I really think the most beautiful
Thing in the world
Is real,
The
Happiness.
That smile
That lights up someone’s face,
And the way their eyes crinkle
When they laugh,
And the way their shoulders heave,
And the sound of their voice-
There is nothing more wonderful
To behold
Than someone who is blissfully,
Carefree
A smile that is
Genuine and
Sweet as honey
That is something
Worth living to see.

And it is in the quiet moments
When I feel the most alone
And a throbbing in my heart
Begs me to go home

Someday
You'll go away.

With a wave of your hand,
Your feet'll touch sand
And you'll leave.

Someday
You'll go away

With your wife and your kids
And your life packed on skids
You'll leave me behind.

Someday
You'll go away

And without a goodbye
You'll leave, and I'll sigh.
I'll have no one left.

Someday
You'll go away

And I won't even know
It's the last time you'll show
I won't see you again

Someday
You'll go away

And that hug I gave you
Will be the last, God save you
That I give

Someday
You'll go away

And I'll be out of your life
"Whatever," you say, "less strife"
But I still love you.

Someday
You'll go away

And though I'll want you to stay
Once and for all, you'll go away
Leaving me without a say.

One day
Your life will pass

Right through my own
And roll like a stone
Down the hill of life.

One day
You'll go away

I know it's coming-coming soon
Like the coming of the moon
And then, you'll be lost.

It's odd.
Sometimes I can write
Like for hours and hours.
I can't seem to write enough.

And other times,
I can't figure out why the words
I write down
Won't sound right.

I didn't know our night would end that way
Both of us in the car
Me afraid of what you would say
It wasn't the fact that you said it
It was the way you spoke of me
As of I'm a light fairytale
You spoke of my smile
My laugh
You said that even my presence puts you at ease
And I know you don't say that lightly
I was trembling through it all
Afraid you would lean over
And kiss me
And more afraid
That I felt beautiful
After all that you said
I was blushing
And couldn't look you in the eye
You think I'm a goddess
When I'm falling apart
I would wreck you
I don't want to lose what we have
But the words came out
And everything shattered
Everything is different
Everything has changed
And I don't know whether to try and fix it
Or if I should just run
Run from you
From your words
From what could have been
I don't know if I want to try and fix us
Or if I never want to see you again
I wish you would take it back
Now the bitter aftertaste of last night
Is going to follow us
You said things I've always wanted to hear
But why, God, did it have to be you?

In 2 days
I will either
Lose you forever
Or see you
Every week.
Please
Please
Please

Life
As a child of God
Will never be easy
Or simple

There
Will be dark nights when
It seems that the sun
Will never shine again

There
Will be hours of
Bitter weeping where
You wonder

If
You could ever
Make it out alive
And intact

Clouds
Will close in and
Lightning will strike and
Rain will fall

Pain
Like an arrow
Will shoot hard and fast
Into your chest

You
Will wonder if
God was ever at
Your side

But
When the clouds pass
And at long last the
Rain drips away

Then
A brighter morn
Will spread it's wings
Against the stormy sky

And
Gently push the
Shivering rain
Away

And
The rainbow of
God's greatest promise
Will fall again

It
Is then, dearest angel
That you will forget
It was ever night

Warmth
Like the arms of
A great beloved
Will enfold you

Gates
Of pearl will open
To greet you
Survivor

And
Daring knight
Of the prince
Bidding you enter

And oh
How your heart
Will leap into
Forgetfulness

Of
All the darkness
And the shrowd
Of older days

And
Run into the arms
Of a Savior
Who would never
Leave you helpless

I'm sorry I'm too ugly
I'm sorry I'm too pretty
I'm sorry I'm too fat
I'm sorry I'm too thin
I'm sorry I'm smelly
I'm sorry I wear too much perfume
I'm sorry I am poor
I'm sorry I have more spending money than you
I'm sorry you have to look at me daily
I'm sorry I don't call enough
I'm sorry I'm too aggressive
I'm sorry I back down too easily
I'm sorry I'm too smart
I'm sorry I'm too stupid
I'm sorry I'm too quiet
I'm sorry I'm too loud
I'm sorry I'm too lazy
I'm sorry I'm too fidgety
I'm sorry I'm too flirtatious
I'm sorry I'm too boring
I'm sorry I'm overemotional
I'm sorry I don't talk enough
But that's the way I was made, so deal with it.
Sorry, I'm not sorry.

Am I going crazy
Or is there something here
A great expanse of silence
Or new words
That tumble to
My ears

Is this such a mystery
That somehow won't unfold
Yet while I'm passing life by
It's passing
Me
As we
Grow old

All I know is home is
Wherever you might be
So come along
And take my hand
We'll sail
Across the sea

I know wherever you are
Is where I call my home
So wherever you may be
You are the
Missing half to
My soul

There's always going to be people
Who you meet
Who you love
And who leave you.

