3.6.25 5.7.25 (4:46 pm)
march sixth, 2025
a day i remember all of
but remember nothing
i was alive
i was there
maybe only hundreds of feet away
when she died

she died
she’s dead
she died
she’s gone

march sixth, forever a day marred
forever a day a life was cut short
so short
september ninth, 2012
the day she was born
109,479 hours
that’s how long she lived
394,124,400 seconds

she should have had years ahead of her

forever twelve years old
forever behind glass
forever the picture behind piles of flowers
and candles in the rain

forever the girl who changed in a second
from life to death
forever the girl who changed a school
forever arsema
forever a name remembered

i'm just still trying to make sense
of an impossible thing

all you need is hate 5.23.25 (6:18 pm / 18:18)
all you need is hate
to start a fire

all you need is hate
to beat someone until they die
for loving some other gender than you

all you need is hate
to set fire to someone’s clothes
because of what they wear

all you need is hate
to kneel on someone’s neck
because their skin color is different from yours

all you need is hate
and a stupid stupid stupid reason
to make a blaze

all you need is hate
and other people who hate
and you can make a horrible difference

i want to say love can fix that
but i’ve given up,
i don’t know if it can

Ariane 5.23.25 (5:44 pm / 17:44)
ariane i couldn’t not love you
if i tried

ariane it’s all i think about,
you and i

ariane i don’t think we ever could be some
kind of crime

ariane i think two girls could rule the world,
ariane, yes, me, yes me, and you

oh you
i can’t get over you

[playing: i’ll die anyway. by girl in red and halley’s comet by billie eilish]

Ariane again 5.24.25 (1:50 pm / 13:50)
ariane i try so hard for you
and it’s worth it every day

ariane there is nothing i would not sacrifice
for you and i

ariane it doesn’t matter anymore
if you love me back or not
can you let me love you?

ariane when it’s just me and you
those are my favorite moments,
i just want you to know

ariane please,
i wish i weren’t desperate
but i want this
you
all the same

can i help you 5.23.25 (6:11 pm / 18:11)
please let me in
just this once
i need you to be alright

CIRCE 5.21.25 (4:16 pm)
circe oh circe abandoned

circe you, circe misunderstood

circe banished for having power
isn’t that how it always plays out?

oh circe alone on your island i see you
oh circe every version of your story
seems like you’re villianized in the end

oh circe in all your stories ever told,
we don’t seem to learn a single thing,
only still in the end
the men triumph once again

circe i’m not sorry you’re powerful
i’m sure you aren’t either
circe the witches always get banished
off to some version of aeaea
or hung on trees and killed
always by angry men

circe oh circe lost
i wish you’d had a different life

[playing: feminine rage by peggy]

daisy 5.19.25 (7:58 pm)
daisy oh daisy, you remind me everything’ll be
alright.
daisy bright daisy,
don’t you know i’m going crazy?
that one day i won’t recognize you anymore,
one day i won’t see your bright petals
and yellow pollen in the wind
and pink streaks
and clouds of white in the fields
daisy, don’t you know this?

daisy oh daisy
don’t you know i’m not okay?
that one day i won’t remember all the moments i had with you
and without you
missing you
daisy, don’t you know that i wish i could stay?

oh saidy i miss you
oh saidy i wish i could tell you all these things
oh saidy i wish back everything i said before
oh saidy if only i didn’t push you away

oh saidy if only those weren’t my last words to you,
if only i knew you’d be gone the next day

every possibility 5.19.25 (7:55 pm)
if i told you i loved you
what would you do

would you scream at me
how could i ruin this
would you cry
because i’ve been trying to be someone else
would you just sit there
would you hold me
would you tell me bye

in every possibility i have in my head
you don’t love me back
so i know it can’t be possible

fat isn’t a ***** word 5.27.25 (5:03 pm / 17:03)
fat isn’t a ***** word,
you just taught us that it is

you say you’re a little overweight
when we visit you at the doctors

then you show us movies
and all the pretty girls have got 19 inch waists

then we scroll on the internet,
full of diet culture and skinny models

then you put us in front of mirrors
and expect us to not be sick at what we see

adults, you can do better

fire 4.22.25 (10:37 am)
you were always fearless enough to get burned
brave enough to walk through the fire

but now i feel you left me
because i could not burn the way you did
didn’t light up like a star

you must have been born on the moon
because you glowed under the night sky

i remember you walking away
you said
i love you
did you?
did you mean it,
but not enough?
or was it all a lie?

