And there it was
Beating in my hands

I didn't know
What to do with it

So I threw it down
**Leaving it in the sand

The bruises on my skin fade
But the memories remain
I don’t know how to survive my days
And I’ll never be the same

I need someone to play the game
Someone to numb this pain
Someone to keep me sane


You, my friend, seem just right
I'd like to make you mine by tonight


I need someone to lead me on
Someone to be less alone
Someone to help me move on


You, my friend, seem just right
I like the way you make me feel alright


I want someone to shake me up
Someone new to change things up
Someone to keep my chin up


*You, my friend, you will do
I think that I want someone just like you

I needed someone to write about
So life brought me your clouds

Now I’m here, feeling down
Confused, just looking around

Curse that dreadful sound
Of a silent life without you now

Like an angel, Hell-bound,
I had to come crashing down

I want you to drink with me
Sit back, talk and think with me

I want you to drink with me
Lay back, smoke some things with me

I want you to drink with me
Open your mind, come laugh with me

I want you to drink with me
Hold me close, rap and maybe sing to me

I want you to drink with me
Hold my hand and imagine things with me

I want you to drink with me
Stare at the clouds and the stars with me

*I just want you to Drink With Me

I can't think
I can't breathe
It's all so hard

I can only sleep
I can only scream
Everything else hurts

My brain hurts
My flesh stings
Body in a mutiny

Maybe this is detox
Maybe the caffeine is gone
I believe this is withdrawals

I grasp for the remnants
Of what I once was

I'm not in love with you.
I never was.

I was in love with the ghost
Of who you were in the beginning

I was in love with the idea
Of what we could have had

I was in love with the thought
Of who I wanted you to become

But now
I'm not

I'm in love with the fact that
I'll never be in love with you

I get such a rush
Everytime I feel your touch

Maybe I've had an increase in confidence
Or perhaps this is something that I just think is common sense*

You see, the only thing I expect is respect and curtesy
I give it; thus, I expect to receive in return common decency
Don't act sincere then suddenly change on me
I've noticed that it happens constantly
And that's something I just can't stand to see
What I'm asking for is simply sincerity
Just be you around everyone and also around me
It isn't that difficult, honestly
Though, I've learned that to most people it seems to be

I've learned that the Real really are a rarity
It's unfortunate to have that type of clarity
I'll treat you the same way you treat me
I'll always stay the same, how I was initially
And all I expect is respect and always sincerity
That's common decency
At least that's I how I see it, you see
But I see some people don't see it like me
And I think that's just a tragedy

It goes
1 pill
2 pills
Now 3..

..It takes 4 pills
Just to get some sleep

Not to mention how many lines
It takes to ease my mind

And roll my *** out of bed
Baby girl's sober; she's dead

It goes
1 pill
2 pills
Now 3..

**..It takes 4 pills
Just to feel like me

Things won’t feel good all the time
But lately I feel I’ve lost my mind
And like I’m losing what could be mine
On top of hating when I should feel fine

He whispers in your ear
"Just one time.
Just a taste"

And so you do it.
Just a taste

He whispers in your ear
"Just one more time.
Didn't you like it?"

And so you do it.
Just a taste

He whispers in your ear
"Come one. Do it.
Don't you love me?"

And so you do it.
*Just a taste

I read some old poems today
And I remembered you
I recall that letting things slip away
Was something I thought I'd never make it through

I read some old poems today
And I remembered us
I realized I couldn't let you stay
Things were so bitter, we didn't even desire lust

I read some old poems today
And I remembered you
Then I had the epiphany
That I had actually forgotten you

I'd rather
spend my life
buzzed
and regretting it

than stay
sober
and
**end it

Oh. So you're back.
I knew it.
She didn't cut it
So you've come back around.

You still have faith in us?

Where was that faith
When you left me?

Where was that faith
When I begged desperately?

Where was that faith
When you moved on from me?

It wasn't there.
You left.
**So now it's my turn to bail.

