I might miss you—
Every hole in your jeans
And flyaway hair;
I might have saved that crooked smile,
Kept it close,
Carried it with me to the bus stop
And the bakery that makes my favorite egg sandwiches.
Maybe I counted every stutter, every heavy blink of your eyes as you fell asleep.

I might have stared your demons in the eye,
Kept them away during the night
(I've never been scared of the dark).
I could have kissed the scars on your hands,
The bruises on your knees.
It's possible you meant more to me
Than the autumn leaves
And the stars that stay frozen in place outside my window.

Maybe you knew me,
My bright lipstick and lack of self control,
The pale birthmark on my neck;
You might have memorized every curve of my lips,
Pensive sighs,
As I let you see the fear behind my wide blue eyes.

Maybe you filled the cracks I'd never admit I had
(It hurts just to say it now),
Found the fragile pieces and wove them into a blanket to keep me warm.
It's possible you saw the lies I carry,
The spiders with their gnashing teeth and blood-red eyes,
And stood by me all the same.
Maybe you called me, suddenly, on your way to work,
Surprised to find yourself wanting me, though we'd just left each other.

We might have been in love,
But those three words burned in our throats,
We could only choke out ashes, not even a spark.
Now every trace of fingertips across our hearts only brings up dust,
Settled deep in chambers and arteries for heaven knows how long,
Made from the memory of my lipstick, the holes in your jeans,
And everything we might have had,
If only we'd allowed ourselves to recognize it.

College is like being a bird
You jump out of the nest
You have two choices
You either fly
Or you die.

Have I gone mad
(I'll ask myself)

It can't be normal to think this much
(I'll tell myself)

If only I wasn't so vulnerable
(I'll blame myself)

STOP IT
(I'll scold myself)

I'm worth the time
(I'll encourage myself)

I'm valuable
(I'll remind myself)

Think positively & Trust in God
(I'll challenge myself)

I'll be okay
(I assure myself)

REPEAT

just the thought of you drives me insane but my presence is merely nonexistent to you.

I disobeyed my parents
And married her when I was younger

She seemed so shy and caring
but then she felt colder

She used to respect my space
but then she sat on my shoulder

She used to not criticize me
but  she eventually became bolder

I want to turn back time
And find someone else before I grow older.
------------------------
She put her dreams aside
And married me when I was younger

And when times were tough
I understood why she had to be colder

When I needed her
She was always on my shoulder

I was never that daring
So she turned bolder

I learned to love her
And appreciate her as I grew older.

my little blue boy
In the cardstock full moon
Don't you know you always go away too soon?
It's like looking through glasses too strong of a prescription
The lines are all hung up tangled and torn
Mismatched worn
right down to the umbilical cord
From a dusk morning
To a dawn night
Ugly ducklings not too ready for flight
And I'm singing a song to you
(Not that you can hear it
But I'm singing)

"My cancer finally kicked in"
Mom says.
I guess her stage progressed.
Is that why she pushed me away this year?
Is that why she went on vacation and left us all here?
Coming slowly down the stairs with fluid in her belly.
I want to hold my tears but they've gotten too heavy.
I understand why she's been so mean.
I slice my hands as I scream
"mommy"
"Mommy"
"I don't want you to leave..."
"I forgive you for every thing you've ever done to me".
"Mommy, I love you.. Don't want you to go."
"cancer can't take you don't leave me alone"
She goes to the e.r but what can they do?
Cancer is killing my mom this afternoon
And I can't bare to look but I don't want to look away
Because what if when I close my eyes she goes to stay...
Cancer is taking my mommy home.
Cancer please leave my mom alone.

As I scream and rip my skin and my hair and my heart
Cancer is the reason I keep myself in the dark.
When my mom goes for good and they roll her down in the grave

I'll be pulling the knife from my chest as I scream

I'm coming

I'm messaging you again,
Though I promised I won't,  

I fought myself not to write to you again ,
But again again I lost,  

I'm writing you again after all this time,
Hoping you answer maybe this time,  

You read all my previous messages,  
Every word, every line,  

For you I have got a lot to say,  
But you got no ears to hear,  

I'm constantly trying to reconnect,  
But you care less  Everyday,  
I wrote to you things that would melt hearts,
If a stone read all that it would melt,  

At least I make a effort to reconnect someday,
Though you give no effort I'm not hopeless ,

How my words did melt a stone ,
But they didn't melt your heart yet ?  

Read them again and again,
Perhaps they melt your heart.

And you answer.....