Portals we call 'experiences'
We merge into the mindsets of our various friendships
Feasting like parasites, off of bliss and bruises
Walking out one door into another
Farewell to old parties
Tiptoeing out of other people's stories
I can't recognize who I was before
I am who I am now
"I can't believe I said that"
"I can't believe I did that"
Words we repeat throughout this journey
Rippled reflection from pulling my head out of the water
Drip drying pasts fading fast
Sober psychedelic experiences from our God within
Telling us to awaken the light we have been given

I love you, Mother Dearest
Your warm floral dress is my origin of choice
A tall beauty with intricate patterns on your skin, begging to be noticed
You fed me breaths and I grew tall- not as tall as you, but boy was I strong
I took my strength and I buried my heart into you

I love you, Mother Dearest
My heart grew where I planted it, it didn't take much to thrive
The soil was so clean
And you were chipping, but your mind stayed pure
Death was around the corner but you weren't afraid, you told me "It's no different from life, you just become light"

I love you, Mother Dearest
I know you are gone, but you aren't
You can hear me, but you can't answer the way you used to be able to
Clones of beautiful individuals take your place while you make your way up top
If I had the choice, I'd pick the sun too

I love you, Mother Dearest
Mother of all trees
Philosopher
Life supporter
Understood all

And I love you, Sun.

You may not have been birthed in the soil,
and granted,
you will not blossom
when spring melts winters wake
but inside of you
grows a thousand gardens
full of exploding stars.
You are of the earth
and your ashes
have been constructed with stardust,
and set free with the wind.
So you may not have a pretty face,
and your body may hold stories
of too many moonless nights alone.
But if you reach inside,
you will find a forest
for a ribcage
and a restless ocean heart.
So don't ever let anyone tell you
you are nothing.
You are a galaxy
holding a million different planets,
and my dear,
that is not nothing.

Earthly intelligence
Love is the apparatus of universal existence
Nothing more, nothing less
All we ever needed to know is already inside of us

Eyes are useful, but sometimes blinding
Spread your forehead open in the name of light
Reality is perception
Perception is you

You are the creator

It hurts, doesn't it?
My one word responses and unanswered texts?
Now you know exactly how I felt
When you decided you didn't care anymore.
But now you miss me and I couldn't care less.

"I notmally like darker hair on girls,
But with you it's different," he says.

I've noticed.
I've seen the way you look at it,
When I'm playing with my hair,
As I'm twirling it around my fingers.

The look that you give.
It is the look of a dog,
When he's staring right at you
While you are eating something.

The look of wanting. Desire. Temptation.
And you want to play with it.
You desire my golden locks.
As if the colour had anything to do with your temptations.

the world explodes in
the infinite now

in this one single moment
I experience infinity
where I live the truth that
I am always connected to everything
we are connected by the great tapestry of life

my heart explodes with joy in
the infinite now

I can't turn my sadness into beauty.  
I try and try and try but the truth is,
there's a certain kind of darkness
and a certain kind of evil
that can't be romanticized into a poem.
Not all feelings can be explained by vomiting up random words into a
college ruled note book paper.
We use words to make our suicidal thoughts sound normal.
Sound acceptable. Sound beautiful.
But suicide is none of those things.
So stop putting the idea of suicidal solutions into the minds of 13 year old boys and girls.
We constantly tell kids that suicide is not the answer,  yet we make the idea seem so appealing.
We paint a pretty picture of
slit wrists
coke lines
anti depressants
hospital beds
and grave stones.
But they are not works of art.
They are grey and cold and empty.
So stop using shades of red, yellow and pink, stop describing the warmth of pain, the way drugs and sliced skin fills your emptiness.
Tell it how it really is.
Instead of writing how good each cut feels, try writing about how bad it actually hurts. how its an addiction.
Instead of writing about the freedom you feel while high, try writing about the way you feel when you come down.  The way the pain crawls right back up your throat,  the way drugs actually ****** up your entire life.
Instead of writing about your sweet dreams of death,  the beautiful idea of taking your own life,
Try writing about the fact that you are terrified to die.  That you want so badly to live. That you don't want to give up.
Stop making the hurt you feel sound cool and trendy.
Tell the world what it's truly like
because lately people have sewn the words
"Beauty" and "pain" into a cute little pink sweater in white lace.

Restless
Ever since You infused into my Being

My eyes have not known rest

Eyes open I see only you in all

Eyes closed I neither know

thought nor contemplation or Dream

Just your wild Dance unnuanced

Or the death defying stillness

My eyes know no rest nor respite

With the all seeing One infused in Me.



This blessed restlessness

This relentless assault upon My Being

Please do not stop, Do not stop.