Shake the love from your chest
Let it die with your last "I remember when.."
Roll away the stone that barricades yourself from yourself
Let your impulse make the wrong or right decision
Its not the long walk home, that will make your actions turn into vulnerability
But the courage to face them, makes the harshness disappear
And you had no right to take this heart,
So *******,

I prefer to watch the world
From my perched position on the beach
With my sweater and a woolen hat
Watch the world float on by,
Depression isn't a cop out, not trying to be a recluse
Just some days I don't want to leave my room
Not playing hookey from life
Sometimes I just don't want life
Just give up for weeks on end
Safe, locked tight underneath the covers
Under endless hours of reality
Sometimes I just want to be okay
Sometimes crying myself to sleep is all I know
Ill regret the times wasted dreaming endless sleep
But dreams are dreams and could you,
Dream one for me?

Beware of Slender man
Mother Dearest, Dead
Trapped with the thoughts in my head
I wanted to be free, lean into the wind and breathe
But life isn't easy for me
It's difficult for me to believe
I'll be okay

The glass isn't broken, it's cracked and chipped and leaking everywhere

It's loosing volume and life unravels
Having good times, unwinding
It's become a time not worth
Remembering
It's not hide and seak

It's **** up or shut up


My fingers are going numb
Arm is falling asleep
Times to close my eyes

I ****** it up again,
My mind torn, and spent again
Trying to cling to something resembling a blood pool
Broken bones and cracked hearts
And I isolate myself with bottles of broken dreams
Tearing away people, revolving around t.v. shows
Stuck in a rut, I want to be in
Drowning from baseballs aimed at my vocal chords
Stuck in my head, feet won't reach the end of my bed
Stuck in a place
I can not embrace, life as it has unfolded for me

It's here again
It's you again,
I can't breathe
Hyperventilating
Single Tears again
Dry Heave
Cough to catch my breath
Eyes get wet
You smell the same as yesterday

I sit; I sit in a curled up ball of skin and tattoos
I sit; I sit naked on the floor of my shower
The water flowing over my rolls and dripping from my hair
You think you understand the haste of my rash conflictions
I try to live the lie out, I try to peruse the ever after
I hold the flame underneath the water, and wonder why I am cold?
How does the pain of life subside?
How do I become millions and then back to debt?
Opened my eyes under water, and I am freed of tears

I don’t know why I am scared
This is all familiar
All seems recent
I need to escape
It’s not easy
Letting the past rest
Dig the hole and walk away
And only look west
Count the pebbles
Throw stones in English Bay
This place is called home
This urban paradise
The only place I want to be
Times changes the tides twice a day
And people grow apart

I cant sleep,
Thoughts keep floating around my brain
Thoughts of you, mostly thoughts of how I am going to **** this up
Thoughts, of when you'll leave me

Everyone tells me this is a good thing,
Everyone tells me this is a good thing

But I cant help feeling this is the start of something terrible
Because if I fall, fall hard, for you
I'll have something to lose,
And that something would be you

The seasons change, and so do people

The beginning never lasts and the middle just gets dug up

The end is always

I lay my chest to rest, down

As the gamely few follow the footsteps of window reflections  

The wind chases the leaves; the fire spreads beyond the glass

The bread to feed your bones has burned what you are

The time for change has come
And once again, life in boxes
Shoveling things into tiny spaces,
Getting ready for the future.

Off to my, one bedroom, one, alone
Third Floor, to the right, it’ll be home in one weeks time.
Its exciting and scary, a time of rebirth
Let in the new me, and say goodbye to the hermit.

Time to let myself experience the world through another looking glass
And not just be looking up from a basement with no noise cancelling headphones
And less tricks of your eye, as I say goodbye to this place of doubt and uncertainty

Strangers coming in, looking at the old lifestyle of a hopeless dreamer,
Messy thoughts and untidy illusions of the hope of time, and the thought of making

Promise

Break still young one
Hold your candle high
Salvation comes to those who wait

Be still grasshopper
Don’t react so quickly
Time isn’t going anywhere

So still loved one
Weave in and out of the lines
Make some mistakes along the way

Time changes, sweatheart
When you least expect it
It shifts

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place
I love you, this is
Undeniable
But I do not love you the way you wish me too
These fruit flies flying through the air
Make me swat the harsh times away
I have discovered that,
I cannot love the way young love does
I cannot be something you lean on
I cannot even lean my own shoulders
The future is grand, but I’m leaving you
I love you, but I cannot love you

What now
Found my dream, it came true
What now,
My dream is over and I am left empty

