So anyway the next day we had the hardest time
Because I haven't loved my twin
Then when I do the things I love the time is ripe
Then when you have a literal mind everyday
I don't even like to read notes
I only know that I have a way with words
I'm writing to you
That I have the worst breath ever
You need to get a grip of yourself
Then when I get to the cab
The man tells me I'm a good person
So I meet a korean man who tells me
Then when we go home
We always have the hardest time

Today I went to the beach to wait for hail
But then I saw the most beautiful sky
I wonder really who put it there
If it was God or Satan
Because who can really make such beautiful stars
All I know is that when I am not allowed
To hear the satan in my head
I will truly **** a *****

_the end

Today I write that the women in my hometown
Have the worst habits
They always seem to mince their words
Even if they have the measuring cup
They still can't make the right brew
So my advice is to have the heart
To tell the truth
Even if it hurts the one they love the most
Because they know that deep down inside
I have the worst stinkiest heart of them all
I used to fix my cabinet in order to fix my life
But instead I fix my cabinet in order to have a clean closet
The most I've ever done to become an enemy
Is to tell the truth
About other people
Then in the end I always getting run over by a motorbike
But then even if my old workplace closed down
It hurts to know that my heart is still ouch
Then in the end I have to always figure out a way to break the dishes again
Then tomorrow I will have to figure out what to do next.

-The end

The rain is suspended
The ease in my bones
Pleases my demon
I drink in his shadow
Warm feeling in my head
The heart doesn’t feel so alone
The light enters through
The time passes like mud
It’s cold and wet
In a bath of comfort and familiarity
A joint feels just right
Today fits into other days like a perfect puzzle piece
My life has an appetite for light moments and heavy sweetness
What happened last night?
I was alone and yet a phantom was watching
Lulling me to rest with his secret language
Caressing my face with certain eyes
So that when I woke all I knew was forgotten
And everything I remembered was eclipsed by newness

The crushed night sky with foliage deep within it seems like a troubled place to sleep underneath
A nomad's roof is bare and unseen with the wasted moon of every earth
Why warily waste away the sweetened caress of each breeze?
Wondering when we will wind up binding our hands around the trees
Freckles on each cheek like stardust upon the brow of Zeus
Sleep is a journey you will reach despite the torrid jungle of your mind
The treasure that you are burying is a breath for each life you have been reincarnated into
Who can say it is a fault to desire less when riches are a foolish goal?
Around you lay a long-haired grass, your feet barely touch the ground
You must think that the woman fears no predator
To sleep so soundly while she roars

Becoming myself requires me at my worst
It's a process of pure intention
And attention
Becoming what I am
Rather than what I want to be
Means I have to go through life
With a blindfold
Sometimes there are rocks in front of my feet
And I have to trust that I won't trip up
Again
After the 5th time
Because I've been there 4 times

I know I end things abruptly
Because I feel like life has ended many things abruptly
My parents marriage
My sister's life
My soul mate's life
My innocence
When I yell
It's always about living well
I'm never yelling in anger
Because I'm depressed
I'm depressed so everything makes me happy
I'm depressed so everything makes me happy
It's called bipolar
Manic Depression
Mania due to scrambling for the drug that my brain produces
I can't find it I can't find it I can't find
I love lif

We all need alone time
To read books that matter to us
Alone time, in order to make things that don't matter
Solitude at a certain time of day when we need to say
"Hello, me. Talk to me. What has been going through my mind these days? Tell me all about it, and let's work it out."
It's never easy
It's always tough
Sometime in a future, that may not exist, I may learn to live through the plough
To steady myself when the Earth's core rocks
To become One with Energy
To have the insight of a young Dalai Lama
I am never 12 anymore I am only older
I get bigger than those I want to converse with
So I crouch myself down to their level
To see the world through their eyes
It's a wonderful world down here

Sleepless nights because of magical awakenings
I like the stars and watching them
Why can't we sleep with them inside our eyes?
If we couldn't dream,  give me more stars in exchange

You have to be a certain kind of love
I'm telling you, you are making me change
Even my words don't seem as careless
I am more careful around everyone
They are watching, measuring, and weighing
I know they would prefer that I was a certain kind of woman
People could be only about certain qualities
Only truth
Only stateliness
Only integrity
Beneath is what you seek
The little light that fuels my soul
The one that transcends perfection
You seek me to be more me
It's enough to know you own all of my incompleteness
If I outgrow this ***
I can only hope you are the gardener who uproots me

