There's no time to be chasing waterfalls
With all the noise behind these walls
No reason to wonder
When my head is full of thunder
It's so loud inside my head
Wanting to be dead
Thoughts surrounding me
Screaming, "So what'll it be?"
I don't think it could be worse
But that sentence is my curse
So **** this ****
**** that ***** that says shes trying
**** that guy whose always lying
And **** this world
That said I could be cured

Don't fix **** that ain't broken
Listen to these words being spoken
You think I'm jokin'
But let that **** sink in
This ain't even the worst part
But where should I start?
How bout' back to 2010?
Everything's coming back again
Things weren't pretty,
In fact, they were down right ******
Parents forgetting me and my siblings
They had better things to do
We didn't like to think so
but we knew it was true
We'd scream and yell, we'd had enough
But they weren't chicken to call our bluff
With their issues and misuse
And guys to mistrust
And girls that make fuss
Its no wonder I am where I am
Full of wonder and distrust
Life's just a ******* scam
This world's got me full of disgust
Flash forward to today
I'll hope and I'll pray
The good Lord will save my brother
From all the **** that started with my father and mother
My little sister
I see her everyday but I miss her
She's not the same
Timid and shy, back in the day
Now she'll ******* up if you get in her way
Ain't nothing changed in that house from yesterday
Except the absence of me
I couldn't take them away from all the dismay
No unfortunately, they had to stay
My siblings and me
They were all I had in that hell hole we called home
Then I left them there
Off to roam
My first real friends
And I left them in a place where happiness ends
But I hope they know
I want to watch them prosper and grow
They may be low, but they can rise above
So here's to my siblings, Kenneth and Carly
I hope you feel my kindness and love

40 minutes
Until I can get up and leave
40 minutes
Until class ends
40 minutes
Until I give up
40 minutes
Until I don't have to do anything
40 minutes

9-2-1! (3x chant)
Flip it open and press left
Then its as easy as...
9-2-1 facebook!
Find old friends and new ones too!
Creeps galore and drama?
Oh boy theres more!

9-2-1 facebook! (repeat 4x after 1st time, lull in the background.)
Boyfriends cheat,
Girlfriends meet,
She's fake, oh him too (Speaking voice)
I can't believe Jessie's with Brady
And they'er gonna' have a baby
They'er only in high school, ain't that crazy?(Snotty voice)
Drama, Drama, Drama
Save it for your mamma
Facebook!
The place where you can drop 50 lbs in a night
And own a 40,000 dollar mansion in Mowey
Where everyone pretends to care,
When we all know they have better things o do
Where everyone's a critic and nobody's real! (Goes from normal voice to louder, NOT a scream)

Ana who is sweet
Ana who is kind
Ana who helps

Ana who is cold
Ana who is lonely
Ana who lies

Ana who laughs
Ana who smiles
Ana who winks

Ana who cried
Ana who's sorry
Ana who's forgotten

Ana who wants
Ana who needs
Ana who craves

Ana who loses
Ana who wins
Ana who never played the game

Ana who left
Ana who never cared
Ana who watched her disappear

Behind brown eyes a shadow walks
Children love
And hearts break
Behind brown eyes blood is spilled
Secrets are kept
And lies are like oxygen
Behind brown eyes are left over feelings when
She kills herself inside
And buries the hatchet
Behind brown eyes lies a secret
Blood that burns
And metal that soothes
Behind brown eyes hunger waits
For an answer
And the answer never comes
Behind brown eyes lies Ana
Ana who is cold
And Ana who lies
Behind brown eyes is a broken soul
Who believes she is unfixable
And believes she is unloveable
Behind brown eyes lies me

Blood is thicker than water
That's what they taught her
But the blood of the covenant is thicker
Her thoughts on life flicker

She couldn't care less what they whisper
It won't change her mind, it won't effect her
But here's the kicker
Thoughts of suicide are always with her

Curiosity killed the cat
She thinks too much of that
But here's a matter of fact
Satisfaction brought her back

Blind as a bat she feels
With a hope she never reveals
But lets not forget
All the things she hides with deep regret

Gild the lily
So, she tells herself to do this truly
But her thoughts they rig
For how can she justify putting lipstick on a pig?

