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Sep 2020 · 584
the grey zone
Mishy Kim Sep 2020
while writing my speech for a class, i realized something about myself. i was always stuck in the middle. growing up in the philippines, i was too korean to fit it with the filipinos, but i was too filipino to fit in with the koreans. i was never really thin or fat. i was sure and unsure about everything all the time. i never completely found a middle, comfortable ground to stand on. i thought i had a happy place, but i realized i didn't. i was always too lost in my thoughts to make one. i wanna learn how to be comfortable in some place. some happy place where i can rest my head, because my anxiety is not letting me sleep. i wanna learn to be comfortable in my grey zone. i want that to be my happy place. i just dont know how, which i think is a good thing. not knowing can lead to more, deeper answers. i just wish i know when im going to find it.
i haven't written here in the longest time lel i needed a place to i guess vent (?) my thoughts somewhere
May 2018 · 514
It's over, isn't it?
Mishy Kim May 2018
There was a time in my life where I was indifferent about you. I couldn't care less about what you did and where you went. After the night I walked out of your life, I became indifferent. It wasn't easy, letting go of my feelings. It will never be easy. But the feelings coming back to my life was the easiest thing you have done. With just the snap of a finger and a text message, everything came back to me. The indifference was gone and feelings, senses came back to me. I didn't want this. My heart wasn't ready to discover territories that were hidden after I left. I shoved my feelings down my throat, just for them to come up again night after night, when I would cry myself to sleep. I never bothered to ask you how you were because I knew it would only end in us fighting. We were a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. It was just a matter of who lit the wick first.
If you're reading this, please let's talk. I know you hate seeing me, but I think we should talk again.
Mishy Kim Apr 2018
Do you love me anymore?

Does my name come up in your thoughts,
When your thinking about your to do list?

Does my face remind you of the smiles
And tears we went through together?

Do the halls and doors we walked through
Bring you warmth and familiarity?

Because it doesn’t seem like it does.

Because you find it so easy to walk out
The door every time you find trouble

Maybe you’ll always be the one
Holding the carrot up
And me, the stupid one who chases it
Just to find out it wasn’t worth it

Communication is what kept us together
But what you did was just brush me off
Like dirt on your shoulders

It’s funny how you think my emotions
Don’t matter to you
But all I did was trust you
With my emotions

There were points where you boiled my blood
Where I thought I was going to die
But somehow you save me
And leave me to drown again

Somehow I still love you
Even with all the games you play with me

You made me love you and hate you.

You turned my world upside down
And right side up.

Never once did I doubt you
Of the strength you had
To keep this together

You had me in the palm of your hands
But then decided to squeeze me
And choke me

You pushed till my breaking point
Until I doubted my own self

Now I’m all dried up
And my mascara tears are gone

Strength might not be there anymore
But my love is.
Mar 2018 · 968
I wrote a will.
Mishy Kim Mar 2018
I wrote a will.

I thought I was going to
Live fast, die young.

I wrote a will.

It’s a will that states
The truest emotions
Something that should
Be kept secret.

I wrote a will.

For you.

Knowing the situation
We’re in,

I wrote a will for you.

I remember you saying
I was going to get sick

I was going to die young

So I wrote a will.

I wrote it when our love died
When the clouds fogged up the sky
When the rain started pouring

Maybe it was the stone in my chest
Or the love in my heart
That pushed me to write one

I cut the wrong wires
The wires that connected the stone and my heart
The wire that connected us.

The death of our relationship was the death of me
My own body started killing itself
I became the girl with anxiety
Not knowing it manifested

I don’t sleep because I worry
I worry you forget me
We become something of an empty item
It hurts just thinking about it

Never once I thought about getting back together
Because I hurt you too much
You bled out in front of me
That image never left

This is why I wrote a will.

I hurt you too much.

