Don't my words look good on paper,
Dripping from the warmth of conviction
Trailing honestly leading you along.
Spreading like ink blots doctors use
To show how sinisterly I am wrong.
Keep growing, smearing onto your hands
At long last, you look back at a page
Coming to see, it's only ink.
The story disappears within
Like a cave, not visible how far it goes,
How far it goes and how deep you're in.

If it's all the same, in darkness,
No one notices how far they drop.
A year can pass in seconds
Losing a second of eternity without the clocks.
Catching yourself from spinning, dizzy,
When the ride abruptly stops.
You can never get back on,
The entrance looks all boarded up,
The lights all shut off.

But don't I look good on paper,
Illegible scrawling no one read.
Before the ink took over,
They'll wonder what it said.

She dances on ivories
To a small bar dreams came to die
Closing her eyes as each digit sweeps
Becoming sound as fast as her fingers fly.
Hoping her music will set her free
From a town she lingered too long.
She plays them the song she's felt
In every bone, letting the piano tell
The words she's too afraid to say.

She dances on ivories
Live on a stage with attention of many
Looking for familiar faces but doesn't see any.
Her music takes her places far and wide
Everything she wanted, still it doesn't feel right.
Adored by her fans in a personal spotlight,
Loved for her sound, shaking countless hands
Thousands fill the stands as she's grown
With each show, she feels more alone.

She dances on ivories
For her family listening to her play,
Telling her children if they try to be,
They can be anything if they practice everyday.
"But listen, no matter how much you grow
Don't ever forget this is your home."

An older lady came to the pharmacy
To pick up her oxycodone twenties,
Her copay wasn't much money,
Double counted a hundred twenty
As close to me as you stand,
I explained her doctor prescribed Narcan.
In case of overdose, one spray up the nose
Can save yourself or someone else.
She twisted her face to me real funny,
And said "What do you take me for a druggie?"
She took the vial, left the spray
As I waved with a have a nice day.

She felt accused by me, in a huff,
Threw the pills up in her cabinet.
As fate would have it, her granddaughter
Came over and spotted the bottle with red cap.
Imagining the high if she could get that,
Imagining the euphoria as she stole that.
Sneaking off into the bathroom
Downing tap, she consumed a few.

Something wasn't right, her breath felt light,
Disoriented trying to read the label,
Hands shaking, feeling her body dive,
She saw the number twenty, thinking they were fives.
Unresponsive, her grandmother runs in
With the sound of a heavy crash,
She waits for paramedics who arrive at last.
Only to announce, nothing to be saved
Now she digs a grave for pride over a nasal spray.

We don't speak the same language,
Cultured different, made out to be strangers.
I'm a human, you're human. Let's change this
Perception of devalued nature.
My race doesn't determine my worth,
I denounce every advantage they gave my birth.
Take my heart at the value of my whole,
Tell me, what color is soul?

Forget our looks, judging any as a felon,
You think it's a crime to have melanin?
Every parent wants their child to make it home
If they aren't up to trouble, leave the kid alone.
Offer money to women to devalue their ***,
That's a person you treat only as flesh.
Don't dare make any feel less than whole,
Tell me, what color is soul?

If your religion is speaking for peace,
Your beliefs are positioned with me.
Quiet, listen and I swear you would see
Your enemy is not what you believe.
All any want is decency,
To be spoken with respectfully,
Still we strike others down so low.
Tell me. What color is soul?

I pulled my colors from their storage
Red, blue, yellow, purple, green, and orange
The case they sat was old,
With rust and squeaky hinges.
Painting fruit: Grapes, apples, and oranges
******* the colors up through syringes,
Precision causing anxious twinges.
Picturing perfect afterimages
But my art just makes me cringe.
I rhyme well but, shouldn't try to paint an orange,
Placing my supplies back in storage.

If you can affect one person, it's worth it.
Your story, your hurt, your love.
Show them where your heart has sat with purpose.
Nervously posting my pen to them,
Hoping they see some truth to what I've said.
No I'm not a trend setter, just writing letters
Looking to clear my head before bed.

I never plan to be much a super man,
Most days I barely slip by as Clark Kent
Laughing off the world in a joker's lie
While I bury all of these deep thoughts inside,
Just to flip the coin, more relatable to Harvey Dent.
Only to deduce that I suffer from self-abuse,
Making me a basket case, Harley Quinn.

