I checked the mail everyday hungover feeling like **** probably looking just as bad.
The mail clerk always looked at me strangely .
How's the writing going ?

I had made the mistake one time of speaking to her one day.
She saw I was always sending out envelops to different magazines it was a small town what can I say she was a nosey *****.

Well I'm almost making it I replied to her walking out the door.
It must be great seeing your words in print .
I don't know when they are I will tell you what it's like I replied .

I  was standing at the door more than ready to leave get back home mix a drink and start my routine all over again.

She looked puzzled .
You get so many back surely you must get some things published .
There rejections they always are.

Aww come on you haven't even read them yet .
I'm psychic I don't need to read them.

How come you keep sending them out then if you know the result?

Well you see just like women turning me down I seem to never tire of asking besides if I badger them long enough just like a woman in a bar after a few drinks maybe I just might get lucky.

She just looked at me .
Well you have a nice day MR Robbins.

I left made my way home  happy I could make the nosey ***** uncomfortable I never understood peoples need to know everything I loved my privacy I hated social networks there false ******* happiness all on display it was like a store window all fake all ******* mannequins and fake smiles .

It was never reality besides who gave a **** what you had for dinner !

I sat the mail on my desk or on that over crowded thing that I believe once was a desk  .
Mixed a gin and tonic and began the self abuse that was reading rejection letters .

Most were the bland same **** .
Sorry to say no , We have to pass sorry and good  luck .
One was a card not even a rejection slip these people were pros to bad the women didn't hand these out at bars .

Dear sir.

Thank you for buying me drinks all night making crude jokes while staring at my ****.
Sorry to say not if you were the only man on earth and even if there wasn't a battery left in this world for my ******* .

Sincerely
Valarie  .


Now that would at least be good for a laugh I thought .

I got to the last one some little college paper known for there edgy ******* .

Dear MR Robbins  

We are happy to inform you on your recent  submission to us.
We will be publishing your poem.
A Good Day To Feel Slightly Bad .
In next months issue of are paper thank you again and please feel free
to send us more work.

******* I thought to myself.
Now how would I ever face the post ***** again knowing that I was a total fraud as a psychic.

Well either way I was always happy to be wrong.

I mixed another drink I thought about telling friends about my recent success.
Then I thought to myself.
I really didn't feel like making any today .

Cheers .

Gonz .

Tired of the same old scenes around here.
Thought hey im gonna explore space.
Introduce Little space dudes to bad habbits
nudie mags and maybe share a beer.

Yeah it'll take some getting use to
anti gravity bars.
Pack up the whiskey and of course the kids
honey cause were moving to mars.

People kinda look at me like my
mind did slip.
just cause im going round collecting cans.
Hell with what else are ya supposed use to
build a spaceship.

I made a few changes it runs of corn whiskey
instead of rocket fuel.
You might think im crazy.
but when my home made rocket takes off
it'll be cool.

Say goodbye kids to your ***** grandfather Bert.
Hey darlin from up here I can see down your shirt.

It's three seconds to lift off people
ya might wanna move your houses as well as cars.
Cause lord knows whats gonna happen.
in my attempt to move to mars.

Its time for lift off crap honey do ya mind lighting
fuse.
Hey kids after this maybe we'll get a reality
show.
I mean if we dont die  that would only make the local
news.

The homade rocket ship rattle and shook.
I knew i forgot something I mean it's a minor thing.
Steering wheels are overrated guess I should have got a book.

And as it lifted off into the sky.
I screamed like a little girl.
I forgot I was affraid to fly.

Yes I kinda fell short on my quest to the stars.
cause i crash landed in New Jersy.
Well kids sorry but Atlantic City is probaly
a bit more fun for daddy that is.
So much for moving to Mars.

It was  at the crack of the afternoon always  when like some old circus bear i staggred to life.
Coffee surged through my veins with a touch of turkey to embrace the day to day troubles
with a sense of reason in the insanity.

The whispers were heavy like gunshot's that filled a early morning duck hunt.
Where half drunk men shared bottles and stories of conquest's some false others just straight *******.
He's losing it ya know?

They had read my scrbblings and saw the flaws yet dared never to speak the words to
the devil in the flesh.
But much like a villan or a dam good ****** with a std i was just waitting to
run yet again.

The Gonzo of old died hard and a writer of insanity
seldom was at a loss for words or  far from a intersection of trouble.
The road called.
And I her slave seldom ignored her for any woman worth her salt
was a cruel ***** at heart and thats what made them  so dam aluering.


I was the president of debauchrey the chairman of the boy's club
a locker room jester who seldom showed his flaws.
But time scars us all and I was no diffrent.

I had slowed yet went past that edge like a child who tears into a gift seldom
looking at the paper let alone who its from.
Still that gleam in the eye did exist and the danger was all but to real.

I was ready to claim it back although none could take it from me.
The bike was older yet still had a howl like a devils hound on a sunsets promise.
the drugs the ***** the women all where but part of the drive and freedom
of a perk.

Much like the whiskey that burns in my veins id never
water down my word's
Cold wether was pointing me south  the Key's were calling
in a tragic Hemmingway sense the old man's sea was but a bitter pill
and a islands stream of erased thought.

On a road that never grew old as I.
  Soon i was off.
And God only knows what would lead to this tour of destruction.
But all i can say is gentlemen start your engines.

For the chaos has just begun.

                                               Welcome  To The Boy's Club
                                                             Part One

I listened to the sounds of a nights life as it was on truest display.
On yet another dead end night.
No deadlines, no friends to annoy, no voices to echo shattered thoughts together.  

Long since had the audience grown cold and I simply deaf to their presence nothing drowns an ego worse than the reality's of a distant storm.

I listened like a ghost story.
A child's fears matched only by the amazement of what never could be and the night kept rhythm with my soul as emptiness washed the troubles aside for now .

Sometimes nothing.
Holds you closer than any lover shall.

We are lost to our thoughts and me just lost for the sake of being gone.
I enjoy my distance now the wolves can call but no longer do I feel the burden to run .

Nothing is as peaceful as knowing the hand doesn't have to yearn for the pen.
Simply let the thoughts go as they linger in seconds my hours were never wasted .
For what never was could never be lost.

Time tells me I'm done .
And the night simply speaks to me in gentle whisper of darkness .
Be bound not by shackles for now you are free .

This bar has seen the past as it has been washed clean by today.
Known the scars of fights past lingered in the moment only to  see it replay.

Old friends and past faces we've known together so many years now  I stand alone.
This bar is part of my soul as a ghost I remain long after my life and these doors come to a close.

To the raised glass and closing time dance .
Are waters have seen many a storm tomorrow will be no different my friends.  

Amber the whiskey gold held to light the pint glasses perfect hew .
Time has left us all fragmented time breaks the soul ,time is all that is the history of me and you.

A toast to the nights they paint magic without canvas my thoughts a evergreen signs of neon cast the best ******* shadows my dear.

This bar stands eternal a ghost as myself .
The fog holds mystery but none for you .

Closing time has come .

Cherish your thoughts for it's all we truly ever own my friends .

We sat on the bulked viewing the sounds no words need be shared for sometimes in silence we say far more.
The sunset was upon us and the ***** was kicking in to that perfect sense of a warm buzz and the waters draw poetic in the truest sence .

There were shared stories with added lies simply a understanding of a crossroads part.
The road had ran it's course now the chapter was done and so my own would continue.

Were the  ******* headed now man.
My friend asked in a mild laugh curious yet knowing no matter the direction we
had different stories to write.

I have know clue think I'll just chase the sunset till the highways lends me her thoughts once again.

My friend simply shook his head .
Sometime I really can't begin to fathom what goes on in that head of yours bud.

Hell sometimes I wonder myself I had to think.

It's always on these rides when the air is one with the nights empty promise
I truly grasp the thoughts and understand my roads always best traveled alone.

The drug's  the ***** simply a mask for others to understand my less than
understandable  actions there always has to be something in which to place the blame now doesn't there?

I try not to question and as the road's endless roll drew me yet again I cared less
for the logic and simply gave in to the need to know what lay over the next hill.
I'd far rather die with my boots on than waste away in regret.

Live while you can for times a commodity  none can afford to waste my friends.

And as I hit the on ramp bound for nowhere and eager to see it all.
I had to think to the moments shared for they were far more meaningful to friends than I.

Sometimes a lone wolfs howl isn't for emptiness of the fear of isolation.
It's the understanding of one's self that truly drives the one's who chase the highways line.

I viewed the sunset a chapters close for the moment and a   endless thirst of highways vice
I so desired eternal.
She's a cruel mistress to some but on this nights ride her embrace is all I ever did need
for now.

Stay Crazy

Gonzo

The cameras were set  the madman of Hello after snorting so sinus powder
was hopped up like a fat kid in a cake factory.

So Gonzo any thoughts on the new HP?

Gonzo. Well always new they'd find a way to steal my thoughts and secertly mentally **** me and kidnap Mr pickles!

Ummm

Gonzo Yeah I know thats why im only taking pills from trusted drug dealers like
Mother Terresa, And Capt Grabby Hands

Are you okay?