now the cold settles around my bones
and i regret not following you
into the fire

gone 4.29.25 (5:17 pm)
gone,
so gone
a hole in the universe
where you used to be
cold air where you were
once breathing

you’re gone
and i can’t bring you back

help me 6.1.25 (5:07 pm / 17:07)
how bad can i possibly feel
how far down can i sink
before finally losing consciousness
how long until i drown in this well of sadness
i dug for myself?

how many times can one person
apologize for themself
how many times can one girl
feel so sorry about who she is?

i don’t even know when i went wrong,
god help me

if i told you i missed you 5.19.25 (7:13 pm)
love is really just knowing
isn’t it?
love is really just sitting next to each other
without even asking
love is just holding hands in hallways
the nice kind of silence
walking home together
and jumping in fields of daisies and
dandelions

if i told you i missed all that
what would you do?
if i told you i missed you
would you come back?

i hope i’ll always remember you 5.5.25 (8:07 am)
i hope i’ll always remember you
no matter what happens

i hope i’ll always remember
jumping from bleachers
walking home on friday afternoons
blowing dandelions

this was my wish,
i blew it to the breeze

i hope i’ll always remember the mornings
i hope i’ll always remember the hallways
i hope i’ll always remember every little moment

yes,
there’ve been others
others who i thought i could treasure forever
i’ve got higher hopes for you and i

i’ll always remember you
what could possibly make me forget?

i’m in love with you 5.22.25 (6:46 pm / 18:46)
oh my god it's a revelation
oh my god how did i not realize before

oh my god i’m in love with you

oh my god your hair and your face
and your lopsided daisy crowns
and your pony-bead bracelets
oh my god, i’m in love with you

oh my god you with your brown eyes and matching braids
you with your sunlight smile
you you you
it’s always been you how did i not see it?

yes you
i’m in love with you

[playing: sofia by clairo (again)]

i’m slowly breaking 5.27.25 (5:47 pm / 18:47)
i’m slowly breaking, can’t you see
can’t you understand me?

i don’t need to be diagnosed,
i just want you to hold me
and know me and see me

i don’t care that i’m broken in a hundred different ways
i don’t care that i’m cutting and starving
and crying alone and being depressed

i don’t care that the whole world is just closing in
claustophobically
because of ocd

i’m slowly breaking
and i don’t care
i just want you to be here

i screamed your name until the ceiling cracked 5.7.25 (3:55 pm)
i cared too much about you to let you go
i cried for hours
i screamed your name until the ceiling cracked
and fell on me

i knelt in the shards of a roof and cut myself with them
until grief ran in red rivulets

it wasn’t fair, was it
because it also wasn’t your fault
it was mine too,
there’s blame to share

it is true 5.31.25 (10:03 pm / 22:03)
it is true i wished to die,
and perhaps so i wish still,
is this not lawful for all
prisoners?

it is true that my first thought
on a balcony was how far the fall
and not how beautiful the view
is this not lawful for all those trapped?

i am a bird in a cage
the key is sitting just outside

i am the swan with clipped wings
leda of sparta
no longer a girl
but still unable to fly away and escape

it is true,
it is true,
it is true

it is true i wished to fly,
and so i wish still,
is this not lawful for all birds?

[playing: softly by clairo]

i will love you 5.27.25 (4:34 pm / 16:34)
do you think that anything could make me stop loving you?
do you think that anything you do
anything you say
anything you want
anything you love
anything you wish for
could make me stop loving you?