To take out the trash
Is a dance of habit
To the rhythm of life
Mundanity may seem like punishment
When it is in fact desire
To distract you from sadness
To exact your madness into disciplining
Unnoticeable and small
The moment you move to its small formations
Without rushing you will whistle
While hardships become oxygen
Gravity becomes your tool
Another rotation and you rise
Your life is all at once brighter

To be real seems like the simplest thing to do
But what if the worst things that you put upon yourself
Occur because of the worst that has already happened?
I'm ready to let bad things happen
I'm ready to stop doing bad things to myself
Isn't that the only way to be good?
I've been making you my god
When all this time you've been the good thing that never happened
I'm not done grieving
I'm ready to receive
The lessons come
Then all you will be is one of them to me
I'm sorry if I forget how good you are
If I forget how amazing we were
I'm sorry if I move on
If only you weren't a ghost to me
If only we were ready to be real
Men don't die of heartbreak
There are only those who give up
I'm one to believe that life is because of will
I will myself to be real
To be no longer lost in the figment of my imagination
To be grander than the scheme
To leave the dreaming behind and live the dream
To feel the wind
To be free
To be real
To be real

Pretty smile, makes me sleep
Makes me want to choke on my own speech
She has the weight of the world
On her beautiful back
I have the gall to touch her
Her hair is so black
It ***** all the air
I can't breath
Just living in her is life
Tables turn and it's free to say we are we
It's pretty priceless
Weeping all over her sleeves
She wipes me so so clean
I can't even imagine
The life I would live without her in the world
In my world
It has a lot of demands. This romance.
Although she knows it's all about our dance
We step on each other
We sway side to side
We harmonize our hips to our offbeat sway
I start to fantasize
You don't take no for an answer
Because it's the real deal

The king is standing while she is demanding
Every part of his manhood
And if he could escape
He would be the king waiting to be
If most of the time she has him in a vice grip
She's knows he's always hers to be flagshipped
He doesn't know he's worth a lot more than she claims

One of of the things we don't understand is that everyone
Is everyman and woman too
There's something about you
You've got to blame it on the patriarchy
They've got a lot of mess you got to clean
If I had something to say
Would they even listen?

'Cos this chess game is making me allowed
To kiss you on the mouth
I'll make you bow your head down
It's about worship

The gods are looking at us now
They've got to be pleased
The gods are looking at us now
They've got to be pleased

If anyone out there knows a thing or two about losing
I'm here to listen
Please listen

Have win-lose-win-lose conversations
Not everything is a debate to find out who's right

My heart got entangled
In memories of you
She returns to you always
You are her home

The place I'm staying in is my body
She makes my decisions
She rolls my eyes
Every dress I wear is hers
Having a body means nothing is really mine on the inside
Hardly out of my mother yet and my cries don't belong to me
My credit card is food to make my body stay still
But that puts me in debt
And she wants to run because she needs me to pay rent
My body has issues with me that I don't understand
What's the problem if I don't want to move? I think. If I want to smoke why can't I? If I want to thrash around my room and break her.
Why can't I?
Why does she love so easily?
Why does she want to be alive so badly?
The bodies around me own their tenants
Their tenants are owned by other bodies
Our bodies are like children who cry when hungry
There are some things that need to be articulated
There are no more lives left to live and my body is grasping on to me like a lifeline
At the same time she's trying to stop me from drowning
She needs me to feel immortal
Even though I already am

Truly I have the will inside me
To push my chest out and bare my dignity
Like a thumping paw of an elephant
The sound of who I am beats the ground
Every thump like a chanting
Every chant like a battle-cry
Break their bones if they strike you
Their throws are soft and formless
A fog that poisons
You are protected by the bear in the woods
A massive presence of teeth and claw
Bear in mind
Conquering the battle is not complete without armour and sword
Use your sword with caution
Sparing them for when the season is ripe
Struck whence the shield lowered
You seek for bleeding
You seek for victory
Joy is in the skin scarred without fright
Victory is in the timing of each strike
The sword has discipline in its swift blow
Should not have trace of megalomania
Should win every ****** in order to teach
Lessons to heed the definition of honour
Two victors will defy the battle
When one wins on honour
If the other triumphs pride

There are lives I haven't remembered
Memories that are like caged birds
Freckles on skin to give recollection of a sun
I have bathed in when I was once young
The moment I find the gold in the pan of dirt
My simplicity is gone
Trays of tea and food only make me want more
Servants are steadily changing
As I get older
Where does youth go as I age?
Who does my brother become?
Is my sister still around?
There is a starting point after 10 years
Before I know it I'm 30 years old
Without a child or husband
Without a home or car
Still living in my dad's house
How do I move on?