No rest for the wicked
This is not the life she picked
But even with the promise of grace
She knows no peace

She's hidden from view
Even from you
But well behaved women rarely make history
So she'll remain a mystery

One must consider the final result
So, when she leaves it's not your fault
But on brighter thoughts she leans
Because the end justifies the means

Most confusing things...
Questions and rising suspicions they bring...
They sure have there moments, them boys...
Sure they can be fun toys...
But when they actually love you, that shows the true joys...
They are mysterious creatures, these boys...
They ignore all their flaws and expect us to accept them...
Then we are expected to clean up out flaws...well, ***** them...
These boys and their sweet talk...
Their lies...
And their oh so precious walk...
How they trick you with their eyes...
**** them boys...
With their sly ploys...

The bravest thing I ever did
Was continue my life, when I wanted to die
My mind would tell me things that were stupid
Things that I couldnt look you in the eye
And tell you without being ashamed
I remember smiling with each lie
And laughing, because if they ever found out
I'm the only one to be rightfully blamed
I used to sit in the dark, sulking and pouting
I used to hate myself
My mind would go to the worst
But I'm glad to say that today 
I'll be the first
To say that not tomorrow, or even the next day
Am I leaving you now
So, smile ok? 
Especially, if you're believing me now.

I'll be honest with you, Friend.
I kind of want to ******* die.
Close my eyes and disappear.
No more problems to worry about.
No more anything.
Ever.
Remember,
Closed eyes don't sigh.
So, even though I care about you,
And I don't want you to feel hurt,
I can't stay here anymore.
You see,
Closed eyes don't sigh.
So with slightly parted lips,
And a smile to make you wonder why,
I'll leave you with these words,
I love you and good bye.

Cold hands
Cold heart
Nobody sees cold
Nobody know what cold is
Cold is lonely
Cold is needy
Cold is dead

I desperately want to love you..but I'm afraid that if I get close again..you're going to hurt me. I'll just let you do it too...because I'd rather love you and be hurt by you than try to be with anyone else...but I'm not sure how strong i can be if my foundation keeps collapsing...I hardly ever tell how I feel because I can't take the chance of hurting you with my words, the thought physically makes me sick...that I could even remotely hurt you. So, when I actually do have something relevant, you'll still probably never hear it...I hate how I feel utterly helpless... I feel like I can't do anything to help you and honestly, I just feel like I'm a huge bother to you and you just keep me around because you pity me..sometimes I think you hurt me on purpose, but of course, I would never say that to you..I just couldnt..so a rant to myself on this is as good as it's going to get..just remember, I still love you, even if I do get secretly mad sometimes...I'll love you no matter what happens..

Be still my frantically beating heart
Its decimating
I'm losing my mind
And all that matters is the silent relief of surrender
I can't understand all that's happened
And I refuse to let it sink in
Shallow as it might be
I'm wishing you'll understand and I'm hoping you'll forgive me
Lose me
I'm already broken and glues not helping

I'm disappointed once again. 
They just don't seem to understand. 
They're causing so much pain.
And I've tried, oh I've tried to lend them a helping hand.
As I watch them doing stupid ****, 
I'm fed up with all of their lies.
I'm so done with it. 
I can't take another one of their pointless goodbyes.
They say they love us
But then why 
why won't they stop?
I'll give them up without fuss.
Maybe they'll change their ways
 If they're confronted by a cop.

Don't you know it's Christmas?
Theres kids cutting themselves
Toys being put on all the shelves
Were dealing with ISIS
But the holidays are priceless
Don't you know it's Christmas?
Theres people dealing with cancer
All we care about is Rudolf and Prancer
Theres teens commiting suicide
They should be kept warm and on the inside
Don't you know it's Christmas?
Al Quida taking the life of children
And were wondering when Santa's coming back again
Theres kids doing drugs
While were surrounded with hugs
Don't you know it's Christmas?