Vulnerability, it fits me like a glove
Running to find some kind of peaceful coexistence
Dressed in stress, killing each other,
Climbing the sale rack

Happiness seems to be close,
So close, but never in my hand
Shaking the tree of solace
Only to disrupt the peace and the harmony

What now,
Now, is time, to find a new dream

Having something of a disappointment,
of a father,
Or having a inferior daughter,
youre not proud of,

I am useless, a waste of breath,
for him, I am nothing,
Didnt like a family, so bought a new one.
And I have scars to show, and tears on my sleeves,
Pretending that he means nothing,

I take your voice wherever I go,
I don’t wish too,
I wait for you, but you never waited for me, to find
Whatever I was trying to find
A heartbroken ending seems to never be the end
This t-shirt I made smells like you
And the words of Mike Rosenberg, say the things I tried too,
Accompanied metaphors I would never had thought of
Eyes are gathering droplets, and the days keep flipping by
Another year has come to a close, and still it is as if no time,
No time has past at all

Sometimes,
Sometimes, is a good thing
Some things don’t work out
And there comes a time when,
Enough is enough
And you smell like people I pass by,
And you will not remember me,
But, sometimes, some things need to be rescued
And sometimes, we all need a little saving.
Sometimes, people are good, and less moronic nimrods
That we all, some times are

The path has narrowed
And these tears haven't dried
You are different, the tide has changed its course

The second life, has hidden your true self and a mirror image has taken over
But it doesn't sound like you

My heart has experienced more anguish than love
My pain is deep, more than failed plans
Opposite *** oppositions

These scars are here, they don't show up in the notes
They just swim around in my mind
Front stroke, back stroke
Glass after glasses
I always look for you

But these etched patterns have cracked
The trace you left, is all but a big mess

And time is all over and over,
Rinse and repeat
Time is not forgiving

I'm on my own again

I can't remember when I starting running
Or what I was running from,
Just kept the earth under my feet
as I kept moving on

Be like the wind, go where you're blown too
Oh, twenty-five steps to the west,
I am bird without a sense of direction
Without a home, with no nest

Running away,
Saved me from loss and kept my self made wall intact
Only seeking solace from leather bound lines and spilt ink
When I look over my shoulder, nothing there, to look back at

These walls I have built, and these races I have run
Kept me safe from others,
Kept me whole, and running
Cities one right after the other

And now I am here, music for my heart
And words for my soul
Collecting memories I missed out on
And lovers that went wrong

Run,
I just run

Sleep tight
It is time to dream
Rest now darling
Tomorrow you will see,

Dream child
The black night will do you no harm
While you sleep, dancers dance
And poets speak

Don’t worry; your parents will be fine
The loud noise wasn’t a thief

Wisdom comes from those who lived
Remember that
Live and let go
Sleep

This room is filled with people

People that I do not know

This night is full of stars

That I can not see from here

I got on the bus; you got off the train

And these sidewalks are walking me home tonight

Safe from the windy winds on the shore

I knelt down beside the road, watched the forest

Hold me still: take me by the hand

Promise, ghosts the once glorious past

…I have stayed too long

I am sick of all the deceit
All the things we tell ourselves
To make the day end
I am sick

Its never going to be enough for them,
It will not ever reach over the rainbow,
There is no *** of gold
Only a bowl full of ***  
And that’s all you’ll get

So fire up, put on your IRL shoes
And blow with the breeze,
Look at the little things that make you survive

Find whatever makes you feel complete
And darling, I think that just might

Just might,

Be you

If you need to lean, lean into me
Ill protect you from the swallowing sea
No wrong will be done by me
As you chase death with the deep

Why are my dreams haunted with the past?
Why can I not just live and let live,
Do I love misery?
Do I love being a pawn in this depression game?
Even though, I hold all the cards,
Do I not want to let the past die?
Wake up with the last I remember when?
You seem to be some kind of disease,
That flourishes when I try to be some kind of writer
Art never came from happiness, isn’t that what they say?
Do I love reflecting on the past?
Do I not want to let you go?
I don’t,
Missing something you let go makes you crumble,

Time makes fools of us all
Leaving us with our head in our hands
Left the important things to the very last
& they keep moving on with or without us
Taking the names in the sand with it
It just keeps moving on
Spinning around our fears and following the sun
Regretting the things that were left in silence
Hoping the puzzle pieces would just happen
Time will never slow down to meet your needs
We just hope  that one day, we will be able,
Be able to catch up
Make the days blend into one
And our dreams of us could become
Once upon a time

