You could drive across the whole thing,
In four days.
Two, if you tried hard enough
I was in the back passenger side
When I kicked the seat in
And bruised my shins
The neon lights reflecting the soullessness in my eyes
And I reflected on the past days
And I thought,
I've had many a lover,
I've loved painting, loved sculpting, loved singing, but the most,
I loved, writing.
One night, I pushed her away
Not because, I didn't love her, I loved her
But,
My emotions vanished quicker than the speed at which we started.
Recently, I had started a new medication.
And my anxiety had halted.
But along with anxiety had gone my emotions,
They got off a couple stops too early.
Yes, my anxiety was gone,
But, at what cost?
I hadn't realized that I'd rather feel pain,
Then nothing at all.
My friends said, hey, let's drive across America in four days,
And I didn't bother to ask why,
Because I knew their response immediately
Because we can
And I wished that I could've mustered up the courage to say
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should,"
But that would mean I am a huge hypocrite
Because, just because I could take medicine to stop my neuroticism from malfunctioning
Doesn't mean I should
Because I was more depressed than before
I felt the pills run down my throat
As frequently as my mom talks to God
Day after day,
And night after night,
And as I see the greenish hue of the neon tint the white pill bottles,
Citalopram,
Risperdal,
Chlorpromazine,
Xanax,
I see a commonality on all of the bottles,
MADE IN AMERICA
But I dropped the bottles because I knew
They were not made with love or care
They may have had the intention to help
But wow, they sure were not helping me
And I might be crazy, to say
That my mind and my heart
My mind, my father
My heart, my mother
Are in an abusive relationship
And I am merely caught in the middle
And I question comes to my mind,
"Hey guys, are we there yet?"