Gonzo. hmmm  what's it all mean dear lady?
sure you  capture me drag me to your dungeon have your way with me
take some pics update your facebook status like anyone gives A ****  what you eat for dinner or your a lonley cat lady.
but honestly who doest like *****?'

*** your insane and put that away!

Gonzo. What i was just getting my trusty  pocket fisherman
and my invisble anti earth crab spray.

I dont even wanna know.

Gonzo. hey ive learned always bring protection no matter how they look the flying monkeys are everywhere!    

Ummm do you need help?

Gonzo. Ever **** next a man who has no sense of smell  yeah kinda takes all the fun out of it kinda like  some new changes.
do like magic miss?

Ummm well .

Gonzo. check your cooler.

Theres nothing in it.

Gonzo.
MAGIC
Now call your sister i bet she's gonna have a baby.

Wow how did you know that? Magic?

Gonzo. no we've been  having fun after that annoying husban of her's
finally goes to work.

Hey he's coming over and he ses he's gonna.
Hey where'd you go?

The interviewers  cell rings.

Hello?

Gonzo. Magic!

To the page I understand and my existence for which I only same to  trace.
Have we not came this far on instinct now can we outlast the ******* ahead?
dam the wrong turns I have far less direction with you may I convince you to stay only to destroy
what never was to begin with my dear.  

As we count hours only to empty the glass.
Maybe one last dance upon  this edge will break us maybe if only we embrace the hopeless
may we understand death and the emptiness for which you remain.

Tonight a graveside stance forget the souls underneath I walked upon to get here.

Enjoy this agony for these are the days were night will gain depth.
So shallow are my thoughts when blinded by eyes.

You counted the hours but no change would become of you in form.
A favorite monster of my worst design can I slip my poison inside only to admire are decay?

Love you served me well for winter now summers hail will reside my thoughts.
Frozen as glass to water of pond .
Your image lay trapped within my thoughts and ice.

Farewell

Some people make it seem  so romantic and some would probably say I'm guilty
of exploiting it as well.
Well let me be the first to tell you there's no glory in burning out.

I live my life and to excess of course but it's not my mission to overdose or end up splattered across
highway.
Death isn't a choice it's a promise and to fear it is to worry over breathing its just part of the game folks.

The **** I write about isn't a fantasy or what I believe its like I've actually lived it.
And  out of a handful of people I know I'm lucky  enough to say I'm still here.
I cant tell you how to live your life and honestly I don't ever give a **** how you do.

I've done most every drug known to man  and some of them are rather overrated  
to be honest that's why I prefer *****  mainly because I really don't trust putting **** in my system made by people who look like they haven't slept or washed there *** in  two weeks.

Yeah cokes real good **** you stay paranoid as **** and if you get a good taste for it
it'll **** you bank account and your heart  but it is good to have on hand for picking up strippers.
Hey I'm just saying if you go to the woods to hunt animals you probably use bait.

Well my hunting ground is probably a lot more comfortable than yours but hey
whatever gets you off.

Where all checking out sooner or later but don't ever fall for that delusion that
getting out early  is ******* romantic **** if  I had pulled the trigger when I was a miserable ***  
teen I would have really missed some overrated times and some hot chicks who just
happened to lower there standards yes be used is kickass especially when you get a
happy ending out of the deal.

Live it as you will not as others would prefer cause only a spineless candy ***
plays it safe.

I write a lot of crazy **** cause I live a lot worse crazy ****.
But at least I have ******* fun.

Sure you can say **** it all  to this world.
Or you can really **** the ******* off and shake **** up till they put your ***
in the dirt.

Me I'm going to  go down with the ******* ship.
A drink in hand  and laughing like a madman the whole way down.

Cause nothing ***** with the ignorant worse than a son of ***** that just wont
stay down.

Cheers hamsters.

Gonzo

It was a dream and we embraced it children fresh to play no time frame or end in sight.
As in those first stages we understand no remorse or pain simply the pleasure of time shared life truly turn's it all to **** in time my dear .

We laughed in those awkward moments of want and the cravings of pleasures unknown .
In moments I reflect between my personal haze so far the distance so bitter the man I can no longer understand to  be myself.

In the eyes your innocence met life's sunset and I watched you become cold with are  emotions  winter.
Now empty I write as in other circles you breath to suppress yourself to none but me.

I remember the night together the walks down empty streets now that resemble myself pain doesn't fade it  simply is masked by actors whom choose to pretend rather than exist.

Would you trade skill for happiness ?
The page I exist as I suppress everything that resembles a life.
It's always loaded I just haven't the ***** to take the ride .

Empty is the park as strangers now walk a ***** that's pitfalls stand without warning I wish you luck and hate the thoughts that you bring back to me I never stop thinking just choose to drown in the misery for others to enjoy.

I never forget I simply just mask what it is I never could  
Ignore .

                                        Goodnight .

Your mommy thinks it's great and rewards you with a bowl of ice cream and a sticker after she just gave you a bath once being your twenty two is a little strange I'm just saying.

When all your Facebook friends like it and yet you've never actually
met one of your two thousand Facebook friends.
I'm not saying your a loser cause you live your live online
well yes I am sorry I'm a ****.

When you write endless poems about how everyone in this world *****  look  sure people are a pain in the *** .
But maybe instead of listening to hours of music about suicide and
other teenage horse **** maybe you should step out the door go into
that strange place  called the outdoors  get a drink get laid and try having a life instead of just ******* about everyone else.

When other people are brought to tears before you read the first line.
Yeah sure I want to listen to hours of spoken word poetry.
And maybe have a root canal as well.
Well at least with a root canal there's some free drugs.
Look get a keg maybe some other party favors and a wet T shirt
contest and that's a poetry reading you can count me in for.

When everyone on a website gives you a hundred likes and not a single comment  yes the like button I hate it if you didn't know.

How do you know when your poetry ***** .
Well when it's used by the government to interrogate  suspected terrorist  at the airport and suspect screams out in agony .
Look whatever happened to good old fashioned water and car batteries and jumper cables ?

When your favorite subject is the girlfriend that ripped your heart out
and how your life isn't worth living since she left.
When if you had spent more time hitting the sack and less time working on her tenth sonnet.

Maybe she wouldn't be getting jack hammered by your best friend.
Hey write about that video they put out she's a total freak.
Sorry bout your loss now what was her number?


Yes bad poetry it's enough to drive a mental man sane trust me
that's why I drink so I can forget half the crap I've read .

Stay crazy kids .
Drinks on me Gonzo

Shade Pines  Mental Vacillty.

The room was packed the press ravenous  waitting for the return of the madman of the place in which we cannot speak of.

How could it be were the rumour's true shock treatments torture had Gonzo finally sliped over the deep end?
The press was dead silent as he was walked into the room
but the man in front of them looked nothing like the man they once knew  no wild turkey in front of him no sunglasses even worse no bloodshot eye's

The person that we cannot speak of spoke in the high almost like a cross between Brittney spears and Borat  accent.
To which the press all laughed yet the person that we could not speak of did not get the joke as usal.
Cause he was a word we cannot say.

I pressent to you my friends the new and improved Gonzo.
Now I shall let the man himself speak.
The man who resembled gonzo drooled slightly leaned into the mic
Hello im Gonzo.

And after a bit of a awkward  pause like when a alter boy cuts a **** they realized that was pretty much it for his deep speech.
The press astounded finally came to life like a seventy year old man who found a secret stash of ******.

Gonzo is this a joke ?   Gonzo wanna drink hey what about a ***** joke?
Im fine thank you im so happy to be here and be in your company
And I no longer drink well just water that is.

And may I say im so happy to be a changed man  no bad jokes from me.
Nope just good wholesome fun no ***** words well I gotta go to my bible study folks it sure was nice to talk to you all.

The press werent buying it the one female repoter stood befor the shell
of a man  and must have had a fashion mishap cause some buttons were missing from her top.

Um you sure you wanna leave?
Well miss im really sorry but I gotta be there on time there having cookies today.

And we gotta go over plans for the bakesale  and you really need to fix your top miss cause your gonna catch a cold.
The woman stunned felt as if she had spoken to a alien just what had they done to the man once known as Gonzo.

And had they really lost the madman to this bizzar strange human who now did reside in his body.
Was it the end of ******* and wild turkey?
Would Sanity set in and leave things as fun a watching paint dry?

Would ***** jokes and madness be lost forever.
Tune in next week kids to read the next spine tingling chapter
in this drawn out weirdness known as the new Gonzo.

We sat there hung over and out of are minds in some no name dinner just outside of Austin .
Are thoughts ached from the party we sat there nursing lukewarm coffee no words spoken between us said more than any burnt out conversation could ever express .

I viewed my friend a madman who's spark had left him with  far to many vices and they had consumed his thoughts he no longer was the man behind the character he was the god dammed character.

I can't say where he lost it maybe between the ****** and ******* or the constant drinking binges the ******* seldom was clear and I learned I was no match for the train that was bound to leave the tracks at some time.  

Where to next amigo?
He asked looking at me through those sunglasses that seemed to never come off his head it was like a weird mask that was a permanent part of his self indulged existence .

I got to head back man , I found myself saying in a almost apologetic sense even though 'for my own mental health I truly had no other choice .

