Yesterday I saw you
Of course I see you everyday
We make brief eye contact
But nothing more
However
This time was different
I looked over at you
But you were looking at her

I’m sitting in a desk with a class full of people

Each of them occupied by different conversations

Binders and backpacks being moved around

Laughs and harsh whispers could be heard all around

There’s hardly times where everyone isn’t talking

But as I sit through the midst of it all

I have never felt so alone

The razor blades I once put against my skin cut deep

But the injurious words that spill from your mouth have always cut deeper

I find it ironic that I’ve come to you for advice
Whether it’s about my boy problems or family drama
You’ve given exceptionally good feedback
By seeing you engage in these things I realize you are really growing up and it’s kinda scary
Maybe we do watch redundant YouTube videos
And laugh when we probably shouldn’t
Or I make you watch my favorite romantic movies until I’m fed up with your laughs conjured from my tears
in some cases even text each other at 2am to join one another’s Minecraft server
But you know I’m perfectly fine with where we stand now and I hope you are too

Imagine this:

i.
You’re falling and you cannot control it
The thoughts in your head cannot slow down
Should you be scared and worried of what will happen?
(Probably)
Or curious of what the outcome brings?
(Seem okay)

ii.
This feeling of falling is unique
Different from what first comes to mind
You get this warm feeling all over
A smile finds its way to your face
Maybe it’s when you see them in the hall
Or when you daydream of them
And seeing them becomes the favorite part of your day

iii.
So what will you do?

Continue to fall

Or

stop yourself before it’s too late?

The relative I am most fond with
I could never thank you enough
for everything that you've done for me
Forever standing by my side
Picking me up when I am down
And making me laugh more than anyone ever has

You are always there to listen to my troubles
And give me the advice I need to hear
I can tell you everything without the fear of judgement I might silently receive from some of my friends
You've helped realize what kind of person I was becoming
And showed me how to break through that wall that was visible to everyone but me
The one that held me back from everything I've ever needed

I know you are enduring some things that only time could heal
You've moved your whole life to this small town
At first it didn't impact you
This is what we've been hoping would happen for so long
But then it hit
And everything slowly became a reality
I can't help but to feel guilty for not being able to help you
You always claim that you're okay
That me listening is enough

And as I write this poem
I realize that just might be true

Again, thank you.

We were all having a grand time
Just laughing and screeching too much
Then out of nowhere, he falls down the stairs
At first only pretending to; as a mere joke
But it wasn’t a joke anymore when he continued to slide down
I saw him reach for support
though it easily slipped out of his grip
As he toppled down the stair
I doubled over laughing
Falling to my knees clutching my stomach
As he thought he was falling to his death
My other friend just looked the other direction
Shaking her head at these actions only we could call normal
Even after this was all said and done
I still look back and call it a grand time

It’s clear that I’m different from all of you
There’s this click and I just never felt it
From outsiders looking in it will appear just fine
But I’m on the inside where I really shouldn’t be
I don’t like the same things as you all
You’ve probably gotten tired of my follow up question to whatever it is you’re talking about because I never know what it is you mention
And plus you’ve been friends longer than I’ve been apart of this group so I don’t know what I should do
There are times like this where I could go back to the way it was
Even if they were toxic I know I never had to feel this way

I wish I could look in the mirror and be happy
But that will only be a wish because why would someone like me be happy with my appearance?
The constant dark circles around my eyes.
No it’s not from lack of sleep;
Stop saying it looks like eyeshadow.
My nose is great in size and my hair makes me look worse.
I put makeup on to cover it all; oh no, that can’t help
I’m far too ugly for anything to hide it.

I wish I was strong,
But I’m only weak;
Mentally and physically.
I want to be able to talk about defending myself and not get laughed at,
“How is that possible? Your arms are like sticks!”
“Nobody is intimidated by someone like you.”
Maybe one day you will realize how those words could hurt me.
There are some things I can’t control so stop making me think that there’s a way I can.

I wish I could help my friends understand how much they’re worth
By giving them good advice and being there for them,
But I have instinct to get jealous and pull away.
Sometimes I get so over my head
That when I realize this,
The damage has been done.
I instigate the situation
And don’t take responsibility for damage I do.

I wish I was okay with the person I’ve become
But I’m afraid that will never happen.
I don’t stick up for myself and I’m so indecisive.
There are times where I catch myself being embarrassed for some of the things I do
When I shouldn’t be at all. Why must I feel this way?
I let people control my emotions,
Which makes me say mean things that I wish I didn’t think.
I never take anything seriously
Which makes me look like an idiot.

I wish I was the person my friends see me as
But it’s only a mere wish that will never come true.

