sauntering down the avenue
smoky homes and billboard hue
boys drink joke ****, girls drunk ***** fright.

i kept our love
in the pocket
of my favourite coat
where it would be safe.
it stayed there
for days
just getting cozier
and more pleasant.

I didn't notice the gaping hole,
which only seemed to get bigger
as our love
poked at it all the time.
slowly falling apart
at the seams.

one day,
our love dropped into
the lining.
And I never wore
my favourite coat
again.

we're in the trenches
arguing
fighting
spiteful stares
all the capitulations in the world
couldn't save us.

you're home late
i got a taste of you
just a flavour
you were drinking
and smoking
but that kiss
tasted of a lot more.

she had a voice
like a lullaby.
no one could tell me
to get out
after so many years
after so many struggles
after so many fights
after so much love
in such a beautiful way.

.

have a nice life
don’t let me stop you
you were always
full of life
everyone laughed
I wish it was contagious.

have a nice life
tell mom i loved her
tell dad i hated him
tell yourself you
were my everything.

have a nice life
try to
even though i couldn’t.
Hearts break
or turn to lead
in this mad world.

sometimes i wonder
how many people
I've talked to for the last time.

sometimes I wonder
how many people
I've hurt and how many
I have yet to hurt.

sometimes I wonder
how many times I've passed
the person I'll marry.

sometimes I wonder
which of the people I love
will die first.

sometimes I wonder
when I'll die
and if I'll finally
he happy

all i want out of my life
is tons of adventures
to look back on.

all i do with my life
is sit in class after class
office after office
with nothing to look back on.

story began in 1993
always outside,
always playing
whenever the sun was out
we were as well.

we played with marbles
we played hide and seek
hopscotch
and shadow tag
who could forget.

we would climb trees
grass stain our sneakers
and ruin our trousers
blow bubbles
and stick bubblegum
in the girls’ hair.

things were so simple
not a worry, not a care
now it’s apartments
love
work
career
taxes
responsibility,
I miss the old days.
I miss being a youngster.

the sound of a baby crying and
a mother sulking.

the sound of a car screeching and
bones breaking.

the sound of moans of delight and
a scream of pain in the night.

boring how life always uses
the same soundtrack.

I wish
that when I woke up,
you would finally be there.
I tried to stare into your eyes
and realised
that you were still missing
and I started drifting.

There you were
your long, blonde hair
smiling at me.
Suddenly,
caught by the headlights,
you were tossed
and when landing
your teary eyes slipped out of this world
full of smiles
romantic nights
children's laughter
blue skies
golden sunsets
and you left us all
into the darkness
and you were so afraid of the night.
I had to get out.

And when I turned to look at where you should have been
your picture looked back at me
smiling.

How I miss those days
people going in and out my flat
as if it was a train station
or perhaps even
an airport.

People would enter and leave
at their leisure
talking to me
smoking with me
******* me
those days went by
rather quickly.
The stream of folks
would never end
and my door
would never stop swinging.

These days I just sit around
sip some cheap boxed wine
and lament "The View" on TV.
The only words I say
are caused by pain
or alcohol.

A sound of a near silent knock
then burst hinges
they wanted me to pay
for all the coke.
They brought their crowbars
and they wouldn't stop swinging.

salty
soft
laughter
curves
broken bed frame.

I've got this
hate machine
inside of me.
I built it out of broken dreams
and it runs on what ifs,
could've beens,
would've beens,
and should've beens.
Its fumes
are so poignant.

you fuel it
with your lies
and your smirk
your ******* smirk.
I hate you.
What if you stuck around?
It would have been so good,
it could have been so good.
Who am I kidding,
it should've stayed a dream.

Don't get too comfortable,
nothing good will ever stay.