I tend to try and stay away from people
Spend hours in the bathroom smoking chimney smoke
Safe behind the door of my apartment, views of mountains, and city life
Pressed between something I had and something I have gained
Confused in which way I should see

Maybe one day it will all work itself out
Life might just figure out the kinks on its own
Empty all the ashtrays and the empty broken homes

I am letting life pass by
Watching it go, from the window
Letting myself dye in isolation
Cowering from the things I could eventually know

The water is cold and the sky is dark
I have managed to escape the life I had feared
And built up brick walls

My eyes fixated on the rear view
The water is overflowing
The walls are caving in
My body is moving ever slowly

So young at heart
So old in my bones
Weakened by another busy dinner date
Burning and Breaking myself
For something I am merely good at

My childhood dreams have seemed to become something so out of reach

To create new ones that seem more sustainable

Is a rose by any other name

You cut me down,
I cut you out,
Skipped town,
On a red eye flight

Never could be something perfect in your eyes
Never let me shine my own true light
Despite of you I'm gonna be alright
And you'll never bring me down,

You moved in, to a premade family by numbers
Coloured in the numbers you liked
Left me empty, and blank,
Nothing more than a number on a page

Never could be something perfect in your eyes
Too many wrong roads, too many wrong songs
Despite you, I'll get mine
And I'll never let you bring me down, to the ground

Don’t go calling me anymore,
You left the tree, right where it stood
I grabbed my slippers and the half smoked joint
You made your bed; I slammed the door

Keep counting your greed
You will not buy me
I never needed money,
I just wanted you around

I’m doing alright,
I’m getting mine
Without you,
Without your love

These people, these lines we cross
Sidewalk ways, and bike lane woes
In a constant commute,
Up and down the hill

Trees of green, skies of rain
Cloud coverage, and an acoustic prayer
Will you hear me scream?

Another soul, let out of the light
Hidden behind underground rails
No one sings like you,
Not anymore

Trying to drown the wet
Grasping for another vinyl melody
To drift,

True Romance
What is that?
I think I had it, Once.

I let it go, thinking it would come back
It didn't
It died,
And now I'm alone

****** up not knowing who or what I have become or who I want to be
Pushed around, saying okay to these things people say
Because I don't know me,
And I don't know how to find me
Just trying to survive, to get by
Hoping my life will start
Tomorrow, on a different sea
A different way to be
It's only a couple more days
Till my life will start in the UK

Watch; watch the view, the view beside you
Paint the sky with subtle greys and blues
Watch the wind, dusting the evergreen

The summer sadness has begun
The birds wake me up before my alarm
The springtime construction hurts my ears
And I end up sleeping with my past

The city walks from beneath my feet
Only geometric shapes and sharp colours
No faces for naming
Pink flowers, and eggshell buildings

I have been doing really well,
Doing so well, that nobody knows about my episodes.
The stale paint scent of my depression
Haunts me like the ghost of my adolescence.
Its back, and it wasn’t welcome to come back
I did not give out an invitation to the party that I am not hosting
It creeped back, it wasn’t supposed to come back
But here it is.
Weighing on my shoulders,
With boulders of anxiety and the promise of a bleak and meek future
That I am trying so hard not to obtain.
Fighting, everyday to stay busy, to stay sane
But its back.
And I just wish it would go away.
Shopping only helps the pain
in the moment
standing in the check out line
These overpriced, on sale Uggs, only make it better in the store.
But when I get home,
The only thing that understands me
Is the needle with the record spinning

Here is the place, we once knew
Where all the colours of the rainbow,
Where they all came to die
The non-existent hues are overthrown by the contrast of past showers
As staring at an old photograph, curled and brown from light
The shadowless walls absorb the rays and consume them into a mere squint
Pushed back towards the white bricks as you struggle to balance yourself
Trying to explain but slurring speech is equivalent to my spelling
And the corner I am managed to find, is cold and bright too know, what this means

I lost a friend last night,
One too many pointless fights
Made me realize,
Its about time you let go

It has been a rocky two years
I’ve seen pleasure but all I see is tears
Yelling through window pains
Reflecting me watching me walk away

I’ve put this in front of everything else
I trusted you with myself
But we couldn’t make the world turn
And now youll become another notch in my belt

I hope I will be able to find some peace
And be able to find the pieces,  that you chipped away
Bring them back together again
Find those old love affairs with my best friends
Remember the days of late night walks and shirts for dresses
Out with the old, and in with no more heartache of a drunken ***** mess

This is what is left. A few simple lines turn into phrases
And this chapter has closed, but I will turn all these pages
And erase these memories that you do not possess
Because my book is far from read.