I was scared to say it in front of you
So it would be better for you to listen
When I die

I wrote a will.
Nov 2017 · 1.8k
Finest Hour.
Mishy Kim Nov 2017
I had my first kiss at the age of 16
I was young and naive
and  didn’t know what love meant

It didn’t feel like sparks
Just like the movies
But felt the emptiness in my heart
As soon as we touched

I knew it wasn’t love
More like lust
More like the desire to have someone
Face to face

He didn’t see the scars
Because of my dark cloud
And that’s why he kissed me

I didn’t let him touch me
Because I was scared
He’d feel the stitches in my heart
And run away

At 17, I fell in love.

The boy was just as cute
As a character in a cartoon

He was an outline of the perfect person.

He lived and loved what
I lived and loved

Just like a wave,
The emotions crashed onto me,
Capsizing the boat
I once loved

I found something called hope
In your eyes

I became to know what it was
To be happy
And to be satisfied

But this didn’t last long

2 years passed
It seemed like forever
I thought that i was going
To be with him forever

But my plans never come out
The way i wanted it to

It was so ironic that
Every time i was happy with you,
It always rained.

Because somehow,
My tears never stopped
It only became faster
And faster
And closer to the day
When it dried

And when it did,
It was the day
I left you.

My dear,
This was the end to our chapter.
But every end has its benefits
Every end means the
Start of a new beginning
Jul 2017 · 883
The silence that kills.
Mishy Kim Jul 2017

Isn't the same.
It isn't the same
As I used to feel.

Love with you
Was a burning passion
That was fueled by
Words and gifts

Love with you
Brought out the best
And worst in me

But that love changed.

Now love with you
Is a quiet hum

It can only be heard when
People are quiet

But you can feel it.

The calmness of this
Overcame my being

As the silence creeped in,
The darkness came with it

I swear,
I could feel the vines
Tugging on my heart

The anxiety drowned
Me in tears and
My screams
Couldn't be heard

Thoughts of losing
You came into my
Mind like
B u l l e t s
One by one

My knees are too weak
To pull myself back up

The silence grabbed me by
My neck and threw me across the
Farther from you.

Is this love?

The pain and suffering
Of the silence


Give me the fire once again.

Set my heart ablaze.

Love me with the passion
That I will never forget.

Just love me.
Mar 2017 · 902
the stars and my heart.
Mishy Kim Mar 2017
Maybe this wasn't meant to be.
Maybe this was just a vivid
imagination of what could be.

I fell in love with the idea,
not the journey.

The trepidation in my heart consumed me.

if this was meant to be,
if the stars lined up
just right, for me this to be,
why is it a stone in my heart?

somehow I became the girl
who became addicted to
something she needs,
not wants.

What I wanted was to dance.
I wanted to paint the
colors of my life with
what I have.

But the stars and planets
are never stationary.
They kept moving,
and I was moving with them.
this was inspired by John Donne's A Valediction : Forbidden Mourning. Thank you for reading it :)
Sep 2016 · 846
I love you.
Mishy Kim Sep 2016
I love you.

You don't know how much I love you.

I say I love you everyday, but I still feel like it's not enough.

I am a river flowing where no one knows.
I am the star that people look at but no one knows who I am.
Only you do.

I would do anything for you.
Whether it's walking through mountains,
or swimming across the ocean.
I would do anything for you.

I love you

These emotions crashes on to me and wipes me away
Just like a wave.

I love you.
I don't know how much I need to say those three words
for me to be okay again.

You don't know how much you really mean to me.

I love you.
And I miss you.

I love you.
And I will forever love you.

I love you.
And I will never let you go.
Not again.

I love you.
If you're reading this, you mean the world to me.
Jul 2016 · 344
insomniac bird
Mishy Kim Jul 2016
No, I'm not an insomniac
I'm a bird trying to find the clouds
where my head rests
I fly until my wings get tired
but I land on the wrong cloud
so I am covered in water vapour

I start falling
and I land on the wrong cloud, again
I can't move my wings
I can't move anything
Something is chasing me
my fears

I fall
this time
hoping to land on the
right cloud
where my head rests

I do
I rest in peace.
May 2016 · 525
Mishy Kim May 2016
I don't know how many times
I cried myself to sleep
With scratched wrists
And bruised cheeks
Every single time I looked at the mirror
I wanted to erase
the image of my reflection of my face
I never wanted to remember how I looked
or how I acted
or how I talked

Self asteem wasn't my issue.

