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Q Oct 2013
I want someone to understand
What I can't communicate
To sweep me off my feet
And hug the pain away

I want someone to calm me
More than a flash of sharp steel
To comfort me sans blood
To show me what is real

I want someone who mends me
Without the help of pain
Who undoes my ragged stitches
And rewrites my brain

I want someone who'll support me
When I'm too weak to stand
When I want to cut, steal, smoke
Itching like the addict I am

I want someone to love me
More than I hate myself
To hold me when I cry
Always ready to help

I want someone who apologizes
When they say hurtful things
Who realizes and is remorseful
When the tread on my self-esteem

I want someone who indulges me
And the paranoia I carry
When I can't even leave home
When the world is too scary

I want someone who'll see through me
When I'm wearing my fake grin
When I want to cry so badly
When the facade stretches thin

I want someone who'll listen
To the story of my life
And hold me and rock me
And put away my knife

I want someone who'll reach out
When my apathy arises
And I don't bother to keep in contact
They push past my devices

I want someone who'll see me
When I can't see through the mirror
When the image is all wrong
And I still need to be thinner

I want someone who'll watch me
Put an extra scoop on my plate
Who'll make sure I eat the food
And keep down what I ate

I want someone who'll hide me
From society's expectations
And wrap themselves around me
Block the accusations

I want someone who'll hold my hand
Who'll hold me through the night
Who'll make me feel safe and at home
Someone who'll treat me right
Q Jul 2014
Bored.
Of people,
Of things.
Bored.
Of commitment,
Of flings.
Bored.
Of goings,
Of comings.

Bored.
Of smiles,
Of laughter.
Bored
Of crying,
Of sadness.
Bored.
Of anger,
Of madness.

Bored of everything because
Nothing that exists is just
Quite interesting enough,
Not on the ground or up above,
To secure attention in it's clutch
For longer than a portion of
A second.
Q Oct 2013
I am empty
I have nothing to give
And this feeling prevails in me
Affecting how I live

Something is hurting
Deep inside of me
And there is no direction
In the chaos, the insanity

Something is aching
Perhaps behind my eyes
But everything is okay
lies, lies, lies

Something is throbbing
In the recesses of my brain
And I reach and reach
And find nothing but pain

Something is tired
Ready to be put to rest
Knife at my throat
One last breath

Something is hurting
A dull, aching pain
And I'd give anything
Never to feel again

Something's hurting
Can you help me?
Something's hurting
Make it stop, please.

Something's fed up
Blood down my arms
Something's crying
With only itself to harm

Something is empty
Just a bag of organs and blood
Something is wondering
If it really could

Something's resolving
Something's got a gun
Something's going on
Something's finally won

Because Something's hurting
And nobody cares
And when Something's fading fast
Who will be there?
Q Aug 2014
There is something to be said
For a hideousness so potent
That mirrors are perhaps an enemy
Or something to be avoided.

There is something to be said
For a self-esteem so insubstantial
Not even the most excessive false bragging
Can repair a single shamble.

There is something to be said
For a weight so displeasing
That the scale can cause a panic attack
Cheats heaving, troubled breathing.

There is something to be said
For a body so scarred
Not even summer can shorten the sleeves
Or remove the stiff collar.

There is something to be said
For a voice so deep yet not quiet
That it jars the ears, scathes the mind
Until it simply remains silent.

There is something to be said
For a boredom so immense
Not life or love or fun
Can spark a sliver of ambition.

There is something to be said
For apathy of so great a measure
That the thought of suicide
Simply requires too much effort.

There is something to be said
For a face makeup cannot beautify
Not even when applied heavily
Does it become pleasing to the eye.

There is something to be said
For a personality like a punch to the gut
That changes constantly yet remains unpleasant
Mimicking every emotion, save love.

There is something to be said
For a complete waste of space and air; see
Not to be around the bush, it's easier to say:
There is something to be said for me.
Q Aug 2013
Sorry Mommy, I'm not the better daughter
I'm sorry, Daddy, I wasn't what you wanted
I'm sorry I'm not good enough yet
I'm sorry I for everything I never said
I'm sorry I'm a overweight, I'll fix it I swear
I'm sorry I'm cutting, but I need it to keep me sane
I'm sorry I smoke, but it's my replacement for air
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm crying
I'm sorry
There's no point to this
I've already ruined everything
I'm so, so, so sorry
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know it doesn't help.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I can't make up for what I've done.
But I am sorry.
I'm sorry I was born
I know you didn't expect me
I'm sorry I wasn't born a boy
I'm sorry I acted to much like you
I'm sorry I made you hate me
I'm sorry I'm annoying
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
Whatever you don't like about me
I'm sorry it's there
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cry so much
I'm sorry I'm not pretty
I'm sorry I left
I'm sorry
Sorry.


