Don’t wanna waste my life, writing all these love songs….
Refuse to be wasting away, scattered on this page,
Like a salesman the thoughts of you won't go away,  
So I’m stuck thinking about you, night and day.
Then you softly put hand to my heart,
And i fall apart.

Catchy tune, that you’ll fall in love with,
You must be a goddess, of legend and myth…
Because you pierce my eyes, and see into my soul,
And recognize just like a knife I’m dull.
How long has it been since i was sharpened by your love?
But, at least you’ll have me, thank God above….
I really hope you like this part, cause it’s gonna repeat a few times!

Starts writing, from the heart.
Scary reality, nowhere to restart.
If you mess up now, it’s over and done.
But God will still claim you, as his son.
And it's time to make headlines, and big budgets.
The boy forgets about the girl, who doesn't?
The boy sings about being a big rock-star,
Whereas the girl can barely afford to pay the down payment on her car….
It’s all downhill from here.(Oh, it's all downhill from here.)

So, it's almost twenty years later,
The boy never went to college, girl studied the theater.
Now both on even playing field,
Success is by far the easiest shield.  
And they meet back up at a high school reunion.
Old sparks fly, brand new tux and gown? Ruined.
Is this love? No, it’s called Teenage Spirit.
They take a break, boy needs a minute.
Girl starts to remember the abortion pill.
And it all goes downhill. (Oh, it goes downhill) 
Catchy tune, that you’ll fall in love with,
You must be a goddess, of legend and myth…
Because you pierce my eyes, and see into my soul,
And recognize just like a knife I’m dull.
How long has it been since i was sharpened by your love?
But, at least you’ll have me, thank God above….


Girl begins to cry, alone, in the dark,
Her tears become steadily angrier, gonna go berserk.
Starts remembering every finite detail of that horrid day,
Where Boy drugged and ***** her, and then told her it would be okay.
Because love is forever right? And they love each other right?
This Boy didn’t know love, he just wanted to satisfy his needs at night.
And that's all it takes for the cycle to begin,
A girl, alone in a room, without any friends.
And that's when our story begins.

Boy just wanted to feel, all the power in the world.
Dad beat him so hard, his mother’s toes curled.
And a vicious cycle continues,  from Dad, Boy, to Girl.
And Girl had a real shot in life, if only she gave it a whirl.
Life is so difficult now, and she’ll always remember.  
What happened, all the way back that September.

Catchy tune, that you’ll fall in love with,
You must be a goddess, of legend and myth…
Because you pierce my eyes, and see into my soul,
And recognize just like a knife I’m dull.
How long has it been since i was sharpened by your love?
But, at least you’ll have me, thank God above….
And we shall never again, truly feel loved.

The world is super ******* frightening, I'm scared of it all,
And I’m so high off fear, and about 4-6 adderall.
So keep to myself, stay quiet, and stand real tall,
Man, hope I don't get shot…

Is life really that serious, I don’t know…
But i feel like a toddler, trying to run half-time show.
Or maybe that’s all i want, and aspire to be,
But, thing is, can’t tell if I can run, or am even up on my feet.

I can't pretend to be thugged out, or a G.
I’m just stupid *** original me!
I escalate nothing to something, yet still act carefree,  
And am completely unbeneficial to society.  

I’m a complete waste of space, live with my Granny at her place,
Sometimes I swear I’m just an alien, hidden, among the human race.
And i had to get me a lady to convince myself that’s not the case.
And I give my heart to her, because we met through the fates!

And the fates will tell me yet again, if she’s meant to be my wife,
Haven’t put a ring on **** yet, but I blame my ******* up life.
And if she was cheating on me, wouldn't even be confused.
I would get exactly why you did it, but my ego would still be bruised.

I'm so messed up, and so ******, but your magical, and amazingly pretty….
And every-time i think about you, I can't help but cry,
Because somehow in God’s plan, I earned you, don’t know how or why.
Your an angel, so divine. Completely holy, sanctified.
We don't, cant. It just doesn't make sense.
But without you i'm just so tense….
I'm just another piece of trash, throw me away.
I can earn your love, one day...

