Carlie Richardson: Poems

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Carlie Richardson Mar 2016

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You're going to break my heart,

and I am most definitely going to let you.

..

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

..

******* for making me feel like this.

...

Carlie Richardson Jun 2015

...

I remember when
we couldn't keep
our hands off of
each other,*

                                   *And now we don't
                                          even make eye
                                                      contact.

6 Word Story:

Carlie Richardson Apr 2014

6 Word Story:

I wish you still loved me.

#love #word #story #6

A Break

Carlie Richardson May 2018

A Break

we’ve been dating a year and a half.

she said she wanted a break.

it’s ******* breaking me.

UGH.

A Forever Thing;

Carlie Richardson Oct 2016

A Forever Thing;

cause every night you know I lay awake,
don't you?
and every night I need an escape.
it's true.
and every night it's hard to take.
but
it's just another pill to swallow.
and I
wake up next to empty bottles.
i miss you.
i don't ever know if I'll ever see tomorrow

so I

take one for the team
and I
lay awake and watch you dream
cause girl I love you laying next to me.
push the hair out your face;
I'll never get tired of your make up on my pillowcase.
me & you together
it's a forever thing

Almost.

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

Almost.

Almost* (adverb): not quite; very nearly.

Almost is the worse way to love.
He almost loved her. She almost loved him. It just won't ever be good enough.

I keep telling myself, maybe you almost loved me. Maybe that's why I still think I have a chance.

A Lot Of Things Change In A Year

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

A Lot Of Things Change In A Year

Last year we were talking like lovers,
Now we don't even talk.

Am I A Monster?

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

Am I A Monster?

My scars are fading
and it's scaring me
because it was the
only thing that
reminded me that
you were real..*


                                             *Once upon a
                                        time you used to
                                      love me, but who
                                               could love a
                                                    monster?

Are You Blind?

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

Are You Blind?

It
Really
*******
Hurt
And
You
Don't
Seem
To
Notice.

A Year Ago Today;

Carlie Richardson Jul 2014

A Year Ago Today;

A year ago today,
We were laughing when we kissed.
Now it's like we're strangers,
& I don't exsist.

I see you in everything.
You're everywhere I go.
Reminding me that some things,
are better if you just don't know.

And now I'm scared.
Because I wish it was a year ago..
You just turned the other cheek,
When Cupid shot his bow.

(c.r.)

I was stupid to pretend I didn't care when you were breaking, because I was too. Now I'm shattered and I'm laying here, alone and without glue. </3

#love #sad #depressed #hurt #thinking #year #cupid #ugh #ago #ouch

Burning Love Letters;

Carlie Richardson Nov 2016

Burning Love Letters;

i burned the notes you wrote me
just to watch the flame
The paper crumpled and fell apart
just like I did when you left.

Butterflies.

Carlie Richardson Jan 2014

Butterflies.

Mine are always caterpillars, until you touch me.
Then they grow wings and fly all around my tummy until I can't take it and I have to kiss you.
I have to digest them. But I can't.
So instead, I have to touch you. In some way. Whether it's my fingers on your hair, or a tight hug.
I somehow have to give you my butterflies, before they digest and I have to lay you out on the floor.

But You Did.

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

But You Did.

You can't do this to me.
You can't let me fall for you.
You can't let me trust you if you're just going to take away the ******* safety net right before I hit the ground.
You can't ******* do that ****.

You can't say those words if you don't mean them.
You can't just lead me on.
You can't leave me alone.
You can't just let me lay in bed shaking and crying wondering what the **** I'm supposed to do now.
You can't.
You just ******* can't.

You said you'd never hurt me.
You promised everything would be okay.
But you were my everything.
You said you'd never leave.
But you did.
You ******* did.

#love #crying #hurt #**** #you #me #left #promise #shaking

Dear Diary;

Carlie Richardson Oct 2015

Dear Diary;

The Day Of:
Dear diary,
She broke up with me..

2 Days Later:
Dear diary,
What kind of person can love you so much one day, and then be head over heels for another the next?

2 Months Later:
Dear diary,
I still love her.

2 Years Later:*
Dear diary,*
She still loves her.

#love #isnt #up #it #its #dear #diary #kinda #fuxked

Dear Garden Lover,

Carlie Richardson Mar 2016

Dear Garden Lover,

You're tearing me apart
Do you love me
Do you love me not?
Picking at the petals of my heart,
And you're sitting in the garden
wondering why I'm starting to rot.

Drunk Kisses

Carlie Richardson Dec 2017

Drunk Kisses

I kissed bottle after bottle
trying to forget how you tasted
next thing that I knew,
man, I was f^cking wasted.