The drugs the nonstop train wreck existence of a candle burned at both ends wasn't in my cards and I had no desire to view this stranger I once called a friend crash and burn before my very eye's let alone take me down with him.

He simply looked into his black as night coffee and laughed to much for you is it old bud?
Hell John it's to much for me pal but I only understand full throttle and I been doing this **** to long to stop  now .

It's not all that Gonz I'm just ******* spent my minds bleeding from the last couple of days you ******* can't keep this **** up or you'll be dead you and I both know it .

Gonz just shook his head man your getting soft.
******* to much of that home cooking and regular ***** will warp you amigo not my kind of scene brother but I understand .

As he said those words I knew this was as close to a farewell  as I could ever expect he was going down the track and off the rails no matter who stood in his way or expressed there concern it truly didn't matter .

We finished are coffees tipped the waitress and said are goodbyes well as close to a goodbye as you could expect from this real life character the last of the true outlaws no matter how much I wished he would slow the **** down I knew in some ways it just wasn't the way **** was supposed to play out.

Standing there in his worn sports jacket fedora and shades he seemed a force of nature not a broken down madman most would consider him to be .

So where the hell you heading now you crazy ******* ?
He laughed that big laugh of his as always.
Opening both arms yet another gesture as big as the personality that truly was him .

Mexico brother!
Some crevasses some tequila some good well good in a bad way women it'll be a time that would make the devil himself blush sure you don't care to tag along drinks always on me brother.

In that moment I had to admit he could ******* the best of them  but considering my liver was already bleeding and my thoughts were burnt from a scene that would surely shock even the most jaded of us all I had to pass .

Maybe next time my friend .

I said knowing full well this would be the last time of course I could never count this madman out but I had to view from afar for my own sanity's.

Well brother your going to miss a hell of a time ,He said as he turned to head towards his car .

Some many outlaws rode of into the sunset while it seemed this walking circus of debauchery just preferred to stagger in the sunrise
Don't know what kept him going guess the ******* drugs helped .

He never bothered to wave goodbye as he squealed his tries  bound for hell and a last good time.
But as he always said there's nothing more corny in this life than looking back my brother .

Are farewells were unspoken and that I knew was the last I would ever see of the friend who had become the character again.

Adios brother.

Undearneath overcast skies i stand alone to see none that once stood here before.
Faces I'd come to know and respect now ghosts burried by some who never viewed us at all.
In laughter we find truths of understanding that still cuts deep from wounds shall we stop the bleed?

I read words whom I once new as friends comfort is a mistress ive never taken grasp of.
A stranger in full view but unlike others I refuse to take my place amoungsnt the dead you decived.
Cowards turn there heads.
I stare into rejection straight as a arrow burnt on route towards the sun.

******* is for thoose whom belive themselfs better.
A sunset holds that emotion I was called compassion now ice does embrace my regret.
It's always in there eyes you see.
A well ment *** kisser is but a snake in the garden always waitting for a chance to strike.
When I view what its become I see nothing more than barren fields of once rich earth.

Mocking tone's seldom bite harder than silent thoughts.
Maybe they'll speak of me in shadow what they cant bare to view in light.
The bottel's hold was a vice a friends turn but a dream cast over a nightmare's decline.
***** them if they cant speak there minds.

Anyone can back down to fools with soft words and even weaker minds.
I still taste the bitter words like sand from the storm.
The fool is many things but seldom your pawn.

Ive just come here to view the headstones of a ****** up past.

Maybe I'll fade but never to anothers mush mouthed glee my words a venom
no rattle snake dare to match.
There's no friends in war and this false disney land reeks of ***** and cotton candy.


I'll take my place when they bury me alive for not everyones spine is made of paper.
***** the cowards for least the dead tried!
Rage is my thirst and no longer will I let you walk over
this grave without a fight.

The happy image is but a poisen pen a ******* up reallity in a ******* game I refuse to play.
Mock me to my face for i could care less.
For the thoughts of a coward are but rat dropping left only to decay and be forgotten.

Least the tombstones mark thoose who forever gave voice to what  a politician can never grasp.
When i close my eyes finale at least I rest my thoughts knowing who I truely am.

Sad thoughts a burden I only wish you didn't have to know.
Brightness of eye's color please never match this life's backdrop of gray'
Whenever the child's sense of poetic logic and yearning have died.
A creative well now just a side thought of silliness so we believed.

Cast aside dreams a such beautiful lost causes we can't deni.
A spring of innocence was tempered by a farwell's regret
Sweet dream and soon diminished bliss.
Much like soothing rain you were never bound to last.

Such bright eye's  I wish only you could true.
But wishes as of childhood were nevertheless a one way street.
Bound by day's fade and a porch lights clock.

Drift as a dream for you're the essence of a throwback time.
Bright eye's so true to what has long since died.
How only  to this day I wish I had only known.

Take this hand.

May I guide you within the depths?

So traggic to view her this way.

White in a doll of china's mask of death.



Tormented did a candles light cast doubt's with no hand to grasp

a wrist bled slow.



Tea leaves and incense.

Masked air of rosemary the record scratched and was inturn

left unherd.



Thoose eye's captured want yet

never could clasp a heart or lockets match.



Was it as planned?



A slow regression into a blackend fade.

A cloth over lamp.

It dimmed the light but never the flawed beauthy.

that I knew well.



Sleep in a life none would yern to awake.

My heart did linger in a thought as overcast skies blue eye's

did paint my thought's gray.



Cold was perfection a raindrop viewed from inside.



I kissed you last as first I bid farewell.

That night you took from many yet only thought as one.



A tormented love a single rose.

So tender you were stained of many.

But a portraiht to me.



Your words a soon to be epitapth of my pain cast memory.

Thank you for never seeing me as so many befor.



Many works of art are cast in pain.

Dove's of life often cry a tear when met to dirt.



I held you close once apon a empty floor only not tight enough.

Music that  cast a passion lights so dim often gliow with soul.



I see you now and think of that time.

Tender in a stone that is a chamber I call my heart.



I wish I could have brushed away the pain.

As I did a hair that night from your face.

Thoose eyes a void of passion life often does ****.



If you had taken that hand would we have found ourselves?

Or simpley lost it togather in a vague chance at bliss?



I remember you still.

A painting of a woman known to many but who's heart

was shared only with me.



That moment apon the bar's empty floor  forever fill's my

thought's

Embers of my change glimmer within nights breath.
To bask in the flaws my dear we have nothing but endless hours.
Short as in a razor gleams bare were your thoughts cloaked in the
nothingness of my soon departure.

Wicked is she was a poison I would forever embrace.
Are we but mortal in coil so sinful my design.
Ruff she lingered for that which was a bruise .
Fond were the memories cast with sugar laced regret.  

Break my desires allow my insecurities demise.
**** the flesh only to tarnish the soul.
My hells have seeped within forecast of shadows and a premature demise.

Pulled in pleasure a lash of release .
Do we find a part missing keys lost unlock doors never known to are
existence will you embrace the farewell as I already have my dear?

I'll give you the fires without the signals taste the rage without the pain.
Storms have bounded what never was together to begin with.  

Nights ride a clash of bodies finds us a fragment of lovers now frozen
are thoughts as burnt are those hidden desires.

Tomorrow means nothing as page left empty needs only your
words to create.
Tomorrow knows nothing but what we have made of tonight .

Maybe it's that marvelous view as they walk away that never seems to compel me to call them back.

Maybe its the happiness of being alone the wind in your hair or the the highways empty embrace that just seems to keep me ruining far longer than the rest.

The bottle the music a simple soundtrack to the existance we only care to forget.

Passion doesn't exit online as machines can't breath life into your lungs but I can't certainly darken your door if only you'd allow me to tonight.

The party we will have only to forget.
You me and the page it's all in secret and  all for them to never truly understand .

Summer may you die.
As all the bad girls sing cheap motels were we gather the ice machine I vist to often underneath the stairs .

I sleep drink repeat .
Trying to find the lines I searched for all the these years past.

From the dust bit in Austin to the Kentucky bourbon embrace I will romanticize the decay only to show you the reality I to often ignore myself .

Another drink shared and hopefully another night with you.

The page can't capture passion .
But I believe I touched upon it more than once with her tonight .

I been writing like a mad man and had my works passport get stamped in multiple countries .

Australia,  Italy , Germany , England, Indiana .

Okay Indiana was more a state run mental institution but I was published there none the less and I liked finger painting graham crackers and crazy women so probs to them.

I mean I didn't want to visit there or anything no offense but im not a big fan off fields and chainsaw art .

I stayed busy flask in pocket and my mind constantly towards the page .

I had gained respect but still I always found my way home .

For better or worse Hello has been the house that me and few other writers built I was here from day one i'm the flaw you just can't hide .

Everyone's favorite black sheep and all around lovable train wreck.

My place was permanent .

Like me or hate me you couldn't ignore me .
Well you could try but I usually won people over or annoyed them to the point of blocking me and joining the witness relocation program but enough about my past relationships .

I was taking some time off from three months straight of chasing publication.

I posted a write at this place I called home for so many years .
It was solid as a brick **** house .