You are better than me
in more ways than one

You are beautiful
without even trying

You are funnier than me
So many people like you

You are more talented than me
There’s literally nothing I’m good at

Well

Other than tearing myself down
And hating everything about me

While your only worries are if
Your eye makeup will match your outfit

so there’s something that’s been bothering me
i conjure up these thoughts and they never go away
all my friends are doing so great and i’m so proud

with one being so smart they could do anything
another already having a college look at them
and someone who’s going places with their acting

after looking at them you’ll stumble upon me
someone who realized they weren’t happy with what they were doing and ended it

yeah it sounds great but now i have nothing
colleges like when they see you were a star quarterback in high school
or are at the top of your class

people say if you haven’t found your talent
its not that is not there it’s just that you haven’t discovered it
but i don’t think that applies to me

i should’ve found it by now
i’m losing motivation and sleep over this
and there’s only so much anyone can do

I laugh with you guys but I couldn’t feel more distant
You guys just go together so good and I’m just there
I hate it so much but what am I suppose to do?

As I see my friends slowly slipping out of my reach
I can’t fathom the idea of what the near future holds
This time I’m truly sorry

My best friend told me I’m in love with love
At first I didn’t think anything of it
But now I see it
I really am in love with the concept and everything that comes with it

This isn’t a good thing
Matter of fact it’s the complete opposite
Just the thought of having someone to always talk to and even go on dates or just cuddle sounds great
But at the same time I feel weird about it all

Having someone depending on me
Someone who isn’t my parents or friends isn’t something I like so much
In the movies it seems all great
Probably because it isn’t me or romantic movies are hardly ever accurate

I get so wrapped up in a fantasy
By fitting into the idea of what I want in a partner
So then I could mark all the checks on the list

You came into my life
Searching for safe haven
Figuring you’d find something less
But no, you found much much more
You fixed me when I was at my worst
Laugh with me when I’m at my best
Everything is better when I’m with you
M y   b e s t   f r i e n d
My anchor

The water hit my back

It felt as if it was getting warmer

I started seeing blotches in my vision

Nauseation washes over me

Quickly seizing the water from flowing

And grabbing a towel to wrap around my damp body

I padded my way down the hall to my room

Where I flung myself onto my bed

and hoped the feeing would go away

When you told me about your plans for next year
I just smiled and listened without any worry
Just the through made you oh so happy
This is something you have been thinking about for a while because I remember the story you told me
As you talk about the loads of paper work
you still smile through it all
Because now you know one of your biggest wishes is so close you can see it
You’re my best friend and I want to always see you at your best and with a genuine smile placed on your face
But you’ll be in another country with a time zone
12 hours ahead of where we are now so I get sad
I will probably be lost without you and that thought makes me anxious and scared
Our friendship will be able to endure something like this right?
What if you find someone who gets you in a way I probably never have?
Call me selfish but I don’t want you to leave
I am trying so hard to look on the bright side and it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a while
I know my words will never be able to do justice
But please promise me that you will not replace me

what a journey we’ve been on
it seems a little crazy we're even at this point

it's ironic to think that i have known you my entire life
yet you’ve only known me since you were 20

we argue a lot more than we used to
but that’s just me growing up

you’ve showed me the good and bad things
this world is capable of doing to another

even though you can’t take back those years
for when you were absent

everyday you are making it up to us and
showing just how much you care

you're a fighter and a survivor
and absolutely the most indestructible person i know

i love you,

happy birthday mom

the four of us
made memories
i would tell
my future kids

The night you took my heart
The relationship with my best friend tore apart
I tried to think it wasn’t my fault
Though, from the start I should’ve know the trouble you brought
She said she was fine
That she was happy you were mine
If I had only known from the start
You were going to break my heart

there is so much i want to say
so many questions i would like to ask

it hasn’t been long since we talked
thought i still want to know how you are

i know some awkward things happened
and i don’t know how to label us

but did you keep the letters
or all those little things

i could see why you wouldn’t have
it’s okay if you didn’t

i know you’re probably confused and whatnot
and this might not help anything

but i just want you to know that i miss you
and i think about you all the time

and even though we were complete opposites
we got along so well and shared many laughs

i can’t fit the other 536374848 things
i want to tell you within this poem

but i hope we can become friends again
and maybe soon it feel regular?

The person who always
knows when something’s the matter
But doesn’t pry because time will tell

The beauty you hold
doesn’t just come from the outside
But It is flowing within  

You have a kind heart that not everyone
Deserves to see but you show it to anyone
You think needs a pick me up

Everything you’d want in a best friend
Could be found in you
So I worry about you going away

I could never get tired of our late night talks
The ones where we just lay in the dark
Because I can tell you anything and everything

But as it turns out
Everyone has a different definition of forever
And I hate that I’m waiting to see what yours is

You drag everyone down
And you don’t even bat an eye when doing it

This is your hobby; it’s what you’re good at
By doing this, it makes you more prideful

I’ve never known such a cowardly human

You might be quick to talk behind ones back
But you’d never say it to their face

Because you’re too scared

I try my best to be nice to you
But
there’s only so much kindness you can give
To someone such as you