Standing on a table
screaming at the ceiling
like "why the f^ck aren't you here",
and "why'd you f^cking leave me?"

Bottle after bottle
turned into shot after shot
but I can't forget you
no matter what.

I've read all the books
and I've seen all the "how to's"
but not one of them has helped me
get over you.

I'm trying to move on
and I'm trying to be happy
but no matter what I do
I still feel in love with you.

This is an old poem i wrote a while ago and never got around to publishing.

#love #hate #you #her #drinking #*****

Everything Makes Me Think Of You

Carlie Richardson Dec 2014

Everything Makes Me Think Of You

My stomach wants to eat itself because it's hungry for your touch.
My ears don't want to hear another word unless it slips out of your mouth.
My mouth doesn't want to move unless your lips are guiding it.
My eyes are tired of crying and are waiting on you to come wipe the tears away and hear the comfort of you saying "it's okay."
My heart doesn't want to beat anymore because my mind is telling it you're gone..

You're really gone..

#hurt #i #**** #you #miss #ugh

Falling For You.

Carlie Richardson May 2014

Falling For You.

You've Got Me

F
  A
     L
        L
           I
             N
                G

Like A Leaf.

F*ck This.

Carlie Richardson Jun 2015

F*ck This.

I'm tired of waiting by my phone for a text.
It's been almost two weeks.
You never replied and left me dying on the inside.
And now what?

*Do I wait for a love that cannot be full for another two years?
Or
Do I leave the best love I've ever had?

F*ck You

Carlie Richardson Oct 2015

F*ck You

One day I will have drank enough ***** to fill the hole you left in my heart when you walked away.

Until then I'll drink until I can't remember your name.

Feeling the sting.

Carlie Richardson Jan 2013

Feeling the sting.

The thoughts were back..
They won again.
Is it my fault..
For caving in?

My skin is open,
The cut was deep.
It was promising..
So why do I weep?

The blood rushing out,
Started to bite.
A tingling sensation,
That would keep me up all night..

Will this be it?
It just isn't right.
*Will I feel the sting,
more than once tonight?

Garden Love;

Carlie Richardson Nov 2016

Garden Love;

before I met you I planted seeds
of self love in my heart
slowly growing,
slowly learning to love myself.

you made the seeds in my heart sprout
into beautiful flowers
that I had no idea I was capable of growing

so when you left
you picked through them
and took what you pleased.
you picked through my garden
and left me with seeds.

Grapes

Carlie Richardson Feb 2016

Grapes

I was in a museum, when I came across a picture of grapes.
I’d already seen thousands of other pictures but when I looked at this particular painting, I began to cry.
My heart couldn’t handle it, and no one else understood.
Why grapes? What was so **** particular about these grapes that made me cry?
Then it hit me. It all poured out of me like my eyes turned on a faucet.
******* grapes. I don’t even like grapes.
So why was I crying? I hated grapes.

*but you loved them

.

Here I lay.

Carlie Richardson Nov 2013

Here I lay.

Here I lay.
The moment after the break.
My heart tied in knots,
Much worse than my headphones.

Razor in my hand.
Tears rushing down my face.
My thoughts caught in chaos,
Worse than any storm.

Here I lay.
Still alive.
Still breathing.
But *why?

How?

Carlie Richardson Feb 2015

How?

How do you sleep at night knowing you're the reason behind scars on someone's body?

How To Live Forever:

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

How To Live Forever:

Break a poet's heart.

No really,
Tell them you love them,
Kiss them and hold their hands,
And then leave.
Just like that.

Leave just like she did.

I F*cking Miss You

Carlie Richardson Aug 2015

I F*cking Miss You

Most days I can go without thinking about you,

*But other days you hit me like a wrecking ball,
and I'm on the floor --
All I can feel is my heart break all over again.

I Fucking Miss You.

Carlie Richardson Jul 2015

I ******* Miss You.

There's a hole where you use to be in my heart;

Tonight it busted open and I don't know how to close it anymore.

You left. How the **** can someone just walk away and make it look so easy?

I Hope He Makes You Happy;

Carlie Richardson Feb 2015

I Hope He Makes You Happy;

Five weeks ago you were in my arms.
Now you are in his.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough,
But for me that wasn't just a kiss..

I hope he makes you happy,
If you give him the chance.

I know I never had one.
You made that pretty clear.

So I'll just stay tucked away in the friend zone,
Watching you chose him over me time and time again.

Holy **** it hurts so bad and I'm not okay.