Then some kid posted a write that was total **** but had a pic of her cleavage in the restroom mirror .

It trended in two seconds had a bunch of ***** ******* telling lies in vague hopes to see more .

I knew the ship wasn't sinking it long since met its demise on the icy dark oceans floor .

You just can't compete with *******.

I set my sails to the closest port .
I would share some drinks and maybe see some familiar faces .

I believe a pirate is better suited to roam than be food for the ***** .

My future is in the wind not lost within the depths .

Stay crazy hope are ships pass in the night .

And if ever we find ourselves in the same port .
First rounds on you .

Never sit and wait for decay on any level will consume you .

Stay crazy

Gonz

In a little roadhouse off the beaten tracks is where I did find her.

She was riding with the hells angels till they kicked her out for being to ruff.

And yet at seventeen the way she could down a budweiser and burb hello ******.


Was a site to be held and i thought to myself

as she broke a pool cue over a man's head who played a song she didnt

like I knew i had met the woman of my dreams.


Sure she drank like a fish cussed like a sailor and hit like a frieght train.

But aside from all thoose good qualitys I like in a woman she did have her hang up's.

Its kinda bad when your first date involves knocking over a seven eleven and leading on

the cops on a five state chase.


And Im not bitter she didnt slow down to let me off.

Im mean the road rash wasnt that bad and I needed to drop a couple of pounds

of course it gives a whole new meaning to burning off the pounds.


And when I saw her about two months later I could tell there was something

there as she held a knife to my throat and looked into my blood shot eye's

and said.

Im gonna cut out your tongue out if you dont buy me a beer.


Yes this beer drinking spitfire had me at hey what the ******* lookin at ****** ?

What a true lady indeed.

Yes when i finally came outta a coma after that first night togather i knew.


That i probaly shouldnt drink outta open containers.

Or carry cash or major credit cards.

When going out with a five foot three spifire named Skeeter.

I have searched for you in many things found parts but never the components that existed  within the whole of you.
I have searched for you in others , I have searched for you in the bottle .

I have found emptiness in my efforts broken dreams bitter ends I have found rejection that you never allowed me to see within the dream you cast over are existence .

I knew as I awoke this morning the rains symphony cast upon a tin roof would cause me only to reflect .
I remember you without effort you were my evergreen and those are the worst kind of memories for no others can live up to the delusion of what once was .

Together in those moments we lived more than in these years apart .
I remember it all in spite  of my efforts to erase every single image of you from my dreams .

How I need that delusion when the silence brings nothing but pain.

I have to say goodbye to you now for the poison of what was is killing the moments I have left .

I realize love was are curse and time will remain the burden.

We were the best of are passion nights with you spoken words though few between in a passion cast serenade .
Would remain hours over simple sentences of others.

I wonder do we stand still somewhere in time if so I do not a more beautiful portrait ever could be painted in red sunsets and a oceans farewell.

The hardest thing I have ever done is closed my thoughts to you.

Goodnight sweetheart .

Maybe somewhere in time  we will wake together anew .

Im.always waiting for the relapse like a spent sunset and far to overplayed song .
Whispers of what was and never will be .

Im not here now simply try again later for the side of the man you care to see.
Poems are simply pages filled and my stories are far more than cliffnotes to your day.

Play me out sweetheart another fix like all the rest .
Lets create the essence of the obscene let me erase it for my ego just the same.

It's always the elephant in the room i know it all to well for I lived it just the same.

Did it break you as once it did I?
Do we breathe to simply keep living like zombies no answer or direction does apply.

We left it behind to haunt us still .
Guess nothing stays burried forever .

In a old house far from the jersy shore.
Ghouls gather for in a vancant house.
For a birthday party and something more.

Pirates and she devils elvira  a mummy or two.
They awoke some old demons.
Playing games over some witches brew.

But some things are better left alone.
Trapped in the barbwire  so obscene.
They choose to raise some hell can someone text save us
on there cellphone.
The head cheerleader is now tonights top scream queen.

Nowhere to run there fighting shadows pleading for light.
It's a hell of a party.
A cake with many lit fingers  the demon wishes
you a happy ****** birthday tonight.

Scream and cry and pray to see tommorow.
Drink the witches brew.
And drown in the endless sorrow.

All victems are welcome no need for a invite.
deep in the woods its the perfect party spot.
For a demonic birthday night.

Sunset at my horizen and far to much regret apon me.
The story forever the same a jilted lover a midnight kiss.
Often ive tasted the wine to avoid the saltwater tears and a distant shores redemption.

Lights from the carnival tatterd dreams and the Jersey shore.
Far gone my thoughts hollow is the bottle burried in sand.

Why do we embrace the pain to only understand the stage traggic by design.
In eye's often reflected I recall you but never understood myself.
As children we yern for what seems a ghost hunt  in a moments time.
Im still walking but no longer can I sense my return.

Footsteps burried in saltwater washed in a long vanished time.
It only takes a song to go back yet a foolish pride and a storm couldnt make him
turn to her.

Ive known many faces yet never understood one.
Take me to sunsets demise and a night skies birth.
Toast a broken soul and ******* logic for it's all I have to give for now.


The lights from afar seem no more distant than I.
the sunsets my canvas the waves crash my song.

Whispers of what never was pillow talk and tommorows thought.
All intentions often merge with the same long walk.

I understood nothing more clear .
Then when she uttred the words goodbye.

Spent smoke and the worn out view cast from my all to tired eye's
The trail will always eventually have to meet a end no matter the distance you put between you and old ghosts and bad deeds.

Come here my dear and mend old wounds and give me some fresh scars tonight.
****** the worries away let the bottle sit by bedside table a reminder of my sweetest addictions
The other lay beside me in such a perfect scene.

I new the game was over I just never had a backup plan or a simple out.
Maybe I can glimpse the fire only to realizes one last thought filled spark.
Let me say **** it all one last time but that would only prolong the walk
and the dead mans hand is seldom a welcome guest at any gamblers table.


The pills were fun the women were better .
My vices were my signature now a painting left empty without the frame.
Maybe I cling to the night so I  wouldn't have to turn last to you.

Morning light you wont catch me by anyone's side.
I've left my mark now let the ******* fill in the blanks.

Shared stories and ******* friendship's I never had the time for either.
A bus station escape I have been running far to long from what I never thought to question.
Maybe my youth was washed away with the years.

There's to many to name so lets only recall the now.
I sat upon the shore sending my verses across the waters to a void no one could ever fill.
There's one last run I have yet to make.
But the fire is out and so am I.

The room was filled with freak ******'s and other assorted nut jobs and then there were the folks that weren't writers.

It was a poetry reading open mic deal yeah what a wild party this was going to be but being the best of the best from Hello were supposed to be there I figured my invitation must have got lost in the mail.

You know what that is kids.
See before the net you actually had to get off your lazy **** to mail a letter yeah I know how ****** up is that?
It's almost like music where you actually play instruments  to enjoy instead of steal a loop from one of your parents records yeah don't pretend you understand that one if you under the age of thirty .

But enough with the foreplay children .
The room was packed the poets ready and as I took my seat I was shocked to find they wouldn't be serving ***** at this snooze fest .
Probably a good idea cause after teen age Timmy read his ode to his two day relationship we would all probably slip into a coma .

No worries much like batman but not as gay.
, I always had my trusty utility belt I'm kidding I just had a flask what kind of freak do you think I am?, Okay don't answer that one hamsters.

So after ordering a coffee and adding a little ******* tonic  I sat back and waited to listen to the young crop of writers read there poetry eager to take it all in yeah, right I did as always sat back and waited to
heckle the **** out of everyone hit on the waitress and generally be known as the loveable poetic areshole  of the site.

The time flew.
If by that you mean the time dragged on like we were being ear ***** by a duet between Justin Bieber    and Selna  Gomez .
It was brutal I tell you but the tide was about to make a turn for the better .

As the MC  for the event announced we have a special guest in the crowd tonight and hopefully with a round of applause we can get him to do a reading for us folks give a warm round of applause for .

I jumped to the stage the truly poetic ego maniac ***** eager to save the day or at least give it a good kick in the *** there's only so much
you can listen to of this yuppy ***** before you go insane hamsters .

The woman must have been in shock being in the presence of the greatest co writer in Hello history .
For she looked at me like she had no clue who the hell I was .

Um sir do you mind getting off the stage we are getting ready to ask Joel M Frye  to the stage.
Joel ?

Yeah sure he's a great writer and can spell and his farts smell of cinnamon and pier one or at least I have herd.
But do you have no idea of who I am woman?

She looked at me with a mix of sympathy and probably thinking I wonder if the institution knows he's escaped ?
Umm no sir sorry I don't have a clue.

I had to take in consideration this poor women probably had a smaller brain than the genius that stood before her .
I am Gonzo my sweet lady I said really slow so she could understand
cause she had a smaller brain I'm not saying that cause she was a woman so don't get all *** crazy on me sisters cause you know Gonzo loves you all like a perverted uncle .

Gonzo where have I herd that name oh yeah I know you I thought you died ?
What duh I'm standing here aren't I?