This counts as ******
You grieve my changed heart
Even when you said it's over
I am dying to know my part

This wasn't one night only
This was a season
Even when you said I was the star
Further and further we get
The world and the expanding galaxy

When we were on that stage
We had it all
We saluted the lights
We couldn't see a face
They laughed at a line
We made them wait

Then now you and I stand
On the same silence before the song
It's becoming dead in the theatre
It's becoming empty again
It's not time to get better
It's time to call it a day

This counts as ******
You grieved my changed heart
If it could get better
I'd practice everyday
I'd start everyday (everyday)

We are born into love
Can you stay in love?
I can say I'm loved
If you could be my love

Everybody wants a chance
Everybody in the crowds
Endings only mean one thing
It's a comedy
Or pain

MAN
Staying indoors
Me wanting you on all fours on your floor
Miss the intensity that comes with waiting
Your heat is emanating from a safe distance
This is what it's like waiting to be set free
Craving what is unavailable

WOMAN
I like the wholesomeness of you
It make me think maybe there's some hope in the world
I haven't tried on your gentleness yet
Something about you
Says some humans are alright
Craving what might be available

I've figured it out
The meaning
Life tries to beat us down
Until we have nothing left to feel
Until all sensations are plastic mimicry of what we recall it meant to be happy
There are moments when I'm beckoned toward something beautiful
Authenticity is pain
Pain is bad
Love sometimes feels like pain
Is love bad?
No.
We know it isn't
Love is painful because it's a gamble
The loss can be huge
Then we never want to feel the loss again
As I was saying
I've figured it out
The meaning
Life

I have found that when it comes to feeling romance
I am not very good at it at all
I haven't got the talent
I don't like reading what is in his mind
I don't like the strength of his stoicism

To take a moment to fantasize
To know that he would tell me how he felt
If it's nothing or if it's a momentary feeling that is actually nothing
I would tear down the walls and finally be free
To know the true bliss of unrequited love
To be free from knowing anything of me
To keep the sense in my mind
To create a world without him by my side
To hold steadfast to my own life
That is the meaning I am looking for.

See, the point is to share
Music
Looks
Beauty
Art
Even if everyone is doing it
The goal is not to be unique
The goal is to be free

Let me send to you my crooked-teeth kisses that go wherever it pleases
In any direction it seeses
Let me collapse my belly into your head to crush it of thoughts that require your sadness
Make me shell out with my darkened fingers
These balanced book-flippers
These dreaded art-lispers
Let me forgo every drink offered
Forgotten and tossed
Away from my guts
Present my freezing body---shivering and severed
From your toasty peaches---your delightful a-speeches
Wondering if his hands are made of the lashes
That cause me to spasm
In fits and in hashes
Living breathing
Teardrop from heaven
I have no more pennies
To give to my parents
So sober up, Claudine
Don't forget your bearings
You're bearing the sharing
The giving
The caring
You must be astute
Strong-willed
A beaut
Nothing can beat
The life out of youth

Sad songs make me beautiful
I listen to you and you hear it when you speak
Some moments are about breaking the body
So the spirit can soar
It's about how we discipline ourselves
In order to be free
In this gilded frame we live in
The picture is not yet totally finished
God continues to paint
Everyday is a color
Are you listening?
It's feeling that shouldn't go away
It's a moment that will pass away
This life is temporary as the clouds in the sky
My life has nothing
I am complete

Where do I meet you my dear friend?
If you are both the past and the end
Then will you come with me to the middle?
We could be together like children
We aren't truly who we want to be
Until we find out that we haven't got enough money
We aren't who we truly want to see
Until we find out that we are worth more than money
Wherever you think you should be
It's not the elsewhere that you should be in
Take the inside of your life
And unfold it so you can see
It's much bigger than what you thought
Please don't claim littler things for yourself
Claim the bigger bigs that your remote control heart asks for
Volume up until you realize you're not speaking loudly enough
You raise your glass like you raise your voicebox
To toast all the minor scenes you've been an extra in
Prove to yourself, you're made for the silver screen
If a sliver of gold could fill a Klimt
Then the canvas you have ready would be worth a golden bar
Listen up my dear friend
You're not in a box, you're in an inbetween pause in the composition of this song
We can meet sometime in the middle
Where you're 29 years old and I'm 30

