The raindrops fall and splash with sound
I watch out my window as they hit the ground
The sky's are grey, behind the clouds they're blue
The sun might not shine, but in my sight is you
And that's enough for me
That's all I need to see
Your eyes sparkle in the light
The color blinds me its so bright
Like the reflection off the sea
Like the lovely salty breeze
Just stay, and the weather won't matter

Forgive me love
when I tear your heart out of your chest
Please love forgive me
I do it for the best

Don't cry for me
I'm a long way from being saved
And anyone close to me
Won't leave unscathed

I bleed the venom
That my actions speak
But inside my heart is frozen
Vulnerable and weak

I crumble beneath your eyes
So full of things I won't say
I sit filling the gaping void
Wishing this agony away

I can't love anyone
I can't even love myself
I want so bad to love you though
But wishes aren't granted in hell.

I was alive for a moment
Truly felt the wind brush my skin
Felt it thread it's fingers in my hair
Felt it caress my heart from within

It was a moment
Fleeting in it's wispy form
It was a moment that I felt
reborn

It was then I could raise my head
But alas, the moment past
and again I was dead

Tell me I am a monster
Tell me I destroy
Go ahead
I've heard it all before
I break those that get too close
Pray I don't get you too
Run while you still have a chance
I'm just **poison

Four years old
Christmas day
Dressed up with braids
Streaming down my back
Wait in the chairs
With an eager grin
In place
Mommy says wait here
My angel she is
But mommy comes back
With tears in her eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
I want to see him
My daddy
Where is he?
Mommy only grabs me
And clutches me to her chest
Whispers 'baby I'll try my best'
I don't understand
Untill now
He never came
He probably doesn't remember my name
I'm just another girl
With a worthless father
Who doesn't care
Who will never be there
And I'm not okay with that
All those days that I sat
Waiting for a hero
Who never existed
Was it me who insisted?
That we be one big family?
My tears were wasted
On a man not brave enough
To stand
He sent my world sinking
On land....
It doesn't matter
I was never his
Only my mothers
Who was braver than any soldier
Fought wars on her own
Beat the world
At the worst odds
She was my god
I look up farther than anyone
To my mom
I will love her no matter what
Because she did
She gave me her all
Picked me up when I would fall
Walked me through this crowded hall
Cleared the broken pieces of my heart
To be sure I was never cut
I love you ...
Never leave me

I've been wandering alone
Inside my mind for a long time
Stuck in a loop
I jump through hoops
I set up my own demise
Through self built disguise
I hide

Longing for breakthrough
My eyes stare from below the surface
Fingertips pressed against the water
I haven't escaped
Yet

I watch birds fly
Through wide eyes
Floating in place
I am this space
For now

You get inside my blood stream
turning my veins to black
You make me yell, kick and scream
because you always turn your back
on me

I breathe you in
to feel you again
Underneath my skin
You feel like poison

You haunt me while dreaming
I can't keep track
On how many times I've woken up screaming
But then fall asleep hoping to get you back
because

I breathe you in
to feel you again
Underneath my skin
You feel like poison

But I don't want to be saved

They say "I hope you die,"
and I reply "I wish."

Must I say it out right?
Must I yell it in your ear?
Do you not see me pushing you away?
Your not who you used to be
Your bit the same guy who made me
Happy!
I hate you now,
You ruined my memories
You scarred me once
I thought it would pass
Scarred me twice
I leaned away
But now it's three times
Just leave me alone
It isn't attractive for you
To show up uninvited
It isn't attractive for you to persist
Until I want to bang my head against a wall
I don't like the way you've become
I don't like how you push me to do the same
I am not your friend
This friendship , past relationship
Has ended
Stop calling
Stop texting
Leave me Alone
I don't want to go back to the days
When I was a ***** up
When I just didn't care
When I didn't use my brain
When I made bad decisions
I'm just done
With you
I've gave you chances
And you failed each time
I'm done giving up my energy
For someone who doesn't care
About *me

I am bouncing from one prison to the next
Because the true prison surrounds me in the form of flesh and anger
Red rivers crashing against the stones placed around my heart
Tear drops fall in reverse as my world is flipped upside down
Intoxicated lips spill secrets like wine glasses slipping through clumsy fingertips
Smoke filling lungs with tar like the pavement freshly laid across my wounds
Bleeding beneath the surface
Cracked smiles cut those brave enough to graze the edges
I dissapear, receding like the ocean before a great storm.
Dark clouds fill my lungs creeping up my face into my eyes, draining the energy that once lived in those emerald orbs
I release a sigh and my soul slips through my lips
Moments pass by as I live in the memories in my head
Playing like home movies that torture me
Waterfalls of emotion pulse from my skin
Taking over like blankets of fog
Covering you up and tucking you into my personal madness
Are you scared yet?