I'm so sorry
I don't know what else to apologize for
I'm sorry you have to spend money on me
I'm sorry I don't know what to be sorry for
I'm sorry I said I hated you
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not useful yet
I'm sorry I don't make all A's
I'm sorry I don't get math
I'm sorry I don't like science
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry you don't love me.
I'm sorry I want you to.
I'm sorry
I'm so very sorry
I'm sorry I don't call you Mommy anymore
I'm sorry I don't call you Daddy anymore
I'm sorry
I'm sorry you have to be my parents
I'm sorry I'm not good enough
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know it's not enough

Sorry.
Q Jul 2013
I'm sort of sick
Of hating you
But loving you is too cliche

I'm just a bit over
Ignoring you
But talking is overrated

I'm so far past
Writing you poetry
This is the exception

I'm just a bit beyond
Trying to get you
Because I'd hate to lose you

I'm not one for valuables
As valuables are stolen
And it breaks my heart

Should I ever get you
The thief would theive
The robber would rob
The hitman would hit
The assassin, assassinate
The seductress, ******

And I would lose you
As I lose everything else
So I won't have you at all

Because I'm above liking your eyes
No matter how they shine
When you laugh so brightly

I'm not one to treat you right
Though I would hold the doors
And take the bill

I'm too good to watch you
While I memorize the words
You say in your own little way

I'm to great for your problems
But if you confided in me
I'd be your greatest ally

And I'm far too good for these tears
Because I've not lied about a single thing
Not a single thing I've written here
Q Apr 2016
So this is life; so this is what you run to and fro for.
So this is living, I always expected it to be so much more.
I am not unhappy. Empty, yes, but contentedly so.
I do not need saving. I'm my own angel, my own prize to show.

And this is love; both effortless and challenging, daily.
And this is work, my most and least favorite activity.
I am not stagnant. I have watered myself and now I grow.
I do not need pity. I have latched to it long enough to let go.

So this is honesty; terrifyingly vulnerable and strong.
This is maturity, dearly coveted right but often done wrong.
I am not young. I am six hundred million excruciating seconds old.
I do not need fear. I am apologetically alive, loud, and bold.

So these are all the things I never intended to see
All the things I never knew what the outcome of would be.
So these are all the things I never wanted to experience
All the reasons I was sure I wasn't meant to exist.
well. almost six hundred million.
decidedly a different route from my previous poem.
Q Nov 2016
I implore you.

I will pick you apart into pieces so small they run past my fingers like spider silk but I will not make you speak.

I implore you.

I have stories and tales and thoughts and wonder balanced precariously on the tip of my tongue and if you were to merely speak...

I implore you.

I reach out with hands slathered in the most adhesive of glues and pray you won't notice how I bind myself to you but I hesitate because you will not speak.

I implore you.

I implore you.

Speak.
Q Feb 2015
It happens in stages, every time.

Three meals a day, seven days a week
Whether healthy or unhealthy, who cares?

One meal a day, twice a week
As healthy as can be followed by exercise.

No meals a day, seven days a week
Hours of exercise
If I **** up, it doesn't stay with me long
And
I
Berate
Myself
For being so weak.

Control.
Control.
Control.
Control.

...

God******.

Purge.
Try again.

Control.
Control.
Contral?
Conpital?
Cospital.
Hospital.

Lie.
I'm fine.
Forgot.
Sorry.

Try again.

Control.
Water.
Wait.
Control.

****.
Too much.
Water goes down.
Water comes up.

Control.
Ow.
Control.
Control.
Water.
Smoke.
Wait
.
.
.
Settled.

Scale.
Too high.
Control.
Water.
Wait.

Scale.
Too high.
Control.
Treadmill.
No water.
No weight.
Settle.

Scale.
Too high.
Measure.
Treadmill.
Control.

Control?
No.
Hospital.

Lie.
­Believe me.
Lie.
Lie.
Lie.
Lie.
Finally.
Control.

Eat.
Purge.
Eat.
Pur­ge.
Nibble.
Water.
Smoke.
Settle.
Purge?
No.
Control.

Stand?
No.
Sit.
Breathe.
Stand?
No.
Pills.
Water.
Lie down.
Rest.