Wait a minute maybe I'm a ******* zombie **** I hate to think I'm one of those walking dead ******* although I have had *** with some ladies I swear could pass for a zombie course that was probably just the drugs I slipped them hey don't judge  I'm kidding I would never do that I do what every true gentleman does when in need.
Pick up hookers .

Hey John Joel said as he slipped up behind me like some poetic ninja .

Joel amigo how the hell are you please do me a favor and explain to this woman just who I am I mean really yeah it's like they don't know how kick **** I am .

Well Gonz maybe I can talk them into letting you do a reading .
Look this guys totally ******* nuts okay so bare with me Joel
whispered to the mc lady  who's smaller brain was truly annoying the **** out of me.

Gonz let me just work this out okay buddy .
I began to object then Joel pulled a truly ***** trick by handing
me the most recent issue of hustler magazine  .
From what I herd it had a great article in it yeah right you have to admire **** that doesn't pretend to be nothing more than what it truly is kind of like me  .  

The woman and Joel spoke for some time and I assume she had seen the error of her ways as she laughed and shook her head oh that Joel he is a charmer.

I  was almost halfway through the ****** hunt  section when .
Joel appeared again like some magical poetic ninja slash friendly dragon .

Gonz man I pulled some strings and after I do a reading your going to close the show hell I even got you your own dressing room and everything figured you'd like to warm up a bit or at least not ******* in front of everyone it's getting a bit awkward I'm just saying bud.

I had to admit Joel was a true friend and as I was shown to the back dressing room it truly tugged at that lump of coal I called a heart to know I still had a true friend on the site I could trust .

Okay here's your dressing room Mr Gonzo it must be a awesome one I thought to myself for it had a big red sign above the door man they truly went all out for me .

But much like when I learned where babies come from my delusion was soon broken in half yeah I always thought they came from dumpsters like I did.

I was standing in a alley ***** cold there were no drinks or hot chicks with there ******* out as I had been promised .
****** man I was starting to believe I had been tricked.

I quickly made my way to the front of the club to tell Joel what these ******* had done !.
But the doors were locked man poor Joel they have trapped him inside
anything could be happening I sure hope he wasn't being ***** .

I banged on the door but couldn't see anything for the lights were off
it's like the people inside were avoiding me like most my friends .

Hey I know your in there open up you *******! .
Woman with the small brain I called out.
Please if you can here me please get Joel out of there he's to good to be tarnished by your terrible readings or *****  cause that's not funny haha yes it is I'm so demented.

I sat there for what felt like ages .
and after five minutes I had to give up Joel was lost to the poetic **** inside ****** man so many good writers have been lost to such lures as these coffee shop readings.

I made my way to the local bar heartbroken seems there was no love for Mr Gonzo left in this town  .
I ordered a double and drank one to my friend who probably is reading this and thinking what the **** am I on this time .

Well it's mix of speed and bourbon but I'm  taking it a bit easy these days .

Dam you!, poetry coffee house readings you have taken far to many of my friends .
I drown my sorrows and passed out as usual and thanked the lord I had escaped with my life and Joel's **** mag I will treasure it forever my friend.

Until next time
Stay crazy kids .

Gonzo

The bottle and old thoughts haunt me all the same
In whispers of what was and should never be did we lose our way
or just vanish as quickly as the night before the day?

So many times I thought of lines
now simply I cast shadows where the blank spaces do reside.
Tomorrow cannot promise so why should I?
Let the words hold there own where I never could .
We all have a cross to bear and me?
I prefer to simply drive in the stake

But make no mistake,
what's nailed upon
an empty cross
is full of regret and loss
and underneath a barren plain
is buried pleasure and sadistic pain
self recriminations and needless blame,
but all the same
we build empires of shame
to live inside as truly insane
we drink from memories
that stoke a flame
to burn eternally, assuring fame
and comfort in a well of regret
we drink to forget, tomorrow
was just a promise made to us
by those that sit at our feet
when they crawl upon our laps
we are beat, we are trampled beneath
our own demise, we hid beneath
our own disguise
and we expired, when we desired
surcease from our wickedness

As I walk a red card in my  jacket and miles of empty thoughts long cast aside
No words find solace were the demons cling to their vices.
All things decay as if to remind the living of the walk we all must bear

I find no guilt in my pleasures just more scars to bare in happiness to none.
Whispers of once was lay in empty thoughts.
I speak with a mouth full of razors all to eager to cut down the meek .
No words hold me in chains I simply but as I will nothing speaks clearly as a pause of silence.

And the old thoughts that linger to grow into rumors
Now they are all that is left of me .

Rumors of old bones that litter
the path to ruin are spoken by
those that whisper to dead ghosts
and kiss bloodless lips
inside crumbling passages
of age old keeps, on windswept
moors where bleeding eyes leak
tears weeping for something more

Down the streets cobbled with fear
slicked with garbage and the stench
of ever rotting verbiage,

Speak no more in silence, cry no more in penance of an oft abused
life that only walks alone under an
ever present thunderstorm of
howling winds and lightening strikes
and icy rivulets that trickle upon skin

This walk of  sin is where it begins .

As a canvas of naked beathy I trace every curve loving every moment when her sweet skin is pressed against

mine.

Her moans A music to fill the darkness of a passion filled night.

Kissing lips tasting the sweetness of desire her body the vesssel of my love.

Inside the softness are plessure building her love free as inside her i drive myself

yerning for this moment to never end.


Love is eternal *** is a action that only brings us togather as one.

A storm of emotions and a valley of plessure as we explore are bodys

togather one night of many of a eternal passion.


Her legs around my waist back against the wall bodys apart souls togather.

her plessure my passion sweat laced slumber as togather we came.

as in gentle slumber i brush her hair aside from her neck.

marvle at my angel so sweet within my arms.


As she turns to me looking so deeply beyond all i am not.

And seeing her lover and her friend she takes my inside her

as we make love through the nights plessure casting aside the past and its

pain.


In her eyes I see all that I never knew i could be.

Her eyes that touch my soul and melt the flesh.

Words unspoken her body so perfect as if made for my arms.


This night eternal you've cast over every day.

Julie Elizbeth Robbins.

You know the ocean of my soul and it yerns for you to forever stay.




I could never say everything you are to me Jules.

are road has been long but all I know is that.

you are my passion and the life blood to my soul.

For we know what other's few ever will

love eternal babydoll John.

He rolled a tumbleweed of chaos hitting the floor like a ton of bricks.
**** that really looked like it hurt the voice said at the top of the stairs .
The man paused only to light his cigarette and begin his decent down the stairs.

**** please look tell MR  O'Bannon I'll have the money next Wednesday I promise.
The beaten down ******* said blood slightly pouring from his mouth .
Yeah and I thought last time we gave you a week you would clear everything up pal.
With that the man drove a boot into the man on the floors ribs you could hear whatever air was left in the man expel from him a balloon popped at a child's carnival.

It always came to this he thought and it was the **** he hated most as he took another deep drag and blew the  smoke a dragon amongst the lambs.  
the victim was Tommy Owens  he was a first class gambling fiend with as much luck for betting
as a blind man would have for driving a car on the interstate.

The orders were clear either collect the money or close Tommy's marker.
Jack had known the dumb ******* half his life just all the other stupid ******* who saw hope in swimming with sharks.'

MR O'Bannon was a ruthless scumbag who  fed on his own kind and controlled this beaten down neighborhood  and Jack was one of the reasons for it.
you think any business mans going to ***** his hands taking out his own garbage?  

Jack was the trash man and his hands were permanently covered in his bosses ***** deeds.
Jack hated his job almost as much has he hated himself.
But sharks has have no other choice but to swim or die and he dam sure wasn't checking out anytime soon.


Tommy coughed in agony trying to breath and trying to get past the pain of a fresh pair of surely
broken ribs.

**** Jack!
He said in a  voice more broken than his soul.
Please we've known each other since back in the day please just get me some more time please
What about my son?

He always hated when they used that card but if he were in the same fix jack knew he'd do whatever it took to get out of the certain outcome.

It's not like a movie when it comes to doing what has to be done .
In fact it's far more ****** up than any coked out movie director could imagine.
People cry they beg while others just go silent there the ones that always get to you.

Jack stood Tommy up  .
I'll get you some more time alright just this is it my friend you know what happens if you ***** this up.

Jack thank you man the tears welled up in Tommy's  his eyes.
walking him back upstairs jack could no more tell you what Tommy babbled about than if you asked him a question about the worlds economy.

You have to be able to turn that switch of all humanity off in your head and that's what sperates the wolves from the lambs.
As he sat Tommy down in that drab old recliner he could only recall just how silent he was as he turned to leave .

And how even though he could feel the barrel of the pistol to the back of his head he said nothing.
Everyone deserves at least a  grain of comfort and privacy even in death.

It was always that moment before that killed jack.

And as he left the apartment building the another scar and grain of dirt left under his nails and tarnish upon his soul .
He still recalled the sign he saw from the church that read.

Yes he loves even you.

Somehow jack thought to himself  that wasn't probably meant for him.
And if he loved Tommy so very much he sure had ****** up way of showing it.

Sometimes you have to realize you cant play the game against a man who holds
a loaded deck.

And luck is just false hope for suckers.

                                                       ­   The End.

