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 Sep 2017
Katlyn Orthman
There's no silver linings
No light at the end of the road
And I've been searching
...all on my own

The trees are losing thier leaves
Much like I am losing my hair
And the grass is growing it's weeds
And I'm seeing things that aren't there

Its these chemicals balanaced in my mind
That prompts me to find
Such sad little beings
Who love and live
As thoughts in my mind

I'm seeing faces in the shadows
Love in darkness
And happiness with the smoke in my lungs

And I'm done

So done with this constant ache
This soreness in my head
This brutal awakening
That I am dead

Not physically so because I still breathe
But inside of me, I bleed

I look in the mirror
And hate what I see
"Well change yourself!"
But that isn't me

And now I'm slumped on the couch
Listening to slow songs
Watching the room spin
Out of control

Wishing these thoughts weren't there
 Sep 2017
all for you
I fell for you like autumn leaves
I loved you like the moon loved the sun
I cared for you like my mother did me
I kissed you like it could be my last

but you broke me like a sheet of glass.
 Sep 2017
kaylene- mary
i've watched him bleed emotions in the way he holds his beer;
like a lover too potent to choke down but not sweet enough to finish

he is the side effect of the phrase
"kids can be cruel"
and i've spent nights searching for a warning label tucked in between his ribs,
expecting to find her name under
"owners information,"
but he won't let me close enough to find it

he ***** like he wants to forget,
but I don't much mind because i'm just trying to remember,
remember what it's like to feel that the stars are something someone built for me in their garden shed
but i grew up believing nobody would ever fall in love with me,
and he's too busy dragging his feet across the bar to notice the way she looks at him

i can hear the faded tunes of children singing
"words will never hurt me,"
while we empty ourselves onto *** stained sheets
don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone

i want to tell him that we are not stalled cars sitting abandoned on the highway,
and if in some way we are,
we only got out to walk and get gas
i want to tell him that this is just debris,
but he's already half way down the street,
substituting prayers for broken fingers and i can't run fast enough to put a cast around his broken wrists and sign it
*"THEY WERE WRONG"
we're not the only kids who grew up this way.
inspired by a poem by Shane Koycazan - To This day
 Sep 2017
kaylene- mary
but isn't the real tragedy that I found myself within you
as you briefly gazed into the mirror that is me and walked away
isn't the real tragedy that I have become a vise of borrowed space
a gap to be filled by hands I have reached for in the dark
that I have misplaced my emptiness for loneliness
and in return
lost count of the bodies I have slipped into like old coats
trying to find the one that shapes me into the woman I was before you left
my bones may be empty but my fists are full of the laughter of native ghosts
mocking me for holding onto a love less real than they are
isn't the real tragedy that I can't place the nights I have attempted to answer my question of grief with ***
a wreckage of ash perading as anguish
but isn't that love
not seeing the explosion when you are the bomb
isn't the real tragedy that I am alive purely by luck at this point
that I am nothing more than a decorated shipwreck
*an obituary
my very own ceremony
 Sep 2017
storm siren
Sometimes,
Usually at the worst times,
It becomes painfully obvious,
How very different we are.

You're never going to love me
The way I love you.
And I'm never going to be the
Type of sane, the type of stable
That you want.

It isn't that we're not compatible.
It isn't that we don't love each other.

It is simply that
We are very, very different.

I realized this last night.

From our interactions.
From you barely showing affection.
Ftom you only kissing my lips five times since you got home.
From your reluctancy to provide me comfort.

From how the words "I love you" and "I need you" and "I want you around"
Kept getting caught in my throat
And instead came out
As mangled "I'm sorry"'s.

Because I am sorry.
I'm sorry I have loved you for so long.
I am sorry that I desire a love and affection from you
That it seems you cannot give.
That, at the very least, you cannot give to me.

I am sorry for trying to force my way through your walls.
I am sorry for trying to make you love me
The way I love you.
That was too much to ask.

I am sorry for relying on you.
I am sorry for trying to make you care for me
More than anyone really should.

I am sorry about all the problems I've given you.
All the pain I've caused.

I am sorry.

I can assure you, it will not happen again.
 Sep 2017
Victoria Kelleher
I know most while here don’t think about their epitaphs,
But I’d like something on my stone to make your future lovers laugh -
You can tie me in a short black dress to lay my body down below
Have me face down so you can’t see the sunburn; call me beautiful.
I can’t attest to any wave that didn’t make me stutter
But remember swearing at the sea to try to make it pull me under.
Not another soul existed, ‘twas only she and I -
But we merged to one and every sun stopped fast to watch my alibi.
The moon was steady, gaze was hot but her winds were running cold
And they bore down on the mountains till those couldn’t help but fold;
They bowed before her, bent and broke, their last moments so tall
And I only glanced, intruding, trying just to understand it all.
I don’t believe they knew that she was cause of all the pressure
Only thought she let them rise again and fight the falling, fresher;
But my learned eye had far more sight than any man could see -
I imagine this she found a threat when her light was washing over me
So when I drifted further out, intent to meet them ‘fore they died
And floated in them aimlessly, I saw up front their sacrifice.
She spoke to me, “A stagnant sea would mean a certain death,”
Claimed ends would justify the means so long as she was still at rest.
To her I called, “You’re above it all, but the pull’s more than the push,
And I know what waits for me at shore but your nature leaves me in no rush.”
And now you’ll find me, stiff and damp and stinking of decay
But at least I got to end before my living body felt that way.
 Sep 2017
ZL
I know I'm running out of time
fear has stolen what is mine
legs stuck, unable to move
too many roads in life, which one to choose?
2 steps forward , 5 steps back
my life's purpose is under attack
I hate defeat, can't stand to lose
**** this mid twenties blues
 Sep 2017
Gabriel Marfim
When I look at you
I see many stars
pretty liny lights;

and I fear that
when you stare at me
there is only an empty sky.
 Sep 2017
Brianna Duffin
It’s gotten to the point where she won’t speak to me
And I wouldn’t speak to her if she did
Already once I’ve tried only to be ignored
And I have decided I really won’t try again
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to see her
Not how I have no interest in hanging out
The point that I do not want to be around her
And she acts like she never sees me anyway

And yet there is not ill will
I bear none, I detect none
I want none, but I don’t know about her

She doesn’t care about me at all
And I really can’t say I care for her
What are we then
Not friends or enemies or strangers
Or are we strangers again
Can we be strangers again
After all this time, purely nothing
Not a thing to each other
I think I’d like that
Or maybe I’d hate it
Maybe both, I don’t know
But I do understand
That something we worked so hard to build
Shows no sign of itself nowadays
So it appears we are strangers again
Well, I suppose there’s a bittersweet tinge
To knowing it and feeling it

I wish I could see with new eyes
I wish I could remember what it looked like
I wish I could see what they do
I wish I could figure out what it is they see
When they look at me and find nothing

Because now it seems we are just strangers,
Complete strangers when we pass by each other,
Complete strangers when a friend needs another friend,
Complete strangers now for better or for worse.
 Sep 2017
lavender
to hell with this eternal longing to be loved,
engraved in our souls.
too long have i confused my waning lust
for love.
it ruins me and has ****** me to an entirety
of suffering.
 Sep 2017
Skye Marshmallow
Wilted flowers,
Dying by the closed window,
In the the darkness they cower,
Suffering through the lack,
Of days spent with you.

These flowers jewel my childhood,
The colour in my photo book,
Now distant, cold and grey,
Petals falling each time,
 A maybe doesn't come to life.

Flowers see the mask,
The man hidden beneath,
A shadow of who he used to be,
Or maybe it was always pretend,
I was just to blind to see.
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