You will never be old inside if your heart is in that space
Where he feels he is crushed by the weight of affection
When attention is the affection that it so seeks
May it yearn you more in warmth
Rather than winter
Give me summers where we can both be children again in the hot moonlight
I think it's not so bad how you have grown up
But if you could suffer me a bit of scorn
I would surely run in circles
Making a dance out of our rapor

To the moments that push me back when I could have gone full-******
To the times when I refrained from spending the only money I had on something as frivolous as seeing you say hi
Somewhat the best antidote to stupidity is shaking my head no and waving a polite goodbye
So if I seem like I'm thinking about you alot
You may say I'm yes-ing and no-ing to you alone
Because I'm already broke
And you make me feel, like buying more time with you by saying yes
Since yes may mean an Amen to You
Even I know, No is much more exciting
No is harder
No is rougher
No is sexier
No has repercussions
No I am not interested in this superficial interaction because your space smells so much like you and I want to dig my face into your hair
So I'm sorry
No

I mean, Yes please.

Yes, I would like some coffee, please.
Yes, I would like to have a conversation, please.
Yes, I would like to fight my dad so I can borrow money to spend around your space, please.

It's not infinitely cool that wins anyone, though.
It's the finitely present, that gets their attention.

Let me think about how much I haven't said anything really thoughtful to myself
But I have said more thoughtful things to you than the one fixing my bed.
I have seen myself kinder because there are people who have a nurturing way to them that makes us want to be them.
And I know I am spicy and not sweet
But
If I could be that type of person.
I would make sure I had it easier for me to say
Yes
Please.

The past is not what defines us
To be heard takes courage
Using out voice takes guts
Placing effort into a project
Developing a photo we took
Placing our heart out there
If we do have a heart
All of that takes more
Than what we bargained for
When we were born into this world
We don't know what to expect from life
So life itself mustn't suspect what comes out of our mouths

To start again from the beginning
That's what I would do
If I could choose to finally do what I want
It would be to start again from the beginning
To do what I always wanted
To be a free woman
Free to be good
To see the world and warn them
To never cross-over to the otherside
Because whenever I make a mistake I realize that it didn't free me but trapped me
If I could start again from the beginning
I would read all  my past mistakes
And one at time I would correct them
Keep my favorite relationships intact
Be brave to be proud of who I am
Pay attention and never neglect the heart that is so good and strong
Glue myself back together and make it the strongest glue
So when I get back to this moment I could say
I did it all again and I did it right
This time I can move on because today is right
Let's be honest though that isn't the case
One must face today
Start again
Even if it isn't the beginning today
It's a new day to start beginnings

To sooth the mind with planted thoughts
That are in soil that let roots grow
Mighty aging healthy tree
Whose seeds which we continue to spread
On earth that mighty men do tread

How can my feet hold up all my weight?
From my sick mind
To my weak heart
To my bloated stomach
To my heavy hands
My used ******
My tired legs
If the gods asked for my soul
I would say no
Take my feet
They will decide for you the weight my life

How can my feet hold the weight of my whole life?
I haven't got a clue how to be lighter
I'm sorry feet for being so tall and wide
You're only average sized
You'll have to give me my bearings
Bear with me
You'll need to carry me
When I have fallen down
You'll need to take me there
Even if I'm going nowhere
The other parts of my body have been carried by you to places
You've touched all kind of floors
Worn shoes out
Climbed flights of stairs
Rubbed against other feet
That's the only glamour this life
That and soft socks

And if I had no feet
I would need to make new ones anyway
Then my body would act as feet
Or my knees would act as feet
Trickling up it's strength to give me the grounded feeling we all seek

Pretty feet that have gone far in life
Working feet that have stayed put
Solid Feet who tread mountainous terrain
Broken feet which always are what a heart feels like only sometimes hopefully
If my spirit is broken
My feet don't dance
If my legs are crossed because they don't care to move
My feet will care for you
Bobbing up and down
In impatience
Waiting for changes
So she can plant herself down again
Allowing me to stand up for what I believe
Firmly planted on the ground
Prepared to do or not do
Prepared to walk with dignity
Prepared to run for my life

While my hands will always know the pleasantness of play
My favorite part of the day
Is when I take off my shoes
And they two are free to walk on wood
To rub against the fabric of my sheets
Feel the belly of my pet
To sleep
Till they wake again
They are the first to rouse
When they touch down
I know I can take on the day
To stand on my own two feet

If I were a good woman
I would be pure
And good
And holy
But I am none of these three
I am a worldly woman
Who claims her life
Taking it in with trembling hesitance
Clutching it gently
Changing her gears smoothly
Real Women do change
Real Women learn to drive themselves
Women who love men are real too
Maybe more than one
Surely more than two
Possibly more than ten
Women who look for the right man
Are women who reinvent their being
Because we aren't who we say we are
Real women are built
Not born