Sunsets cast my vision seldom have you seemed more than I can describe.
Moonlit memories are great dellusion for we bask in idle tides time often changes view.

A clocks steady rythm counts my empty hours pace.
Rain tonight will you wash it clean yet one last time?
Old friends and new bottels cast the tide to carry all away but me.

It was passion now its more like regret.
Even demoms have to sleep sometime so when shall I?
Night clubs tight skirts paint the picture i'd raher make the scene than write the finish.
Traps often lure with the sweetest perfume.

Maybe I choose it all wrong accept you.
A jazz bands logic in a semi broken soul.
Will we ever connect for my own sake?
It's taken me so far no longer can view the shore have i finally drifted to far?

They share my company but never my soul Im just counting the hours sweetheart till
its my turn to bid farewell.

But roads lead to many ways.
But I have to question will they lead you my way again.
Old fools were once young dreamers can you still hear me through the haze ive grown to call my voice?
The song always brings me back.
But my aim was seldom true.

Someday seems like sometime i'll never drift by again.
So I'll wait as always in this scene im to screwd up to escape.
Sweetest kiss fire never dies.
But passions are but a glimmer of the emptyness ive grown
to call myself.

Times a dream from which I choose not to wake.
I'll always be around my dear.
In one half out of it form or another.

It's only when your alone do we forget what a true pain in the *** people tuely are.
Maybe for some it's just missing waking up next to warm body your face burried deep within her hair.

Others may be something altogather different and for others it is a true friendship far beyond a cheap **** it's the laughter i miss.
Thoose moments I took for granted i guess it's just her I miss.

It was nine years of hell mixed with touches of heaven.
I had tried to erase the memorie with gallons of ***** and cheap flings
Forgettible faces *** can be empty at times and can do more dammage than we know.

The bar that sits only a few paces from her door is still there.
The places all the same yet they seem cold as I am no longer welcome there
Or was it just me and a paranoid refletion.
portsmouth is a strange place indeed where on one side of the street are people sitting outside in the summer sipping cocktails eating overpriced meals.
and right across the street people wait in line at the soup kitchen.

niether group looks towards the other like the old color lines during the times in america we'd all like to forget guilt is a ***** indeed.

Still no matter the problems in this world it always goes back to are own simple lives why you may ask?

Cause we cant solve the worlds problems and thoose who belive they can seem.
to have this habbit of always getting shot.
So here I sit in thumpers the local yuppie bar I used to look at from her window.

the view was a lot better  from her place but the drinks are a lot better here.

Do I miss her?
Yes.
Will I knock on her door tonight and beg her for her love like some desperate love struck fool?
No. I just sit here get drunk talk to some woman and if I'm lucky get laid close my in the mist of passion and pretend it's her.

Maybe I'm a coward but I'm  also a man and we all need that contact even if for only for one night.
If only I could reverse that view maybe then I'd just sit there and remember just what a pain in the *** she was.  

And rememeber why I'm in this goddamed bar to start with.
So I'll drink to her in my seat by the window underneath the neon sign.
And pretend that my life was misery with her so I can stand this crap i'm  living now.

Women are the worst drug you'll ever know.
But ****** there fun and I'll die befor I leave em alone.

It wasnt my best day in fact I was lost like a person who has actual musical taste at a modern pop concert.

Hopeless beaten in need of a hug or maybe something else .
Hey id sit outside with a sign around my neck saying *******.please if I thought it actually work.

What dont judge me and dudes need not apply that was a phase in college .
Im kidding I never went to college

She was gone and i was alone left with the farting dog and a world of pain while the miserable  **** puppy was off having the time of her life .

Minus the ***** dancing and Patrick Swayze wearing his skin tight **** black shirt .
But nobody puts baby i a corner im just saying.

Sure I was alone my ***** supply running low trapped in a ******* no hope of getting laid in sight but who's ******* bitter .

I mean I could replace my favorite nypho ******* head cheerleader with the snap of my fingers.

Yeah I was totally ****** .
I didn't miss her so.much but why the **** did she have to take her ******* ****** with her **** greedy ***** .

******* women ya think they could just leave it behind like half there ******* clothes but oh no the greedy *** *******.

And to all the ladies reading this please dont take offense im not calling all of you ******* just the ***** ***** I was with for six ******* years but again im not bitter.

I was high and dry left only with half her crap and some farting furry hobo I called ****** .

Hey I was the man!
I was the one that was supposed to leave her in the dust .

It was then I had a moment of genius and yet another stiff drink cause my live in ****** left me to die in misery but who's bitter.


I dialed her number .
And to.my suprize she picked up.

Hello Gonzo.

I waited

Um are you just calling to not say anything yet again like last night while you play some.****** up hair metal power ballad in the background again?

Oh Kelley
Hey sorry bout that last night didn't realize my phone was on .
Yeah was at a total **** naked chicks everywhere didn't know I called you being I was so busy banging the night away totally not thinking of you.

Yeah that's why I could hear you crying and please pick.better music next time okay .

Well im sorry my.why did you leave me you cold hearted ***** playlist wouldn't load .

Jesus Christ Gonzo im.not going to do this with you I told you were done I love you but im not in love with you cause im a heartless ***** .
Okay she didn't say the last part but all my stories are based on reality duh there's a difference.

I paused thought about all the good times and ***** things we used to do I was really having one of those sappy TV show moments.

Gonzo what the **** are you doing?
Kelley asked .

Nothing why just thinking bout the past looking at some home movies we made.

Jesus ******* christ!
Your watching **** and talking to me do not tell me.your jerking off as well you ******* pervert!

Kelley said. In her **** angry voice once made me think I was in trouble or gonna get a spanking once I didn't fear cause she was on the phone and duh ya can't do that over the phone ******* reader .

I swear you people who read this are total weirdos I guess that why I love you so much .

But enough with the foreplay children.

After I um got off the subject of if I was ******* to some art films me and my ex made together .

It was really a think piece about a woman kinda lost seeking to find herself with no gag reflex .

I really miss my ******.

Sure she was a cruel ,ruthless,lying,Cheating **** puppy but she gave me *** without charging .

To.much that is hahaha I know im ****** up but dont judge me least im a honest pervert.

Gonzo you know there's always going to be a part of me that loves you .

Yeah kid I know .
We were both silent for awhile .
I paused recalled the nights remebred just how close we were laying together in the dark .

Looking into each others eyes .
The scared messed up trainwreck of a soul that always laughed at my jokes.

The silence went on forever till I farted the loudest **** possible It was long and stinky honestly it sounded like a bomb going off and smelled worse than strippers g string after a long night at the club .

Not that I know what that would smell like I mean from what I've been told I mean.

Well at least its good to know nothings ever serious with you.
You drunken ******* .

So does this mean you've seen the error of your ways and are on the first flight home to totally ***** the life outta me again?

Um no.

Okay maybe a ******* ?

Don't think so Gonzo.

**** okay a ******* while we watch one of those gay *** chick flicks you like .
Hey you be suprized how good the notebook is while getting ****** off.

Mmm Ryan Gosling mucho **** is all I'm gonna say.


Im kidding well kinda.

Gonz honey I know your in pain and I just want you to promise me this baby.

Please don't stop writing okay.
Kelley  said to me.
I don't care what its about baby just never stop I love your work I always will you know your my favorite writer always.

I just got to figure me out is all.

I paused to drag this story out just a little longer and make the five of you that stuck through to read this **** wonder .

What the hell kind of **** is this nut on.

Well im definitely not on my ex haha but who is bitter.

We spoke a llittle longer I made her laugh as always promised her I would keep on being the greatest perverted short story writer on a site for poets that I could be.

We hung up went are separate ways.
I went on to be captain kickass .

And Kelley  she fell asleep at the wheel drove off the side of a mountain dying in a fiery death .

Im kidding well I can always hope .

Im still writing like she asked.
And as long if your reading this sweetheart I know your demented *** thinks its funny .

Stay crazy.

Gonzo

After stage exist do i leave a true self behind?
As the act has taken hold of my existance I view only one out.
With the dust.
Will hidden message be reveled my madness never was there a more true
poisen to pen than vice thats nothing more than the man.


Cheap motel's road trips have taken there toll as ive taken more from thoose with which ive shared a
sin laced night.
Im fine I swear.
And  even togather I assure you im alone.

Start out slow just to burn out fast.
Empty the glass washed down pills and forgotten conversations
the jokes a cruel subject may I be your life's teacher?

Emptyness Inc. hollow my hall's least  it's better than some
self righteous fool who has been left to preach.

A cheap **** and a firm shake.
You cant run with wolves and stay the lamb.
Uppers to wake ***** to slow and coke to understand its somehow it's gotta end.

Im sorry next time i'll call only to show the sadist within.
Pray they cant view the sweats man he truely lives his act or is his addictions living as what
he once knew to be him?

Moments I breath only to sink underneath waters drowned are my demons
care to hear there thoughts clear?

A angry voice lives behind vice can i calm this storm how can I grant safe passage?
When I cant even stand in the slightest wind?
Another night and still they ignore it because they hate to comfront for fear they'd taste the razor of tongue and face vice's all there own.

Art in any form should never be safe.