Keep holding on,
they tell me thoughts are but fleeting
wisps chanting for your attention

Keep holding on,
they say that in finding peace you're beating
the darkness that surrounds you

Keep holding on,
they praise the light, but maybe it's the light
that makes on suffer when wounds are
clear for everyone to see

Keep holding on,
they tell me, yet they've never dangled in fright
of the clutches of the unknown

Keep holding on,
but I can't

Your eyes are tame
Your voice is hushed
You look mundane
But your look makes me blush
Beneath your guise I bet you are
Soft and tender , all at the same
The type of person
That lives by one name
I'll remember you by one I choose
I don't pick winners , because they truly lose
I like your vibe , I like your look
Give me back what others took
Ill give you as much in return
Let our love and passion burn

Night fell over the land
Washing it in it's foreboding shadow
The wind whistled a tune promising tragedy
The symphony of a thousand hooves beating the earth
Sang along with the gust of the nights frosty breath
Cries of war hanging overhead

"Here come the Knights!"
Men cheered as they readied for battle
Armor draping over flesh
Swords thrusting, piercing the sky

"This night our savior shall prevail!"
The men declared
Placing their souls in the hands of one
They hoist themselves upon their steed

"We ride tonight, We ride to fight!"
A roar of agreement breaks through the darkness
Cloaked in their will to live
They rode out with a thousand demons on their trail

"We will not surrender!"
They shouted a promise so thick with emotion
"We fight for our women, our children, our land!"
They cried a devotion only a warrior could hold
"We fight, our souls be ******!"

Take the dreams I once voiced so fondly
Take them and smash them to dust
Take those moments my heart was pounding
Take them for I know you must

Sweep them under the rug and forget them
Sweep them away without a thought
Sweep them so far I won't be tempted
Sweep them away like you were taught

Darkness hovered over the dreary sky.
The storm clouds gathering in the skies black eye’s.
And like the tears of the innocent, I watched the sky cry.
I watched the lightning shock the sky back to life.
Then watched a tornado gut the Earth like a knife.
And I watched the Bulimic Earth hurl up the ocean
And I watched as the Earth died

The cordior is silent
Not a scream to echo off the bare walls
Wet dripping feet
Hang , body suspended in the air
I'm observing
From outside the room
Shivering and scared
But stuck there
The room is dark
And there in the middle if the room
Lies a bed
Straps on the side
A door slams behind me
Who's there?
Oh love
Oh love
I see you there
A shiny flower
In your hair
I hear these words sung
Echoing through the now black
Halls
Terrified tears concur my eyes
Don't let it be real
Oh love
Oh love
I see you there
A shiny flower
In your hair
Closer now I begin to panick
Please let me awaken this nightmare
Memories unwanted
Soaked in terror
His face painted on the walls
In my mind
These words haunt me ....
Even in my sleep
Oh love
Oh love
I see you there
A shiny flower
In your hair
I'm ****** from my feet
Pushed to the bed
Strapped
I scream
Please let me go
Please!
I'm choking on my tears
I'm so scared
I can taste the ***** in my mouth
Let me awaken
Let me awaken

I am drowning
Underneath this feeling of desperation
I am dying
Inside this broken heart is bleeding
I am crying
These tears falling with the loss
The enormous loss of not knowing
Not knowing that the even the ones closest to you
Will betray you
Berate you
Break you
Let me drown

It was under the warmth of the sun
That the first tear fell
It was the beginning of "done"
And the opening of my hell

You had broken my soft trusting heart
Crashed into my wall
You pulled me apart
And made me fall

I want to forget your eyes
That haunt me now
I want to forget the lies
But I don't know how

After every chance I gave
You wasted each one
After each path I paved
You hit me where it stung

And now I'm crying to myself
Because you called again
It's not good for my health
You aren't now, you weren't then

I wipe your face from my dreams
I want to escape
It's harder than it seems
It's like your on tape

Replayed in my head
And when I tried to press rewind
I pressed play instead

Won't you just let me forget you?
Your tearing me down
I'm pushing through
This unbearable crowd

Watching me sail across the sea
Sinking into the waves
Watching the sky fall on me
As my world caves

You won't think to reach in
I can see your back as you walk away
It's this breaking with In
That told me you'd never stay

Pushed farther beneath the current
I'm fencing with the shards of my heart
This times different
I was broken from the start

Just let me forget you
I'm better off that way
If I do
And you don't stay

Every moment we spend living and experiencing, shapes and develops us. The moment you fall in love
The moment your heart breaks
The test you fail
The test you ace
We are all the bookkeepers of our own lives
Looking for the balance to keep us standing upright
Of course this scale may tip to one side or the other from time to time, But as always balance can be achieved

It's as if I closed my eyes and time passed me by
I wish that I could rewind

I miss the feeling of being careless and free
But now I have responsibility shackling me

I miss the days that I could play without stress
But now my life is just a mess

I miss the world inside my imagination
But now it's become my damnation

Every thought is centered around what I need to get done
There is no vocabulary in my life to define "Fun"

And I am not alone, but I feel deserted
I keep calling out, but fear no one heard it

I feel like I am lost inside my mind
And I am searching but I can not find

The way out of this Hell I've been sentenced to
Life was easier before I grew

up.