even if you fall someday for somebody else
even if the earth blows up
and even if the oceans drown us
even if i die right now

i will love you
forever
and from the grave

[playing: would you fall in love with me again by jorge rivera-herrans and anna lea]

i wish 5.27.25 (5:53 pm / 18:53)
i wish you would let me starve myself
i wish you didn’t feed me so carefully
i’ll be happier if you let me not eat

i wish 5.27.25 (5:53 pm / 18:53)
i wish you would let me starve myself
i wish you didn’t feed me so carefully
i’ll be happier if you let me not eat

i want to be smaller than small
skinnier than skinny
weightless, i want to fly

i want the scale to go downdowndown
little moments of glee and triumph,
smaller and thinner and skinnier

swim coach seems to notice
she can see most of my ribs
that was a glorious moment

i wish you would let me go further,
drop farther,
if only

label? 5.27.25 (5:32 pm / 18:32)
maybe i’m panromantic asexual

Leda 5.28.25 (7:12 pm / 19:12)
i don’t know how to escape
i’ve forgotten how to run
all i know is white feathers
and trapped, held down

afterwards, what just happened
what do i do
where do i go
who do i cry out for help to

now the sky
is not where i go
far away,
i’ll never be alone

[inspired by leda and the swan by william butler yeats]

let the stars fall 5.22.25 (8:01 am)
it’s time to give up
isn’t it

time to let the snow bury me and the hail crush me
i’m giving up, let the stars all fall down

it’s dangerous with me tonight,
just go
i’d save you,
but why?

i’m giving up
what’s even worth living for?
you? me? us?
certainly not the universe, no

forever dissecting myself
in front of a mirror,
i’m not a blonde and blue-eyed barbie

oh it’s time to give it all up
and i’ll do it willingly

[playing: meteor shower by cavetown and hello? by clairo and rejjie snow]

lunar cycle 5.16.25 (10:11 am)
the lunar cycle continues forever
rotating and rotating and forever and forever

crescent, half, full
rewind
life
death
black
white

again and again
everything lit silver
a kind of surreal light

the kind that makes you want to lie down
on a dewy field of flowers
and stay there forever
watching the moon

maybe falling is a beautiful thing 4.30.25 (9:25 am)
daisies grow wild in the woods
in dappled sunlight under the trees

fields of white petals
and yellow pollen floating in the air

maybe falling is a beautiful thing
maybe drowning is a peaceful thing
maybe dying is a lovely thing

maybe lying down in a daisy field
and falling asleep forever
is a painless thing

maybe i’d do it
if it were possible

maybe if you knew 5.27.25 (5:09 pm / 18:09)
maybe if you knew that i suffered
you wouldn't ignore me like you do
or maybe you would
how would i know?

maybe if you knew that i have been in pain
for every day
for years
since a few months after my eleventh birthday
you would understand

no matter, you say
it'll be alright,
you say
because the only pain you know
is a headache or cramps

not the kind that feels like it's ripping you apart
not the kind that feels like you are on fire
not the kind that feels like your bones rubbing against each other
not the kind that sounds like a creaky door
not the kind that tastes like bitter pills
every morning
and every night
and every day

all the time

maybe we’d be alright 6.1.25 (5:00 pm / 17:00)
oh but maybe,
maybe
maybe
maybe if i hadn’t changed it all
maybe if i’d made some other call
maybe if i hadn’t let you fall

maybe we’d be alright

oh clara 5.20.25 (4:52 pm / 16:52)
oh clara bow
oh clara of the spotlights
oh clara of the silent tears
oh clara only remembered in black and white

clara who could cry on camera
just by thinking of when you were younger

clara underpaid and overworked
by hollywood

oh clara i feel like i might know you
oh clara of seeing in only gray and black and white

oh clara who were you
oh clara were you ever seen?
did you ever have a chance,
to see this world for yourself
or were you always looking through
an invisible girl’s eyes

oh clara of happiness and hope
oh clara of falling

clara of going crazy,
i see you
oh clara i understand

clara of being abandoned,
you’ll never know
i can wish a thousand times but you’ll never know
what a change you made

you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost

oh clara
clara clara clara of the light
clara of pretending,
open the door
come out, clara

come here and let me hold you


[playing: clara bow by taylor swift]

oh juliet 5.17.25 (1:39 pm)
juliet, i’m sorry
sorry on behalf of humanity, i guess

juliet capulet
i’m sorry
they sold you off and he took you away

look i know you loved him
but why
i don’t think you ever should have met

oh juliet,
you weren’t even fourteen yet

it was only a mere thirteen years
and no longer a maiden
like you should have been forever

oh juliet, you deserved so much
so much better
i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry you died

by choice i know,
but a girl shouldn’t be ruled by a man

oh juliet
you should have had a throne
not a rusty dagger, not crying in the end
it’s no wonder she killed herself,
what’s a girl to do with a life like that?

