"You used to say that I'd never be nothing without you
And I believe I'm striding the roads, I guess I can't breathe
Just lay here with me, baby, hold me please
And I beg and I plead, drop to knees
And I cry and I'd scream, baby, please don't leave
****** the keys from your hand
I would squeeze and you'd laugh
And you'd tease, you're just ******* with me
And you must hate me
Why do you date me if you say I make you sick?
And you've had enough of me
I smother you, I'm 'bout to jump off the edge"

"You walked out, I almost died
It was almost a homicide that you caused cause I was so traumatized
Felt like I was in for a long bus ride
I'd rather die than you not be by my side
Can't count how many times I vomited, cried
Go to my room, turn the radio on and hide, uh
We were Bonnie and Clyde
No, on the inside you were Jekyll and Hyde I
Felt like my whole relationship with you was a lie
It was you and I, why did I think it was ride or die?
Cause if you could've took my life you would've"

I'm afraid I'm getting deep again
This kid..he's way more than a friend

He's already saved me from myself
I don't know what I'd do if he left

Telling me things about his pain
We're nearly exactly the same

No one would ever expect it
But now I'm ******* addicted

When he's around me I feel right
We even stay up and talk all night

You weren't nearly as mature as him
You'll never get me back from him

He's real, genuine, this guy's legit
He's like a 24/7 trip

With him I never faked it
With you I barely made it

Now he makes me feel safe
And from my memory, it's you he erased

Threaten my sanity
Rip my skin
Do what you please
I wont give in

The bullets don't scare me
Your words won't mar me
Yes, I'm terrified
But I won't leave yet

Tests like these must be passed
I've lived through worse
I can't be broken
And I'll be back

I'm addicted to the thrill
The pain, I can deal
Adrenaline is my drug
I'm a ******, I'm a ****

Let me be who I am
Stab my pleasure but let me breathe
Your blade is soft, quite welcoming
The blood, I've seen

I've tasted the end
I've created Armageddon
Chaos is practically my name
Fear is my life

I am prepared for this fight
Psychotically ready for the abuse
If I lose, All is well
I live for the roulette

Desperation splattered against my face
From the onslaught of your apologies

Patience radiated from me
To the flood of your guilt

Depression bathed the love
While I gave up on the battle that is my mind

My dear, I love you still and forevermore
But I now bear this ****** crown of thorns

Not a savior am I, for I yearn for one
Only a deeply tired peasant, longing for rest

Now I cannot simply dream a dream
My reality has taken refuge in a nightmare

Being wary of spoken adoration
Longing for my previous joy to return

I wish I knew what it's like
To be a teenager
I wish I knew what it's like
To be normal


I wish I knew what it's like
To be confident
I wish I knew what it's like
To have a mother


I wish I knew what it's like
To have a biological father
I wish I knew what it's like
To have a family


I wish I knew what it's like
To not fear tomorrow
I wish I knew what it's like
To not worry too much


I wish I knew what it's like
To have a home
I wish I knew what it's like
To be well off


I wish I knew what it's like
To be a teenager
I wish I knew what it's like
To be normal

I remember when I was 4.
I remember the terrors.
I remember waking up to the fighting,
The mini wars.

I remember being locked
Outside all day,
While they snorted and smoked.
I remember being lonely and
Depressed most of my life.

I remember seeing that gun
Held to my mother's head.
I remember the fear.
I remember when they left.

I remember the cuts on my thighs
And how hard they were to hide.
I remember the last time I saw him.
I remember the pain of watching
Him smile and as we left.

I remember the beatings.
I remember the feeling of being used.
I remember it all in such great detail.

You could give me the world
And I'd still be cold
Staring through the screen door
Full of
Boredom
And
Resentment

I never colored my hair
I parted it down the middle
My glasses were always *****
I never wore makeup
Hoodies were my closest companion
My ***** had not yet grown
My **** what flat as a table top
I didn't really have friends
My only escape was self harm
Baggy clothes were all I wore
I barely ever spoke
I held more secrets than I could count
I was miserable.

Thank God It's Not Back When

You were all that she wanted
Her everything
Her reason to keep going

But then you decided
To throw away that façade
To show true

You knew you had her
You knew it all too well
She wouldn't leave
She'd never tell

You're her mountain
That never ending climb
Her anguish

"I'm Mr bright side
Glass is half full.
But my tank is half empty
Gasket just blew."

My ears are always listening

My mouth is always explaining

My arms are always open


Yet you always run away

It's as if the summer never came
A cold winter storm
And according to you
I was to blame

It's as though the world covered in snow
An icebox heater
And according to you
I should know

It's like a mountainous glacier settled
Our hearts buried beneath
And according to you
I'm who melted

It's as though your soul froze me out
A cold, burning hailstone
And according to me
It's your turn to pout

This is a thank you to every single person that reads my poems. And an extra thank you to every person who claims to be a fan. This site has been one of the best outlets I've ever had because of you guys. Thanks, man.

You might have stolen my trust
But you didn't drain my strength
You couldn't if you tried

You might have broken my heart
But you didn't tame my spirit
You wouldn't know how

You might have left me damaged
But you couldn't ever shatter me
You never knew my pieces

Ya know,
I think I'm dead inside..

And when we met
I fell in love
And when I strayed away
I became empty
And when I saw you cared
I broke down
And when you said it hurt
I changed forever
And when you walked out
I lost the best part of me

i don't hate you

i just hate

the way you made me smile so much

the way you showed me new things

the way i gave precious things to you

the way that you told me you loved me

the way you called me cute

the way you made me think you were true

the way you kissed away my pains

the way your hair was always perfect

the way you seemed to be worth it

the way you acted just like me

the way your smile changed anything

the way your voice lifted my spirits

the way your happiness made me happy

the way you made me feel like i could fly

the way you became my everything

the way i dove in head first

the way i fell head over heels

the way you made me think you were different

the way you treated me like i was special

the way you made me love you

so you see, i don't hate you

i just hate everything about you...

Tears don't sting anymore
Whiskey bottles not crowding the floor
Eyes wide open
To the words unspoken

Heart doesn't ache anymore
Burning pages I've already torn
I stopped fighting
But you're not winning

What's so wrong about it?
About making love
To the man you adore more than your own life

What's so wrong about it?
About wanting
To take his name before he can be stolen away

What's so wrong about it?
About loving more
Than rejecting the chance to lose happiness

"Do what makes you happy."

If I knew what made me happy
I wouldn't be in this situation.