They cried, "You've got the rest of your life ahead of you!"
Don't remind me.

it's hard to get out of bed
these days,
either the whisky is too strong
or the confidence too weak.

got up
shaved
ate a healthy breakfast
brushed my teeth
everything went so well
I almost didn't drink my morning beer.
almost.

at the restaurant,
sweetest girl
she's been through
most things like me.
downing red wine
with a beam.

then she enters
looks my way
I get cold and cagey
new girl looks worried.
I grab my ***** and
start chugging the wine.
I ended up
******* myself to sleep.

being aloof
is perfection
but cashmere makes
perfection better
gucci makes
everything better.

come play dead
you do it so well
doesn't it feel good
to drive a bus?
to stand behind the till?
to stand in the queue?
people need to go to places
buy their groceries
and you need
your fast food meal
come play dead
you do it so well.

it's a theatre
be sure to get there early
to get the front seats
who wanna watch
from the back rows?
come play dead
you do it so well

A girl's love, they say,
is so easy and kind;
it should make you want to put even the ******* days on rewind.
Walking in hazes, tripping on wires in mind mazes.
Dandelion ships, Jedi mind tricks.

Your love, on the other hand,
makes me want to **** myself;
run my car into a tree
getting stung in my eyeballs by a bee, hey, look at me
I'm controversial!
No, I am just in love and your love is a house
set ablaze
filled with exits, just in case,
but I don't want out.
I want the fire to gnaw my leg in half,
to rip open my calves, to rip me apart.
Keep munching on my heart,
but spit those seeds out.

you're like the nettles
in my backyard
like the sting
of a wasp
you're like the bayonet
at the end of a rifle
using my own weapon
against me.

they didn't show me how to swim
still they will throw me
into the deep end.
what if I don't know how to swim?
what if I don't have a lifebuoy?
what if I sink?
what if I float?

mom told me
to get out of bed
every morning
before school.

at school,
the bully shoved me aside
and told me to get out
of his way.

when I got older
my parents split up
and my dad told me
to get out of his house.

later,
home from party,
cop pulled me over
told me to get out
of my car
and into a cell.

girlfriend of five years,
we even had a kid together,
told me to get out of her life
and I never saw her again.

don't you ever feel like
the world is trying
to send you a message?

We were sitting in Central Park,
the place we met.
I wore this smile and
you this scowl.
It wasn’t an easy time for you, I know
I could tell by your fickle eyes and that vein popping on your forehead.
But everyone goes through tough times.

As you talked to me, I tuned out.
The butterflies were doing somersaults
in my stomach
as the girls did cartwheels
on the lawn.

I don’t remember much from that day.
I remember not seeing you again,
or those girls again.
I remember buying cheap boxed wine
and chugging it all day,
just to mellow out
those butterflies.

the other girls didn't work
she would have
if she was still with us.

please,
don't worry
i have never been better.
got no job
no friends
lost my daughter at birth
lost the love of my life
but i'm walking around
in my pretty daze
trust me,
i am better
than ever.

nobody can help
but everybody understands.

They're wrapped around his ankles,
they're pulling him down--
so much time, so much time wasted
they're dragging him down.

All the battles he's fought
cutting losses, cutting himself--
he feels the wires' pull
they'er dragging him down.

All he's invested in,
all he's spent--
all he's put into it
it all falls apart.

He feeæs the wires' pull.

I gotta tell ya,
jazz ain't what it used to be.
Charlie Parker, Thelonius, Miles;
the girls would writhe the notes away.

Today, though, jazz is much more different
Kamasi, Riggins, and that other dude
By the way, the girls still writhe
they're much easier to crack dead
than alive.

I promised mum I'd give
her my old baby photos back
once I was done.

Alcoholism took her
before I could ever
keep my promise.

are noises
and scribbles on a page
we assign meaning to
and
unfortunately
so much importance.

I am not a person
just a fool
worthless
spineless
mindless
unhappy
just a string of events
and flings.

My dad said, “Power through”
my mom said, “Pour me another”.
Both said, “You’re our everything”.
I started out with nothing
and in the end
it will still be
my everything.