I Miss You

Carlie Richardson Mar 2016

I Miss You

I need your hands in my hair,
and my lips on your skin.
I need to feel you,
I need to breathe you in.

#love #need #you #here #miss #feel

I Miss You

Carlie Richardson Feb 2016

I Miss You

My hands feel empty without yours.

Laying in these empty sheets,

& I swear I can still feel your heartbeat.

I miss you, i miss you, I miss you.

#love #bed #empty #hurt #hands #i #her #you #miss

I'm Tired Of Being Tired.

Carlie Richardson Aug 2014

I'm Tired Of Being Tired.

I don't care if I break as long as I feel something.
Cause just being okay, is not okay.

#broken #not #okay #**** #it #selfharm #care #dont #ugh

I Really Didn't Want To.

Carlie Richardson Dec 2014

I Really Didn't Want To.

Here's to crying in the shower pretending you're okay.
Here's to holding it all together when you wanna throw it all away.
Here's to wasting nights thinking till 4am instead of going out with that girl.
Here's to breaking even though you know you shouldn't.
Here's to living when you want to die.
--
That day felt like your funeral.
That day felt like a poet trying to capture the perfect sunset when they couldn't fathom the right words.
That day felt like a teenager driving alone for the first time in Atlanta.
That day felt like your first heartbreak over and over.
That day felt like hell.
--
And I had to hold my breath when we drove by your road.
I had to smile when she said your name.
I had to laugh when I wanted so badly to cry.
I had to close my eyes and breathe when I wanted so badly to end it.
I had to move on when I wanted so badly to stay..
I had to, because if I didn't, neither would you..

I Still Love You;

Carlie Richardson Jul 2016

I Still Love You;

I ******* miss you.
There. I said it.
I hope you're happy to know,
if you came back,
I'd pick things right up where you left it.

#love #i #the #you #miss #same #things #ugh #arent

I Still Miss You.

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

I Still Miss You.

I'm laying in bed a month after we broke up,
And I'm staring at the ceiling thinking about every time I kissed you.

And ****** I wish I would've kissed you longer.
I wish I wouldve held you tighter.

I wish I would've done a lot of things.
I'm just glad it happened in the first place.

But **** some nights just get me,
Holy **** do I miss you.

I miss you a lot.

#love #you #miss #personal #ugh

I Want To Spend Forever With You.

Carlie Richardson Jul 2014

I Want To Spend Forever With You.

I love you.

I really, really do.

#love #i #her #you #do #forever #really

I Wonder Why..

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

I Wonder Why..

She's got this hope for me in her eyes.

Kissing Razors

Carlie Richardson Jan 2013

Kissing Razors

I kissed the scars on her skin,
"I still think you're beautiful.
I don't ever wanna loose my bestfriend."
She looked at him with a cold expression..
Her gray eyes formed soft clouds of blue..

He spoke softly,
"I know what it's like,
To want to die..
How you try to fit in,
But just can't..

How you hurt yourself on the outside,
To try and **** the thing on the inside.."
His voice broke as he continued.
"You self destrutive little girl,
Pick yourself up.

Don't blame the world.
So you're messed up?
You'll be okay.
In the end it's a dream,
And it will all fade away.."

She drew in a deep breath,
The gray clouds formed in her eyes,
With a promise of hate..
She closed her eyes,
And choked on her words..

"You don't know what it's like,
To wake up in the middle of the night,
Terrified..
At the thought of kissing razors.."

She trailed off,
Lost in thoughts..
After five minuites of silence, she spoke..
"You don't know what i'm feeling inside.
It's amazing what a smile can hide.."

He eased back,
As if to examine her.
"Look at your cuts. Your burns.
Those bruises you gave yourself.
Each one is a battle with yourself,
That you lost.."

She replied witha simple line.
One he's remembered now for quite sometime..
"If you could read my mind,
You'd be in tears."
She smiled that twisted fake smile,
And walked out of his life..

Last Night

Carlie Richardson Apr 2015

Last Night

She was tangled in my sheets,

But you were on my mind.

She was there because you couldn't be.

I said your name instead of hers--and she left,

And I didn't mind.

Holy ****,

I think I love you and that scares the **** out of me.

& Baby, now you're going to hate me for doing this to your tender heart.

I can't do this anymore and I'm falling apart.

We aren't dating, but you're all that I've got..

*and I can't even have you.

I ****** up.

#personal

Life Without You;

Carlie Richardson May 2016

Life Without You;

I love you.

And sometimes I wish I didn't.

Because waking up without you isn't the same.
Am I really sleeping if I'm screaming your name?
You're in all my dreams,
And I'm scared to fall asleep.
I don't wanna see you if I can't ever hold you again.