Stand?
Slowly.
Fall.
Stand.
*****.
Control.
*****.
Water.­
Smoke.

Settle?
Settled.

Control.
Water.
Exercise.
Control.
C­ontrol.
Control.

Die.

It happens in stages, every time.
This is a long one, whoops.
Q Dec 2017
It feels something like leaning over
The top of a tall building and staring down
At all the people who are and will do
The things I could but rather wouldn't

Perhaps it's the introduction of happiness
That's robbed my ability to express in words
When I am no longer feeling content
And can only reach for poetry as an outlet.
This poem isn't finished now, nor will it be later.
Q Apr 2013
I can't tell you how much I'm hurting
To acknowledge my pain is weakness
To share my weakness is pathetic
But I hurt, oh, I hurt

I can't tell you how much I want you to love me
Because to say it would be to jinx it
And to jinx it would be to lose you
But, by god, I wish you loved me

I can't explain how much I depend on you
Because to explain would be to trust you
And to trust you would be to make me vulnerable
But I depend on you. I really do.

I can't tell you all the little things I want you to say
Because to tell you would be to make them unoriginal
And to make them unoriginal would be to make them unsatisfactory
But I wish you would coddle me and tell me those things

I can't tell you how much I want to be yours
Because to tell you would be to give you power over me
And to give you the power would be to give you my leash
But I wish I could, and you would own me.

I can't tell you how twisted I am
Because to tell you would be to make you notice
And to make you notice would be to disgust you
But I wish you'd accept me

I can't tell you
I'm sorry for that
You've given me your trust
But I can't give it back

I can't explain
So I'll apologize
I simply don't want to be
Pathetic in your eyes

I can't confide
And I'll always feel remorse
But if I were to lose you
I'd feel much worse

I can't be who you wish me to be
So I'll keep who I really am
Under lock and key
I'll chain up my personality
So, ideally you'll see
The person you can't help but love

That person that leaves you starstruck

I'll hold back all I am
Because I am not your ideal
And your ideals are above me
So I can't let myself be real

I've shunned who I am
Because of who you are
I am bitter and angry
But you'll never see my scars

I want to let you closer
I want to try my luck
But deep down I know
I'm not who leaves you *starstruck
Q Nov 2014
Thirteen years lead up to this
Figure out the rest of my life.
I could ruin it, I could make it here
I could do something wrong, something right.

Thirteen years and now I'm to choose
What exactly I plan to do
For the next two, three, four, five decades
After four, eight, twelve more years of school.

Stressed out and up an down
How on earth should I know?
I've got an idea but it's not the same
As my ideas some five years ago.

Shaking and stressed and completely confused
Because "It doesn't decide what you have to do,"
Except for thirteen years all I ever heard was
"Major in what you plan to live life through."

So I'm making the decision now
About what I maybe, sort of, not really, completely
Must spend the rest of my life doing
But, so far, all I've got is stress, really.
college.
Q Apr 2014
My head
        Shoulders

         Knees
           And
         Toes
Old, fragile, brittle bones.
Q Jan 2017
I feel my heart buckling under pressure I beg it to bear
I screamed quietly last night and my brain snapped in half
How strong, how prideful, how immortal I was
How conceited, how terribly much I thought of myself in the past.

Allow me to state that I am weak. Allow me to say that I am done.
When night falls I tremble with fear of something on the horizon
I feel my own body rip itself to shreds in some effort to save me
I truly wish I had savored my irresponsibility now that it's hard won.

Home. Only a year ago I cursed it. How conceited, how idiotic.
Your children will curse you to hell and regret when youth passes.
The mind I prided myself on having has deteriorated, I cannot think.
The sentences meld into unintelligible paragraphs of thoughts as slow as molasses.

I would sleep for an eternity if given the chance but my sweet, foolish, pride...
I would find peace and revel in it if not for the guilt of the method.
I futilely push away thoughts that constrict and wrap around me.
I must be stronger, do more, cannot bear to forgive myself should I do as I please.

Others have done what I am choosing to do and succeeded; my failure won't be justified
I must stand tall until my back breaks, I must smile until my lips quake
I must try harder until my body bleeds, I must give more until there's nothing left of me.
And if I fail, at least I know I jumped, even if I was far too late.

My dreams no longer consist of impossibilities that I will drag into being.
When I sleep, I am plagued by the sight of my own death in a multitude of ways.
When I wake, I miss the simplicity of the horror of the same dreams I ran from.
All the thoughts I used to have now only come after careful contemplation over many days.