Week in, and my heart can't stop pumping,
God, i hope you never hurt or dump me.
Blood rushes to my head,
If this keeps up, one of us will end up dead!
Saying rash things and having bad ideas.
Except now I have a reason,
Write a song and hope to the day,
That you love this one, like you loved the one i wrote yesterday…
Do anything, long as it’s for you!
Even if you ask completely out of the blue!

God I'm, so, stupidly stressed,
Being away from you for so long, makes me want to go on a quest.
Need to save you, from a giant spiky tortoise,
Dodge his fireballs and continue on, I have a crazy purpose….
Get to your chamber, unlock the doors,
Being told your elsewhere, I fall on all fours.
Readjust my shroomy hat, and off I go,
To save my princess, cause you couldn't find a Mario.
But i don't mind, not in the slightest.
Long as I’m on my quest, I’m covered in your brightness.


I can’t breathe, or think, without you listening.
My heartbeat, near you, is incredibly crippling.
I want to... Will you let me?
I'm in young love, and i can't flee.
Wouldn't want to if i could, i love this Spider’s trap,
I'm so enraptured by it, just like rhyme and rap…
Messed up on adrenaline, and the way your hair smells,
I’m hearing the sound of all the school bells,
Signaling we must be apart yet again,
But my love for you is impossible to comprehend...
So wait for me, dearest, I’ll save you yet!
Until, our love, long this poem, is finished, so never I bet.

So you cheated, which is something I honestly expected.
Doesn't mean I’m not destroyed, I'm really quite affected.
I was hoping it wouldn't go this away, and together we would be great!
But at the end of the day I was your cheap thrill, a way to increase your heart rate.

Because i need a break from you, girl worried about getting to the next base,  
That is, before I escalate the situation, punch someone in the face.
An interesting experience, and I hate to sound cruel,
But your breaking my heart Tuts, i hate being another's tool.
And your best friend assured me you cared a whole lot.
“Yeah, I'm sure.”  I said after, just wanting to smoke some ***.
“No, she really does, and loves you, this is all a big mistake.”
“Yeah? If it were truly like that I would be great”
I think a better word there is ecstatic.
But my imaginary friend was back, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

I loved holding you, and I'm sure you felt the same.
You were my Peach, in this stupid game.
But you took the game too far, why oh why.
And now the other boys are busy, making, a Peachpie...

Some like to scream, and others just love to pray…
Me? I just hope I don't get in the way.
But you, you proved my hypothesis right…
Do remember when i said i loved you, late that night?
Then you broke my trust, dashed me into pieces.
So here am, righting yet another thesis,
Against the name of love, put Cupid to shame,
******, I’m liar, here I go screaming your name.
Beautiful Peach, you wound me so…
And now, I’m completely out of ammo.
Do i ever want to see you again, i don’t know.
But you made a man into a shadow..

So in conclusion.
Not a single man, woman or child, should be deluded.
If I take you back, will be your last chance.
But, I’mma need 50 in advance.

Cutting and bruising,
Bleeding, while we drive, street cruising.
Live fast, die young,
All while trying to steal your tongue.

Your so cute when you blush,
And when you bleed just enough,
Do you trust me? Your forced to now….
I mean, your in love with me anyhow….

I’ll, treat you like in item, you just love being used!
Even though you you kick and scream, you want to be abused!
Call me a sadist, and we’ll get along just fine….
Just never ******* dare, touch what's mine!

Tries to disappear, to a world of drama. Shocks real people far to much, end that **** with a comma. Confused by reality, diluted by hate. Wasn't given a real chance, no no, just told he could be ******* great. And he talks big ****, and acts real hard, cause he's afraid of dying. But I'll bet you twenty-five and a subway ticket he spent all last night crying. You don't gotta talk mad, for me to believe that you can punch my lights out. If you talk big game, what can you really be all about. Nothing, and let me tell, there’s nothing to make me angrier, so thank Saint Peter, that your protected by the power’s that be, is, isn't, and forever will sing!