Eggs
Candy
Children
Fun

Eggs of color
Eggs of white
Eggs solid
Eggs that are hid

Candy thats sweet
Candy thats chocolate
Candy that has too much sugar
Candy that cant be beat

Children that find eggs
Children that run
Children that eat candy
Children that have fun

Fun for all ages
Fun that last hours
Fun with family
Fun that only comes once a year

Love is a peaceful place that doesn't last forever.

He lie there, limp and lifeless on the ground.
Her saddened heart began to pound.
She wanted him in her arms, awake, laughing, and alive.
Her tears and aching heart, we're evidnce she wouldn't survive.

She loved him.
Cared for him.
Missed him.

She laid beside him.
His eyes closed, body still.
She kissed his cheek and began to spill.
I love you, she whispered.
She stroked his forehead and sang his lullaby
One last time as he slept forever

"Don't cry little angel
Everythings gonna' be alright
Everythings gonna' be ok
Hush, little angel
Don't be afraid
I'll always be here till the last crusaid
I love you my darling angel
Drift on into darkness
Don't cry
Don't be afraid
Everything's gonna' be alright
everythings gonna' be ok"

Dark and terrible sounds.
A frightened hear that pounds.
He enters the room with red eyed and a dark look.
His icey glare bores into her like a rusty hook.

She closes her eyes.
Her eyes water and she cries.
"Get out here!" he comands.
She steps up with fear.
Her face is sheilded with her hands.

He smacks her.
He says if it weren't for her there wouldn't be any problems.
If there are any though, it's because of him.

She wishes he were gone for another hour.
Though he loves her he treats her like a rag doll.
From what he's done to herher face may apaul.
That las blow to the face made her fall.
The angels witness this and end her sorrow with a bow.

Stop abuse...

Fare well my pain and suffering.
Fare well terrible days and sorrowful nights.
Fare well My tragic and loveless life.
Fare well endless problems and questions.
Fare well my family and freinds.
Fare well teachers and the dumb government.
Fare well stupid world and people who croud it.
Fare well everyone and everything.
But most of all, Fare well my Love.

Torture.
Trickery.
Disobedience.
Failure.
Disappointment.
Trigger­ death and more.

Cauldron boil, mix thy ingredients quite well.
Hear my plea's as I cast my forbidden spell.

Hokas-pokas,
Let her focus.
Make her see what she's done to me.
Turn her living bell into a torturous Hell.
Make Kristen Scott a memory long forgot.

VERSE ONE

You can't take my happiness from me before I do
Sitting in class, barely breathing
Nobody's listening
Everybody's slacking
She's asking us to nod if were alive
Still at first,
Then I nod my head,
Sadly, I am alive.
I'm starring out the window,
Realizing how selfish I really am
I can't leave him here alone
He loves me
And I actually love him back
The poor soul,
Stuck with a ***** like me.


CHORUS ONE

For get that! (Scream whole line)
***** the depression,
The self pity,
I don't need it, or deserve it.
Don't feel sorry for me,
Listen to me! (Scream whole line 2x)
That's all I ask...(repeat line 2x, 2nd time quieter)

VERSE TWO

At home lying in bed
Wishing I was dead
Music blaring in my ears
Not caring about all the people, all the tears.
They want help from me,
They want me to soothe them,
To calm their fears,
Break me down,
Make me feel less than human,
Then build me back up...
Just to make the fall that much more devastating...
I won't help them.
They don't deserve it.
Maybe, if they'd leave me alone,
And gather their wit,
They wouldn't need me.
Separate paths...
Gone in a flash
They won't even notice til' it's too late.
By then they'll have decided my fate.

CHORUS TWO

***** the happiness,
The wishing I could be...
This I'm telling you,
I'm sick of the confessin'
Sick of the depression
Done with the last-stand wanna-be's
Saying goodbye to my fair weather friends!
***** those who say they'er trying,
While I'm left here dying! (Lead into scream from 8th line)