It was anger within.
Apr 2016 · 384
See, hear, speak.
Mishy Kim Apr 2016
I want to be blind.
So I don't have to see the mistakes
That I make.

I want to be deaf.
So I don't hear the criticism
People have to say.

I want to be mute.
So I don't scar the hearts
Of the people who love me.
Mar 2016 · 860
Mishy Kim Mar 2016
The day I fell in love with you all over again.
The day we danced our hearts out.
The day you met my parents.

Don't let me go
I said
I won't
You said

How beautiful is it that we
Were just friends
Telling our stories

I decided I want to spend
The rest of my life
With you

Everything was a blur
But the only thing I remember is
On the dance floor
Infront of me

While this was happening
My body felt refreshment
A wave of renewed love
That made me come back to you
At the end of the day

This was the best night of my life.
Mar 2016 · 753
Mishy Kim Mar 2016
Things to be aware of when you date a overthinker :

One. They will always find the hard way around simple things. Two. They will always be worried about little things. Three. They have what if's for everything. Four. Leaving something behind is like the end of the world. Five. They worry about everything. Six. They'll try to fix what's wrong. Seven. They realize they can't fix it so they just forget it. Eight. But they can't forget it so they have to come back to it. Nine. This happens until they die. Ten. They won't let it go until it's fixed. Eleven. They say sorry a lot. Twelve. They can't sleep. Thirteen. Because they always have something to worry about. Fourteen. They don't like making big decisions. Fifteen. They regret almost everything instantaneously. Sixteen. Existential crises are everything. Seventeen. They will never forget an embarrassing moment. Eighteen. If you don't reply to them quickly, they'll think you're dead. Nineteen. They think of death all the time. Twenty. They plan out how they'll **** themselves if they ever did. Twenty one. Not just themselves, but other people too. Twenty two. They want to burn the planet if they get one thing wrong. Twenty three. They jump to conclusions.
Mishy Kim Feb 2016
"Love is giving up someone for someone.
Love is waiting for the right timing.
Love is crying your eyes out but still sharing your umbrella."
Jan 2016 · 352
Mishy Kim Jan 2016
Love her in every way you can
Don't let her go
Tell her
That you love her
Show her
That you love her

Love her in her dark times
Love her in her light times

Love every single word she says
Love the words that she writes
Whether it's on her skin
or her journal

Love her actions
From the way she raises her hand
to the way she sleep

Buy her flowers
That resembles a heart

Make her feel loved
So much
That she forgets the feeling
of loneliness

Because once you let her go
She'll never come back
Jan 2016 · 546
Hello, my heavy heart.
Mishy Kim Jan 2016
Tonight, I sleep with a heavy heart.
Knowing that my parents are in for
Something they'll regret l
Knowing that I could have stood up for my sick mom to my drunk dad
But never did because
I was a disaster myself

I know I'm not getting any sleep tonight.
My brain and my imagination will run wild
Creating scenarios that might have happened

This always happens.
I drag my body to sleep but
A wave of overthinking wipes me out
And brings me back to shore

Every night I pray that
I get amnesia when I wake up
But then again I don't want to forget
The feeling of falling in love and being loved.
I don't want to forget the oranges and lemons life has given me through family and friends.

Tonight, I sleep with a heavy heart.
With my sick mom beside me
And a pillow to cry on.
Mishy Kim Dec 2015
Here's the thing.

I know we fought
I know that you don't feel good about what happened
And so do I.

I'm sorry for not saying this infront of your face
I can't
I'm tired of getting my sentences pushed out of the way
So I decided not to talk.

If you read this, you probably think I'm asleep
But I'm not.
How could I sleep when my heart is heavy
And my brain produces thoughts
Like a pendulum that never stops

I'm sorry.

I don't know how to expound on apologies

Maybe apologies aren't meant to be expounded.

This is not a poem.
This is a letter.
This is something that I can never finish.
Because this letter will go on as long as we're together.