But if all ever live to do is inspire you
To take a risk and follow through
On any shot you've potentially got
Then my mission in life has come true.
In spite of living in the darkness,
I want to shine light instead.

I got a message today that said:
"Hey Ryan, I know your father.
Did you know, you look just like your father?"
Oh, you know my father?
I don't know him at all, he never bothered.
I'm not the child he ever wanted.
But when I look in that mirror
And see his face, I wish I could waste myself.

I know you didn't know, it shows.
He talks like he was there, which isn't fair,
I receive a message once a year
"Happy birthday" I don't get why.
Just to say to himself he tried?
The only thing I can say are ours
Is every one of those mental scars
That get ripped open in his name.
Sixteen years so far of feeling lame.

You know my father?
Can you tell me...
Does he answer when you call?
When you write, does he answer at all?
You know my father?
That's nice to hear, I don't.

The closer you get to the truth,
The more lost you will become.
Search for answers, there's a chance your
Entity within yourself will be undone.
Following this rope where it may go
Learning later it led to a noose.
Still follow those animalistic instincts
Until you're in too deep,
Wondering what that path would show.

Pay attention as you walk this way,
The sunflowers all turn their flowerheads.
Don't dismiss them, instead listen,
heliotropism shows you've gone astray.
Like oysters following a carpenter until dead
To a Walrus they had been fed.
Look around, the trees all look the same
Look around, walking in circles again.

Ensnared in what you had to know
Each limb entangled, being pulled
Every secret revealed in a flash.
Curiosity took a knife to ****** the cat
But satisfaction brought him back,
Keep walking until you find your home.

She sits out on the sand
Stretching her wings out,
Watching the others fly over the land,
She doubts her ability to soar
Over the waves as they crash.
She's afraid to take that jump,
Worried everyone would just laugh.
She turns back.

Up on a strong birch branch
She looks into a self-made nest
Where three dreamy eyed children hatched
Providing them a life she wished she had,
Hoping they see she tries her best
In a place where rest isn't even rest.

She cries out to the sun
As it drifts out from where she lays
Wondering when the day would come
When she has the strength to fly away

You don't need a tall tower
With staircases twisting  for miles
Or cameras watching at every hour
Making sure you stay idle
To lock someone off and away,
Give all the fake freedom
Keeping them closely at bay
Hand them beautiful desires
With no emotion behind them,
Learning nothing gold can stay.

Hand off lots of paints and pens
Let them fall in love with an art
Then call it waste restricting passion.
Build them up to be flawless,
Put later to a mirror, showing hardness
In their weight, their love, their soul.
Treated like puzzles stealing just a piece
So they may never feel whole.

You don't need a cage to hold a prisoner
Not a single iron bar is needed
Just strip them of their worth
Until they sit stoic and defeated.

It started in the fiction section
Beginning with a trickle causing lights to flicker
From the floors below hitting the dictionaries,
The thesauruses became wet or rather dank
Those are synonyms I think
Unfortunately, no books to now know
As a storm in the library began to grow.

Children abandoned in their places,
Started tying books with their shoe laces
Setting sail, trying to hold their head up for a bit.
As a white whale's tail caused waves in a flick.
One parent yelled "everyone for themself!"
As his son coughed water asking for help
Books floating, amongst dirt and crude,
The third floor was beginning to flood.

The nonfiction was now non-existent,
Drifting past CDs that no one had listened.
Computers with a floppy drive were fried,
Electrically hissing through historical fiction.
The water came to hit the roof, the sky
Just then the walls crumbled
And I opened my eyes
To see I'd fallen asleep among the graphic novels
Where I had been known to hide.

Excuse me, sir
Can I buy a bit of time?
Death day is coming fairly soon
Looking at stars, I could read the signs
Slicing scythes through souls
To leave a hole in my whole being.
Without any modification still,
I feel a broken existence is all they're seeing.
That's not to say this life is shallow
But the targets I am aiming just end up breaking
When my points are sitting hollow.

Sir, if I could have a moment more,
My life fluid dripping from my heart
Puddling the bathroom floor.
No one tends to notice, no one stops
Today, I kick the bucket. Tomorrow, they just mop.
Forgetting to be human
To all other human beings,
Writing cries but no one's reading.

