you have to be tough
they said
you have to be strong
they said
now
we have grown cold
now
we have become stone
but forgotten
pushed into a hole
to feel - sanity
the destiny of humanity

you can do it
thunder
ignite the rain
wash it all away

i was so in love with you
everything i wanted to do
for a better us, a better you
but everything has turned blue

you always told me
'i don't want to grow up'
and this is true, it seems
you're still a child

hard to fix
i found out

a life without limits
a pocket without money
a lost and broken soul
afraid for mirrors

would you ever learn
from mistakes?

dead passion
unnecessary pain
but who
is the one to blame

so sensitive
it makes me sick
the non response
a skin so thick

what happens
on the other side of the wall?
or are you waiting
for me
for us
to fall

cielo lleno de luces
una obra de arte
como tu

responsabilidad y preocupación
dos cosas con su origen amor
no pueden encontrar un lugar
el cielo, la tierra pide atención
pero cada vez está rechazado

but what if you leave
forbidden thoughts
filled with pain

where does it dwell
grief and sorrow
for it doesnt go away

leave me alone
a sense of safety
lonely, with restrictions

to love freely
what more i need
once to escape

these dreams filled with
lost teardrops
on your pillow

so much i love
so much i fear
my everything

to seperate

a child ripped away
from his mother
into the dark

falling into the hands
of a lost soul
my love, your playfield

i was your angel
with an ocean of love
but you wanted all the seas

the face of another woman
heartbreaks, goodbyes
again i dont survive

so a new heart with walls
who would be able to
break them down

all the protection, cameras
like suspected terrorism
now i regret

make me forget
what is pain, fear
lift me from the past

fighting forever to escape
a selfconstructed
prison of love

el sol del universo infinito
lejos, aún tan caliente
radiantes del corazón
destellos en mi mente
eres tu
libre, ingenuo
decepcionado por solo un segundo
con una energía fuerte
la necesidad del mundo
es mi cariño
siempre-sonrisa sin pensar
difícil de alcanzar
de abajo
estoy viéndote
amarillo reflejando
todo parece más grande
pero nunca déjalo ser más gigante
que mi amor
solcito no me mandes dolor

lo que necesito
es alguien
quien me apoya y me consola
quien no me condena
quien me da confianza
donde no tengo que pretender
donde puedo estar mi misma
enteramente
en tiempos buenos y malos

run around in the rain
acid rain
in a black planet
untouchable
chaos all around me
tsunami, flood
like a bucket of sand
bilateral people
attract and blow away
the wind in my back
strength of past
emotion, control
what is it worth
takes its toll
chaos all around me
incomprehensible
complex self
just being
running, around
breathing fresh air
still and unwanted
i hold my breath
acid heart
in a black planet

la primera vez que te vi
el tiempo se detuvo
nuestras miradas
lo único visible
sólo por un momento
como un rayo de luz
aislado del mundo
sólo tú y yo
encontrándonos
en otra dimensión
en la que vimos la luz
como una estrella fugaz
fuerte, brillante
olvidamos nuestro entorno
sólo para sentir
esta otra realidad
lleno de gotas
ven, ven
lluvia de energía positiva
toma mi mano
y caminamos a través
todos los sonidos
todos los pensamientos
apagado
sólo tus ojos
tan irreal
sólo por un momento
como un buceo en el mar
y supe
esto continuará

i love
for a while
you go
for a while
in pain
for a while
deafening
desperation
of loss
your voice
returns

repeat

the circle
how will it end
my cycle of life
to continue
knowing
i got a problem
my only love
that binds
i can't escape
someone
tie me

these days felt so good
it should have been
something you got
so badly i wanted
so manly you gave
so sadly i miss
now you are gone
i just can't stop thinking
about the look in your eyes
when you said goodbye
the anger in your words
about your past, no dad
the warmth of your hands
when we strolled the streets
why would you give me
why would you like to stay longer
send me messages about coming over
when you do not want to see me
another day
i will try to let you fade away
each time you push me into silence
i just wish i could understand your game
but nobody is going to tell me
so i can only guess
and try to forget