So here's to 6 months.
Here's to fights and arguments,
To tears and happiness,
To hugs and kisses.
Oct 2015 · 664
maybe I
Mishy Kim Oct 2015
maybe I don't belong in this world
maybe I was just an accident
maybe I wasn't meant to be created

maybe I loved other people just to hurt them
maybe I shouldn't love because I break hearts and dreams
maybe I should just hide in the corner and cry

maybe I should just disappear and never come back
maybe I should become invisible

no one would care, right?
Sep 2015 · 522
Mishy Kim Sep 2015
"Every scar has a story."

Mine's simple.

Harsh words.

Too much things in life.

But I realized that these scars changed who I am.
How I saw myself.

I still have these scars in my arm.
I have scars in my heart that are too deep to forget.
People say time would heal the scars,
but the only thing time can heal is itself.

The bleeding stopped.
But the scar never closed.
I'm scared it would get infected.
I'm scared other people would see it and run away.

Sometimes, I just stare at it.
Questioning what was my intention.
The what ifs.
What if I died?
Would anyone care?
What if it healed?
Would I be the same as everyone else? Blemish free?

I realized that being the same is boring.
A scar represents what you went through.
A scar shows that you're strong.
Never forget the scar.
Sep 2015 · 425
Mishy Kim Sep 2015
It's a cold morning after the rain.
I lay on my bed wishing to be next to you.
I know that you are miles away
But just one more time.
How I wish I could lay beside you.

Rain always felt good.
It kept me warm even it was cold.
It called my name when no one did.
It was always there when I needed someone.
It kept me smiling.

Rain came pouring to replace the empty spaces you filled.
I stil felt empty after.
You weren't someone I could replace.
You were someone I had to let go.

I remember the sadness in your eyes.
And my cold stares I would give you.
I remember your rough hands
And how they held me up
So I can see the beauty above the waves.

It's painful to not see you with me.
It's painful to see you with someone else.
I know that I need to let go.
I know I shouldn't feel bad
That I gave you freedom.

But here I am.
Saying sorry to the things I'm not responsible of.
Bumping into problems that I could have faced.

But I didn't.
Sep 2015 · 331
Story of My Life
Mishy Kim Sep 2015
I was born
September 3, 1998.
In a small hospital in Korea.

Growing up,
I never knew how it felt to be alone.
I was always with someone taking care of me.
Whether it was my family or friends.

By the time I got to grade school,
I found out what bullying was.
I was bullied constantly, non-stop.
But there was a boy who stood up for me.
He was short and had brown hair.
I knew he liked me, but I never liked him back.

During grade school,
I moved to a place which I never knew existed.
I went south from my home.
I went to the beautiful archipelago called the Philippines.

It was my first time to go out of the country.
I was happy I got to meet new people
And go to new places.

My first day of school was nerve wrecking.
I barely knew how to speak English.

Time flied fast.
But the experiences never changed.
I was still bullied.
But now, there was no one who stood up for me.

When I got to seventh grade,
I got suicidal.
I started scratching myself until I got scars.
I tried to choke myself with a towel.
It was never ending.

I was known to be happy and outgoing.
But who knew the girl who smiled the most,
Would be the one who wanted to leave first?

The people who brought me to this world were killing me slowly.

I lost confidence in myself because of them.
They would call me fat.
I know they did it to look out for me.
But a scar that deep doesn't heal easily.

I gave up dreams and hobbies.
Just to make them happy.
So I wouldn't see them in pain.

Until today,
I have suicidal thoughts.
I still scratch myself.
I still try to choke myself.
I feel like I'm useless.
I try to break every part of me.

The scars that I've gotten
Changed who I am,
Changed how I looked at myself,
Changed who I wanted to be.

It's painful to see who I've become.

I can barely look at a mirror without saying, "Ugh."

My self asteem was gone.

I lost myself trying to find myself.
Just sharing my life story. If anyone went through the same place, I'm sorry.
Mishy Kim Aug 2015
Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about how you're doing,
How your life is,
How is life without me.

