a father is suppose to be a child’s first
hero
protector
guider
and mentor
however for me my father was my first
tormentor
narcissist
and the monster that hid under my bed
with a bottle to keep him company

i measure time
by the amount of beats
my heart skips
the longer that i am away from you

your soul is the sun
to the paradise
behind your ocean colored eyes

black circles traced his eyes
and a headache for days,
he forgot all he used to be

replacing those lonely nights
with tears to keep him company
he took everything he had
and soon went missing

not from the world
but from himself

smoking sativa
to try and bring him down
from the fog
of the clouds

a backpack full of
broken dreams
and bottled memories
he crushed them

and threw them into the tide
waiting for the waves
to turn them into seashells

i stood over the sink
waiting for it to fill up
so i could wash
yesterday’s tears
out of my face
when suddenly
i felt your words
grab behind my neck
and submerge me underwater
i could hear every
hateful word you said
muffled beneath the water
when I pulled my head up
the sink was filled with bubbles
and that was your way
of apologizing today
until you do it again tomorrow