I’m hiding my emotions,
I stare into the blank road,
Watch the people pass,
Winter winds blow
The shoes on my feet,
Wet with snow
Why I cannot have a peaceful dream
I am tainted with you,
I can only write about you,
It’s always been there,
But you ruined me,
****** me up,
I ****** up you too.
I miss you,
Its still only you
The stars I see, you see too

Dear You,

My unknown love,  
Did you see the rain gather in puddles?
Or were you too distracted by the city life?
Watch the headlights as you run across the street
Or focus on the light turning red,

Did you see me drink that glass?
Or hear me cough

Do you like the way it turned out?
All the pieces fit perfect

Or, are you like me,
Pretending
That this is what you want

Depression is a game, you are forced to play
Its never going to end, just ring around the rosie
Its, another time around the board

It affects everything,

Trying to see the good, the positive, and the optimistic, or the inspirational
Makes you feel worse, and tears start to swell against your eyelids

Trying to escape depression is a never ending fight against these feelings you can not seem to surpass, it becomes you, it destroys you

And,

Then,

It becomes you

In this valley, of evergreen and blue skies
This is the place where I ran away to let my old self die
Let rest of that adolescence
Raise from though chains and ashes

I am on my way to something to call home
A place when I can put my feet up and be alone
Hiding from the people and lights
Maybe this time I can sleep through the night

Maybe this time I would put up a fight

I am going forward to an unknown place
Drowning in cigarettes and bottles of broken space
Whiskey breath and yellow stains
Off kilter and swaying lanes

Maybe Ill be alright, Ill be alright

I am finding my steps, my footing
It usually starts to work when you’re not looking
Close my eyes and see what this world is giving
Promise myself to live a life worth living

If I don’t try, all my friends will go away,
All my dreams will melt away
Oh,
What a day is today
What a day such as change

Love is not easy,
It isn’t black and white
Its not as simple as, I do

Its tough
Its confusing
Its something I'd love to quit

But he gets it
And he knows what I say
He gets it

Love their loves

He’ll take his time
And he’ll wait

Because he says he loves me
And my eyes are pouring

The trees have fallen,
Down
And the night is shinning on behind the sun
And even though it is daylight, now
Those bed bugs never leave me

I have fallen down
Picked myself up from off the ground
To see what I have found,
Is only broken things and forgotten dreams

Its time,
Now,
Its time to find something around the corner
Lay your body down
Get your feet out of the kitchen

Hold on now,
For I have to wait for evening
To begin

Paint the times in a whim of white and black
Paint the days a foreign red and none other than disbelief
Its going to be alright, if your pain reflects colours

Come into me
Change your days; make them bleed into one,
Don’t worry about the future

Your hair may stand up and your feet,
They probably will swell
But, can you grow old with me


Just you and myself,
Don’t worry about the ever after
Just be,


Always, let it be,

Just let it be

I never want to wake up, now that you aren't the first thing I see,
Just the last thing I think of before I fall asleep

Sometimes I think that my depression fuelled my creativity.
And now that the dark times don’t need the help of bottles,
I cant help thinking that I running on empty, and I got nothing left to say.
Chasing the pain that is so deep within me, and the **** that shaped me
The images I made with my words and pens
Are nothing but a memory of a sad and lonely 20 something

But the clouds have broken, the rain is letting up, and the sun is peeking through
And all I have are the curiosities of what happens if I start drinking like I did.

I am no longer eligible for the 27 club, and Ill never be famous
And the hurt that I try to remember, will not make those images brighter
It will only hurt my friends and my mother.

So here is a sober, conscious attempt at poetry, trying to find my voice
Without the glass containers that used to help me forget.

Why do we fear the darkness?
Is it the fact that the complete absence of light shows us our worst fears?
The vacant stare of emptiness takes hold of our paranoia and turns it round to face us standing tall?
The shadows our eyes tell us are there, dance and whisper to us saying in the dark there is fear.
The slow, silent venture as the sun slips behind the curve and we sit in our black, scared to death of what we can not see.
Or is it the fact that in darkness there is no colour of which to paint our dreams?
To be patiently waiting in the stillness of nothing.

When does this feeling go away?
The longing, the feeling of loneliness
The tune of heart quench
I am not unhappy, I am content in my loneliness
I am fair play in the reckless game
I am me
But,
How I crave to have an ever after
I desire we