But then, there's those people
Who you meet
And their ok.
But then, something just...
Clicks.
And you find yourself wondering if
Somehow your soul strings are intertwined
Because there's just not enough ways
To love them.

If you stay
I'll never leave
I'll wear my feelings
On my sleeve

If you stay
I'll hold you tight
Tangle our arms
in the night

If you stay
I'll love you forever
Hold your hand
And never sever

The bond we have
And people will say
I'll bet he's glad
He stayed.

If you stay,
I'll love you so
Through the rain
And through the snow.

Stay because I love you.
Stay because I care
Breathing next to you
Is breathing in air.

All you
           have to do

To have people
        love what you
Write
                         What you feel
Is add
Add a little
           PAZAZ
    Add some T      I     T
                          W    S    S

A Couple
C
U
  R
   V
    E
     S
And something

worth reading
And before you know it,
Your poem is trending
Like never
Ending
              *fame

I'd love to tell you
That when you
Light up
My phone's screen

I smile

And smile.

That when
You message me first
It makes me feel so special
Like you want to speak to me

That hugging you
When we see each other
Makes my heart flutter

That loving you
Is so much more
Than just a longing

Because I think you are The One

But I can't.

Because then you'd know.

I'm sorry I'm not as pretty as her
I'm sorry I'm not as funny as her
I'm sorry I'm not as "cool" as her
I'm sorry I don't laugh as nice as her
Trust me. I live with her every day.
I know how perfect she is.

But I'm a human, too.
I still feel things as deeply
If not deeper
Than she does

I keep living
As though love
Comes with strings attatched
And try as I might
I cannot cut through
That lie.

I believe that everyone is
Brought together here
For a bigger reason than to
Exist and be near

I believe that what happened is
Part of both our fates
But that maybe somehow we are
In each other's pasts

They tell me that I need to teach
Him that no means no
But they do not understand in
My mind it's my fault

I don't feel like it was him who
Chose to break away
No, in fact he was the one who
Wanted me to stay

I asked him to please refrain but
He ignored my pleas
I feel like it's not a reason
To get up and leave

I don't know what I should do, should
I return to him
Or should I prove that no means no
Resist; not give in

Did it make him in the wrong when
He ignored my wish
Or was it just some silly thing
To check off my list?

I wish I could see the way of
What I'm meant to do
If our strings are broken now, and
Severed back in two

Or if God has a plan for us for
Better or for bad
But, I choose to trust in him and
To trust in his plan

I wish I could record for you
The noise inside my head
The screaming and the voices
Of the words I've never said
But when my finger hits record,
The red dot starts to flash
And all I hear is silence
When I try to play it back

The light dapples in
Throwing odd shadows
On the plastic surrounding me.
Like a strange sunset put there
To taunt my eyes

Each droplet of water
Is another arrow
Shooting new spikes of pain
Through my body

Hundreds
Thousands
Millions of drops
Per second
Splash onto my skin.
1,000
2,000

I could have avoided the pain
I could have stopped this
Not going to the beach
Not going on that walk

But oh, I would not take it back.

Not one second.
Every
Happy
Minute was another
Happy
Memory

To add to my collection
And even
As I lay here
Rivulets of water
Washing down my red skin
I am making another.

You tease me
Like some cruel trickster
Happiness
Dripping down my back

Turned to cruel
Twisted
Pain
Running up my spine like a knife.

Oh, blissful pain
Would that I could feel
You to your full relevance

Instead, you trip over me
Leaving pain in your wake.

Like a torture machine.

This feels so bad
But so good.
Once the water is freed
From the contraption shooting it
Like a pistol in my heart
Onto my skin
It rebels against its maker
And trickles delightfully across me, sending delightful shivers
Into me
Only to betray me again.

Oh, sweet treasure
Would that your painful side were invisible
So
I
Could sleep
Once
Again.

I live for
Sweet Sundays
With Misty warmth
And hot tea
And sunshine
And birds singing outside my window
For soft music
And breakfast food
And long dresses
And the Lord in my heart

With His mighty hand
He lifts a star
Above the horizon

The sun is crying
Leaving streaks
And heaving bolts
Of its tears
Up and down
And
All
Around
Across
Its canvas
That is the sky.