I'm sorry I ended it so abruptly.
I didn't know how to say it.
I didn't know what to do.

You probably hate me to death right now.
But it's not my fault I wanted space.
It's not my fault that you took it so hard.

I want to make it up to you.
I want to be friends again.
I don't want awkwardness around us anymore.

I miss our heart to heart talks.
I miss our late night voice chats.
I miss our little indirect tweets.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
Aug 2015 · 711
Unconditional Love
Mishy Kim Aug 2015
I felt free.

I wasn't *******.

I wasn't restricted to anything.

I was free.

Free from blame,
Free from shame,
Free from any chains that were holding me back.

Someone has paid to bail me out.

I thought I was going to spend my whole life,
Locked up behind bars.

But, no.

Someone who unconditionally loved me set me free.

I don't deserve it,
But He said I do.

Because He washed me with His blood.
Now, I am white as snow
And I am set free.
Mishy Kim Aug 2015
Holding hands in the cold weather,
Kissing in the rain,
Cuddling through the storm,
These are the little things I live for.

Wind running through my hair,
While running around in circles,
Stopping to breathe,
These are the little things I live for.

Paint gathering in my nails,
Ink bleeding through my fingerprints,
Finding paint on my clothes,
These are the little things I live for.

Silence when everybody's talking,
Peace when everything's out of place,
Calmness when everyone's ranting,
These are the little things I live for.

The way you look into my eyes,
The way you spin me around,
The way you hold me tight,
These are the things I live for.

These are the things I live for,
These are the things I will never forget.
Aug 2015 · 581
A wave of emotions
Mishy Kim Aug 2015
Sadness is someone forgetting you.
Sadness is letting go of what you love.
Sadness is dying on the inside, with no one knowing.
Sadness is loosing someone or something.
Sadness is taking people for granted.
Sadness is giving up and leaving.
Aug 2015 · 278
I wish I could.
Mishy Kim Aug 2015
I wish I could feel nothing.
I wish I couldn't feel heartbreaks.
I wish I couldn't feel pain.
I wish I didn't have to care about anything.

I wish feelings didn't exist.
I wish I could push things away and not cause commotion.
I wish I could stab myself and feel nothing.
I wish I could bleed and not feel the blood running through skin.

I wish I could run as fast as I can and not get tired.
I wish I could dance my heart out without getting sore.
I wish I could feel nothing.
Jul 2015 · 321
What I have become.
Mishy Kim Jul 2015
When I was young,
My mom told me I was pretty,
And beautiful.

I was this little girl
Who was always happy,
Who was always comfortable with herself,
Who was secure.

But now,
I cry myself to sleep.
I look at the mirror and turn away.
Because I know I didn't like how I looked.

I became someone who lost security.
I lost myself trying to find myself.
I killed my soul.
I became dead.

No matter how much I write,
I can't say how I feel.
I didn't know how to put it in words.

I looked through dictionaries to find what this feeling was called.
Never found it.
Divergent, isolated, separated, alone.

Jul 2015 · 451
Mishy Kim Jul 2015
This has been tugging my heartstrings
for as long as I can remember

I look around and try to find things that can
get my mind off it

I had relationships that temporarily got it off

But loneliness is still there.

It will be there no matter what.
No matter what you do,
No matter how you dress,
No matter what you say,
No matter what you're in,
It will be there
bugging you,
pushing you,
breaking you
until you start crying

You try to blame it on other people
so you don't feel the shame
but the pointing will always come back to you.

You finally realize it's your fault
but you do nothing to fix it
because you didn't have enough time to find the answer
because you were too caught up blaming it on other people

You lost yourself,
trying to find another you.

Now, you're back at the same place.

Sad, lonely, crying.
You just have to realize that loneliness is part of life,
it will always be there.
Sorry for all the sadness I just had to get it out hehe
Jun 2015 · 362
Mishy Kim Jun 2015
I have a million ways I can say it.
Whether it's through text, call, photos or even in person.

I don't know why I can't say it to you, though.