juliet, in the next life
don’t cry
real queens don’t need a king
the only thing a boy’ll give you’s imprisonment
he’ll only treat you like a ******* toy

oh juliet
the more strength you have
as boundless as the sea,
the more it will be infinite

paper crane 5.23.25 (7:21 pm / 19:21)
i’m like a paper crane
that my own fingers folded
shaky and bent and wrong

on peach paper i cut and cut to pieces
until the crane
that broken bird
is gone

it hurts to **** it
but i feel better after,
is that wrong?

perfect reality 5.24.25 (1:54 pm / 13:54)
there is never a perfect reality
however much i wish for it

it’s like a painting and i’m trying to figure out what’s wrong,
just tell me,
help me make it right

maybe there are too many shadows
maybe the skyscrapers really do touch the clouds
i’m not sure but my brush can’t make it okay,

i’m on my knees now,
i don’t know why
it’s just all all all so wrong

have you ever felt so sad you can’t breathe
have your ribs and your chest and your heart
ever hurt so much
that they eventually go numb
because you just can’t take it anymore

have you ever taken a razor to your arm
because you want so badly to feel pain
you can understand
instead of aimless blind sadness

has it ever hurt for you
in your perfect reality

persephone 5.21.25 (4:30 pm / 16:30)
persephone i’m not sure this will ever reach you
not sure it’ll pierce through your prison’s dark

persephone i’m sorry
oh persephone, forced down below
to live with Hades far from home

persephone life changed you
changed you from the girl who should have just been
frozen in time

persephone no one tried to save you
and i was far too late
persephone i’m not sure you’ll even care
these thousands of years later

persephone i wish we could turn back time

[playing: bye by ariana grande]

pride month 6.1.25 (5:10 pm / 17:10)
you were right, i guess
even though you don’t know yet

you have always been right about me
you have always known me better than myself
i have always been better in your eyes

i know i should be prouder
i know i should know better

[playing: till forever falls apart by ashe and finneas]

since forever 5.13.25 (8:08 am)
i feel like i’ve known you since forever
i feel like you and i have walked a thousand miles
in each other’s shoes
i feel like you know every place i’ve been

i feel like you and i
we’ll be together forever
i think you see all of me
i think maybe i see all of you

you never try to tell me who i am
you’re never looking for me
we just found each other

found each other, such a lucky thing
maybe i do believe in luck after all

someone tell me what i’m doing wrong 5.23.25 (5:20 pm / 17:20)
someone someone tell me what i’m doing wrong
i just want to know how i can fix it all up
however i may seem to you
i’m actually a people pleaser inside

someone someone someone tell me what i’m doing wrong
i’ll fake it till i make it or till i fall
oh just tell me,
i don’t want you to cry

tell me what’s so wrong
i’ve been strong my whole life
and now i’m getting tired,
it’s so fake i just want to be real for once

what should i do, what should i say?
where should i go, what’s even actually
real anyway?

well yes i’m a people pleaser at heart
so what can i do to fix this?

[playing: it’s all fake anyways by rainbow frog biscuits]

the fall 5.20.25 (4:29 pm / 16:29)
none of us are really afraid of heights
we’re afraid of the fall
we’re afraid of the pain
and what will happen when we hit the ground

is it wrong to not be scared
is is wrong to want that

i’m insane i know
i’m not all right, yes, i know

i know i wouldn’t care if i slipped
i know i’d be happy freefalling down
i know that wouldn’t be a bad end of me

maybe that’s wrong
to want to destroy such a gift
life

[playing: dandelion and hampstead by ariana grande]

unfinished poems 5.27.25 (8:10 am)
there are so many unfinished poems
poems titled with your name
and a number
all the way up to 37

there are so many unfinished poems
about love
there are so many, so many
that i could not think of an ending to

i finish the sad ones
the ones tagged grief
the ones dreaming of a perfect world

but not the others
maybe i will never know the ending

[playing: long live by taylor swift]

you 6.1.25 (5:03 pm / 17:03)
i want to know you
the way the sun knows the moon
i want to lend you all my light
and hold you close and keep you forever
until you tire of me and want me to go

i’ll let you because i know that someday it’ll happen

i want to be wanted like this wanted
because you found me and lost me
and held me and let me go and saved me
over and over and over i’d choose you

over and over and over i’d want you