it just does not feel right

niet binnen de lijntjes
maar er buiten
wat vind ik fijn
ik, wie ben ik
prioriteiten
van binnen
van buiten

everlasting pressure and tension
a house never reading between the lines
where every stranger becomes an idiot
superficial minds

trying to bear the stress
but lying awake feels like forever
tired of this room where the light is always shining bright
see the little window, all night

only because pointless *******
the senseless negativity all day
some are maybe sensitive and notice
others don't, find it okay



my little girl
now know you have never been a stranger
stop blaming yourself for the unknown ignorant
not knowing to deal with

fighting back
now i try to stand
why aren't you just there, mom and dad
where have you mentally been back then

wolken voor de sterrenregen
als zij, houden van geheimen
een plek om te schuilen
bij zij die gelukkig zijn
geluk op een groot podium

zwemmend in een zwart meer
de stilte houdt van me
de wereld houdt me
in zijn greep
een pijn
niemand zal begrijpen
accepteer maar
meisje
zoekt vervanging
vindt vervanging
van leegte
waar ik wil drijven
op het zwarte meer
mijn rug slechts een trap
voor zij die er in zijn gevallen
maar laat mij zinken
laat me maar
in deze koude nacht
vol onbegrip, steken van leven
wachtend op een ladder naar de maan
mijn hand reikt uit

how could i be so stupid
how could i be so blind

two years ago
you already told me, here

the doubts for your love
your love for me

now you've been just another lie to me
just someone using the best of me

now then go ahead with the woman
move with her to... and be happy

but don't tell me excuses
you did not know, did not want to hurt me

you did

with the silence, anger you left behind
your mask is still aching inside of me

i wish to eliminate the layers
remove all that's now, still not clear

still not knowing that one day
i'll be done with this burden to bear

a little bird sings
in the white moonlight
its tree branch swings
and the singer at night
turns into stone
then dust

the world suffocating
in this dark substance
could it be a must
of all that once was beautiful
turns into anger
sad lust

too much anger
where does it come from
while i wish to see love and peace

i still have to raise my children
the mother me is crying with them
is there anybody out there
a lack of someone being there for me
my friends, my own family
don't leave me here so lonely

but why should i feel like this all the time
wishing someone could gimme a sign
when it won't ever happen anyway

now my body tells me to stop the flow of anger
no more devils, inside of me
to avoid a room with broken furniture
i'll tell them how i want it, but i'll take it easy
(for i don't give a ****)
i'll think over my feelings, i'll feel my feelings
(for these belong to me)
i'll be my happy, but i won't become needy
(for i deserve a life to live)

because i don't need you
won't even need my mom
for i'll be my own, i be me

embrace the cries

stuck in a prison of pain
my hands touch the bars
a little cage i find myself in
i hear something far away
****** sound of laugther
****** lies in my face
all the people seem so happy
you and your new lover
it all made me sick and tired
now the questions arise
guess my time has expired
my hands touch my ears
this life is such a dead end
what have i done wrong
why do i have to be strong
in a prison i don't belong
i crawl back and think it all over again
no more writing about you on the wall
no more other people to break my fall
the gates of hell are opened for me
maybe they want me back
maybe they want me just to see
the me has been taken from me
and i should go in to find
i embrace the darkness
i cry to clear my mind
in the prison of pain
it are my own hands that bind

preocupando por ti
el sentimiento del disturbio
con un poco de temor

ya no me importa mucho
es que no tengo ganas de sentir
pero lo que sí me importa

esperando que no cayes
nunca más
porque quiero ver tu camino a la luz

aunque no te interesa la senda que tomo yo
que estoy mejorando mi alma, mi vida
otras chicas, por favor dejame en paz