I am unsure of who I am. I feel, sometimes, that I am merely watching a play.
That I am just a spectator to a caricature of myself, crudely pretending to be me.
And I would believe in that wholeheartedly if I was unaware of life's inane ways.

If things truly do get better, I wonder if they will do so in time to save me.

How conceited, how foolish, how narcissistic, how self-important, how desperate, how crazed, how terribly, terribly deluded I've grown to be.
How idiotic, this new view of myself and life that I've misnamed maturity.
I apologize to my friends
My lips don't speak, my hands don't write
I see your messages and find no words
I hear your voices but cannot reply.
Q Apr 2014
Stupid little children come here to die
And stupid little children cry
Stupid little children stall for time
Stupid little child of mine

Stupid little children let the mirror tell them lies
Stupid little children jump and don't fly
Stupid little children's smiles reach their eyes
Stupid little child is hurting inside

Stupid little children are ready but so scared
Stupid little children waiting for someone to appear
Stupid little children can't shake the fear
Stupid little children so far but so near

Stupid little children scrubbing their eyes
Stupid little children so stupidly wise
Stupid little children so sick of life
Stupid little child of mine

Stupid little children no one understands
Stupid little children waiting for a helping hand
Stupid little children sinking in the sand
Stupid little children can't find land

Stupid little children
Stupid child of mine
Stupid little children
I'm one of their kind
Q Sep 2015
It is not my forte.
Q Feb 2014
I am a creature of touch
Words are never enough
Say what you will
But prepare to back it up.

A hand on my shoulder
A kiss to the cheek
A tight hug that lingers
Say more than words you speak.

A brush of hands
So slight, I know,
Carries more comfort
Than words could tow.

A hand on the neck
Grounding comfort
An arm round the waist
Soothes my hurt.

Words mean much
They affect me to the nth degree
But if words are all I get
I'll never believe.

No matter what is said
I understand hate
And I believe I garner it
I bear it's weight

I crave contact
I crave touch
I'm a tactile creature
Words are not enough.
Q Sep 2015
Happiness is fickle, fleeting
Someone stop this car
Spinning, screeching, screaming
Praying for a savior.
Q Apr 2014
The Tallenge scam is still alive and well
Be careful with your art loves
Before they **** it to hell
Don't give anyone your trust.
Seriously though, can we report these tallenge people so they leave off? It's very, very annoying.
Q May 2013
I've
Never
Understood
Why I feel so sad
Just before you travel
Down my face to greet my chin
Little drops of liquid sorrow that release
The ache I feel within my heart and soul and mind
And after they have fallen I am renewed and
I feel so much better than I'd felt before
And I wonder why I don't cry just
A little more, if only to feel
So shiny and new
Once again.
I tried to make it look like a tear drop. It doesn't look like a teardrop. Oops.
Q Mar 2015
Of the happiest folk
Living the happiest lives
Till they're gray and old.

Tell me a story
Of the saddest youth
Just barely surviving
***** and uncouth.

Tell me a story
Tell me a tale
Of pirates, of humans,
On the ocean, set sail!

Tell me a tale
Tell me a story
Then end it.

End the story.
Tell me no more.
Leave the characters in peace.
To fade into lore.

End this story.
End... end me.
End this story
Leave us characters in peace.
Q Apr 2013
"I love you" She says
And I love her
And I am terrified
So I escape
And in the distance
I hear her cry:
"I love you."
Q Mar 2017
I'm feeling like a pop quiz sweetheart
I hope to god you studied
I don't accept failing grades, no redos
It'll be the last you see of me.

Oh, I'm feeling testy
I wake up angry
I live in fury
Don't **** with me

Pass my "test," sweetheart. Pass it.
I only have so much patience.
I only have so much patience I can spare on you
I don't have the time or care to explain what I meant.

Just show me that this isn't a waste of time.
I'm not having the time of my life losing my mind.
If it's gonna go, it better be for someone who's at least trying
Don't make me regret this, sweetheart, it's your time to shine.
Q Jan 2015
Nothing matters.
Life has no value,
No meaning
No cause.
Q Mar 2015
Here I stand and here I stay
Armed with smiles, so come what may
An army succeeds me as we go our way
And when we are all felled we cry and say,

"Here we stand and here we die
Having done all that can be done  in life
Running to battle with a loud battle cry
Until a thousand of our own on this field lie."

There they fell and there they go
In death, no longer are they my own
Both entered and exited this world alone
And with their last breaths they beg for home.