Please, if I could have a second...
Okay, no hand wavering, I get it.
Just let me close my eyes
Drifting into another spectrum.

The witching hours, we aren't afraid of those,
Heaven knows we pray for sleep
Only to dream of having dreams
Stuck in the darkness of this in between
Keeping consciousness but, honest this
Baggage has been weighing heavy.
These flood gates still hold steady,
Under pressure they may just break the levee,
Cracking slowly all the time,
For all the things attacking your mind,
I wrote this lullabye.

Streaming through insomniac days
That just fade out like memories
Barely there despite being awake.
Shaking the feeling of dealing
With the ghost I call myself
Until I can slip into my bed and melt.
Can I host a night where rest is felt?
Maybe not, yet still I try,
Writing myself a lullabye.

Two became three, three came four
Numbers shining from my dresser drawers
Taunting, laughing, trapping me in my head
I tried to write a lullabye
Only to find a nightmare instead.

When all the lights fly out
From the insects we use to collect,
Staying up under a tree with an old wooden swing
Pushing higher to see if you could project
Yourself over the branches above.
Telling me someday you'd escape
As you pulled the lid away
Watching those neon colors go up.

In the blink of an eye,
We became the adults we tried
So hard not to become.
Pretending as children we knew our futures,
Fabricating ideas, really we had none.

As we got older and distant,
I sit under this tree and miss
The person who sat next to me.
As the wind blows cold air,
A rickety swing moves slow
Almost knowing I wish you were here.

In the kingdom of the lost,
The one who is found
Still doesn't have a home.
In the crowd of people I saw,
The one who knew everyone
Was the person who felt the most alone.
As they call anyone for help,
Perpetuating back only dial tone.

Some entangle themselves in abuse
Misreading love for a noose
Until they have the courage to cut through
Too late to know who they are anymore,
Blank shells falling to the floor
With a final shot to their body, no more.
One final shot and she's gone.

In the kingdom of the blind,
The one eyed man isn't king.
He sits on that throne wondering
If he's the only one who doesn't see.
Crying out through his days
Wishing to understand the beautiful things
Unknown to only he.

I went to my room and sat regressing
My mind distressing, dissecting our conversation.
You said we need to end this as we got older
Thinking of anyone else on my shoulder. I can't.
I gave my heart, taken in your soul, locked away.
Standing in a state of shock as you talked,
As you walked me through everything you meant to me,
Forget that, everything I meant to you.

The part of all of this that really stands out,
The part, to this day, you don't believe
Is that as you were about to jump south,
I grabbed your hand and begged you not to leave
Selfishly, I saved you. Really you had saved me.
I'm sorry, you felt I held you back in restraint,
Only seeing in color as you gave me the paint,
Only to sit in stagnant waters as you waved.

We made goals in the present, remember?
Gifting me with a future, for better or worse
You were mine, I was yours.
Now here in this place alone in a curse
Of every memory we made, that burns
Happiness in a moment,
Sadness to be atoned with.

Still sitting here, my head aches in confusion,
The illusion of forever never felt fake.
You've got demons to fight
I just thought I was the sidearm you'd take
As the night's getting colder
My thirst for your presence leaves me awake,
So I did as you say, made lemonade
Yet the more that I drink,
The more parched my mouth stays.

I grew up in a small town just like you,
Wandering the streets with nothing to do.
We had dreams of beautiful chaos
Only stopping to laugh off our lives,
Don't talk about the issues that keep us up at night,
Standing broken but whole in the right light,
Standing whole seen through broken eyes.

Remember the times we hit the highway
Flying fast, transitioning from the 81 to 80
Hoping we might just run out of gas
Giving us a reason to not turn back,
While listening to all the anthems
That made us miss a childhood we never had.
With tears in your eyes,
you turned the music down low
Meeting your solemn gaze
You begged me not to take you home.

