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bri Jul 2018
my heart is so big
      because it was already broken
long ago,
      before I even knew what a whole heart could be.


                                   - thanks, dad
bri Jul 2018
The world shakes
every time
you kiss me

Our earth quaking love
send shivers down
the spines of those
who do not
understand
us
aeipathy;

continued passion ; unyielding
bri Jul 2018
the look you gave me
when we first met
it was like you
knew me more
than anyone I've
ever known.
you looked at me
you looked at my soul,
not my face,
not my body,
not my beauty.
you looked at me
& who I am
deep inside.
you understood me
from the minute our eyes
collided
my presence was all you wanted
you ached for me
i set my heart on you
aeonian
or e·o·ni·an
[ee-oh-nee-uh n]
adjective
eternal; everlasting.
bri Jul 2018
You look & see me
as an innocent soul
but only,
if you knew what I've done.
If only,
you could see me for me,
for who I really am.
All the enmity
I've caused
in the lives of those
who have done nothing
but love me.
bri Jul 2018
You move me,
the way the weather,
moves the earth.
Pushing me,
pulling me,
until you're calm.
And then,
the world is okay.
bri Jul 2018
Social media kills your self-love.
Who am I
when she is she?
Her lips,
her smile,
her teeth,
they're perfect.
& well,
I'm me.

But honey, don't you see
the most beautiful thing to be is you.
No one has your attributes,
no one's eyes light up like yours,
they don't crack a smile the same way you can.

-you are one of a kind, sunshine.
We compare ourselves to others too much. Way too much.
bri Jul 2018
Let me know
if you find
my mind
I seem to have lost it
that one night at your place.
Blunt rolled,
cuddling, big spoon.
I don't know why
I even let you in
But now I know why
we can never win.
A simple night
turned into a nightmare.
All because right then
you chose to care?
I could never get you
to understand me
when I said I didn't feel loved.
All of a sudden you wanna act right?
Then it turns into a fight.
You said you'd never do it again
I believed you
then.
But from that point on
I knew we were
destined to end.
bri Jul 2018
Reflecting on my life
I have made too many mistakes,
but mistakes are the most fun
without them
we wouldn't know who we are.
We do things to see if we want to so it again.
We **** up.
We heal.
We **** up some more.
We heal ourselves
& we heal others.
Life goes on,
despite all that we face.
Though I may not be innocent,
I am honest
I am true
& I will not be condemned for my mistakes.
Who gets to say your mistakes are better than mine?
cac·o·e·thes
ˌkakəˈwēT͟Hēz/
noun
an irresistible urge to do something inadvisable.
bri Jul 2018
Isn't it funny
we didn't ask for this.
No one asked for life
but when someone wants
to make a choice to end it

.... the whole world shatters.
bri Sep 2018
I am sick and tired
of hearing sorry
for the same ****

you already know
how everyone else
broke me

& I thought you were different
but you were lying about the same ****

& you thought  I needed another crack
in my already ruptured heart
that only you could give

the fragments
you helped me pick back up
are now shattered even more

at some point
we all break

but how many times
until I can't pick myself back up again?
drapetomani ;

(n) an overwhelming urge to run away
bri Aug 2018
life is never fair;
why is it that
the good die young
& the bad live freely?

that's why people give up,
why people break down.
nothing they do is good enough,
why people end their life too soon.

the irony is
that the good
will continue to die young
because their whole life
they've been told
they aren't good enough
or worse,
they are 'too much'

too sensitive,
too quiet,
too observant,
too introverted,
too curious,
too independent,
too careful,
too blunt,
too caring,
too honest,
too, too much.

but really,

they are too little of everything you are too much of.
duende;

(n.) the mysterious power of art to deeply move a person
bri Jul 2018
I don't usually feel
this way about
anything or
anyone
You lit up
something in me
that I had no idea existed
You became a
permanent tenant
of my heart
An infinite vision
in my mind
A neverending
part of my life
enduring through
all of life's misfortunes
A catastrophe
of both of our lives
that intertwined
and became
an absurd idea
& total fantasy

- but life went on
eccedentesiast
(noun)

someone who hides pain behind a smile.
bri Jul 2018
I crave
every part of you.
I lust after
your lips,
on my skin,
gently kissing
all of my pain away.
Your arms
wrapped around my waist,
embracing me
with nothing but love.
I feel your pure soul
radiate through you,
shining into me
& healing all
the dark pieces of myself.
Your words
traveling through my mind
mending the hurt
I've heard in my life.
Your smile
brightly giving me
patience & perseverance.
With you,
I will be okay.
E·ly·sian
iˈliZH(ē)ən,eˈliZH(ē)ən,iˈlēZH(ē)ən,ēˈliZH(ē)ən
adjective
relating to or characteristic of heaven or paradise
bri Jul 2018
I'm branching out,
I'm reaching for the stars,
& no one can tell me no.
Shattering glass ceilings
everywhere.
bri Jul 2018
Where I stand
I hold no one's hand

                                                           but I am not alone
                                                           ­I feel you all around

             your spirit guides me
             & teaches me the way
bri Jul 2018
acknowledge your flaws
build from them
no one can be perfect
as much as you try
people will still pick you apart
remember that
infragilis;

unbreakable, strong.
bri Jul 2018
My curiosity
is out of this world,
my greatest downfall;
The biggest piece of me
that awakens my soul,
but truly crushes me,
simultaneously.
I ask too many questions,
I bother too many people.
No one cares like I do.
No one looks for answers beyond
what we have right in front of us.  
We make the wrong decisions,
because we are easily tricked
by charm and wit.
The bad souls make their way in,
but they don't have to break in,
or rob anyone's heart.
They are handed these things,
because love is blind,
and so is the mind.
bri Jul 2018
You'll never understand my type of crazy
the way I understand yours.
You can't see me
the way I see you.
I see grace in every move you make
the pain in every smile
the passion in your eyes
the way you see her...