te odio
pero te amo

ik ben klaar
er helemaal klaar mee
klaar met deze maatschappij
klaar met het zgn 'vrij'
klaar met mezelf zijn
klaar met de maskers
klaar met andermans pijn
klaar met het 'geluk' van iedereen
klaar met herhalend onbegrip
klaar met de dip na dip
klaar met dit met stress gevulde lichaam
klaar met elke kortdurende traan
klaar met zorgen, de toegevoegde ellende
klaar met hoop bewaren
klaar met niets doen, de boel laten varen
klaar met blij moeten zijn, lachen
klaar met de negatieve spiraal
klaar met het gevoel van abnormaal
klaar met al het verderf op de wereld
klaar met eeuwige eenzaamheid
klaar met depressiviteit
klaar met studeren en regels
klaar met de ontevredenheid
klaar met klaar, moeten komen
klaar met een 'leuke' baan vinden
klaar met vaarwel en weer binden
klaar met deze ruimte, het bed
klaar met denken dat ik het wel red
klaar met de harteloosheid
klaar met boosheid en nijd
klaar met wakker liggen
klaar met deze kou
klaar met jou
klaar met de grauwe luchten
klaar met mijn diepste zuchten
klaar met dierenmishandeling
klaar met angstzaaierij
klaar met de doorzetterij
klaar met alle competitie
klaar met twijfelen, niet weten wat
klaar met vergeten, alles wat ik had
klaar met het wantrouwen
klaar met de zware schouderlast
klaar met elke oversekste gast
klaar met verdoofd zijn
klaar met mensen, egoisten
klaar met narcisten en racisten
klaar met de gevoeligheid
klaar met slimme meid
klaar met de druk(te)
klaar met strijden
klaar met lijden
klaar.

here the flock of my poems
about everything i see
i write to release my soul
unleash me from reality

when life goes like mountaintops
painted in different colours
when heart and head seperate
and emotions in a rollercoaster
go up and down, in cars apart
how can i answer
such a simple question
as "how are you?"

bet you just didn't love me
but instead you told me
you want something
or something else
it all goes so easy
too easy i guess
one step forward
one step back
and gone, it is
sundaymorning
without a kiss
it's strange that we exist
but we are not there
the feelings, the loss
all left soon enough
everything gone
and i should be happy
to reach for the nothing
the afterlife of myself
like my invisible dreams
there's much more to see
bet there's more than it seems

the insects crawl over me
i have to keep them away

don't jump on me already
don't let the me decay

my shadow standing
in the light of the moon
straight and strong

i can not breathe
in a suffocating world
i will breathe
in a suffocating world

pluche and music
hold me tight, hold on
to all and everything
be forgotten
my soul
be
my soul
breathe
for a breath can let go
understand
a shadow can't

vluchtende mensen
grijpend
naar een pilletje
medicijnen
voor balans, tegen het kwijnen
een fles wijn
gewoon
om, voor de verandering,
eens met jezelf te zijn
het heil zoekend
in een grote groep vrienden
even niet bepalen
laat anderen de beslissing maken
een joint misschien?
zelfconfrontatie gaat me raken
piekeren
ik gok liever voor tien
een kameraad vierentwintigzeven
om mijn innerlijke stem te ontwaken
God zeg me, wie ik ben, waar ik sta
stop het nou maar onder het laken
ik zelf heb al vaak genoeg geprobeerd
het te weten, te weten waar ik ga
op de langertermijn
nog steeds niet in balans
gek he?
als we blijven vluchten van onze dans
het hoofd bieden aan een eigen kans
ver weg in het duister
nog wel
en dan
*** voel jij je weer licht?
ben je dan ook werkelijk in
evenwicht?
of houd je het masker voor
om meer te krijgen
iets van gehoor
met alle prikkels en falen
vrijheid en eenzaamheid
toppen en dalen
laat mij
het allemaal lekker zelf bepalen
zodat ik kan zeggen
dit ben ik
zonder die ergens anders te halen
arme mensen, voor de verandering
kom op de proppen
met eigen verhalen

taking possesion of the space
it's all about you
in conversations
in actions, the do

some just feel helplessness
by commitments, cohesion
putting your ego higher
above the compasssion

seems not so easy for everyone
and maybe that's actually fine
if you can still think about another
without to erase the written line

between ego and men
take your space, your luck
but don't go crazy with one of the two
you'll see, you get stuck