I grew up in a small town just like you
Until the night we didn't turn around
In search of something new

Six people in every line,
I wait the time, it's really fine.
I'm sure they're busy, no need to tizzy,
The cashier looks dizzy in a rush.
While the man in front of me is getting flushed
He's yelling incoherently for all to see,
Apologies, sir, the rest of us
Have no place to be as you believe.
The line is moving,
placing everything on the conveyor
They're out of plastic so they bag in paper.
The cashier scans all of it in ten seconds flat
"Cash or card, sir?" I forgot my wallet.
Time to put it all back

Laying up late, flipping through magazines,
Look at these beautiful people,
The bodies of angels who deserve to be seen,
Reading articles, thinking one day,
That could be me.
I just need to lose this waste of flesh, of fat,
Looking into a mirror of everything I hate.
Models can do it, they aren't just built like that.
Thinking one day, that could be me.

I'll skip lunch for a week, just speak
As if I'd eaten a lot before
No one will question me, I'm sure.
I'm quiet regardless, I started cutting down
On the other meals as they come around.
I've been a little dizzy and lightheaded
But I already lost 20 pounds,
One day I'll be beautiful,
Standing over a speechless crowd.

People are starting to take notice,
I'm nervous, making excuses.
I eat here and there so they know I've had enough
Then slip off to get it back up.
My chest hurts a little but I can reach my goal,
To be like the beautiful people, I would sell my soul
Even if I had to starve myself whole.

I sit in a room with a pen and a pad,
Was called a failure by most,
I needed to show the potential I had.
The same people that turned into ghosts
Were the same who said they were glad
I never gave up, they were cheering me on. Thinking on my past, everyone was gone
No one wanted to see the levels I was thinking.
I'm sorry, I can never give up on dreaming.
If all this life is, is a nine to five,
I don't feel I am even alive.

You can work a soulless job, don't get me wrong,
Everybody needs some cash for food,
But working your life away seems wrong,
That concept isn't new.
They'll tell you life is all about money,
Material greed that keeps you running
Still the heart of your body wants something
Deep down you know the truth.

Your worth is only measured in printed paper
For someone to cut you down with later.
Week after week you get that paycheck
Still questioning if you have their respect,
Still questioning if you have self-respect.
Until the day, they need you, you don't need it.
However today, I sit with this pen
Digging deep for the inspiration
Not to quit.

I went to use my voice as I awoke
But as the words were about to be spoke,
A hundred knives poked into my throat
Each syllable gave a jab and poke.
Quietly, I laid in bed, not speaking another note.

I went to my medicine cabinet
Grabbing a handful these and those,
The water on the stove is bubbling
To a cherry flavored packet of bovine bones.
Reading an article telling to drink the mixture,
Looking into the bowl, I whispered, "no"

My head is starting to pound,
Eyes starting to feel heavy and thick
Hearing only a heavy pulse for sound,
I think I'm starting to get sick.

On the days I don't know what to write,
I write about not knowing what to write.
Each word rattling, wanting to play
But I fear my original thoughts are cliche.
The inspirational quote I wrote, feeling powerful,
As I put it down, just felt so dull and bland.
Full poems, pulling at my heart
Disappear into that nowhere land
Like sands sifting from an hourglass
Onto the beach, blending back.

I painted landscapes in a moment
Pouring water, after, over the canvas
I couldn't stand to see myself portrayed generically.
As the brush had hit the fabric,
I believed this was my vision and I owned it.
The colors flowing out had shown
A piece to this world I called "unknown".

Thinking on all those almost created,
I wish I kept them, maybe,
My future self would have found one amazing,
Maybe someone would have related.

How quickly they can feed you fire,
How quickly they can take it away.

Laying on a hospital bed, she said
"Tell me about heaven" in a soft gasp,
Placing back the oxygen mask,
Her eyes shown a desire to know,
Breaths keeping steady but slow.
Okay.

You know the gates they speak,
Big and pearly with a man ready to greet?
That's all totally fake.
Close your eyes and picture an empty room,
Now this place is yours to assume.
Your old friends will visit in a minute
As the name zooms through your self.
In the form you've held most dear.
Emotions, good and bad still run strong
But if you need composure, you can turn them off.
A place can be all perfect, still everything should be felt.

Existence for each is just what they need,
Some want a challenge, others just need to be.
The expectation created, sounds good but flawed,
Perfection can curse that's why it's not.

As the machines stopped beeping,
Oxygen seeping through tubes
But not being held, it was time.
You opened your eyes to a room
I painted for your mind.