We talk about it like it's nothing to us.
We act like it's nothing to us.
But it seems like I'm the only one who feels it.

I don't know how to put this in words.
I adore you, I admire you.
Je T'adore. Je suis amour de vous.

I love you.
I love everything about you.
I love your flaws.
I love your strengths.
I even love all the pet peeves that makes me cringe.

Who knew that I would fall for you?
But I'm glad I fell for you.
You know who you are :)
Jun 2015 · 225
Mishy Kim Jun 2015
I'm a over thinker.
I think to the point of not comprehending my self.
A thought branches into another thought and branches into another thought
In a few minutes, it becomes a tree.

When I get attacked by too much thoughts, I start to break down.
I cry without even knowing why I cry.
Maybe I'm just scared.
Scared of what?
I don't know.
Jun 2015 · 449
I love you, dad.
Mishy Kim Jun 2015
I bet you're not going to read this

I don't think you'll understand
The pain that you put me through

I hate how you underestimate me
That you think all I do at home is use my phone
And play games on my laptop
I actually study too, just so you know.

I remember all the days you made me cry
I felt like my insides are going to explode

I hate how you would never compliment me on anything
Not how I look, not how I do in school or anything

I remember you telling me I was useless
That I would never amount to anything

You never really realized I was depressed and heartbroken.

You never read any of my poems.
Because if you did, you would feel sad for me.
You'd realize I don't fit in to the perfect daughter cookie cutter.
I wish you could stop trying to cut me into that.
And just realize that I'm different.
I'm not the honor student,
I'm not the best in time management,
I can't get my life together.

Sometimes, I just wish I could turn back time
And make sure you and mom never met
So I don't have to be born
So I don't have to suffer
And so you don't have to handle a misfit teen.

I'm sorry.
I know I don't say this often.
It's not that I don't feel it,
it's just that I don't know how to put it

I'm sorry for being born
For having me as a burden
For spending 16 years raising a
heartbroken, depressed, abnormal teen.

I guess you're right.
That I will not amount to anything.
Look at me now.
I'm in my room, writing poetry.

But after all the torture,
I know you did it out of love.
I know you said it out of love.
I know you were thinking what's best for me.
I know you said things so you can push me harder.

I love you, dad.
No matter what happens,
No matter what you do or I do.
You raised me to be a teen that knows how to express herself.

But if you ever find this,
I just want you to know
I love you.
I love you so much.
I still love you after everything.
I will love you even after everything.
Happy Fathers' Day! :)
Jun 2015 · 441
Wishing never works.
Mishy Kim Jun 2015
I wish I could feel nothing.
I wish I couldn't feel heartbreaks.
I wish I couldn't feel pain.
I wish I didn't have to care about anything.

I wish feelings didn't exist.
I wish I could push things away and not cause commotion.
I wish I could stab myself and feel nothing.
Jun 2015 · 232
Mishy Kim Jun 2015
Broken memories on the floor cut my feet when I walk.

I carry my burdens and mistakes on my shoulders.

My eyes are filled with tears that won't stop forming.

My mouth opens but makes no sound.

I don't know what to say.

I see pain and misery.

Nothing reflects my eyes because there's nothing to be reflected by.

My insides want to turn itself around.

Time slips from my fingers just like you did.
Jun 2015 · 349
Mishy Kim Jun 2015
"Thanks." he said.
"For what?" I said.
"For sticking with me," lacing his fingers through mine,"for trusting me."

My heart sank.
I realized I was in love.
I never thought I could be in love.

I was a machine,
Destined to destroy people.
Wanting to seek revenge.

but then,
I fell again

I promised myself I would never fall
But I did

I wondered if he felt the same way

It's not possible
I say quietly to myself

He kisses me on the cheek, "I love you."
I suddenly freeze.
"Why..?" I ask
"I don't know. I get this feeling that you belong to me."
"What if I don't?"
"That's not possible."
"It's possible."
"I won't let that happen."