He's a Taylor Swift song
Dancing with me in my wildest dreams
He's Sam Hunt and Kane Brown
Giving me a taste of Heaven
Only to disappear when I wake up

He's my delicate heart
Stranded in the ocean
Surrounded by waves
And currents taking him away

He's still all that I need
Even when he doesn't want me

He's Cajun Louisiana
Delicious king cake
Living in sunny California
Giving me the darkest days

He's my white wine nights
When I'm all alone
Praying for his family
Though he won't be mine

He's the smile on my face

The feeling I chase

An unattainable embrace

You are nothing
That I'd fight for
Why?
Because I already fought.
I did all I can do
So now I give up on you.

Tangled
*******
Little knots

Narrow
Unfazed
Dull thoughts

Obscure
Underground
Sit as it rots

Undone
Defying
Boiled in pots

Badlands
Abandoned
Inhabited lots

I go through your page

over and over

And it makes me feel

Like you're here

i miss you

But all i have is your page

And sometimes your voice

from far away

I don't get to touch you

No hugs can be given

I don't get to see you

All i have is pictures

on your page

So when I miss you

I read your poems

And I remember you

*I'm going to go look at your page

Sitting here at the keyboard
Fingers soar
Wrists damaged
I try to write something
Anything at all
That could express
What I feel right now

But it's not that simple
There aren't really words
None English,
None German,
None Latin,
That could adequately describe
How broken I am on the inside

I'm not really healing
Like I thought I could
And I'm not moving on
Like I know I should
I'm just burying you
Like I'm used to doing

There's so much confusion
So much pain
So much distrust
I'm ashamed
It took so much for me
To love you the way I did
It took so much
To break down the walls
And let you in..

But I did it
And I trusted you
I believed you
And look now
Here we are
Broken, alone
Torn apart
Maybe not you
But certainly me
Once again
I'm left, weeping

Goodnight
Goodbye
Auf Wiedersehen
I hope I never
Have to see you again

Life is an up and down roller coaster of disasters
Full of twists and turns and some dastardly *******
Pacifists passing fists passively; are they real or just actors?
We're not on the same page; we're in whole other chapters
You might just find that you're the most complicating factor
And in any moment that things can flip backwards
The best cure may be to forget and get plastered
When you've realized that there's nothing you've mastered

"I'm supposed to be in love
But I'm numb again"

Smooth whiskey, sweet wine
Been so long since I've called you mine
Drunk calls, words slurred
All is grey because the lines have blurred
Double vision, tipsy steps
Sipping up every drop that's left

Honestly, sweetheart, I don't see
Why you can't see
That you belong with me
And you want to belong to me
I go back to you; you come back to me
You're just as hooked, baby
That's clear to see
Oblivious, you try to seem
But, love, you can't lie to me
You're simply scared of me
Because I've evoked feelings
And you were sent reeling
You feel confused and guilty

You admitted I'm on your mind
I know you wouldn't rewind
You and I are the only two of our kind
Others like us are hard to find
You'd rather not leave me behind
I was yours; now you're mine
That fact has you in a bind
As we met, the planets aligned
There's no need for me to remind
Naturally, we were intertwined
Different than the rest of mankind
*Basically, you were made to be mine
So, darling, you must be blind

If I were to disclose the pain that is inside me
You'd never believe
You'd call me a liar, an attention *****
So I keep it to myself

I smile for you, I laugh
I hold my head high every second
All the while, I'm crying inside
Breaking within myself

But you'd never know
You'd deny it if I told you
Everyone would
So I only write about it

I hide it away
Lock it up inside of me
Simply cry myself to sleep
When I'm alone

Never would you know
How broken and crushed I am
How this life has taken its tole on me
You'd never see it

Ask for help
I'd never do such a thing
That would require someone who cares
I can't find that anywhere

So I'll stay this way
For the rest of my existence
You'll continue to greet my smile
And ignore my suffering