It's pretty crazy thinking like this,
It's pretty amazing the words that were writ
In my hand, without command, lands with
People across the world, similar souls,
Similar goals, I'm looking for peace.
Searching for depressive thoughts to release.
I show them a Hydra living inside,
They show me beasts of similar size.
Similar minds pretending everything is fine,
But if this hurt is so common, why do we hide?
Embarrassed admission will eat us alive.

"Don't forget me", I yelled jokingly
To friends waving on a late Friday night
As they drove off and into the moonlight,
I stood on that curb feeling alive
We got by forgetting life. In hindsight,
The best people to surround yourself
Are those that can keep your mind right.
As the day ended, I laid up in bed
Pretending nothing would ever change,
Knowing everything may change.

"Don't forget me", I spoke through a phone.
We catch up on brighter days
The conversation is distant, I'd say,
Only speaking in nonchalant tones.
Talking of memories but in present,
We aren't present in each other's places,
A friendly wave in common spaces
In a real sense, nothing more than stranger faces.

"Don't forget me", I thought on older times
When plans were yours and mine,
Both of us are busy, no chance to call,
The phone's silent hanging on the wall.
I was wrong with my words, you see
I said "don't forget me" but I meant
Remember me.

I've been told,
you can't change the world overnight
And they're right.
But you can start.

What would I do for a Klondike?
I might ****** a militia of a million men,
Take the time to cut off every head
With a quick swink and a loud thud.
We don't play, bud, I'd crawl through the mud,
Grind through the filth of Shawshank
With smells too terrible to speak
For just a bite of that creamy treat.

I'd be a drug mule until I got to the top, bro.
I'd smuggle it all like El Chapo,
Working hard with police on my payroll
Until I got caught and questioned,
Judged and jailed to teach me a lesson.
Showing them that ice cream for confession
And all they responded was,
"Ryan, that was a rhetorical question"

Lately, my body has felt like a ghost town,
People use to intersect in my lanes,
Nobody has been coming around
And nothing is being maintained.

The old saloon is only making noise
From a ghost piano they left employed,
Destroyed are the shops and homes,
The streets bleed cracks and potholes
Where they say if you put your ear to the ground
You can hear someone around the world
Whispering a gentle "hello".

As the sun bleeds through at high noon,
Two old cowboys appear in standoff
Inside me, they tell eachother count to three.
Softly they count but both react at two,
The first puts a gun to his temple to squeeze,
The other puts a knife to his wrist to bleed.
Both have a clear intention to destroy,
Ignored in this heat, no one makes a sound
Stuck in standstill in this bodied ghost town.

There was lightning inside me tonight,
Burning bright in electrical static.
There was thunder erupting in decibels
From my finger tips booming in havoc.
Flashing instances of light too quick to tell
If my thoughts were striking to fall
Then sitting quiet, these words appeared
In an eerie calm.

There was wind seeping out from my lips
Blowing life into paper once lifeless,
The corners would rise and drift
Like the tide would slip under a boat,
Steady she goes and keeping afloat.
As my breaths did flow evenly paced,
The salty air blew through this place
Leaving these words in haste.

There was rain dropping from my eyes
Rolling down my cheeks, dripping onto lines.
They say things may soon come clear
But my cloudy head is pretty grey, I fear.
As the tears hit and water spread,
They left a poem once they dried
As I went off to bed.

I use to be in a poverty line,
Food stamps and insurance for a bit
Telling people I'd pick up, it was fine.
Got sick real quick of sitting with people
Who just simply sat.
Once I picked up my head, friend,
I promised I'd never turn back
And if I can beat those odds for me
You can beat those ones for you.

I made a career selling drugs,
From a white collar to scrubs and back
Don't listen to my grandmother,
She will tell you that I haven't been using my potential
But she doesn't read everything I wrote
Everyday with this pencil.
As if money equivalates value,
As if the paycheck is a reason not to be you.
Some people don't see behind the scene
Like the whole audience isn't caged,
Like every performance isn't staged.

I can't stress enough to follow your dreams,
Be responsible with responsibility
But a career is just a check, silly.
A passion is worn in a fashion on the heart
Worth it's weight in gold,
Speaking whatever art from your soul,
I take care of mine, so don't mind
Because anyone can be a god
And beat those odds that beat you down

I'm just trying to be someone
That my past self would be proud to know

Mercy me, Mercy see,
She's the one who wrote responsively
Mercy please, the company teased
So I'll **** you all at once, don't plea.

