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1.2k · Sep 2024
Once upon a time
Shivvy Sep 2024
Once upon a time
I felt something for you
Love Or like
I'm not sure too

But it was welcomed
I was looking for this
Confident in it
I thought I was being cherished

You have a radiant smile
I noticed once
Brown eyes and a good heart
I thought about this for months

You cared so softly
Exactly how I liked
It should never end
I hoped day and night

And yet all that was apparently nothing
It was not as I thought
I Should've known
A devil doesn't come with horns

All those walls
Broken for lies
How you broke my trust
Can never be justified

I thought I was more mature now
That I could handle it fine
That I was naive not now but
Once upon a time
992 · Sep 2024
Child
Shivvy Sep 2024
Laying in bed tonight
You know what I want?
To somehow go in the past
And protect the child I was
854 · Sep 2024
Us?
Shivvy Sep 2024
Us?
I'd still smile fondly, looking at you;
Knowing the future having us will never be true.
756 · Sep 2024
I love you
Shivvy Sep 2024
So darling
In the moments that exist
With you on the pavement
When night
I want to look in your eyes
And say the words
I love you
With a voice that holds the softest might
Shivvy Oct 2024
Divine love, Yet the wrong shrine
Abundance of promises, Yet each one a lie
Golden sunsets, Yet bled into a dark sky
Regretful end, Yet an epic storyline
Had you, Yet no part was ever mine
615 · Sep 2024
You wont; unless i let you
Shivvy Sep 2024
Try and pull me down
Chop my wings
To hear me agonizing
And then watch me walk on ground
Reminiscing the sky
But not being affected much around
Hear me say
You didn't pull me down
505 · Oct 2024
I still do; do you?
Shivvy Oct 2024
I still think about you
But do you too?
When Laying at night
With everything dark in sight
Counting the ceiling fan blades
As your awakeness don't fades
Yet staring at nothing to see
Do you still think about me?
505 · Oct 2024
You are here
Shivvy Oct 2024
For I know, that you are here;
Though my eyes betray me,
My heart doesn't.
448 · Sep 2024
I ignite
Shivvy Sep 2024
Watching me from distance,
My hair dancing softly to the breeze's guidance
I catch the fondness in those eyes
Our looks confront.
He smiles wide,
While I ignite
414 · Nov 2024
Question
Shivvy Nov 2024
I'll smile through tears that are hard to tame
Why must the depth of my love be measured
by how much I can endure in it's name?
A genuine question
406 · Dec 2024
Lose my mind
Shivvy Dec 2024
I knew the end would never be mine
When has time ever sufficed?
I'd miss you every night
That I'd die feeling our tongues intertwined
When layed bare under the starry sky
I knew to love would be to lose my mind
I love you. I don't care how impractical and impossible that sounds
387 · Oct 2024
I miss you
Shivvy Oct 2024
And everytime I look at those corridors
My eyes try to find yours
And when they finally capture you
I wonder if you miss us
As all the time, I so painfully do.
362 · Aug 2024
Care
Shivvy Aug 2024
You won't care
You never do
So even after your constant reassurance
And your caring pretences
The indifference in your eyes
Also disappointment in your sighs
Shines through
Piercing me cruel
You say you are here to support me
To listen and see
Yet I feel lonely with a uncertain hue
All this thanks to you
Ever opened up to someone and instantly regretted it? Because you realised that they were not the right person you seeked for comfort.
You feel a stab of hurt knowing you were judged. Or that they just used your sorrow as timepass.
This poem is for them
351 · Nov 2024
Approve?
Shivvy Nov 2024
I know that the world doesn't approve
But hold me as everything else is on snooze
Kiss me through the night
Away from the world's sight
Skin to skin, heart to heart
Promise me we will never part
Just forget, that this no one would approve
Then for once remember that I love you
345 · Dec 2024
Dad and mom?
Shivvy Dec 2024
You programmed me
Into a perfect human being
By paying my mental health as cost
Was I meant for just this, dad and mom?
334 · Sep 2024
Guilty of sin
Shivvy Sep 2024
We are way more in my mind
The most wildest fetish I sign.
But only be abled of dream
Is an unjustified punishment, I deem.
When haven't even touched his skin
How can i be,
Guilty of sin?
Guilty as sin, is the song that describes you and me
308 · Sep 2024
Forest
Shivvy Sep 2024
In a forest
Of twists and turns and nothing honest
Everything is deceiving
The deep trees
Hide chaos unravelling
the leaves are dry as they rustle in the breezes
The footsteps are unnoticed
Nor a care is given to those wheezes
The lakes overflow
As it rains with such a might
Still no flood in fear that its not a strong sight
In plain view it's a secluded space
A good distant scenery that hides ugly grace
Plenty a tree and many a river
So much everywhere
Yet it feels hollow
There is always a hue of unknown sorrow
A dark ground that's sees seldom light
You will hear faint voices
In the vicinity when night
You can't escape this
You never will
And can't change it
But can pretend you did
Yet you'll not be freed
From this forest
One of a kind
The mind
Whose demons won't be tamed
As eventually even your soul is claimed
279 · Aug 2024
Polaroids
Shivvy Aug 2024
Teen fever and dreamy reminiscence;
With our memories limited to polaroidan evidence
Shivvy Oct 2024
The blade glides
Emerging red high tides
From mad to sane
****** anguish overpowers mental pain
271 · Dec 2024
Do they?
Shivvy Dec 2024
Do the stars gaze back at us, and wonder?
The love we have that sparks like thunder
Does the moon admire?
Our longing desire
Does the universe envy?
Our never ending story
248 · Aug 2024
Dead
Shivvy Aug 2024
September leaves on pavement granite, and bodies at war plight;
The dead don't always make a pretty sight
231 · Aug 2024
Present
Shivvy Aug 2024
Oh to be there!
In present right here
To live right now
Forget every other thing that makes you
crease your brow
To breathe in
And take this moment wholly pristine
To laugh or cry
But no pondering over past and future
with a sigh
To enjoy just this
with whatever does and doesn't exist
In present right here
Oh to be there!
192 · Sep 2024
Not hate but indifference
Shivvy Sep 2024
I loved you
But now after you betrayed me
I still don't despise
Or care or mind
As I don't even try to revive this bind.
Confused, you might be
But this time you won't be let charge free.
Your tainted heart will learn to make sense
That the opposite of love is not hate but indifference
I cared so much, I know you were used to it.
I hate being angry, so I'll retreat to the opposite of it that's silence
176 · Oct 2024
Worse than leaving
Shivvy Oct 2024
How I wish, Caro
That you'd not have incompletely left
Had showed your desire more than you let
Less empty reassurances
And sadistic impossibilities
We both knew it would never be,
But you didn't even try to fight
For the possibility of a present
Instead you cornered yourself
With thoughts no descent
The greater probability that a future is nonexistent.
It caused such a drift
And I couldn't even hold on
How might I; when friction won't stay any long
You didn't leave completely, Caro.
You never will.
You never stopped gripping my hand.
You didn't,
But somehow did still
When you corroded the forces binding us so much.
That now,
I can't be wrathed at the situations for prying
As even I,
Want me to stop Trying
For anyone wondering, "Caro", means dear or love Or darling in italian
171 · Nov 2024
Easy okay?
Shivvy Nov 2024
Both our eyes have tears on cue
Let's make this easy
I miss you
You miss me
Civil talking or wild yelling
**** it, just tell me the same thing
165 · Sep 2024
Lying to myself
Shivvy Sep 2024
I sense loneliness creeping in my bones
Its beyond uneasy, you know
I do miss you
Though, I'd never admit that to myself
Even if I'm going through hell,
Cause I like to pretend.
That I'm perfectly fine without you.
That my sky is still a pretty blue
I put up this pretence,
without any help.
The one thing I'm excellent at,
Is lying to myself
158 · Sep 2024
How did you get the nerves?
Shivvy Sep 2024
After twisting a dagger at my back
For so long with no sound,
You made an unutterable attack
Did you think I'd never find out?
The secrets that left your mouth
For someone else to listen
And now as you try to enlighten,
I'm focussed on what I pen
Because I still love,
I still care,
And I could write it all here
Without you knowing
because you don't deserve to anymore.
How, I'm still so shaken
Yet I cant ask you anything
Because I'm still a craven
But if I could form a question
Perhaps the last time
I'd walk down the memories we nurtured
The most beautifully twisted curves
And ask just this that;
Cara, how did you get the nerves?
142 · Aug 2024
Voices
Shivvy Aug 2024
I hear this voice
Influencing my every choice
Loud taunts echoing inside me
Hurting me with force I never see
The voice as it says bad
Won't stop even after I regret all I had
My heart squeezes, my chest pains
I wonder after all my agony, if it finally gains
Why must it be I?
Who cant escape, are the walls that high?
A literal war, and I don't seem to have a side
The voice in an unknown open field, I can't hide