Hello she answers waitting for the line within mind
she know's will probaly sooner than later be read.
I cant say something I can never feel.

Remorse is great for hero's.
Im happy to be your villan.

Another town it's always a old scene.
Were the ****** up circus come to fuel a always burning ego driven fire.
A hot night a devil's pornagraphic scene.

What the dust leaves no true care of a honest ******* I fear none but myself.

In his seasons passing words wither and fade with the sunsets reprise.
These images paint portraits with grey backdrops tattered, twisted throwing stones across the pond only to hear them vanish in the dark waters below.

All the pretty flowers fully in bloom untouched by earth and unsoiled in the dirt of corruption of an existence lived in regret.
Bitter pills and torn pages have we not traded are truths to be lies created for are own protective womb of deceit to fulfill our ego.

All the pretty flowers wither just the same.
As standing skeletons left only to haunt the backdrop of our thoughts decay.

Are we not monsters?, Who once stood as men with great views whose vices consumed them turning us into something we can barely recognize ourselves.

Soil once fertile now seems only scorched a barren square of emptiness once were all things did grow.
All the pretty flowers mourn springs passing this concrete idealism for which no direction seems to suit us best.

I stand where here no longer will anything grow.

This is just a simple write  .
Came up with it lastnight.
Right befor I hit the floor.
Fell on my face yet for some odd reason
my backsides  sore.

Drinking with Jack can be  trip.
Joking one minute  next he'll give ya a fat lip.

But im not the kinda fella that does cry.
He's a crazy ******  but I love the guy.

A demented view.
Totally a hatter so am I two.

When Im off he always takes up the slack
Cheers my semi insane brother Jack.

Frozen was the ground warm was the flesh.
A total whiteout.
Yet not a single curve was missed through
such thin mesh.

She spoke frozen in the moment
to every word she said.
So cold was the night.
Warm was the bed.

Deep within  passion written with
with a kiss.
Warmth cannot be ignored.
Even on a snow covered night like this.

Snow drifts slowley as i view
the moon's light illuminate your
silhouette as across the room you slowley walk.
Confessions in the key of plessure
with such gentle pillow talk.

Ice cicles  and love bites.
Memories etched deeply within are hearts.
From these lovesick nights.

And as snow does melt.
We will not question every little word said.
Just cheerish the moments.
When cold was the night.
And warm was the bed.

Forgotten fights lost conversations and past conquests loom heavy in this scene of good times and past regrets .

Can you take me to that place we know   exists and all to often ignore sweetheart I'm not looking to change just be in the moment.

Dim lights and what never was the fire is a passion that never dies just is passed to another group for more of the same .

One last line and maybe take another home the emptiness suits some as time will bury us all.

Tonight is all that matters .
As we taste the wine that yesterday will never recall.

I'm the poet in the chaos and the writer in the moment That need be
Just a pawn of The words sweetheart I will be gone tommorow just the same.

Its all in a good time and a chapters end .

I will miss it one day.
Question is will they ever miss me.

Adios

Gonz

No matter what happens just keep playing kid.
I was sixteen when I first started playing music as a DJ in a little redneck bar in Carolina .

Green as a glade of grass that would soon change .
I hung with the barflys the rejects the bikers and the ones that just couldn't leave there past behind.

I wasn't friends with kids my age I found my crowd and tried every vice in between.
You don't know **** at sixteen so don't pretend you do I learned from those who scars were many as the stories they told.

I watched the crowd they were always willing to turn on you
It was sink or ******* swim in a sea of smoke and stale beer .
The women weren't like the girls in high school .

There was no delusion of something more just a fast night and a good time followed by a ****** up hangover .
I had nothing in common with my own age group hell I partied with there parents knew off duty cops thieves and dope dealers .
They were all full of **** in there own way.

I cared little for a classroom I learned everything I needed to survive in those little dive bars .
I was underage six foot four acted and looked older so I just fit in .

There was danger
There was always some **** just waiting to happen .
No wonder I left the awkward world of social climbers and ******* proms behind.

Money was fast and so was everything worth a goodtime.
Who the **** needs someone when you can have the chaos of another night.
It was everything that I missed and never knew existed .

I will always remember that little ugly *** stage .
The faces changed real music still lives .
I gave them happiness they gave me there money.

It was my life's college .
The brain would learn what the pen would write many years later .
If your worried bout the page at sixteen your lost already.
Life will fill in the gaps .

Live first then it will all eventually fit together .

I forget everything now but I never forget those times .
One stage is always like the next .
The only rule no matter what happens when your up there .
Just keep playing kid .

Just keep playing.

The aftermath of a supposed good time remain untouched.
Every ****** up flaw for none to cherish and all to judge.
It was a storm of my life one still for which I bare the scars.

You destroyed my existence to show me a life I now cannot from which   fathom a departure.
Yet through addictions we clung to reality as we filtered are own ******* without a care.
Track marks and worn makeup sweetheart the road  still cant realize tomorrows embrace.

I  see the places now with trained eyes the places we died in self to form a bound of hellish demise.
Sick in love as tortured in soul.
Can I ever clean your burden for which none may ever allow me to forget.

Such passion in that highest of lows we were the nights children now simply we are the
sunrise of a far off delusion.

I saw your depth turn to emptiness as the black hole logic did swallow us all.

It was hell knowing but far worse trying to remain a secret of no true surprise.

I remember when last we sat cold from the night but warm from the fix.
It was the darkest hours.

And forever you a favorite  blemish of mine.

now I exist the outcast welcomed inside.
A excitable addict amongst the upper class swine.

There's no  difference in the rats simply a title and a ******* ego to try to tell yourself
you made it out alive.

Never believe the ******* they tell you.
My scars now faded hidden from view.
Still traces remain  to remind me there's no difference between me and you.

It always cold even in my vices warmth.

Why try when ya can buy?
I made like seventy comments.
Yeah he donated tweenty bucks and has more
points than I.

Respect dont come with the side of a card.
It's not totally broke.
But to demolish it were trying hard.

Mr Robbins can you just please keep your
mouth shut.
we'll buy ya a case of wild turkey
you drunk *** pain in the but.

Point and poetry really dont mix.
what is this nascar?
Nothing that some strong drinks cant fix.

The doors are locked  lets semd in a spy
to see whats going on in that joint.
Hey i just  won at beer pong  
did that get a point?

Were all  about exposer so get your beads.
Avoid the restrooms at the Pub.
look  in the red light district of hello
cause everyone's got needs.

I gotta point for logging in and  one for
coloring within the lines.
And got no license  for like
few thousand dollars in unpaid fines.

Heres a point for me.
And heres a point for you.
With the ******* a few
fellow poets did point and said they were threw.

Yet here i stay slightly sober
happy to stir the ****.
That  i refuse to play the game.
Hey how many points do i get to quit?

Drinks are always on the house at HPs
number one joint.
And if ya waste time getting  anry with
me then ya really didnt get the point$

Speaking from the storm  the madness is the perfect place to be.
The roads movement takes my mind from diffrent stages none of
which are sobber.

Like some acid test reject being told I've already had to much
when I hadnt even taken a single hit.
Oh  well  catholic  school was long behind me.

And reflecting apon sister  Mary I question  why any man would hold such a bizzar  fantasy  although  after that first beating when
I screamed out ****** woman  lets knock off the forplay
give me that paddle  no wonder the poor woman was shocked.

Thoose years  were great till they finally passed me **** how I was looking forward to my tenth prom  people see a grown man
at there door a case a beer under one arm  and some strange
flower thing in the other  asking for there seventeen year old daughter  and they assume your some kind of pervert.

Dam you Chris Hansen.
Yes then you turn to dating teachers but there only interested
in the  younger one's  ****** woman   wait hey  you used to be
in my class now your a teacher  growing up.
Ive herd most people are into it   but  that doesnt sound like
much fun.


But  now  that it was voted i could no longer go to summer camp.
Cause of legal issues   I have to join this  grown up world.
But like my best friend Timmy said life  really ***** sometimes
Gonzo.

Yes Timmy you are wise for a ten year old  you know you really shouldnt be drinking   that mix of cookies ***** and red bull
is a wicked one indeed   trust me I learned that at three.

Well  as I down six heinekens  take a few uppers  chop a line
down seven shots of wild turkey just to take the edge off befor work.

I fix my tie  and **** it up.
cause that school bus isnt gonna drive itself.
That and thoose kids parents  are goona be worried.
Sometimes thoose field trips just get outta hand.

Hell they needed to brush up on there spanish.
Well untill  this is Gonzo saying stay crazy and avoid being caught sober  blame it on the *****  adios.

The sunset kissed the horizen  and the flask was finally empty.
My old friend to no suprize  had said his last goodbye.
Theres a place in a man's mind that doesnt allow understanding.

Darkness was soon to replace the laughter.
As a void was forever left.

Walking from the site I had no dellusions this was  to
be continued  no play of words could twist fate.
Outlaws were never ment to see happy endings.

He knew the game and laughed at it's  outcome.
To be forgotten  wasnt a ploy but only time held the cards
and its face wasnt giving any clues.

The redness in the clouds like a perfect backdrop
cast a shadow apon the headstone  the leather bound flask
with the intials engraved into its front.