You made me a slave, Mercy.
I made you each a grave, perfectly
In straight lines like Madeline,
I dropped the shovel, time to get inside.
Don't play me like a puppet,
String me a long and tell me to love it
Miss Mercy, you made your decision,
Kindly get in position so I can tell you
Exactly where to shove it.

Mercy see,
You and all the others will never break me
I don't fight harder, I fight smarter
I earned respect and then you ask to barter.
Don't bother, in response to your letter,
Keep your policies, I can do better.

Sincerely,
Yours.

As the world would sleep,
This darkness starts to bleed
I only leave a light on
Just to see the shadows on the walls
And even as the moon was gone
I wondered if I was here at all.
Staying up through the night
Just to see the sun shine
While sitting on this rooftop all alone.

You can taste the cold air
Doing spins around your being
Speeding quick like it didn't belong there,
Ascending leaves to perform tricks
Then falling below because this
Was only the practice show
Only the wind and I would come to know.
In those still minutes, anything could exist
Then drift into the afterglow.

As the world would sleep,
In witching hours, where the wicked saw no rest.
For the others, slumber would always creep.
But me, I would dance until no energy was left
With my legs giving out to fall.
Looking back at a dancing shadow on the wall.

If you were looking inside me
Pushing passed the bones, what I'm hiding,
Could see through the glass,
Using your sight to pull me apart
Maybe then you'd see my tired heart.
Wrapped in veins, trailing strains to others.
Meeting somewhere in troubles.

We speak like we are good at goodbyes,
Lost in words without conceiving the thought,
Really we are good at leaving.
Really I'm not good at breathing,
My life is just a scribble I jot down,
A person less than a thought now.
So if I'm putting my life on the line and fall
Does it even make a sound?

If you were looking inside me,
I bet you'd find a lot wasn't working
Just a defensive laugh while smirking
But they don't look around these parts,
They don't look around these parts

I did it, I wrote the best piece ever
Looking over the art my head made.

Rereading.
It's a very good poem of self-expression

Rereading.
I mean, the scheme is a little off
It sort of captures my essence.

Rereading.
It's average at its finest
I really don't like the style.

Rereading.
These words don't even fit me
They don't have meaning at all.

Rereading, deleting,
An empty page is all they saw.

Did you tell her she wasn't worth it
Laying on single mattress alone, searching purpose.
She would go out through nights
When the streetlights would only illuminate
Sitting on an old bridge with me until very late.
Before the night ended she stopped to say
"If everything was a little less
Could I be a little more?"
Laughing while everyone slept,
Talking about future plans, we knew were unsure
And barely going home until the sun crept.
Over those pines on Washburn street.

Every weekend she would get lost at a bar
Starring drinks made to forget,
Featuring people made to remember,
Knowing this world for her, wasn't forever.
Sitting ideally at the next seat, I hoped it all changed
For the better for you.
Smiling into a glass like home wasn't hell,
Watching people pass we would tell
All the amazing places we had been
Leaving out the hardships and pain.

Until one day, I searched for you unfound,
Asking, they said you finally packed up
Leaving for a better town.
Perfectly in silence, you went through the night
Through illuminated streetlights.

Place your head on my chest,
Rest your eyes,
We don't need to see what's on the outside
I'd lay my head down on your shoulder
Light weight, that's how I feel you to I
But this boulder weighs way more on my own.
You struggle like I struggle, no magic answer
Just muggles muddling, I'm ninety-nine pieces
To a hundred piece puzzle, see?
But even if I found that piece,
I'd find a new one to not fit me.

I'm the fabric to a blanket no one could crochet,
No needles could thread these stitches
I'll always lay incomplete at the bottom of the bed.
Erasing the end of my words to remain unread
Wishing on stars that have already burned out
Hey dad, you proud?
Look how broken I turned out.
I'll always be lame that's what they said
Erasing the end of my words to remain...

How come our political rallies
Could easily look like white supremacist rallies?
Pretending there is no relation,
Didn't we abolish segregation?