                                             is never the way you'll see me.
bri Jul 2018
It's a crazy thing,
what happens
when all the red flags
you've tossed at me
stab my back
when I'm least expecting it
bri Jul 2018
She blossoms later than most,
she's been through
the tragedies of life already.
Life hits her harder,
she feels more deeply.
bri Jul 2018
do you ever think
   the universe is too big
for you & me?
vast amounts of space
& only one Earth.
one green & blue place full of
life & love

        there's endless places in the galaxies
bri Jul 2018
I hope you know
I think of you
every single day.
More than I want to,
more than I aim to.
It's honestly ridiculous
I have tried so much
I've been more than conspicuous
thrown you all the signs,
but here we go with the mindlessness.
You act like you can't see,
that you are
who I want
& who I need.
ne·pen·thes
nəˈpenTHēz
noun

1. a drug described in Homer's Odyssey as banishing grief or trouble from a person's mind.
bri Jul 2018
It's not that he doesn't want you,
it's that he wants you
& her
& her.
There's not much you can do to change
a promiscuous man's heart
so please,
do not try to fix them.
They will not listen
until they know who they want,
it may not be you
& they may never settle.
This is all okay.
This is life.
You can fight
with all your might
& he will still
walk away.
That is not your fault.
You will be okay,
& one day your love
will be appreciated & reciprocated.
oneirataxia - The inability to differentiate between dreams and reality.
bri Jul 2018
It feels like
you abandoned me
& you robbed me
of my spirit.
bri Jul 2018
They tell me all the time
he's no good for you,
you deserve better than him.
So why is it
so hard
to give up on him
like I give up on
so many other people.
I can walk away,
he's just a boy.
A person who was meant to be a page instead of a book.
But why can't I forget about him?
He floats in and out of my mind
like someone who waits
and waits for you.
He's just always there.

So maybe he's a whole book to me,
& I am but a sentence in his.
Not all people are blessed
to open up & see
the art I have to offer.
bri Jul 2018
humans chase after
what kills them
we want the pain
we want the hurt
it helps us feel
real
raw
feelings
even if
it leads to our downfall.
bri Aug 2018
Never trust anyone,
best advice I've ever been given.
But do I listen?
I know I can't trust a soul
but yet around I go,
letting people break down my walls
when they have no intention of helping me
build it back up
if it ever comes crashing down.

I can feel the bricks I let you pick
away from my shield
tumble down
around me now.
It takes my breath away,
with each stone that hits me
bruising my already battered heart.

Now, I am under rubble
stuck under my own broken walls
I built to protect myself
from men like you.

And here I know,
I have to start over.
Am I able to build my wall high enough
to keep out the next one who tries to steal my heart
& heal myself from all the wounds
I've caused myself from letting the wrong ones in?
solivagant
plural -s
: a solitary wanderer
bri Jul 2018
this is not the time
                                  or the place,
                                                          ­but, **** happens anyway.
Tacenda
(Noun)
1.Things better left unsaid
2. Matters to be passed over in silence.
bri Jul 2018
I don't deserve you
the love you give me,
unconditionally.
You set me free
without chains or shackles.
I feel all of your love.
Your soul is too good for me,
but is mine good enough for you?
You say you love me
no matter what I do,
but is that actually true?
If you knew
all I've done
& who I've hurt
would you still love me?
“Toska - noun /ˈtō-skə/ - Russian word roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness.

"No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”
bri Jul 2018
when you're a victim
it feels like
everyone is against you.
     the questions
        the assumptions
           the chatter
             the looks
                the hate

                                                -is it even worth it?
This is about being a victim & having everyone look & treat you differently afterwards. It makes you wonder if telling the truth was even worth it.
bri Jul 2018
follow where your path may go.
everything happens for a reason,
your soul will lead you
where you need to be,
so steady on for the journey.
bri Jul 2018
Please do not
look at you
the way you think
they look at you.
Every word
you've heard
about you,
does not define
who you are.
You are more than
the mistakes you make.
Life would be
less entertaining without them.
You are more than
the people you've given your body too.
Don't let your spirit
fade because you
gave a piece of yourself
to someone unworthy.
You are more than
the nights you've spent
pondering your existence.
Your soul is on this Earth for a reason.
You are more than
the ***** looks
you give yourself
when you look back
on the past.
Don't let your history haunt your presence.
You are more than
how you are treated.
They do not know the real you.
bri Jul 2018
I loved you more
than I ever knew
I could love.

But,
he loved me
more than I ever
thought anyone could love me.

— The End —