keer op keer
telkens weer
vlak voor zonsopgang
hoevaak nog wakker te worden
met een steen in mijn buik
hoevaak nog betraande ogen te openen
in het holst van de nacht
in de stilte na de storm
als een zwarte koude wind
je neemt me steeds weer
eventjes
mee
naar een plek waar ik niet wil zijn
nee
het is er niet fijn
het doet pijn
keer op keer
een geschaden vertrouwen
wanneer laat je me met rust
dit is wat het doet met een vrouw
jij, geschaden vertrouwen
ik wantrouw jou

who would expect
the story to end like this
in which two lovers say
goodbye

for the greater good
for our inner processes
and still
reality hurts too much

but that is mine
oh sweetheart

my soulmate, you
still feel like my baby
but i have seen you grow
and i wanted this, too

i would say goodbye
for your happiness
that's how much i
have always loved you

in the depth of the night
i awake
my head hurts like my heart
am i betrayed
are there lies left to say

you find me upside down
knifethrower
put a knife in my core
need to discover
it doesn't matter anymore

it's only me now
face the emotional loneliness
be close to yourself
they say
and nothing less

who's me, and who's you
you made your decision
before we know the truth

i wish you shared it earlier
doubts and broken feelings
but now it's too late to push

maybe it's better like this
maybe this or maybe that
but maybe the maybe is me
the silent lake inside of this body

numb
indecisive
unstable
depressed

**** has been there for a long time
long enough to say goodbye?
i'd understand it, i'd serve
after a past you don't deserve

i wish you all the best
particularly happiness

i wish you'd have caused my silent waters
i'm just afraid it's not and i lost
my inner voice, in earlier days
the vibration of the forgotten lake

now i don't know where to look
maybe changing situations
but maybe, maybe it's you
because what i crave is to feel

love
passion
satisfied
invincible

i wish for so many things
people have no idea, they don't see
the lost and wasted energy
dried-up water in the desert

now analyse all of my feelings
let others tell me what to do
when the answer is simple

the world just doesn't work like that
like my imagination, golden visions

i thought i have no fantasy
who knows i have too much?
to get sad, not standing above it

well my heart can cry out loud
because of this cold hard place
where's addiction for the lost
and money for the wicked

i don't speak or read, but still feel it all
tell me how to ignore and avoid that
****, then i can only accept the fall
but i will never close my eyes

my passion to growl is too big
just like the world is too big
to change my tearing feelings
and feels too huge to accept

powerlessness
helplessness
hateful
opressers

maybe i'm here for a reason then
not to get bitter like them
not to become a walked over
forgotten ego or addict

gonna try to find the focus
the eye of the storm, right
they say a little ego is good
but it's also a challenge

not to let this ego grow
because of rejection or money
your religion or age
to obtain status or power

the world is a sad place

a Capricorn can just not give up
even not if none wants her, to be (there)
even not if it has to feel the load every day
it would feel as betrayal itself

and who's me, who's you
it doesn't even matter because
"you cannot change what you are
only what you do."

what do you know about love
the craving, the salvation, the pain
what do you know about sensitivity
the feel of an unannounced last kiss
what do you know about desperation
a bleeding fist against a cold wall

what do you know about loneliness
a lost black cat between angry dogs
what do you know about gravity
the entire sun coming down on you
what do you know about sadness
a tear sunken in a lavender pilow

what do you know about loss
a dove that lost its feets to land
do you care? and why
why would you
if it's not there to nothing anyways

times of insecurity
say goodbye to the past
where all was easy
always easier
to walk away

feelings, what do i feel
what do you feel
do i even feel?
something
oh, hey, i feel pain

but where are the tears?
a lack of acknowledge
doubt, like an old friend
i've known myself for so long
maybe just not very well

and it's scary, i know
it hurts to be

the one behind me
in the mirror i can't see
still looking for a way
to confront myself
with me

let them carry
the heavy heart
two golden hands
moving with stardust
and up it goes
into the universe
peaceful there
no need
for anything
you can just lie down
and rest
for as long as you want
the pain will disappear
will be alright
when the heart is with
planets and starlight