Saying,  "Here I fell and  here I lay
That my family would know I felt no pain
That my fight, my struggle, was not in vain
As my eyes will never see them again."

Here we die, here bodies go cold
Crying to devils and to gods both
Our stinking carcasses ravaged by growths
Having fought impossible odd that brought us low.

Here we stand and here we stay
There they fall and there they go
Saying, "Here I fell and here I lay,"
Here we die, here bodies go cold.
Q Feb 2015
It's simple, simple simplicity
You can't regurgitate
What you don't eat.
Q Apr 2013
I'll cut out my bad habits
It's time to be classy
Sit straight
Be polite
No anger

Be classy

Small smiles
Small laughs
Genuine
Dressed to the nines
At all times

Be classy

Heels
Scarves
Sunglasses
And gloves
Unique and stylish

Be classy

A right socialite
A Queen who plays the part
A Goddess of a lady
Love, Class is an art.
Welcome to The Classy Lady Series. The next installment is "The Classy Lady Series: The Walk".
Q Apr 2013
Click, click, click, click
Precise and unhurried steps.
Standing tall and straight.
Always knowing where you'll step next.

Click, click, click, click
Whether in pants or a dress
Step with confidence and elegance
Remember you're the best of the best

Click, click, click, click
Now subtly sway those hips
Walk briskly but leisurely
Coy smile high on your lips

Click, click, click, click*
You're now walking the walk
Sophistication in every step
Next is to learn the talk
Welcome again to The Classy Lady Series. This is the second installment, the next installment is "The Classy Lady Series: The Talk".
Q Sep 2013
None of your friends agree
Not a one of them approves
Your parents are disappointed
But what are you to do?

I've sworn up and down
That you are my love, indeed.
I've sealed my lies in blood
Covering the warnings you won't heed.

I'm just the demon in your closet
Follow me little churchboy
I'm the only one who'll ever fit
No matter what I destroy

I've bid you question your faith
When you're down on your knees
And when you next go to pray
You'll only think of me.

Because He will never miss you
When you push past the 'holy' doors.
He won't remember you even existed
Or what you needed him for.

But I need you like air
Like fish need the sea
I need you like Earth needs the sun
I need you to need me.

So come hither, into my grasp
And I'll never release you from me
I'll worship you like the sun
And in your bindings, you shall be free.
Q May 2014
The first thought in my head
At the sight of the two together
Was, 'they don't match, but they fit,'
Like the beginning of Fall meeting the end of Summer.

Bright and outspoken
Warm summer days
Beside the quiet thoughtfulness
Of Autumn's leisurely change.

It's beautiful and intriguing
It's not meant for paper alone
So I'll shout it from the highest mountains
And write it in the most-heard songs.

Summer's heat speaks of joy
Though the nights talk of pain
And through the smiles and laughter
Is evidence of life's strain.

Autumn is quiet but opinionated
And riddled with hurricanes
But the light of Summer
Will never let Autumn fall again.

Summer writes of beautiful chaos
Autumn writes of simple existence
They don't match, but they fit
I'm amazed every time I see them.

See, the first thought in my head
At the sight of the two together
Was, 'they don't match, but they fit,"
Like the beginning of Fall meeting the end of Summer.
More poetry inspired by the muses :D for once, I feel like I wrote it somewhat correctly.
Q Dec 2013
The fandom did it better
They filled your plot holes
The fandom did it better
At filling your character molds

The fandom did it better
The added angst and comedy and depth
The fandom did it better
So I read the fandom, **** the rest
Hello everything I ever read. This is for you. The fandom always does better than the books. Just sayin. But if you have an exception to the rule; recommend it.
Q May 2013
A vivid pastel vertigo
That sends me through time and space
To all the places I should never know
To distances large and great

A bemusing tornado of words
That wrap around my head
Singing the tune of the birds
That make me so willing to be led

An iridescent amalgamation of assumptions
Swimming in the sea of my mind
And though I'll never utter a word of confession
I know you'll get it in time

The feelings in my mind
Q Dec 2013
There was no one
And nothing
And nowhere
That wanted her.

Thus she stood
And walked
And lived
By her lonesome.

Within her heart
And her soul
And her mind
She was lonely.

So she stood
And stretched
And raised her arms
Until she touched the sky.

Higher still, she went
And higher
And higher
To the one who would have her.

She reached out
And cradled the sun
And it burned
But she felt so loved.

And as she died
In the unforgiving heat
Her lips brushed the sun
And she was comforted.
Q Jun 2014
I cannot breathe.
I cannot breathe.
My heart beats too quickly.
My mind will not cease.