-Shivvy
131 · Sep 2024
To love
Shivvy Sep 2024
You are the knife I twist inside me;
It's not easy to love, now I see.
125 · Oct 2024
Trophy
Shivvy Oct 2024
If pretending to love me was a sport
You would always take the trophy home
112 · Sep 2024
Mine
Shivvy Sep 2024
Did you ever pray to call me mine?
Because, cara, I?
I don't recall how many times I have tried
To push us away
As if my mind ever decided how my love swayed
To save myself
Even if my trials failed
To lock my soul
Though still indulge in your tainted fouls
To pretend emotionless
When I was bleeding with silenced howls
I have attempted everything
I could
And after all
I have prayed for us to be one
Like icarus craving to be near the sun
I have prayed to be held in your arms, when worn
Protected by you from dusk till dawn
I have prayed for my hopes to come real
To engulf me in a warm blanket for many years
And so
I wonder
If your efforts were just as painfully hopeful in time
And
Did you ever pray to call me mine?
89 · Jan 13
Why do i love you?
Shivvy Jan 13
My heart wasn't whole anymore,
But you still picked up every shard.
Treated it, like china in your embrace.
You buried it deep,
Coaxing it to still beat.
#love
77 · Aug 2024
When did we stop?
Shivvy Aug 2024
When did we stop?
Saying anything without a thought
Playing and eating as we want
Studying without interest loss
Making friends without cause
Laughing till stomach pain made us halt
Being proud at every small hop
Helping everyone to reach the top
Happy, uncaring, cheerful and what not
When did we stop?

-Shivvy
So called maturity hits us all hard and suddenly the world seems to be holding so much unnecessary meaning
Xoxo ♡
52 · Dec 2024
Why?
Shivvy Dec 2024
You stopped talking without an explanation
I was left blaming myself for no reason

— The End —