that feeling you get when you see others living in the moment
you’re there in this moment, but not the focus of it
on the sidelines, you’re like a ghost
you aren’t part of the moment, but you contribute to its existence

like a side character, you don’t interfere
watch as the main characters make the moment clear
you don’t dare to step past the invisible boundaries, fearing you’ll ruin the moment

like a camera, you catch the moment, but you aren’t part of it
it’s like a coming of age movie, except you’re the extra with one line

people say you’re the main character, but you know that isn’t true
the main character doesn’t watch from a bench
the main character doesn’t swipe through stories of friends
the main character doesn’t stand under a roof as people play in the rain

you’re the side character, and you know it
you’re the side character, just living through the moment

are something that I have learned to hide.
Seen as a weakness to my parents, seen as too sensitive.
Grow up, you aren't a baby anymore.
Stop crying, you have everything.

Bottled up inside me I learned to control them.
I learned to ignore them
every time they threatened to burst.
Tears are a luxury we all take for granted.

I've grown to accept this part of me,
grown to accept that tears aren't the enemy.
A part of me will always whisper to myself,
grow up, stop being a baby.

But in the end, we all shed some tears.

I'm not gullible, you know.
I know second chances
are just excuses.
I know I have to stop counting the stars for those
who wouldn't even stay up to see them glow.
I know.

I can't keep breaking myself to fit their template,
to make them feel perfect.
I know I need to start burning bridges
with the match that has always stayed unlit through my temperance.
I know.

I need to stop looking through rose-colored lenses.
I always hoped that when I took them off,
nothing would change.

But maybe it's good that
I finally see what has really been in front of me.

Don’t you get it?
I can’t stop
I can’t stop running it through my mind
Replaying moments every time
I’ve tried once, I’ve tried a thousand times
I can’t just stop

Don’t you think I’ve tried?
Every piece of advice is just adding salt to my wound
Cheer up, snap out of it, relax
Like I’ve never tried giving myself the chance

So understand,
My mind isn’t like yours
No matter how hard I try
The thoughts just seem to multiply

I can’t stop
I can’t snap out of it
All I ask is for you to understand it

Eyes
The connection between two souls
A simple glimpse of a second
The way they look at each other
The world stops

Speaking without words
Falling a little deeper every second
A look into their life
What they are thinking

Eyes so dark, deep as the ocean
Passion flowing through them
The look of longing, will they ever realize?

A millisecond too long
Looking away
Strangers in a snap
Forgetting those eyes
Those perfect eyes

Don't you ever feel stuck?
Stuck in a state of mind, frozen in time
It's tiring, staying in one place for such a long time
Yet, you don't bother to move

It's confusing, honestly
Trying to think about it makes you dizzy
Yet, it's the only place you feel comfortable
Blissfully ignoring the problem
So you stay solemn

The feeling of uneasiness overwhelms you
But it's the only thing that makes you feel okay
Not okay,
But numb

Instead of making up your mind, you choose to stand aside
Too scared to make up your mind
You would rather stay blind to your own emotions
To avoid life's commotion

So you stay frozen
You watch as people pass you by
Because you would rather be numb
You would rather be stuck
Then trust your luck

They say the truth hurts, instead it left me confused
The hope of “us” shattering into pieces
Staring at your response, hoping for an explanation
Hope, the one thing I told myself not to have

All I could do was laugh
Tears threatened to fall, and all I did was laugh
How could I, for one second believe?
If only you made it easier for me
Imagining your face, how could I be mad at that face?
Hoping magically, you’d change your mind

Looking into the sky
Feeling empty inside
Thinking about the endless possibilities
You and I could’ve been “us”

Hope, something you can’t escape
No matter how many times you tell yourself not to hope
It finds a way to escape
You just end up getting hurt anyway

I tell her.
That no one is going to listen to her problems.
That her words are just going to fall onto deaf ears.
That it's better just to bottle up her feelings.
That she is better off imploding in one herself,
than to detonate in a world that isn't ready for her.
That she was never meant to be in this world.

That no one will listen.
That no one will listen.
That no one will listen.

And she's only wasting her time climbing up a never-ending mountain.
It's the only thing keeping her going,
keeping her from leaving.

Her sadness dares to become a monster
whispering lies into her ear but she shushes it quiet
Because this is her battle. And no one can hear the breaking of her heart anyway.

Praying that someone's out there,
Praying that someone cares,
Praying that someone can take the pain away.

She holds out her heart one last time,
hoping I was believing some stupid delusions

But she just disappears into nothingness

Her heart was too pure for this world.

isn’t just something you just do
it’s something you feel
living isn’t just living
its kinda confusing

living is knowing you have the next day, and the next, and the next
living is almost like you forget you’re actually alive, because you feel invincible

living is more than just existing
it’s that rush of adrenaline you get
your lungs breathing in that familiar scent
it’s the tears you cry,
the laughs you laugh

living isn’t always easy
most people just live to survive
live to get by
but wouldn’t you rather live to feel alive?