There is an itch
Under both skin and muscle.
There is an itch
I scratch till I bleed; it will not settle.

This is not a display of my personality
The politeness; "yes, sir," "no, ma'am"
This is not who I normally strive to be
"Thank you," "no, thank you," "please."

I am beyond help now
I understand this clearly
I am lost now
To this itch inside me.

Is craving such a painful thing
Normally?
Is loneliness such a lonely beast
Usually?

Is air this hard to breathe
Normally?
Is it this difficult to see
Usually?

Does the itch burn like hellfire
Normally?
Does the itch attack the mind
Usually?

Is the itch a chronic condition
Normally?
This is unbearable
Help me.
Q Jun 2014
King come down
The King come down
There's not a single frown
As the King come down.

The people run just like they die:
With a sudden silence
And a cease of non-existent existence
That ends the accepted fiction.

King come down
The King come down
Not a single frown
Oh, the King come down!

Nine, nine, nine
Two, four, zero
Two and eight
Pause. Wait.

Ignore the grafts.
Don't speak or make sound.
Ignore the grafts.
The King come down.

King come down
The King come down
Your people do not frown
THE KING COME DOWN.
I'm honestly not sure if I want this to be understood
Q Jun 2013
There's a king inside this girl
And yes, he rules the world
I named him and hid him away
But we all know he'll emerge someday
I go places where no one knows my face
And bind my chest away
I define my face like a man
And walk around, just cuz' I can
I dress in classy punk style
And my authority is felt for miles
Seas of people part to give me room
And I feel my confidence bloom
I hold all the power in the world
And they've no clue I'm a girl

"Mama, mama, come quick!
There's a king inside the girl!
He's got power and you can feel it
He's got strength to rock this world
Papa, papa, run fast!
This is something you've gotta see"
And you can bet that's what they'll be saying
When I reveal the king in me
So I do drag sometimes. No biggie. This poem is basically how on top of the world I feel as my persona.
Q Oct 2017
This is the last thing I write with you in mind
You thought I've been writing for you
I don't write for those who need my time
Only when it best suits them to.

This will remain short and sweet, I've no energy to rant
This will remain a reminder not to continually reach out a hand
This will remain a stamp of me feeling closer than ever to done
This will remain exactly what it is, a poem for you: the last one.
Q Apr 2013
In this marathon, I'll always win
But I'll never claim the prize
As once I have the trophy
It no longer interests my eyes

In this marathon I shouldn't run
Because I won't treasure my success
I'll gain the prize, win first place
And give it to the rest

In this marathon where you are the trophy
And I give unrelenting chase
Until you finally give in and love me
So I can finally walk away

In this marathon I'm running
The prize is not my goal
I simply love the thrill of the chase
And then the passion runs cold

In this marathon I'm running
I'll do anything to win
But once I do it's over
And I'll find a new chase to begin

So please don't take it personally
When I leave after the race
And learn from now on
Not to trust someone so fake
Q Nov 2013
Company is my friend
Who leaves the party first
No matter how hard
Loneliness and I have worked

The first to arrive is Anger
(Though no one really likes him)
He always brings Bitter
And sometimes Exhaustion

Tears comes by occasionally
But only when Depression's around
And when Suicide joins us
Every one leaves town

Insanity's a regular
But her humor is quite lame
And these are all my friends
And we do this every day

Help is the party-pooper
She's stuck up beyond belief
Always saying we just want Attention
Yet she only ever brings Grief

And so the party ends
And no one's feeling better
And every **** time I write
Suicide another letter
Q Apr 2013
She is radiant
Strong and loyal
And I fear for her
Because the good don't last

Chopped down for the 'greater good'
The best of people flicker out of this world
'Please stay' I beg
But she is set
Her will must be done

She is the queen of this palace
And I am but a guard
Dearest Queen, I've felt the lumberjack's axe
And I shiver at the memories
And I lose myself

Why must you put yourself in his path?
Why do you taunt him to chop you down?
He is cold and unfeeling
His axe will swing
And down you will go

Should you fall, I will too
And I will lose myself in the knowledge
That I could not protect you
Because I am a peasant
And you are the Queen
Your will is law

I am scared
I am so scared
It is hard to breathe
As my mind supplies all the ways
Your plan could go wrong

Please, dear Queen
Spare me the knowledge of your plots
Because I am weak
And I am prone to break

Lately I am prone to break
And my mind is not okay
So please spare me
Until I have healed
And I will chuckle at your deviousness
Once again.
This is why I don't write during panic attcks
Q Jan 2014
I will rip you, I'll rend you, I'll tear you apart
I will shave away your skin with my nails
And carve your bones with my teeth
I will tear the hair from your head and wrap it round your throat.

