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M H John Jul 2019
the light in people’s eyes
who have dealt with loneliness
glows brighter than others
because they have had to find
conversations within looking
up at the moon
M H John Jul 2019
you brought me along
for the journey
and i after i developed
and gave you memories
you threw me out
M H John Jun 2019
denial:
you tell yourself
they just needed a break
a vacation for the day
until a vacation turns into a week
and a week to a month
then you realize all the questions you have
are left wrapped in cellophane

anger:
your presence to me
was as calm as the sea
until i remembered every promise
you ever made
and then suddenly i become the sea
and these waters are no longer
soothing to me
but are now a violent whirlpool
where all my emotions
end up in the middle of

bargaining:
this is where my “what ifs” come into play
and how my “what ifs”
create a fake imagination
to where it is now a fake escape
from any kind of pain
until i can adjust to what my reality
is now set up to be

depression:
these black out curtains
still aren’t dark enough for me
i can still see your face
sitting in every picture frame
on my walls
with your smile
hanging there picture perfectly

acceptance:
this is the final stage
now i finally feel alive and free
the sun is no longer my enemy
but is now a friend to me
to remind me everyday
that i am alive and okay
i am now content with this
being my reality
break those picture frames, seeing the shattered glass will help make you feel better
M H John Jun 2019
i sent a postcard today
it must’ve not made it
past the clouds
and to the golden gate
where you await
happy national writing day!
M H John Jun 2019
hearing your voice
and hearing your name
brings back the pain
of what was yesterday

i found your coffee stained shirt
hidden deep in my drawers
and it brought back all those memories
of us at the corner cafe

and days where we’d sit along the bay
and count the stars
as we’d name them after our dreams

these days i find myself
trying to let the time heal eventually
all our memories
all our history
and all you meant to me
M H John Jun 2019
day by day
i lie awake,  
sometimes i pray
for a day where you and i
could reconcile
and everything could be okay
and we wouldn’t be stuck
in this black hole
with no moons and no stars.
i know god can hear me
yelling and screaming
asking for peace,
but how could my peace increase
when my peace no longer lives
within me
peace lives within
M H John Jun 2019
a father is suppose to be a child’s first
hero
protector
guider
and mentor
however for me my father was my first
tormentor
narcissist
and the monster that hid under my bed
with a bottle to keep him company
happy father’s day to all the people who have  a dad like this, they have only made us stronger
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