The sun is bright outside
But, I swear, it isn't shining

Thoughts are racing inside
My resolve is successfully hiding

On this sad, broken carnival ride
There exists no desire to cease crying

No one in which to confide
Empty rooms, blank walls presiding

I'll be melancholy's bride
So, the loneliness isn't subsiding

Searching for the bright side
Something this life isn't providing

Yes, I'll be melancholy's bride
In my brokenness, I'll be hiding

Honestly, sweetheart, I don't see
Why you can't see
That you belong with me
And you want to belong to me
I go back to you; you come back to me
You're just as hooked, baby
That's clear to see
Oblivious, you try to seem
But, love, you can't lie to me
You're simply scared of me
Because I've evoked feelings
And you were sent reeling
You feel confused and guilty

You admitted I'm on your mind
I know you wouldn't rewind
You and I are the only two of our kind
Others like us are hard to find
You'd rather not leave me behind
I was yours; now you're mine
That fact has you in a bind
As we met, the planets aligned
There's no need for me to remind
Naturally, we were intertwined
Different than the rest of mankind
*Basically, you were made to be mine
So, darling, you must be blind

Even in the darkness
I still see you

Even in the sadness
I still think of you

Even when I’m sleeping
I still dream about you

Even when it’s over
It all begins with you

It’s always you

Aggressively pounding my head against these walls
Waiting for that overrated empire called love to finally fall
Starting wars and dodging when the draft is called
Given a running start and not having to crawl
Feeling like every nice night has to be an emotional brawl
**Your affection is wildlife and I was ******* mauled

We'll either mend each other
Or we'll each tear the other apart

We'll either make it through this
Or we'll get lost in the recklessness

We'll either fall in love
Or it's love we'll get sick of

Either way it goes
**There's no other way to know

“I guess words are a
*******

they can be
great

or they can
degrade

or even worse

they can teach
hate”

-Marshall Mathers III

Wake up
What day is it?
Wednesday? Thursday?
Thursday.

I'll get up
Drink a little coffee
Milk? Creamer?
Creamer.

Stumble through
To the kitchen
Was I drunk or high?
Last night

Sit down
Realize I'm all alone
Why? What did I do?
I failed.

Skip the coffee
Stick to alcohol
Tequila? *****?
A little of both

Roll it
Light up
One? Or a couple?
More than a few.

My life
After the heartbreak
Today? Tonight?
Repeat cycle

It's not being sad
Or crying all the time

It's not being lonely
Or staying up at night

It's being numb
And feeling hollow

It's being empty
And drinking endlessly

It's grasping desperately
At what you used to be
And clinging to anything
That gets you through the day

It's depression.

In a world full of diamonds and emeralds
People with purpose, with great destinies
People who will accomplish great things

I sit among the gravel, the poor few
Who know not what to do
Who can only see the view

We simply go with the flow
Knowing not what to become
What good things we could have done

Those like us, confused and lost
Thinking in blank lines
Thinking in empty sounds

We are the ones wishing
For guidance and clarity
For a chance to be lovely

Dull is gravel, overlooked..ignored
We sit waiting to know more
We sit wanting a chance to soar

Not laziness or bitterness in us
We wish to find our talents
We wish to find our places

We are the gravel, the poor few
Who know not what to do
Who can only enjoy the view

They don’t know I’ve been suppressed for the longest time

I’d have to blow my brain out to ignore my mind...

~

If I left it up to them, we’d fall behind

And I’d rather let the hate drive me cuz that fake love is blind...

Oh, so fleeting were they
The years we spent together..

Eventually, we'll all have to resign.
Because, no matter how hard we try,
And no matter how hard we grind,
We can't stop the natural progression of time.

We're painted illusions
To give us delusions
Of immortality
A lack of morality
This mentality
The new reality

Eventually, we'll show signs of age and decay.
You can't hold on to a moment; you can't relive a day.
Simply put, don't let your time go to waste
And don't waste it trying to live it in haste

I always thought that we'd be stronger than this.
That we'd be able to make it through anything.

We always said we could handle these storms.
That we'd love each other through anything.

And suddenly, when the storm begins,
You're ready to leave, and let us end.

Just like that, with absolutely no warning,
You told me "I just don't wanna be in a relationship right now."

Do you even know how broken I became
When you said that that day?

After a year and six months
It's no longer me that you want?
But I loved you so much it hurts..
Never mistreated you once.
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard, swear to God..
I'll blow my brains in your lap.
Lay here and die in your arms..
Drop to my knees and I'm pleading
I'm trying to stop you from leaving..
You won't even listen, so **** it.

You said you wanted to be friends
You asked me not to block you out

"I still want you. I still love you.
We'll get back together soon."

Well, sir, I'm not your safety net.
If you leave, I won't be here when you finally want me.

Even if we make it through this
I'll never feel the same

I used to be so comfortable
Now all that was in vain

Because now I know
I can't let my imperfections show

If I'm not perfectly perfect
You'll think I'm not worth  it

It's tearing me apart
I gave you all of my heart

I've never given so much
Just to be left in the dust

I love everything about you
So much that I'd rather hate you

I could never be your friend
That's why I don't want this to end

I smoke 4 am cigarettes
For my 4 am regrets

...

Money, drugs, and cheap ***
Nothing more, nothing less

And coordinated train wrecks
With filthy secrets to confess

Beer breath and sad texts
Bred by my building stress

...

I smoke 4 am cigarettes
For my 4 am regrets

And it just seems like lately
I’ve been drowning
My mind is gone,
I’m history

.......

Bury me
In misery

sit in your corner
pout to yourself
that's all you ever do anyway

stare out the window
talk to yourself
that's all you can do anyway

write on your notepad
think to yourself
that's all you'll ever do anyway

sleep alone at night
dream by yourself
that's all you want to do anyway

"The evil men do lives after them"

"And heaven wept for the sins of her children"

"Hope you're heaven sent and hell proof"

Sit me down
Tell me how
Terrible I've been

Lock me down
Crowd around
Show me how to change

Call the doctors
Get the pastors
Exercise this place


*but remember to ignore the fact
That I'm not insane
Treat me like a child
Criticize my brain
Open up the flood gates
And let me be enraged
All you've done is hurt me
You know I'll never change

You killed the music
In my head
And replaced it with
Screaming instead

How can I be myself
When I don't know who I am?

They see my dimming embers

Nobody sees me hopelessly pawing at the ashes of who I once was

They see my empty stares

Nobody notices the red tears that have forever scarred my cheeks

They see my freshly cooked arms

Not hearing the profanity I screamed at myself as I singed my flesh

They see my crumbs and leaks

Nobody knows the violent contortions of my withering essence

They see me drowning

Nobody acknowledges my cries as I fight to keep my head above water

They see me jump off the deep end

But nobody knows the depths of my tortured, charred, shallow loneliness

I don't want to sit in my own self-loathing
But I don't want to leave it either..

I don't want to be alone and on my own
But I don't want to mess up either..

..Sigh..

When did dating become a game?
And get so trashed?
Now all we think about is
"Hey, look at dat ***!"

People aren't special anymore
Legs are like open doors
We go from one to another
Wonder why we haven't found the right lover?

There’s not enough mileage in this Marlboro
To silence your voice’s harsh echo

Seems that’s how these stories go
Clash of the Titans
Clash of the Egos

I feel like I'm drowning
But I'm on dry land

I'm gripping so tightly
But there's nothing in my hands

I'm sleeping sublimely
But I'm dreaming chaotic things

I want you
I want more
I want it all
I want your everything
I want it now
I want you