I will **** you

I want your blood on the tip of my tongue
I want to to smile as your lungs fill with blood
I want to rip your jugular and watch you die
And since I really want to, I know I really could.

My soul, my heart is ablaze with anger
Only the glass of your dead eyes can quench
My mind is a wasteland of war
Made peaceful by your pain.

By my hand and from my anger
You will be ripped from this world
By my hand and from my anger
Will this knot of insanity unfurl.

Let Earth conflagrate
Let the fire you take you as it has me
Let the universe burn
Burn you to a cadaver, a carcass, a body.
Q Jul 2014
My hands are ******* shaking-
As if this is the worst thing I've done-
I'm just typing in a number.
It's a ****** number and I'm-

I'm losing my mind like
"Doctor, what the hell is wrong with me?"
Like I don't wanna know because this *******...
This ******* can diagnose me.

So I'm ******* shaking until I have to sit down
And deciding everything I have to censor
Because I'm going to hire this Psychiatrist as a friend
But my brain is all warning lights and cries of "ENEMY"

And I've got nightmares thinking about talking about
About anything with substance. Anything I care about
Because it'd take one wrong word in the thick of emotion
For me to be labeled and I've already done that

I don't need another ******* label.

But self-therapy never did me any good and I've got enough bad
And all my therapists were money grubbing shitbags
So I'm going to buy a label from a psychiatrist
With my fingers crossed that I'll get a bottle of complimentary pills

I'm choosing the lesser of two evils that both turn my stomach
***** it, because I've already been ******* by therapy
And even if the psychiatrist is just as bad
It's not like any of them got **** on how I ******* me.
Q May 2014
Because, perhaps, with a rhyme scheme, your words will mean something.
Because, perhaps, your words won't fade like the memory of you in a century.
Because everyone listens but doesn't hear at home.
Because no one listens or hears at home.
Because someone you know may read and understand.
Because someone near by may read and love you.
Because someone may care enough to ask.
Because it's the only way you're brave enough to tell.
Because a response may chase away the loneliness for a second.
Because someone may disagree with how little you think of yourself.
Because you can't express what you're feeling.
Because you can't articulate what you aren't feeling.
Because you want to scream.
Because you want to cry.
Because you want to laugh.
Because you want to love and be loved.
Because you want to die.
Because you want to sleep.
Because you're restless.
Because you're listless.
Because you're lost.
Because there's too much order.
Because there's to much chaos.
Because it's cathartic.
Because it's painful.
Because you're lonely.
Because you want a friend.
Because you want ***.
Because you're proud of being broken.
Because you're ashamed of being broken.
Because you're jealous.
Because you're hateful.
Because you hate yourself.

Because there's nothing else you can do.
Q Nov 2013
You are in no way
A unique occurrence
I am in the same deep water as you

And we dance with Misery whilst she might have us
And she might have us until we are no longer

And we are all alike
In our simple differences
Swimming in the same deep water

And we might drown in our hopefullness
And it might aphixiate us with disappointment

Should we rise up
And change in the way we so fear
From the midst of the ocean where we float

We would be dragged down into the abyss
Buried at sea without the slightest trace to tell of our demise
Q Sep 2014
I want you for my own
I want you in every way and sense
For every reason known to mankind
From the first I saw you, I've wanted you every second since.

I want you in heaven and
I'll want you in hell
I want you on earth
And in every galaxy as well.

I want you in my blood
Running through my veins
I want you in every neuron that
Goes to and from my brain.

I want you.
I want every smile and every frown
I want you.
From the highest hair on your head down.

I want every emotion you'll ever feel
I want every breath you'll ever take
I want every beat of your heart
I want every night you sleep and morning you wake.

I want the good, the bad, and the ugly of you
I want the laughs, the hurt, the anger
I'm possessive of every bit of your life
I want your befores, nows, and laters.

I want every atom and molecule you're made of
I want the entirety of your soul
I want every and anything you'll ever think of
I'll want far past when you're gray and old.

This is the way I want you
So badly it tears me into two
But I'll never say it like this, instead
I'll say, "I love you."
Q Jul 2014
The world behind my eyes is so much prettier than real life
The world inside my head is filled to the brim promise
The world behind my eyes is brimming with a million, million dreams
The world inside my head is where impossible possibilities exist.

