By Arcassin Burnham

So I asked myself do I just move on,
Cause I always fail,
I think my soul dwells in hell to be strong,
Face is pale,

Like the other side of the polar arctic freezing at my feet


While I sink, been through enough of this now what do you
Think?
Does it amuse you for me to fall or make fun of my mental state like
I shouldn’t even be apart of this state,
Feeling ridiculed and misleaded,
Florida boy looking out for a way, so do I just move on,
Loving the little things in life to cope on,
Memories are just receipts and coupons,
Is this just something to fall upon.

I have more heart than you will ever have,
Swallow pride if you feel bad,
All I do is sit back and laugh while you laugh because nothing good will come out of this,
Nothing is better than doing good in your life rather than be a pessimist,
I Want nothing more to feel the peace in this,
You'd rule the world with an iron fist,
The golden child with a broken lisp,
Follow my lead if you get the jist,
So I asked myself do I just move on,
No excuse to fail,
So its time to move on,
move on.

He came like a tidal wave,
And engulfed me in his ocean depth.
My joy crossed all boundaries,
Happiness seared through my very being,
I found the lyrics of my love life in his arms,
We were one large heartbeat.
And when it was over,
He threw me with the surf that rolled and crashed on the shore.
It left many ripples of grief,
With me, abandoned,  a forlorn  seaweed,
Overwhelmed with bitterness and regret.

It’s just easy for them
Isn’t it?
This couple on the train.
They walked on laughing together
Holding hands
And I felt that familiar something-
Not jealousy
Not envy
But...
Chagrin.
Astonishment.
Incredulity.
Incomprehension.
Looking at them feels like looking at one of those
Impossible pictures
Where the stairs keep going forever in a loop.
It’s just
Easy for them.

It doesn’t hurt anymore, that thought,
But thinking it feels so odd in my mind
When I can’t imagine loving someone without
Shame,
Without pain.
They fit.
These people,
They fit without having to carve anything out.
They fit without punishing each other.
They fit like puzzle pieces cut from the same board-
No worries, they just go together, and that
Is that.
They fit like
“Of course.”
Like breathing.
Neatly.
Simply.
Carelessly.

I can’t imagine what it’s like
I can’t comprehend it-
To fit
Somewhere
Much less to fit somewhere
With someone.
I am always trying to corset myself into this world,
Lungs burning,
Trying to remain small enough to squeeze by
Catching myself by the wrist to keep from reaching
For anything.
And if there seems to be a spot where I might be able to exist as I am

It is always

Occupied.

Like a shiny pinprick
That thought hurts-
Not like the others it is newly cut
And still ******.
The idea that maybe there is a home for me
And that maybe I was too late for it.

They’re laughing.
He says something clever,
Passes a hand along the small of her back
And she leans into it,
Smiling because she loves that he wants to touch her innocently.
They seem to exist behind glass.
Not for the first time I wonder
If I could just slip into that life
Like a drop into an ocean
I want it badly
I want it stupidly
And I examine all the parts of myself,
All the edges and cracks,
All the things I’ve worked so hard to protect and repair.
It is not a welcome sight-
I am not a home
I am like an old ruin
Full of murmurings and cold spots
Full of dusty sunlight.
I sigh,
Knowing the secret I keep so poorly-
That if I really had a choice to be otherwise
I would have already made it.

I couldn’t reach them if I ran for a thousand years,
They are too far away.
They walk off the train, arms linked
Talking about nothing
And I watch them go
Like a hallucination,
Like a mirage in the desert.

Her perfume smells like forgetfulness
And it lingers.

Pretty Little Pink,

all wrapped up in silk,

for me.

Beautiful you are,

a gift to gaze upon,

making the hunger grow inside.

My oh my,

you do look delectable, my dear;

and I am starving.

love of mine, forgive me.
i wanted you all for myself,
and i kept you when you weren’t mine to keep.

here we are.
i look at you with hope, while you’ve stopped looking at me.
so just take me whole.
drown me.
rid yourself of me.

be free. be happy. be yours.

you were never mine to begin with,
i was simply a foolish soul trying to conquer the ocean.

d.f.

your affection waxes and wanes like the moon
but unlike her
you come and go in no discernible patterns
you leave me parched for a glimpse
you let me glut on your presence
i sit shrouded in the dark
with my heart in my hands
and a telescope of yearning

How radiant.  A lovely sight
Glowing in the bold sunlight.
Love, peacefulness and mirth—
Giving joy upon the earth.
Sunflower.  Unique you are.
Your beauty radiates afar—
Engaging the human race,
As always, with a happy face.
Lovely is the song you sing,
Its heartfelt melody to ring.
A song of beauty and of grace
Lends expression to the face.

How charming is the sunflow'r—
Adding zing to flow’r power.