Women want a man who takes his hat off in church
A man who is chivalrous but sensual
Someone who can quote Brene Brown and Shel Silverstein
A soft voice with a body made of hard edges
He's got the gentle flight of an eagle
The agility of a panther
Predator and prey, both
He slips into you like he has never been there before
A forest he hasn't explored
He's sure about you
He's wanting you to be sure
His days are steady
Like the oldest living tree
He sees you and doesn't cut you down
He makes sure you feel whole
He adds, doesn't take
He holds your hand
Like a little flower in the soil
Supported and nourished
Tender and Tended  to
Like a man of a dozen olden times
He knows the right books to read
Are books that make you love
Books that make you laugh
Books that make your heart wonder
He take your words
Gently unfolds them
Wears them well
Into poetry
Weaving his arm
Around your body
Until your waves
Become his undoing
Working man
Working you steadily
Until you desire that quiet life
You know is only possible for a man
With respect

Hi, I'm sorry
That I can't be more
Hi, I'm pretty sure you're more
I'm not so simple
I'm not so grand
I'm never going to stand
I just feel like
I have been pushed around
On my wheelchair
Called medicine
I haven't had much to wear
But the same skirt
Since I had revisions
So take my little strappy dress
And sandals that go with it
And place it on your bed to rest
Towards where I feel
The betterness

When we saw
That singlehood
Of being a couple

These sunken eyes
Like a ruined ship
Worse than those that drowns
I don't think
I just neglect
I keep my frowns
Upside down
When you smile
I keep *****
I pay attention
To you
Because it's that simple gesture
That keeps me going
To you

My Lola Pilar
Was a collector of precious things
Her most prized possesion is her memory
When that went away she fell away
Her heart filled with sorrow or joy only
I miss our breakfast mornings
Even when I was older
And sat in the table
In last night’s clothes
I hope I didn’t break your heart like your children
I’d like to believe I made you proud
By living the way you did
Making my own memories

Move on in strokes that light the canvass with brighter color

Easily cracks
Easily slips
Easily drops
Easy to wear
Easy to finish
Expensive
That's me

A perfectionist
Gets disappointed easily
Even when things are enough or ok
She wants more
Unsatisfied with the beauty
She burns all that is passable

When you're okay
They're not
When you're not okay
They are
Just rest the rest of the time
And wait for moments
When you're around them
Then they'll see you're okay
Without them

Sensitivity to the poison
Most are not so adept at hiding
Throw them into a pile of roses
Without which we could not become perfumed
How to beckon others to come in
When you haven't got a clue
Toward the light you seal the door
You haven't suffered much anymore
Waiting to sit on an old chair
It's your slow growing hair that makes the time

When everyone has said their fair share
We all stop to listen to her
She speaks of distant things
Without the world there would be no noise
Without her there would be no silence
These are moments
Feared and treasured
Totally obscured by the thought of loss
There are days that pass us by without notice
Then there are days that give us grief
Then there are days that surprise us
Then there are days that are expectantly forcasted
Then there are days you wish would never begin
Then there are days you wish would never become
Those are the days that happen because there is so much from today
So much so that, yesterday becomes that gift you wish were always

Here I am writing too
Telling you that your light is to light other candles
While mine is to find other fireplaces
Not everyone has a fireplace
But everyone can buy a candle

Feeling alone just me and the house
With my couch and my sky
My mop and my floor
My hands and myself
The dog and the door
I haven't got much but I have all this
It's really small if I could close it
The book would end
To be read again

I want a house
Protected by the rain
Away in a forest
But easy to access
I want a house
With light and air
Leaves that are leaving
And ghosts that are going
I want a house filled with life
Things that are alive
Because they are touched
I want a house
Filled with precious things
Picked up and put down
With care and tenderness
I want this home
With cooking and praying
With animals and plants
With science and action
With books and writers
I want it all

When the little that you know
Creeps into your head
You need the world to stop
Dead on it's tracks
In order for your kiss to reach him

Lemon water is good when you're bloated
Even if you don't feel like a glass of water
A sour mix can help you curb your appetite
It might seem stupid but I think lemon water
Is the bee's knees
Can't help myself enough to some lemon water

Did you know anything about love?
I took a pill and made it mine
It made sense in the beginning
Then less at the end
I made a big mistake
Took 3 and slept