I will dive into my imaginary world today
Floating on Zaleplon and Flexeril pills
I will live inside my mind's creation and thrive
While my body is still.

The world beyond my skull is beauty and innocent words
The world within my brain is laughter and smiles and games
The world beyond my skull knows no pain or judgement
The world within my brain is free from tears and frowns, from shame.

I will immerse myself in my second reality today
And I will forget nihilism and existentialism.
Life will regain the meaning it held in my early childhood
And, with Death, they will pull me, and I will let them.

There is no greater curse and no greater gift than to be aware of Life.
There's nothing worse than knowing the pointless routine
And it'll send a thinker to the grave, thus I chose the world
Behind my eyes, beneath my skull, inside my dreams.
Q Mar 2015
We could declare there's a meaning
That'll bear fruit any day now
But that'd be a lie; the sky is pink and
The world don't turn nohow.

We could beg for an answer
Unplug our ears, open our mouths
But that'd require a moral compass
In a world that don't turn nohow.

We could fly, see the galaxies
Live life better than we were allowed
But that'd be existing, that'd be living
In a world that don't turn nohow.
hmm. feels undone but I've been sitting on this for over a year so...
Q Oct 2014
I don't know what I want to do
Or where I want to be
I don't have a talent to present
Or any hidden, untapped meaning.

I've a million stories I won't write
A thousand words I'll never sing
I've ambition I'll never fulfill
A hundred dreams I won't attempt to reach.

The world is filled with kids like me
Just falling
          Falling
             Falling into harsh reality.

I don't have motivation to do so much as breathe
Without a billion carcinogens in my bloodstream
I don't have courage to change any issues
Or even to get myself completely clean.

I've dozens of wishes I'll never acknowledge
Tens of millions of amazing, impossible things
I've tons of cravings I'll never bother to sate
Billions upon billions of ignored yearnings.

The world is filled with kids like me
Smile then cry when no one's looking
Earth is overflowing with trash like me
Break then repair; lather, rinse, repeat.

I don't have a personality that will make me affable
Or money to buy the friends I won't make
I don't have a face that invites company
Or the right words to make someone stay.

I've pitiful little aside from boredom to offer
Save violent, unstable considerations
I've nothing to give and nothing to take
Except fake, plastic conversation.

The world is filled with kids like me
Chained with a promise to life and living
The world is filled with **** like me
Not quite alive, not quite surviving.

Promises and promises and promises and lies
Survival and survival and ten billion failed tries
Cross my heart, cross my fingers, and hope to die
Deja vu of a hundred or two that have lived this life.

Smiles and frowns and laughter and tears
Slamming against the puzzle of earth, desperate to fit
Useless and exhausted and unchangeably nameless
Selling souls to life with a promise to live it.

The world is filled with kids like me
Whatever happens, come good or bad, we'll be here
The world is brimming with tumbleweed dreams
Cloudy skies, cloudy eyes, but the mixture is clear.

I've sworn to let them all go before I consider leaving
I've prayed they'll release me in a decade and felt so guilty
I've promised never to hurt them like I've so recently seen
But I'm marking down the days as they morph into weeks.

The world is filled with kids like me
Jittery and anxious for the day they are free
The world is crammed with lying, stinking **** like me
Bound with promises of survival and surviving.
Q Mar 2014
Everyone wants a piece of you though
And you don't even know
Self-depreciating like you're not worth it
Though the leash you've got on Earth's a perfect fit.

No, they don't crowd you
You don't have millions at your heels
Because they've learned respect
(Or they're afraid, if they touch, you won't be real)

Everybody wants you
Every single soul
Everyone, I swear
And you don't even know.
Q Jun 2013
The sun is setting
I'm prepared for bed
But I cannot sleep over the sound
Of things that go bump in my head

The night is dark
All the children are abed
But I can't sleep with all
The thoughts in my head

What if someone breaks in?
I'm far past paranoid
The house is creaking and moaning
I jump up at every noise

Why is everyone asleep
When I'm in such a panic
What if they're all dead
And this is the apocalypse?

What if there's and earthquake?
What if there's a tornado?
And I can't go to sleep because
If I'm not awake I won't know

I have to stay awake
To make sure nothing happens
But if something happens anyway
What would I do then?

If a robber gets in
Would I really want to be awake?
I'd have a better chance of survival
If I could just go to sleep

But the night is scary
So I'll wallow in my dread
And stay awake to deal with
All that goes bump in my head
I really hate nighttime. Who even invented that?
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