Was but a side note to a epitaph.
Time in thought's is wasted apon a life
ment to be otherwise empty.

It's time for me to leave.

And so a souls winter does begin.

The night always falls a sweet embrace to the citys bitter reallty.
And I it's ever pressent *** a nothing in a sea of so called movers and shakers.
I saw them all rise and in that growth I also saw that which made them special turn to the worst of the mundane .

A  sort of flawed perfection.
Now just a run of the mill joke.
Anyone can be good show me depth and most will just ask how much does that truely cost?

Take my traggic ending make it something in a empty lie to suit your dreams .
I still preffer my nightmares reprise.

Am I not the artist but have I killed the clown to give all till all is what none did ever require?
Please find comfort in a happiness I myself could never grasp.
And ignore bitter tears drown in many rivers yet to embrace the flood
and a pressent future.
I preffer a bloodstained past broken hearts existance.

What is left still ***** with even my own thoughts.

You should have stopped while your ahead my boy **** how I hate advice.
Maybe im a reject of a long gone feeling we no longer share.
Maybe I simply stopped giving a **** altogather.

Heres the punchline Ive lost it friends lets drink to a sunset and a passing tide.

Whats left is a chaos inspired novel and a unending addiction i can no longer control.
Maybe a it's hell but what a night we shared time's a ***** who's dance cards often full.
Laughter covers the uneasy feelings I view in the readers mind.

Watch with fire for certain its burn we know when we have played.

But yet another night closes and im just another lost whisper of a forgotten conversation.
dont darken my grave if you've never stood at my door.

We all saw the truth just some choose to ignore its end.
And others never gave a dam to begin with.

One day we'll all understand the street lights fade and the silence
does erase us all.
Sunrise I care less to greet your return as i truley linger to embrace your fade.

Dear Hello  

A dark cloud  has been allowed to loom over us for to long.
And for all of you who  have fell victem  to this overgrown
child of a cyber bully I am truley sorry,

Now  with that said  I throw down the challenge to
the one we do not speak of   my numbers are many
my pub is full  the whiskey is free and the message is simple
I will no longer take crap from a certin sweetheart from hell.

Who fianlly posted work and proved my point.
If it wasnt for the hipe she created there would be
nothing even remotley special   about her snore infested work.

Point blank its you our me and this site is not
big enough for the both of us.
If you are what people truley want here then i will gladly leave.

You could have went to poetry soup  but in all truth you wouldnt have made a ripple in the water the only reason you have is cause people react to your *******.

Half of your so called fans are actully you.
you want to cross me i'll out you everytime.
Cause a person who  enjoys huting others  is a punk.

And a old *** woman who goes around talking ****
cause she's so insecure   about her own work.
Well is just pathetic and people who applaud the garbage
that comes outta your mouth are either you or
just as ****** up as you.

You do not hand out  criticism  your a heckler.
Poetry is self expression and to be honest with people
takes courage but to simply say utter crap.
shows your ignorance and lack of respect
for anyone.

Not everyone you bash is a adult  so I ask you
this.
Being a mother yourself would you want
a grown adult verbally attacking your kids?

Your playing a character i am guilty of that also
but i do not hurt others in doing so.
Had you came here posted your work
offred constructive  critcism  you would have done
fine  here  I could care less  if you hate me.

Cause  good or bad Im not a person who hides.
I will not complain behind your back im talking directly to you.
drop  the act drop the hate.
If you do id never speak another word against you.

I will say one thing that was wrong of me.
I should not have revealed the fact  of who you
truley are for you are so insecure you must hide
yourself  from everyone.

I do not hide  and I do not spread hatred.
It's simple the people should speak not fear
we should have a vote  me or you who stays and who goes.

Because  if  your actions are what people want.
then I dont want  to be part of this.

It's fine not to like everyone  cause it's clear
me and you are just two diffrent kinds of people.
You speak about your high profile job  well
if you were so busy then you wouldnt have
time to waste on us lesser beings.

To me  I would like to hear your real voice.
Not the villan act for if that is who you truley
are you a sad human being.

So people of hello I ask are you going to tollerate  
the constant attacks  is that what you want?
Is that what you want a poetry web site to be?

You let one of these people stay soon the river will
become a stagnate pond.
Hate does not  breed creativity it breeds ignorance.

So I ask what do you want this site to become?

Nights move  like a forgotten  ghost unwanted by all.    
A vision  unseen to all but one.

Down damp streets he haunts the same path every night just befor the dawn.
The empty hearts gather to drown togther in the sea.

Togther feeling so very alone.
Can we cast shadows in the darkness project happiness in such gloom to return the   same old haunts again and again.
A wheel  rolling  without question.
On into the emptyness of my night.

Waitting for a return that  never will be.
Cursing the problem never understanding it was her and me.
As the dream turn to the drunk.

The painter paints no longer sunsets but
Nights and his thoughts of blue to gray.

Warmth in the darker corners gives a view to
the young and  the still hopefull.
Tiping my half empty glass I wish them to never know pain.

Finding a home with other empty hearts caught.
In ***** sheets im haunted by the ghost of my
former self.

A puddle stepped in cast waves of reflected neon light.
As we play a roll unknown to all  
At typewritter  I sit.
Listening to To the bar and bottles clatter men and women's
laughter and soon forgotten fight.
Yerning to be free so is the emptyness of my night.

I told you truths we laughed off as just another one of my moments and to me you knew when even could not say.

Words left apon a page are meaningless without the insperation to support them.

Are troubles many but to this friendship  I owe everything never worry how it sounds just read it and know .

We all get sideways sometimes .
Love you sister.

Remember my words long after the silence tears us apart .

This will always be for you.

Page unwritten  hand never to be
played.
Outcasts sitting at center stage.
When you never showed love.
It's no need to question why no one ever stayed.

And you never wondred and new better
to ask.
Cause people grew tired of the game.
And you of the mask.

Deep emotin with which like
overgrown children we play.
Gone in a second.
Was it love or just another day.

Torn sails endless flow.
Blocks and miles.citys and backroads.
Like any flock we scatter.
Only to lose track the futher we go.

Dellusion speaks well amoungnst friends.
You see it's the last farewell.
But with truth in are thoughts
everyone pretends.

Are you okay everyone does ask.
You give a expected reply.
And slip into oblivian slowley
fading behind your mask.

So many truths do embrace a gentle teasing lie.
Im far worse than you may invision a monster of rampage and gentle nightmares poetic reprize.
Do you ever wonder fact from fiction or simply never care just as long as it so does entertain.

Bleed the well to starve the creative fire will it ever make sense again?
She 's always a muse but seldom a creative force my words my own share the glory and you'll
lose sight of the shore.

To many drink's and lost night's lets cast them aside once more in a one night stand passion
Let us never cross paths again.
You'll only see me in shadow so take the best and try to never recall what was left befor sunset called it a night.

Broken dreams gather to make a soul bitter and this **** I just cant stop.
Please understand it's never been a choice dear heart.
A hotshot  taken in vice and a final fix.

We never cast the stones we belive will be returned.
A dance will cost you more than you could ever understand.
And once to I saw the forrest for it's tree's now I simply cast blind regards to
thoose I cant truely recall.

They pass me by as so should you.
Sweetheart will a moment cast a delusion I cant be?
Old times were the hell are you now?

So gather your thoughts call me the fool for refusing to care.
Soon I will erase it just the same final round join me toast nothing and old friends
no longer here.

Soon I will carve that place eternal as a nights velvet harsh as dreams that once
I belived were mine.
Sunsets always hold the pain as nights hold my heart.

Forever doesnt seem all that long to me.

Take from it what you will.

From the boardwalk I cast a view from weather beaten rail.
To ocean erased shore.
In a vision of two lovers often we can't recall.

A time's past in a more forward view.
Im at the end.
A chairs stance and a rope's hold to neck.

Smoke ring's the night's in my failures I've bled my sorrow's
dry.

Saltwater  from eye's a overview from a scrapbook's
hell.
This prison I created harbour's my wall's of minds design.

Like a beggar most choose to ignore.

I wish if only you to care without touch but of spark.
And mother natures soul.

Sand of glass frayed the edges of a weathertorn manuscript
of what never was.

Let me die in memories eternal embrace.
No hand outstreched.
Rejection of existance so often home I've come
to reconize as this  place.

Smoke rings drift into the night with thoughts
seldom  understood and often remebred.
Gin a old friend to newly betray.
Left cold in warm waters,

Over the border trapped  by a tongue with unspoken
thoughts and empty emotions.
Dust apon the flesh seeps into the soul.

A page held close to heart and far from thought.
Sometimes we have to be *******.
Cause when in hell the whiskeys burn
seem's to bring a chill.

Fate is a evil ***** Ive grown to love.
No need to say hello.
When goobyes already a promise.

She's as vacant as the mirage.
repeating a action she
leaves that part of herself behind.

Holding onto the rage masked as passion.
We remain numb to survive.
*** void of love.
Shells lacking soul.

The dust takes to vein.
The pen rewrite's the past.
Why polish the edges to appear
that which you can never be.

Confessions of the hollow.
To reveal the ******* who thrives within me.