VERSE THREE

Not praying to a God I'll never believe in
Placing plans for what lies ahead
Laughing at all of you when your dead (Scream dead, second vocalist sing dead)
I can't believe you fell so easy,
While I fell so hard
I can't wait so see you brutally mangled and scarred (Scream whole line)
I was stupid to have let you win for so long
You think your safe?
Better watch yourself, because I'm about to do something...
Something I really can't identify as wrong! (Laugh evilly after line)
Leave me alone!
You can't take back the things you've said and done
I want to bury you
And I'm not the only one! (Scream whole line 2x, 2nd time softer)
I'm loading the relief and sharpening the happiness
I'll release you from your high horse,
I'll bring you down back to Earth,
So you can't make anyone's life worse! (Scream whole line)

VERSE FOUR

You can't take this happiness from me before I do
Lying in your grave, still breathing
Nobody's listening, Nobody cares! (Scream Nobody cares)
I wasn't slacking, i did my part!
I am alive, your dying!
And I'm done trying.
I'm starring at the sky.
Waiting for you to die.
Do you realize it yet?
Do you realize how selfish you really are? (Scream whole line, 2nd vocalist sing in sync with scream)
I won't save you.
I hate you! (Scream whole line 2x)
The world is rid of a ***** like you...

FINAL CHORUS

Forget you
***** your regrets
Wallow in your self pity
I won't feel sorry for you,
No, not ever! (Scream Not ever)
Your getting exactly what you deserve! (Echo Deserve with a scream)
No! I won't Listen to you! (Scream whole line)
You never listened to me! Scream whole line)
I could never understand some one to cause so much pain,
So don't ask me,
Because I never could...

Good bye he says.
I'm sorry he says.
Kiss me he says.
Love me he says.

No.

Good bye she says.
I don't care she says.
You had your chance she says.
******* she says.

Good bye I say.
Don't listen to his lying words I say.
Don't kiss him I say.
Don't fall for his fake love I say.
Take charge of your own life, don't let some guy ruin it for you I say.

He makes me upset.
He makes me lose my temper.
He makes me change my range from good, to boiling.

He makes me sad.
He makes me cry every night.
He makes me miss him.

He makes me jealous.
He makes me unhappy to see his joyful smile.
He makes me feel stupid when he talks all mathmatical.

He makes me happy.
He makes me laugh with his pathetic jokes.
He makes me smile with a glance of his green eyes.

He makes me love him
with his up down
put me down, pick me up
Love me, hate me
Safe, yet dangerous way of life

Hey you
With your soulful brown eyes
And slender frame
It's cute when you use my name
I dread our goodbyes
Hey you
With your silly stories
And odd little quirks
You and I'll make it
Despite the jerks
If not we can fake it
Hey you
I like you
With your not so appropriate jokes
The way you walk proudly
I love being in your arms
I'll say your name loudly
Hey you
I love you

Hey honey
Isn't it funny
How lost you were
Not for me, not for her
On a whim
Just for him

I am who I am
No one, not even you
Will ever change me
Can't you just let me be free?
Let me make my own desisions?
Even if you disagree
My decisions still make me
Who I am
I am who I am
Those who mock me
Call me names
Spit on my future
Someday it will come back to you
Karma, she'll find you
So, let me be me
Stop pestering what you dont understand
Stop making eveything I do seem wrong
Stop making it all my fault
Its your fault
If you would just leave me alone
Stop harrassing me
Stop following me and hurting me
Everything would go away
Everything would stop
You would be you
and I would be me
I am who I am
And nothings going to change that

Ignore me
Ignore me so I know how you really feel
Ignore me
Ignore me so I don't get too attached
Ignore me
Ignore me so it won't hurt as much when I say goodbye
Ignore me

I hate the world

Everyone who inhabits it annoys me
I can't take it any longer
I want them all to die
To leave me alone
The end of stupid people that bother me
The end to my suffering
I hate them all
Yes,
I hate the world

I'm crying
Can't you see
My hearts breaking inside of me
My eyes never make eye contact
I'm crying
Can't you see
My bones are aching me
My legs aren't taking me anywhere
I'm crying
Can't you see
I need help, help me
Please, save me from myself
I'm crying
Can't you see?

They say they understand how we feel...
They say they know us...
They say they control us...

But they dont understand us,
They don't know us,
And like Hell they control us!

Yeah, I'm so sick of all the bull crap! ( repeat line )

They say they want us gone...
Yet they act as us...
They dress like us...
They pose as us...