The last time I saw you,
You were out with your friends.
You completely ignored me.
It hurt all over again.
My bones rattled,
And my heart sighed..
When you walked away,
I died inside.

You left and didn't even take a glance back.
But I always check my mirrors when I'm driving.
Sometimes I see you behind me,
And I'll stomp the breaks.
Only to look up to see your face.
But then it vanishes,
Just like you did.

#love #heartbreak #sad #you #me #disappear #left #leaves #ugh #everyone

Little Red Box

Carlie Richardson May 2015

Little Red Box

I once knew a girl
With a little red box.
Her eyes were full of tears,
And her mind was full of thoughts.

If you glanced at her smile,
You could tell she was alive.
But look a little closer,
Past the disguise.

I once knew a girl
With a little red box.
Razors and knives,
All way too sharp.

Long sleeves and hoodies,
Poems and thoughts,
She tries to hide it
But the memories can't be forgot.

I once knew a girl
with a little red box.
Eyes full of tears,
And heart with locks.

Love Isn't So Bad;

Carlie Richardson Mar 2015

Love Isn't So Bad;

You love me.
I know this for sure.

You took all my broken pieces, and fixed what I had.
You make me realize that love wasn't so bad.

You constantly remind me that you love me,
every. single. night.

You know that nights are bad,
And you know that you are all that I have.

When I think of the future,
I no longer remember the past.

Even though night after night,
It could be our last;

Thinking of you makes me realize--
Love isn't so bad.

For Her.

Loving You Was Like The Ocean

Carlie Richardson Oct 2015

Loving You Was Like The Ocean

Missing you comes in waves,
It's different every time.
I usually stay on the shore--
too afraid to embrace that you're really gone.
But sometimes I'll put my feet in,
and I'll find myself walking into the memory of us.

Now I'm neck deep in the memory of us,
and the next wave is about to hit me.
I can see your smile,
and I can almost feel the warmth of your touch..
But then the wave swallows me,
and I find myself completely submerged in the memory of you.

I didn't mind drowning if it meant hearing your voice again.
I allowed the wave to toss and turn around me,
and pull me further under.
Then it hit me.
I remembered everything I had been trying so hard to forget.
It wasn't until that moment that I finally understood:
Loving you was like the ocean.

Make A Wish

Carlie Richardson Feb 2015

Make A Wish

It's 11:11,

You wished to be happy,

But I wished to be good enough;

& that's the difference between us.

Maybe If I Would Have-

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

Maybe If I Would Have-

No. **** that. I did.
I ******* gave you the world,

And you were too busy looking at the stars to notice.

My Addiction Was You.

Carlie Richardson Feb 2015

My Addiction Was You.

When I smoked marijuana,
I thought I knew what addiction was like, but I was wrong.

When I drank *****,
I thought I knew what addiction was like, but I was wrong.

When I smoked a cigarette with my coffee in the morning,
I thought I knew what addiction was like, but I was wrong.

When I saw you I knew you'd show me what addiction was like,
and when I heard your laugh, I thought *****, this must be what addiction is like.

I'm still addicted, and to you I'm just a girl you kissed once.
The difference in that, that's what kills me, because you're my addiction and I was your one night prescription.

My Nights.

Carlie Richardson Jan 2015

My Nights.

My nights consist of getting drunk and typing up messages to you but immediately erasing them. I could drown in a bottle of tequila and still only see your face.

My nights consist of smoking **** so loud I can physically feel my heart echoing against my rib cages trying to escape this hurt you left me in.

My nights consist of razors so sharp that when they open my wrists they also open my eyes allowing the tears to fall.

My nights consist of many things that use to help me forget you, but are now a constant reminder that this hurt will never go away.

*My nights consist of missing you.

My Worst Nightmare.

Carlie Richardson Apr 2015

My Worst Nightmare.

Another night without you.
Another empty bottle.
Another burning cigarette,
Taking away moments from my life.

Just like you did.
You walked into my heart.
You ran your fingertips along my heartstrings,
And played me like a harp.

I should've seen it coming.
Isn't that cliché?
You came in and took my heart,
And I watched you walk away.

I could've maybe stopped you,
You could've maybe stayed.
But baby you made me feel like everything was going to be okay..
But then you stole my happy ending,

You took it all away.
You made my life a nightmare.
That I relive every day.

Nightmares;

Carlie Richardson Oct 2016

Nightmares;

I hope you see me in your dreams
and I hope it ******* haunts you.

#dreams #you #me #broke #haunts