Looking at you, looking at me
from the end of your gun
Eyes that used to search my soul,
the eyes that made us one
Now stare back at me in dismay,
so full of this sure terror seeping into my bones
It's too late to reason and much to late to run.
The arms outstretched are no longer my home

Your face sends my mind spinning
twisting this surreal moment until I could cry
The room moves while my feet
are planted onto the ground
Falling out of control
Like theirs no bounds

This bullet biting into my heart
it's shredding my flesh and devouring my emotions
But I stay so still
too void to make a commotion
I should have said it all
when my fingertips where so close to you
Should have said the words
Like I was supposed to do

Beneath the eyes of a gleaming sky
Each light a smatter of fire inside
I watch transfixed as those stars align
Painting a love that lived and thrived

Quaking, it rose mighty on weary bones
A muse of it's own damnation
Convinced it may always wander alone
It stumbled upon the light of it's salvation

No longer afraid of the dark and the nightmares it hides
It cracked the glass around it's wounded heart
And pushed aside the walls it once relied
To open eyes that vowed to never part

*And kindred hearts sparked flames of passion
These hearts of the same dream
A heart that once gave love in ration
Was bleeding love in a steady stream

It laid to rest those broken bones
For now it walked on bones of steel
It laid to rest that empty home
And finally allowed itself feel

I have spent my life being silent
Sometimes I'd break down and get a little violent
But I'm tired of your words
All your 'ya I already heards'
I've been shouting at the top of my lungs
My lyrics haven't been sung
Won't listen to me please ?
Just me ! Just me!
This is unjust ! Unfair!
That you think you can school me because you've been there
Stop! Just let me speak
I am not this weak
Thing you've made of me
If you opened your eyes you'd see
That I am no phony!
I've been standing on this stage
But the curtains are always drawn
I've been waiting for my dawn
That I would be heard
I hate you!
You have never listened
I hate you !
You don't ******* care!
I hate you !
I wish you dead!
I hate you!
I wish i wasn't here
You ruin everything in my life
You cause my head aches and my strife
You know nothing of me anymore
I hate you, you worthless *****!
You said you would protect me !
You said you'd never hurt me !
But it's you whose slowly killed me !
we are family!
You always take they're side
You just run away and hide
Even after I defended you?
Ha I thought you'd do the same too
I guess I was asking to much
I'm not worth your prescious time
So I guess you can go your way
And I will go mine

Beneath the Evergreen trees
a desolate land buried beneath the frozen comfort of snow
lays a land trifled by the spirit of the wilderness
ringing out in a distance the serenade of howls

The clipped call of winged, feathered brothers
sing their forlorn songs
perched vulnerably upon a branch
high in the tree tops that brush the hovering clouds

The cold rages on like an unforgiving beast
It's icy breath consuming the lives of many
yet prospering the lives of many other

Misunderstood and hunted
by their brothers of two legs
they dwindle by a thin string
which weaves their fate

Thunderous footfalls beat the solid ground
demanding that it lay still beneath the wrath
of such powerful paws

The wolf in all it's glory
peers out from the thicket
curious to who is among them

Lifting their muzzles to the sky
they unleash a song so much more beautiful
and endearing than that of the greatest symphony

Warning the others that danger is near.

Lock me away
Inside these steel bars
Where I will fade
The loneliness in my patronizing heart
I can hear the voices in my head telling me to let go
But I told them no
I told them no

Are you acquainted with this feeling?
Of being so small
With trembling little hands
You wish you were tall

Tall enough to see the world
Large enough to be seen
Or are you stuck in this lonely plane
Where faces look so mean

Every word can crush you
Every look can drive you mad
You're stuck inside this circle
Of constantly feeling sad

Your tears no longer suit you
You try to fix your face
Do your thoughts attack you
As you try to find your place?

Are you running out of breath
Are you running out of space
Can you feel the blood pumping
As your heart picks up the pace

Will it always feel this daunting
Will we always be so alone
Insecurities are so haunting
I just want to go back home

Do you think this life is for me
Could it be my time to leave
Will I wander so far away
That I dissapear into the trees

Could it be that I am diagnosed
With Lonely Heart disease
So even if you hold me close
I run back to the trees

It seems it is my only home
The only place of peace
Please take me back inside
The safety of your leaves.