As the world ends, and the chess board clears, fat man sings, then chugs a few beers, I’ll still exist, left behind by the rapture. No heaven for me, God’s light will never be captured. Yet I look around, and still see all of you. Even his people, have no clue what to do. Because all of us are with fault, unworthy of his plan. So he’s remaking the flood, just to deal with man. No rainbow to stop him now, he’s to go all out. And in heaven he’ll stay alone, his personal hideout. For he threw the souls back down to earth, he grew tired of them, but ghosts aren't real, cause I've never seen one man. Just saw a vision of the woman, who was meant to be my wife, hung upside down, taken her own life.  

So, as we waste away my dear, let us promise to never leave the other's side. For I refuse to be responsible, for your acts of mass homicide. In a kiss we bind our tongues together, now able to determine truth from lie. And now, just like late Sir Montague, I drink the poison, die. And then reach for the sky, see a man in blue, don't want to die. So scared of getting shot, it makes some grown men cry. Am I part of the system, of “systematic oppression”? I hope that it doesn't exist, and my kids learn the lesson. For it’s to late for me, i'm all out of ideas, and hope, and love, and anything to keep the world moving.

Tell my father, I'm sorry, I was disappointing. But let him know, he has a soul, worthy of voicing. Tell my brothers i'm sorry for being a bully. Making them backed in a corner, make em tumble down a gully. Dear sister, im sorry, i never understood our fights. Two top dogs always trying to say their right. If i, could turn back the clock i would. Because together, we could have owned the block, the entire neighborhood. And mom, we have had many a word. But i feel pride to call you mother, the same a gnat would a bird. And I all hope that you accept the one i choose. But I think still lose.

The world becomes unfamiliar, and i become filled with doubt. Not knowing who i truly am, something you know nothing about. When it all becomes against you, and your completely filled with fear, you begin to lose hold of everyone you hold dear. Then maybe you'll have an inkingling of what it’s like to be me, alone, afraid, all hope is lost, and you would make it better, at any cost. It’s just called emotional distress, and i'm under complete emotional duress.How can you find me this way? Acting like i got drunk, without a party underway. If I’m so lost without you, what's the point of sobering up? I think have nightmares of you, because your the reason i end up at the bottom, of a red solo cup. But in my nightmare’s there's a light that begins to destroy the darkness. Does it have a name? Is it coming for my carcas? Am i even of importance, to it’s omnipotence?

How does one even discern the inconceivable mass that is knowing all, being all knowing, rather, not being free, and never again having the chance to learn anything. It’s a, sad state of affairs that we’re in, when you have nothing else to live for expect living itself. Breathe. What does it mean? H20, science terms, and a few other things. But if you bridge away from your omnipotence, and look into the human mind, you’ll find, breath, means to live, live fast, strong, hard, and quickly. And that’s something omnipotence would never get you. Human emotion is far too complex to ever truly understand. Therapists, they make what we call, educated guesses, and listen to you speak to find the root of your problem, but beyond that….

Untitled Document. What a strange set of words, that speaks to me oh so completely, like the druid doth a bird. Now, I get quite lost in words such as these, for I know not what i am either. But the fact that i can help you, Untitled Document, means quite a bit to me. Means i can, form and shape you, and make you as I please. Tell you the stories of your brothers and sisters, who already have great success in this world. But what will you be? That is a question, i truly sit here and ponder, for i think i know half your destiny as it is! You were created to be special, for success! And I know, Good Mr. Document, you’ll make it in this world, all you need is a few more t’s, maybe the word flower, leave you alone for a minute or two, up to an hour. And keep crafting my most special mix i have yet to make. Writing is easy, all you need to know is how to bake.