the dominant mind of sadness
it's 3 am and i still havent had rest
thinking about words and actions
who and what is really mine
and why does it matter so much
your anesthetic touch
what can i become, who's me
an ever lost and tired soul searching
all by myself, i need to do something
but i'm waiting for the day
i have the strenght to release myself
the one that's me, be happy
but waiting and hoping is bad
just like stress of the sensitive and
death, in a self destructive brain

oh how i envy him
no head full of thoughts
tiresome emotions
and sigh, and sights
overthinking human beings
in the beautiful moonlight
something flies over
a screaming owl in the night
for he has found a comfortable place
and the clock is ticking through
the running water of the river
but still he's dominating
silence
oh how i envy you

i don't feel the love of your words
just hear the questions
to make another joke of me
the laughter of evil

but how could i know what love is?
at least i felt something, close
with the devil, but that didn't matter
for an abandoned girl alone

Lekker alles voor zoete koek blijven slikken tot het zich een aan elkaar gekleefd mengsel vormt, een vastzittende brok in de keel waarin men langzaam, in stokkende adem, stikt..

the blood in my veins a speedboat
a suffocating feeling in my throat
this body is not made for the brain
unexpressed frustration and pain
should there be a reason for it all
or is it just the me seeing it all fall

simply living in a land of the fittest
however not fair to criticize the nearest
alone when i see them losing their minds
lonelier when i see i have lost my mind
i wish to be free but i feel brainwashed
being judged and misunderstood
expressing the bottled-up hatred
it's so exhausting, often feels wasted

then you start writing - let some **** go
still trying hard not to go with the flow
and always wishing, wishing to be a bird
untouchable like an eagle
invisible for the entire earth
then i'm just existing, being there
pure behaviour and unspoilt nature

ocean of misery
power and money
it's always the same
life
vague
that all is fake
at least it seems to
be
honestly
let the steaming mist
slowly fade away

kankerlijer
klootzak
met een halve maan op je gezicht
het is goed bedoelt
als dat het minder erg moet maken
maar nee
het enige wat ik nodig had
was een grijntje begrip
een beetje respect misschien
nu is het al gebeurt
gezegd en gedaan
zal ik jouw gezicht liever niet meer zien
of krijg ik zin om te slaan
sorry oke
maar zonder traan
oprechtheid ver te zoeken dan
is het voorbij
niet meer dichtbij
het is gedaan
klootzak
en nog bedankt voor de argwaan

slowly riding in the wind
the black hair of my horse
against a meaningless body
breaking through the night
as the stars watch over us
but the horse starts to sink
into this swamp of sand
with its hot burning surface
leaving me behind
in a peaceful silent darkness

let it fall down
a bookcase on my head
like thunder
it's everywhere
the chaos
a raging wind
the pressure from above
while i lie there
down on the ground
terrified and gone

they can be happy
don't realize much
about all that's happening
in this sickened world
drinking and partying
just living your life
not giving a single ****
when the world dies
not giving a single ****
about another persons life

they can not be happy
a reason they don't have
nagging and crying
running in circles
is that possibly what you want
and don't know how to change
'we live a life in vain anyway'
but what do you know about fighting
have you ever fought for a certain life?

so it's sad to notice
from a distance
they only care, care
about their own world
there's nothing else to see
living in their locked cage
because they never looked
for the redeemer, the key

thinking about you
the one who understands
without speaking
like a fist on the surface
squeezed muscle underneath
the power of you
and the infinite heat

por mi parte soy o creo ser músico
escuchadora de la nada, visitante del mundo,
admiradora de los gatos, uno de los animales,
la interpelante, creyente que todo es interesante,
investigadora de los ojos, amante de las ondas,
bastante obstinada, pero cada vez tu ayudante

una habladora, la interruptora del silencio
de todos modos la guardia de tu gran secreto
simpatizante del arte, todo lo que es dulce,
las lenguas romanas y las puestas del sol
enemigo de la monotonía y el capitalismo
luchadora por todo lo que es un organismo

it's just a matter of time
that their heads will hang
and beautiful red color
stares to the ground
untill they fall down
however i have enjoyed
the power of a flower
your beauty of time