I'm not desperate for the touch...
I'm desperate for the love
For the embrace
Instead I'm alone
With myself
Lonely
Sometimes I cry
And I feel pathetic
To cry over such unimportant things
Yet they effect me
I miss the warmth
My blood has gone cold
But I'm so scared
My heart is so bruised
Scarred and patched
I don't think it could ever endure
Anther heart break
But I just want to be held
I want to love as much as be loved
But before I can open my heart to another
I have to come to love myself
To trust myself
My lonely days will go on
For now
Until I can love
Without tears
Without heartache
Those are the days I look forward to

The humming rush of water
Is hypnotizing me
The songs of lonely birds
All perched on separate trees

The soft rattling
The brush of vibrant leaves
All pull a string that's deeply
Planted in the roots of me

Chiming along
I am a lonely bird
Perched upon a tree
Where no one sees

Crying out
I sing with the clouds
Wings lifted
Ready to flee

Tentatively brush dark leaves
With muster I push on to see
Where this overgrown path
will lead

Lungs filled
Intoxicated
On the fresh
Breeze.

So drawn I push forward
What do I see
But a small part
Of what appears to be me

I step forward
One more time
I am longing
To see

Where this
Path
Will
Lead

Do I continue
Will I succeed
Do I push forward
Do I proceed

Am I lost inside
This lonely forest
Do I hide
Where no one sees

Do I wait alone
Where the silence lulls me
to hypnotic tones

Of lonely birds shown
perched upon a tree

Shadow friends dance at the edge of my vision
Somehow I convince myself that I'm with them
We smile and laugh but I'm still empty
Somehow I'm lonely when you're here with me

My rainbows fade into cloudy grey
I'm begging my shadow friends to stay
But night will fall and take you from me
And I will remeber that I am lonely

I'll walk in the dark, where I cannot see
And think up thoughts which swallow me
I'll bend until I break, like I'm made of glass
Good things placed in my hands do not last

My shadow friends are gone, and I'm all alone
My life is built up in this shadow home
Where I let tears fall, and I wallow in my pain
How I wonder what it feels like to be sane

Opening unaware eyes
Staring into the sad reflection
Every aspect a reason to cry
Made up of imperfections

Every fight and every beating
Every tear and cry
Left bleeding
Why do I try?

Every failure and regret
Every cut every bruise
Every reason I wept
I always lose

Remains of hair that used to flow
A dried up memory of the vivid glow
Every scar against broken skin
Every battle I will never win

Every word burnt into my being
Eyes unsure of seeing
Eyes left dull green bleeding
A strong soul left fleeting

History just keeps repeating

I could wander this earth forever,
But I would never find all the answers,
I could be as old as the angels
And the angels that fell,
But I would never find what I am searching for,
I could be blind, or have true sight,
But I would never find it,
Maybe it doesn't need to be found,
Maybe it will find me,
Maybe if instead of searching ,
I may stumble upon it when I wasn't expecting,

Flawless was the sky
Stained by blood
A rise in the war fields
A smile among hate

A child born of darkness
But eyes of innocence

Pulled closer to the pain
I was wrapped in my own cocoon
So beaten on the inside
Soul ridden

Twinkling light held above my head
Cry blood

Sticks scrape my skin
Rocks break my bone
Words slice my neck

One scream to echo

No one can feel my pain
I must bare it alone
Carting this weight on my back
I mustn't fall

No wings to beat
No way of escape
I hang my head mournfully

String to bow
My song plays
But my soul
Lost its
Way
Home

I see it passing by
within a glances time
I wonder how many chances
I'll get at this same thing.

Like a fog in the window pane
It's blocking my view of the sun
I keep on thinking that the next night
I'll simply give up and be done,

I fight for things that I believe are right
but who knows whats right anymore?
I keep trying to find this light
but it seems the lights dimmed
like a bulb in the morgue,

I feel like a sinking ship
will I ever reach the bottom of the sea?
Or will I just keep sinking deeper
in my broken adolescent dreams?

I'm finding that life is harder than it looks
and that every step I take it brings me farther from the truth
and I keep on searching
for I have curiosity achieved by only a youth,

But my outlook is no longer innocent
like a child who has not seen
I've seen the world at it's worst
and I understand what it means,

I just wish I knew the way
out of this godforsaken maze
it seems I've lost my mind
in this thought induced craze.

dont drink the           poison it kills
love blooms slow,  hate blooms fast
your heart   drinks slowly
and the effects
never
last

Violins play in the backround
Of this black and white film
A love story
Boy meets girl
Girl falls in love
But this love is different
Than any high school
Love story
But it's just that
A story
Every one has an end
This one ended
With smeared mascara
And two halves
Of a heart
That used to be one