It felt like my world suddenly came crashing down on me.
I didn't know what to do.
But I knew that he loved me.
"That's all I needed to know"
It's kinda long soooo enjoy haha
Jun 2015 · 987
late night thoughts
Mishy Kim Jun 2015

I don't know what to do

I miss you
And I just can't think properly

I just can't do this anymore
I give up

I try to think rationally
But it's not working.

I imagine things that are not possible

I don't know how to say how I feel

I don't know what to feel

I don't know

I just needed to get somethings out haha
May 2015 · 914
The Creator and I
Mishy Kim May 2015
She was a broken puzzle piece
Not knowing where to go or what to do.
She tried to find a place in the world
She wanted to "fit in"
But she could never interlock with other people

He was the miracle in her life
He brought the happiness in her life when no one would
He brought the joy in her life when no one would
He brought out the best in her when no one could
He was the most beautiful, loving, kind,
compassionate, humble person in the world.
He was the love of her life.

She found herself in the world,
She found where she wanted to go,
what she wanted to do,
and how she could do it.
He was her inspiration in everything.

One day, she fell.
She fell from his love, mercy and grace.
She was lost again.
But when she found herself again, he found her.

That girl is me.
I fell in love with my creator.
The creator who knew me even before
I was formed in my mother's womb
He knew my name and carved it in his hand.

Today, still, I fall from his love.
I run away and hide.
But he always seems to find me.

I have given my life to him.
I have surrendered everything to him.
My hopes, my dreams, and my future.

I love Him.
I love Him.

May 2015 · 588
the hardest thing on earth
Mishy Kim May 2015
3 weeks.
3 whole weeks
without seeing you
this may be the hardest thing on earth

to hold on to someone if that person isn't there

you had to go
when I was at my worst

I can't stop you
I don't have the physical and mental ability to do that

I'll have to wait
for 3 weeks
until you come back

I'll be waiting
Mishy Kim May 2015
Please say no.
When I tell you I love you,
Please say no.

I rather have you hurting me
Than me hurting you.

Please say no.
When I reach out to you,
Just say no.

I rather be ashamed of myself for saying it
Than letting your heart break when I let you go.

But I feel like I don't need to tell you this,
Because you already know what to say.
Because you're chasing someone else.

And I know,
You'll never turn to me for love.
You'll only turn to me for those sweet things.
The happiness and the smiles she'll never give.

Even though I want you,
I can't have you.

So please,
When I say I love you,
Please say no.
Just say no.
Just say no.
Just no.
May 2015 · 315
Mishy Kim May 2015

I just





Right Here
Right Now


I just want every little piece of my body
To forget every little piece of you
Even your laughs
Your habits
Your everything

I want to forget our late night talks
And how we stayed up until 4 am that Christmas morning
Laughing so  hard that I couldn't breathe anymore


Your smile is like a patch that was sewn in my brain
Your words find me in the darkest nights
And my heart fills with
Happiness that lasts only for a hour

Then I'm back to being depressed and regretting what I did.



If you're reading this,
I want to forget us.
Mishy Kim May 2015
I have writer's block.

Only a few people will understand this.

It feels like your brain was boxed and the words tried to flow out
But it just couldn't.
The words are jumbled so that you can't find the right things to say.
Having writer's block is the worst

You want to write something
But you just can't

You want to write something amazing
But you're trapped.

This is the worst feeling in the world.

I have writer's block.
And I just can't break the block.
I currently have writer's block so I wrote this to get somethings out of my head. :)) Enjoy!
May 2015 · 293
Mishy Kim May 2015
You were right.

Everything I was
Everything I am
Everything I'll ever be,



I can't do it
I can't do anything

And it's all because of you.

Thank you.
May 2015 · 557
The End
Mishy Kim May 2015
Well, this is it.

The end.

I was excited for this part.
I dreamt of it.
I dreamt of me standing on the garden
Where the flowers had bloomed so bright
And the sun shining down on me
I had my chin held up high
And my shoulders wide.

But nothing goes my way.

