Mar 2019
It was here before I knew it
For some reason
The rain clouds parted
For the first time
In 8 years
And soon
The sun
Was out
The skies
Were blue
The music
Was loud
The air
Was warm
And I was smiling
For real
I was at dinner
With an acquaintance
And I wasn't nervous
I wasn't nauseous
I wasn't
Afraid
And as I drove home
I gazed at the stars
And realized
I was happy
Really happy
No fake smiles
No masks
Happy
I had forgotten what that feels like
I can see
Clearly now
That things...
*Everything is going to be okay
For some reason
The rain clouds parted
For the first time
In 8 years
And soon
The sun
Was out
The skies
Were blue
The music
Was loud
The air
Was warm
And I was smiling
For real
I was at dinner
With an acquaintance
And I wasn't nervous
I wasn't nauseous
I wasn't
Afraid
And as I drove home
I gazed at the stars
And realized
I was happy
Really happy
No fake smiles
No masks
Happy
I had forgotten what that feels like
I can see
Clearly now
That things...
*Everything is going to be okay
I am officially medicated for my depression, and I had my first counseling appointment on Monday. It still feels...wrong... different. I forgot what it's like to be happy. It still feels temporary, but I just...I'm happy and I know it won't last forever, but I feel warm in my soul. I want to read and write and go on adventures and hike and I don't know how long this feeling will last, but it feels...like safety.
(25/F/Holland, MI)
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