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all for you Mar 2019
on thursday, march 14, 2019, the streets flooded
our phones even emergency alerted us
we sat in my dorm
and scrolled through photos of the disaster
quiet gasps as seeing parks destroyed
and schools closed for the rest of the week
the snow is far gone
but the flood takes it’s place
the snow still reminding us
it’s not leaving, no, it won’t leave
we turn on a movie
and try to forget
but on sunday i’m driving
fields destroyed
streets and highways still closed
he leaves to go back to school
away from the floods
but only i remain
in the middle of what’s left
what’s never going to leave
the snow is back
the flood froze over
and back to how it used to be // love always
all for you Mar 2019
It was 3 degrees outside
She wore a purple fuzzy headband that seemed to cover her entire head
Her large and puffy grey coat went to her knees
A grey turtleneck underneath
And those clunky duck boots
While everyone else smiled at the weekend at 3 on a Friday
She looked confused
I could only imagine what she was thinking about

It was 58 degrees outside
The headband gone
She has blonde hair that’s up in a ponytail more often than it isn’t
The coat is gone but the turtleneck is still there
It’s striped this time
She still wears the duck boots since the snow is melting away
And there are puddles with every step
She’s smiling and laughing on the phone
Trying to explain directions
I can only imagine who she’s talking to

I can see it
I can see my future in the way her hair is flipping back and forth as she walks
I can see my future in the way her face lights up when she laughs
I can see my future in the way she curls her hands into her sleeves
I can see my future in how she tries to avoid a puddle but then steps into a deeper one
I can see my future in the way that puddle ripples around her
I can see my future in the way the melting snow seems to glimmer when she passes it

I learned she got the headband for free once
When she spent too much money at her favorite store
Her grey coat is a family company she’s obviously loyal to
The grey turtleneck is from the place she got the headband from
Obviously, she tells me with an eye roll and a laugh
The duck boots keep her feet dry, even if they’re not very warm
She looked confused because she was leaving economics, her hardest class
She had just learned a new concept that all of her classmates understood
But for some reason, she couldn’t wrap her head around it

She likes that her hair is blonde
But knows it’ll turn brown one day, like her mom
So she gets highlights put in, knowing it won’t help, but hopes anyway
She’s always wearing turtlenecks because she’s always cold
It’s from the same store as the other one
The duck boots are her favorite and her feet like them too much to wear other shoes
She’ll never admit it
But she steps in the deeper puddles on purpose because she likes how they splash
She was on the phone with her friend from high school
Directing her to the lot to park in
She’s staying over this weekend

I was right when I said my future was in her
It’s in the hair
The jacket
The turtlenecks
The headband
The boots
The confused look
The happy one
The eye roll
The laugh
The puddles
The snow
My future is her
i'm waiting for the day you'll find me, maybe it's someday soon // love always
all for you Dec 2018
I saw you across the room
And my heart leapt
It had been 5 months
The longest we’d been apart
It felt like the whole room
Was turned towards you
Waiting for this moment
For you to come home
And I’m on the outside
The forgotten one
By everyone but you
Who missed you most
And wanting to be the closest
And finally taking those steps

And you smile

And I smile back

And before I know it
My feet are carrying me
To you
And you open your arms to me
And they’re around my shoulders
And mine tight around your waist
And my face is pressed into your chest
And I almost start crying
As you whisper just to me
“It’s so good to see you”
And our heads hit
But neither of us noticed
As you held me so close
And finally we let go

And I smile

And you smile back
you never realize how much you truly missed someone until they're right across the room...missed you most // love always
all for you Nov 2018
It was snowing when you kissed me
It was biting cold
And whistling winds
But I felt so warm

It was snowing when you said you loved me
It was by the warm fire
And I smiled so much it hurt
But it was all so worth it

It was snowing when I noticed it
It was the distance looming between us
And unspoken words
But so much was being said

It was snowing when you left me
It was a blizzard that night
And I felt so numb
But my chest still ached

It was snowing when I woke up
It was the ache slowly leaving
And the realization of ending
But it being for the better

Well it’s snowing now
And I’m finally ok
I am going to be ok // love always
all for you Nov 2018
I woke up to the usual empty bed
and ran my hand over your side
I turned to my side and looked down
to find a note
'be back in 5, darling'

I never knew what 5 meant
you never specified
it never was quite 5 minutes
but also not 5 hours
and I stare at that note for the millionth time, wondering what you mean

5 minutes passed and you still weren't home as I made my coffee
5 hours passed and you still weren't back when I got home from my run
5 days passed and you didn't answer any of my calls or texts
5 weeks passed and the divorce papers were mailed to me
5 months passed and I still can't find the guts to call you and tell you
5 years passed and I just can't tell her that her daddy left

5 years old and she asks so many questions
5 years old and its just me and her
5 years later she still won't know who you are
and I'm waiting for her to leave a note that says
'back in 5'
wrote this awhile ago and realized I never posted it here. one of my favorites//love always
all for you Sep 2018
I should've held you closer
I should've called.
I should've texted.
I should've wrote.
I should've hugged you tighter.
I should've talked to you more.
I should've told you how I felt.
I should've told told everyone what this was.
I should've told my parents.
I should've told my friends.
I really should've told my sister.
I should've known you were destined for greatness.
I should've known you were more than this.
I should've known you were more than us.
I should've known it wouldn't last forever.
I should've known you were different.
I should've known this was something special.
I should've listened.
I should've talked.
I should've laughed more.
I should've cried less.
I should've told you to take the chance.
I should've listened to that **** song you recommended.
I should've watched that movie you raved about.
I should've put you first.
I should've loved you.
I should've loved you more.
I should've done more.
I should've told you.
I should've told you.
I should've told you.
I wish I would've told you all of this when I had the chance. but it's too late. I'm always too late // love always
all for you Aug 2018
i've hugged him twice in my life
once when everything was ok
and once when everything wasn't
but i said it was
I wrote this when I thought we could never be friends again, I found it today and smiled a little. I'm so happy to have you back in my life as one of my best friends. and so happy, that I got your hugs again // love always
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