You aren't viewing the person
Who's working their hardest in front of you,
Feet speeding so fast like Sonic
Kicking dust up you'd swear the wind blew
Hurricanes into an F5 cyclonic rapture
To capture the image left un-viewed
Only abused in a selfmental mind
Leaving thoughts to be watered and subdued,
The pressure is building and I'm holding a corkscrew.

Look at this face, the bags my eyes carry
Have enough weight to bury, get the toe tags
Taste the complications of the memory
Holding heavy every detail to a scale,
Every failure, every success I don't forget.
Holding what they look as a gift at first
But I've got a pair of nines for you to try
Saying you will walk with a curse.

No matter how I'm blessed asking,
Why I still thirst.
Starving for a real burst of energy
Look for remedies to mend besides words.
You don't see me, I'm looking at you clear
"I guess, I don't want to look in the mirror."

There's nothing worse than being nothing
When you know you have potential
Instead stenciled, penciled, cookie cut
Into a rut of their something.
I'd rather be bluffing and faking
Than making myself into what they made me.
"Ryan, you ok?" Yeah, it's all gravy,
Reality, I can feel dry as a biscuit
Risking my life for this work life,
This can't be all there is, right?

"I'm a drug dealer!" And then there's shock
Not a street block but a retail shop
So we both laugh, the only joke I got.
They let their guards down, it sounds intense
But dense minds don't realize I sit behind
This keyboard and bash those buttons
Until they pop out of their sockets,
Clock it in, clock me out, I could work this knocked out.
A genius sleeping, keeping sanity from going south.

They keep saying I have such potential,
Stuck dreaming it could be with this pencil
But even this utensil is saying number two,
Afraid I'll turn blue being unheard,
Unrelatablly unrelated until my name
Sits on a stone slated.
Here lies a writer you only read
Once his words spoken out from the dead.

I could use a drugged out fantasy
Where the walls dance in my head
A little hit of ecstacy so I might fade in bed
Maybe I can take a drag and forgot the cares
Waking sober and everything is still there.
Can I get by for one more night,
Can I be high on life?
It's going to be alright
If we can just take flight.

A bit of ******* to a dull brain
Getting ****** up in a blow
Nobody to say a word, only Washington knows.
Lost in the flow of the words as they slip
Drifting off the tip of my tongue
Sliding smooth out of my lips,
Can you taste the potent drips,
Can you go a little more numb?

I'm sure everything will pass,
Passing the time of one more night
Slipping, high on life,
Can we just be alright?

Meet me at the usual spot
In the twilight we've lived
Down the alley where we plot
A million amazing nothing things
Given money for odd jobs around,
Paying money to catch a bus out of town.
They say he looks a lot like you,
They say he looks a lot like me.
If every world around us is a locked door
We could dream of having a key.
Until then, I knock once more.

It's the complex things that disappear without trace,
The simple ones that make memories,
Remember sea salt ice cream?
I don't think I can ever forget the taste
It seems like forever, as it plays in my mind,
The walls are thinner here, like they could melt
I'm the nobody, the heartless tell.

We play Struggle while adults struggle,
In that photo, smiling without troubles
Until day 359, he woke from the rubble.

This is my sanctuary,
A blank page where I exist.
Where the waves can crash me down
Just to feel the water pound, perfect.
I've been thirsting but, don't drink.
Starving without something meaningful to sink
My teeth into and grip hold.
I'm an old soul stuck in this body I captured,
A sold soul stuck waiting for my rapture.
Don't look at me here, look at you.

If these walls are holding ghosts
At what point do I flow into them too?
At what point do they host my reflection
And in what direction am I wired to move?
Could I be the old grooves in the wood
Waiting for some simple symphony of motion,
The water dripping from the leaky faucet
Still dreaming of being an ocean?

Could I just be these simple bones?
Being pulled by an imaginary fate I trust
Until that reckoning to unknown,
From ash to ash, dust to dust.
This is my sanctuary,
A blank body where I exist.

The moon is shining so bright tonight
I wonder if you see it too.

I wanted to paint my soul
So I dunked both my arms into blue and green
And threw them onto the canvas
As the liquid splattered, light gathered
Out of the sheet and danced the room,
Only giving me its sight then zoomed
Back into the place it had come.
Before it dried, I spread my hand across,
Letting the bright colors smear and run.