I guess this isn't one of my usual poems
I'm not going to try and use captivating imagery
Or try and put into words
Things I've never said out loud
But I want to tell you a story
When I was 16 years old
My parents gave me a purity ring
It's plain silver, and around the band,
It says
"True love waits"
For so long, when I put it on my finger
I would make sure the word on the outside
The visible edge
Would be turned to the word "love"
I guess I just wanted to say
That I think I'm growing
Maybe in a better way
Because I no longer
Want the ring turned that way.
Now I turn it to the word "waits"
Maybe it's just silly thoughts
Or maybe I'm learning
That it's not about the love that I'm waiting for
It's about the waiting

On the surface
I
Put on a smile
Laugh
Pretend to have fun

On the inside
I
Bite my lip
Cry
Wish there were something I could do
To change how I feel

"Sweet dreams" is such a
Sweet thing for someone to say
I'm dreaming of you

So yeah, sweet dreams, my
dearest, sweetest companion
When they are of you

I couldn't find the love I wanted
So I looked for it in other things
Forgot promises I'd made
To myself as a child
That I swore I'd never break
Now they lay shattered at my feet
Like glass by the train tracks
And I went on
Kept on keeping on
Hoping that the current pleasure
Would be sweeter than the everlasting
If only for a moment
But when it passed my lips
It turned bitter
Like sour milk
Instead of sweet honey,
I tasted only ashes
But still I would not be dissuaded
I continued
Seeking things that would only destroy me
Because the destruction felt so much like the love I craved
And if I could not get a grasp
Of what I thought I wanted
Maybe I wanted something else
But I don't.
I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

Walking through darkness
I stand now just here
Trodding through blackness
I hold back the tears

Why am I crying?
This doesn't seem right
Yet somehow I feel
Like I have to fight

Fight back the sorrow
Fight back the pain
Fight with my marrow
It all ends the same

Crying again here
On this bed of tears
Fighting my sorrow
Fighting my fears.

I have some hope
But what of the other?
He goes still through life
Wanting to suffer.

He won't accept
What I know is true
His bitter denial
Turns my face blue.

Walking through darkness
I stand now just here
Fighting the darkness
Out pour my tears.

In my world
You never left
I'll never feel
So bereft

In my world
Through all the years
Never have I
Had broken tears.

In my world
My tears drip up
Not down in silence
Or like tea in a cup

In my world
My feathers still grow
It will always be summer
And never snow.

In my world
Though I'm done
My tears still fall
Toward the sun

In my world
My tears flow high
Gently drifting
In the sky

In my world
I'm still broken
But at least
My tears fall up

And not down like yours.

Ten
Your laugh
Nine
Your love
Eight
Your forgiveness
Seven
That night you first held me
Six
The day I last saw you
Five
The night I last held you
Four
The day you came back to me
Three
The day we said goodbye
Two
The day I told you who you were to me
One*
The night I lost you all over again.

It seems like lately
Its all been pain and frustration
And I realized
That I go to counseling
And I'm told about how toxic
All of my relationships are
And I realize
That I don't know who to love anymore
And I just don't know
If it's worth it to me
To rid myself of poison foods
If it means I'll have to starve.

I can't ask God for the pain to cease
To cleanse this grief within
Because for some reason it makes me
Atone for all my sin.

I cry and sob the pain away
Wishing it to be gone
But the one thing I can never do
Is cry and sob to God.

Surely I know He's there for me
I surely know He cares
He listens when I cry out to Him
He answers all my prayers

This surely is a killing pain
That lingers deep within
But there's nothing I can do-it seems-
To slay this awful sin.

I hate the pain that plagues my life
I want it to be gone
Still I know that I must have it
To sing my mournful song.

I could swear something is behind me.
A simple step away
Breathing down the nape of my neck.
But I turn-nothing breathes.
Nothing lives.
It's just me and my shadow
Walking 'neath the leaves of the sleeping trees.
Wake up. Wake up, please!
Something is chasing me.
Save me. Save me!
There's something there, I know there is.
But I don't know what it is.
What are you, little shadow?
Why are you chasing me?
I'm scared. So scared.
Your footsteps are intimidating me.
Your breath slips down the collar of my shirt
Raising the hairs from a deep slumber.
Help. HELP!

It all just keeps getting
Worse
And
Worse
Because the people who said
They'd never leave me
Think I'm weird for being so sad.

I poison all the happy people with
My sadness

I know it hurts
I know that every day it hurts
And that you want it to end
I know that the burden on your heart is
Welling up in your chest
Threatening to explode
I know that
Sometimes you think
About what it would be like
To just slip away
And out of this life
But I promise you
I swear
On everything
Good
In this world
It will get better
You will heal
One day
Things will get better
One day you won't feel
Like there is
A knife
In your back
Panic won't swell from your throat
It will be
Good
Someday
You just have to decide
To get through
One
Day
Just one
And then
One more
And before you know it
You will be
In bed
Next to the love
Of your life
The sun
Will rise
On a beautiful day
With peace on the breeze
And you will be better
You will get better
You will be happy