I’m standing in the garden
The garden that was full of flowers and colors,
Now I see it covered with dead bodies and blood
I can feel the lost souls around me
Trying to find another body to feed on
Then I see a girl
I can hear her crying and sobbing
I run to her
She turns around when I reach her

“I remember you.
I was just like you.
I was you.
I am you.”
The girl said with her tiny, squeaky voice.

My body couldn’t move
My mind couldn’t process anything else
I wanted to say something
But I couldn’t.

“Who are you?” my voice trembled
“I don’t know.” She whispered.
“Why are you here?” I ask.
“You brought me here.”

I raised my hand to touch her
She does it too.
When our fingers meet,
Memories came flooding back

What… is.. this..
I…. don’t… know.. what’s… going… on….

I find myself on my knees
In pain from those memories
She disappeared
I sit there and think
Oh, the love.
The happiness.
The Joy.
The Faith.
The pain.
The tears.
The scars.
I remember them now.

I remember telling a guy I loved him
And crying because he didn’t say it back
I remember the hugs that were so tight
That I couldn’t breathe but were so comfy
I remember the car rides back home
And we would laugh our stomachs off even when nothing was funny
I remember the paper works and the sleepless nights
I remember the stupid fights that I would have with my parents
I remember being so naïve and young that every guy was the best guy in the world.

Did all this lead me to this mess?
What did I do?
This was the end.
And I can’t change the end.
Apr 2015 · 587
Love and Dreams
Mishy Kim Apr 2015
When I see you
I suddenly forget everything
The things that surround me
The things that is important to me

I feel your eyes staring into my soul
Like you’re about to eat me
But you don’t

I don’t know why I feel this way
Or how this is happening
It doesn’t feel real

You walk closer to me
And I start to tremble

And when you touch me
I start to crumble
Into million pieces that you pick up

I forgot how to breathe.

There’s something about you
That makes me want to run away
Yet I stay to stare at your beauty

This is a dream. My conscience whispers.
No, it isn’t. I say to myself.
Wake up. It’s. Not. Real.
It’s real. I know it’s real. I feel it.

Then I wake up.

I know you’re real
I know that I’ll meet you someday
I know that I’ll walk down the aisle
With my father holding my hand
And you, smiling in front of me

It’s years away but I feel like you’re near me
I feel your aura around me
I wish you would come out
And tell me that you love me
Because I will love you until death do us apart.
Feb 2015 · 408
Eye of the hurricane.
Mishy Kim Feb 2015
I look side to side.
I see nothing.
But a cold, sharp wind
Catches me off guard.
It gets bigger and bigger and bigger
I forgot that a wind can turn in to a hurricane
Suddenly the hurricane swept me off my feet
Spinning, spinning, and spinning
Until I can't see anything anymore
Yet I hear the blood rush in my ears
And I feel my heart beating in my chest
My body going numb.

I wake up to a place that I don't recognize
I see no faces around me
It's just me.
I must be dreaming.
I scream to wake up.
But it's not working.
Then I realize,
I'm in the eye of the hurricane.
I have to run away.
Dec 2014 · 327
I am.
Mishy Kim Dec 2014
What I say
Disappears in the
Bustling crowd of people
That push me

What I say
Doesn't matter
To you
Or me

What I say
Keeps me alive
In the fight
Of a 16 year war

What I say
Becomes who I am

I am.
Dec 2014 · 338
Mishy Kim Dec 2014
I looked into his eyes the first day we met.
I saw colors that sparked like fireworks.

I looked into his eyes the second day we met.
I saw beauty within a beast.

I looked into his eyes the third day we met.
I saw clouds that were covering his mind.

I looked into his eyes the final day we met.
I saw nothing.
Oct 2014 · 399
What Do You See?
Mishy Kim Oct 2014
When you look up at the sky, what do you see?
Do you see light that blinds your eyes?
Or do you see a star that provides light?

Let's zoom out from that
Now, what do you see?
Do you see people walking around in suits?
Or do you see the next generation?

Let's zoom out more
Now, what do you see?
Do you see countries and continents floating on top of water?
Or do you see jigsaw puzzle pieces?

Now, look at yourself
Do you see a person who is normal?
Or do you see a person who can change the world?

— The End —