I drew pencil lines around the fine nothingness
But they insisted to create, instead, a bridge
From one side to the other, there I laid,
Swearing I could feel wind, in the light,
The middle of the bridge swayed
Over the sea of blue and meeting in green
Magically moving at that in between.

Cutting my hand, not too deep,
I let myself drip and the liquid creeped
Into the work that was myself,
Disappearing among the colors I felt.
This was me, a soul, puncturing the middle,
Making myself whole.

It seems pretty terrible,
We **** full races, nations,
For one radical group and salute
To a place based on freedoms
Then try to browbeat the same religion
Into every school and political organization.
Remember the start of freedom we sought,
Pride ourselves being the melting ***
But all I see is ****** white folks a lot.

I'm tired of another year to build a wall,
How Arabic people will bomb us all,
Another African man going home
Gets shot up just because police can.
We create a stigma for anyone not like you
Then push hate for people trying to prove
That they deserve rights too.
I'd rather trust in any god that doesn't promote
Old money-made rich men,
Who make laws but don't follow them.

Get everyone fired up on a tangent, look.
While they turn around to hide their own scandal, crooks.
They would create any distraction
To allow for their own transactions,
You're at home fighting fake enemies,
They're sitting in mansions laughing.
Standing behind the views they want you to hear
Feeding people bigotry and fear
Real issues get buried and it isn't fair.

This is for the hill
I tried to learned to ride a bike on
But instead learned to skate
Where it evened out at the bottom
But I always hit the brake too late.
For the neighbor that let his dogs loose
To come at me and give chase,
You made me fear dogs as a kid,
Learning to fear people in present day.
For the tree I was too afraid climb
After we moved from that place,
They took it away
Then changed the street name
If nothing ever changed,
nothing would change.

This is for the basement apartment
Where I learned nothing gold could stay
While I slept, the mold would grow
Eating through the things I did know.
Looking up from where I lay
Knowing I'd be somewhere better someday.
For my mother who gave solid ground,
My sister who bought me surround sound
So I turned that **** so loud
That it shook the walls of the house
Making my thoughts just drown
Shouting the words while no one was around.

This is for the days where I felt real low,
This is for the side I only show
In the words of my thoughts
Hoping someone saw, not feeling alone.
For the days I work towards my dreams,
Where inspiration screams from my pores
And I'm sure of my future,
Pouring from a pen.
Listen I know my destiny, I give what's left of me
To a passion so pure, this can't be imagination.

Words cut deep, I'm told
From that appearance, I'm holding hot steel
Against your throat made of pure gold.
Sinking into soft metals deep cuts,
Swift ****** and twist up to unjust
They must want to see themselves implode
While i blow off four bullets at once
Like Bayonetta, I bust guns from my heels.
The scrawny white guy with a case of the feels
But if you look into my eyes,
Behind the blinds, you'll see my mind
Spinning thoughts like a reel 2 reel.

I'm a professional at wordplay,
A mercenary looking to slay any hate
Like corn, I stalk, until I can pop up from the wait.
In vegetables, I'm non-gmo, every word homegrown
With organic tones that could never be cloned.
A smile like a crocodile, no gators,
Notice my behavior, look at my toothy grin,
Luring all the little fishes in.

Don't try to bludgeon me with bludgers
I'm a beater beating back every slugger,
While you waffle with a quaffle
Gluing my head on straight so it won't topple
In a brothel of a world,
Everyone seems to look for a temporary fix
I want to keep it a hundred fifty,
Shining golden like a snitch

Cars are flying down the 41
Like everyday, one hits another one.
Pretty soon the cops will come
Delays will stay consistent,
Fatality they say over those radios.
You're running late for work
Thinking these jerks need to move
A blessing you can have those thoughts,
It wasn't your life death did choose
But no, we don't think like that and
Oh, there must be something we are owed.

A man goes to the doctor to get an answer,
Confirmed it was cancer so he's told.
Radiation could save his life,
While he holds his breath to hear the price.
Ten thousand a month, now he knows.
Choosing to survive to not be able to survive.
But no, we don't think like that and
Oh, there must be something we are owed.

There's a child starving out there,
Elderly with no place to go.
People with nothing still wanting to share,
As you read, someone lost their home.
But no, we don't think like that and
Oh, there must be something we are owed.