And they say we're the freaks when we're not trying to live someone else's life!

Yeah I'm so sick (so sick) of ll the bull crap (bull crap)!
That they try to **** on us...
No that's not how it's gonna' be...

They want us to change...
They want us to be more like them...
Yet, what they don't realize is,
We already are like them,
We just have our own spin on reality!

I'm so sick of all the bull crap!

We are not dressup dolls with fake emotions,
We are the out casts!
We are Emo...
We are Gothic...
We are who we want to be!

I'm so sick of all the bull crap!
So don't bring on the bull crap,
Keep it away from us!
We are done ( Repeat line 2x )

Its been while since I've thought of you
Since I've wondered how you've been
Since I've seen your face

Its been a while since you've talked to me
Since I've blocked out your ignorant ranting
Since I've had to tell someone to stop talking

Its been a while since I've observed your mental health
Since you've bashed on me for having an eating disorder
Since I knew you had one too

Its been a while since you've checked on me to see if I'm still alive
Since I've checked on you
Since you would even care if I did

Its been a while since I've cared to wonder about you
Since you've called me names
Since you've spread lies about me

Its been a while since I've heard your name
Since anyone has brought you up
Since I've seen you

Its been a while since I've felt happy
Since I've felt safe
Since I have worried about my appearance

Its been a while since I've had to auto-correct my sentences
Since you don't yell at me anymore
Since your sensitive *** isn't around anymore

Its been a while since I've been glad someone has left my life
Since I've felt free
Since I've been me

It's raining out side.
It's raining and I'm stuck in here.
It's raining and I'm looking out the window.
It's raining and all I want is to see you.

It's raining out side.
It's raining and I'm alone.
It's raining and I'm watching the sky cry its saddened tears.
It's raining and all I want is to hear your voice.
see your face
feel your touch
baby all I want is you

I want to do something crazy
Something no one expects of me
I want to watch their faces as they lose the respect they had for me
I want to smile as I destroy myself, in hopes of bringing you back to me

Every last goodbye kiss we shared
With all the scars we tried to heal
Each of us wondering which one really cared
Which one one understood how the other would feel
Saying whatever comes to mind
Just to keep the mood soft and kind
Neither of us dared to bring up the truth
We only smile and pretend to be happy when really we're just blind

So, please wake me up when this is over
Shake my heart and make me believe I'm safe again
And as I scream and cry you to prove it
Hold me
Hold me and tell me all the lies I need to hear
Please forgive me for the disbelief
But it was you...
You, who was my biggest fear

They want me to break
They wawnt me to fall
To cry
To lose

I will not break
I will not fall
Will not cry
Will not lose

I will stay whole
I will catch myself before I fall
I will be strong
I will win

*****.
A name given to me for holding the hand of my best friend.
*****.
A shout from the cround of people who don't know me.
Emo.
A snicker from a table of popular people.
****.
From the girl who wants my boyfriend.
*****.
Because I stood up for myself.
Goth.
Because I wore black.
****.
I like boys and girls.
Witch.
A name recieved when I pretended to cast a spell on someone.
Vampire.
I'm always cold and dress dark.
Scene.
They think I am happy.
Wannabe.
What they should label themselves.
Loser.
How they make me feel.
Uncool.
Who they make me out to be.
Different.
Who I am.

My personality is a mask
I can't preform the simplest task
I hate everyone around me
They are trapping me
I am never free
Taunts and hurtful actions everywhere
About my clothes, my house, my hair
I can't take it anymore
My arms and legs are so sore
I look like I've been beaten to a ****** pulp
My puppy coelenterate's my headache with his yelp
So many people hate me and want me to shoo
Thats alright because I hate everyone of them too
Just because I'm different from them
I will never be like them
I don't want to be
Why cant they see?
Why cant they just let me be me?

To lovers you are the kiss of death.
To babies you are the stealer of their breath.

To teachers you are the disobediant child.
To hunters you are the untames wild.

To artist you are the desperatly needed inspiration.
To poets you are the unwritten emotion.

To me you are an unwanted mystery.
To me you are eventually history.

To me you are the distraction of everything.
To me you are the wind beneath the wing.

To me you are a husband to a wife.
To me you are life.

Love is pain
Every love is going to cause heart break
No matter how long it lasts
Maybe your love will cheat
Maybe they'll dump you
Or just do something really stupid
Regardless,
Love hurts
And always will because
Love is pain

I haven't been completely honest
With myself
I lie to her all day long
She asks if I am alright
I nod and give a frail smile
Sure
You could consider me that
I think I would rather give it the name of "surviving"

Me who wears leggings in the heat
Me whose boyfriend has a smile that can't be beat
Me who hides scars embedded deep in my wrists
Me who wants so badly to be missed
Me who goes on isolated walks
Me who never talks
Me who loves to be kissed
Me who has wished
Me who doesn't belong
Me who is wrong
Me who is cared for
Me who they adore
Me who is needed
Me who was pleaded
Me who was kissed
Me who will be missed
Me

My life is stupid.
Broken down and sad.
Terrible and bad...

My life is stupid.
Forget me not.
Here I rot.

My life is stupid.
Everyone is who I hate.
They deside my eminating fate.

I'm not angry, I'm just saying..
You're not the only one I care about.
Yes, you're a main person I care about..
But not the only one.

I can't be random and happy
When all I feel is pain
I can't even hide my tears on rain
Nothing I do is sappy
My secrets are only secrets to me
To everyone else, there known as free
I didn't want them to know
I didn't want anyone to know
The horror and distraught expression my face will show
I've told them to leave me alone
I've told them, No!
There taunts and unreasonable torchering make me more prone
I can't take this much longer
Each blow isn't making me any stronger
They say **** it up
They tell me to be strong
Well they should shut up
Don't they know what they're doing is wrong?
I won't say I hate them
Then I would be just as bad
They have themselves to blame
For the life I once had

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl.
A beautiful girl who never cried,
Never whined,
She could only smile.
She smiled and smiled,
But all the while
She inside began to break,
Her heart,
Her soul.
Just another fake smile
To walk the sad sadistic mile called life.
Until she let go.
She sat in silence,
Her ever-longing urge to stop,
Smile still on her face,
Watching,
Waiting,
For her pain to stop.
Then with one last icy chill,She smiled one last time,
Before she said goodbye.

Pain
Like a heart beat
Is Constant
The never ending sorrow of a broken heart.
Her aching memory of when they we're torn apart.

Pain
Like a river
Flows on
The unforgettable fact that it's over.
She wishes he was closer.

Pain
Like Love
Never stops
The near end is never seen.
How could he blame her for being so nieve?
She is only a human being.

Pain
Like life
Only ends in death
She takes a drink and swollows the pills.
No more nightmares, no more him, no more bills.

Pain
Like suicide
Can be avoided

11/11/15
I'm so ******* ******.
I want to smash his face with my fist.
Have a nice ******* day.
Or don't, I don't care anyway.
What's wrong?
Don't we get along?
No, you ******* idiot.
We do not.

We meet so irrelevant to what we were trying to do,
                                                     We hide our feelings,

                                              We shade our unhappiness,

                                        We blame others for our suffering.

                                       Our meeting was just a coincidence.

                                                We never trust anyone.

                                              We both want an ending.

                         We both want something to destroy our existence.

   The cause that made us come together is the same on the inside as on the out.

                         We both know darkness is a blanket for the light.

           We both know that night is only a temporary shield from the day.

    We both know that sleep is only a distraction for what lies ahead when we awake.

            Our secrets that we hide will die tonight with these final words.

              The last words we shed are the most important words of our lives.

                                     These words show our true colors.

                                        They show our true feelings.

                       They show our true desire for a silent surrender.

Something unexplantional
Something Unexpected
Something truely awful
Something not remembered
Something no one understands
Something unpredictable
Something thats lost
Something that feels
Something only I can see
Something that happened
Something that hurts
Something bleeds and cries
Something is the cause for so much misery
Something that is left unsaid
Something that haunts a soul
Something lies only carry
Something of sorrow
Something of mine