Orphan. This word makes the least sense of all to me, to never “make sense”, to not quite “belong”. Because even when i was getting beaten by my dad, or hit by my stepmom, i knew still there was love, just a lot of hurt feelings. My words can be like venom, and now I do see clearly, what’s it like. Because life moves on. Dad gave up, found a new wife, new Mom. But i guess i don’t belong in that picture perfect family. Way too many issues, even talking to me seems to be a calamity. So i got kicked to the curb, tossed aside like a mutt. But i still realize the love, he didn't wanna give up. But my Aunt, wonderful lady, told me things, that forever freeze my heart. Made me realize i was just a lost kid, orphan, right from the start. Mom is afraid to see me, scared i'll start a fight. And, like he does with girls, this Christmas he took her side.

Suicide. Standing between life and death isn’t fun. Joke’s over, we laughed, but now can this be done? I’m tired of hating myself, while doing nothing wrong. My god, if this keeps up, one shot with this revolver and I'll be gone. It’s confusing, walking the valley of death. Putting on a brave face, so no one thinks your scared. I’ve done it all before. Don’t think your alone, or that i love you, you disgusting *****! Sorry… Sometimes, i just get angry, and scared, and lonely, and Jesus ******* Christ! This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? For me to be exposed, to feel lost, and hopeless. Well, I got what you deserve, you miserable wretch! Now leave me be, as I pull out the gun, **** it, two shots in my head will put me back in my place. ******* God, I’m like a rabbit running the turtles race. History says I’ll lose, but I believe if I believe, for it’s too late, to turn back, and run, cry, that perhaps I have an infinitesimal, that means almost ******* impossible chance… To live. To laugh. To love. To be happy. To be wanted. To want. To breath. To breath.
To breath.

Pray for me.
Whether I'm weak or strong, I need your words,
Encouragement, flocks around me, just like birds.
Human nature declares we depend on one another.
Just like I’m bound to argue with my great grandmother.

No love in this country, hate from the skies.
Perilous horizons, and I'm ready to die!
Die for my beliefs,
Die by the police,
Dead for my friends,
Not dead till the story ends.

The Lord moves in mysterious ways.
Getting kicked outta heaven for being born this way.
So I suppose I'll have to make a legacy on earth.
And make Gabriel and the angels give me a wide berth.

All I want is success, but hate on you if you succeed.
So done with feeling nothing, believe I'm ready to bleed,
For everything I stand for, all that I believe.
When I die, I suppose, I'll end up in the garden of greed.

Met a Girl, fell in love.
Had enough faith, to call her my dove.
So it hurt so much, when she kissed another man…
I guess this is all just part of God's plan.

That was your first mistake,
Love isn't real, and neither is heartache,
But continue believing, i would love to see your “heartbreak”!
  ***** relationships, and forget about the give and take!
I hate her, and soon, you will too.
Just thinking of her, leaves our fists black and blue.

But she felt so right, to the point where now everything feels wrong.
Our little dove, caught up in another’s birdsong…
How can you not tremble when you remember her leaving?
Or the way, soon after, we began crying, chest heaving.
Your anger is just another form of passion!
You did love her, in a fashion!

Shut your mouth, that's your fault, you promised it would work out,
Talking about women, something you know nothing about.
Your a liar, and all you want is to feed your own ego!
So, i hope you know you hurt both us and Leo!

Sometimes, in love, your bound to get hurt.
Not everything is logical, and you can’t always be on high alert.
But I love you, Left Brain, with all of my heart.
Let’s dust ourselves off, and begin to restart.

Non-originality.
Common for your generation.
Our.
Us.
Together.
Forever?
Not ever.

I have trouble communicating, maybe because I was never told to when young, or maybe i truly have no-one to talk to. But i have so many ideas to share with you, my love, my walking dream, my last aspiration, my dying, and final breath.

Through love I have realized, that love and suicide constantly coincide.

For every time you talk of leaving, it makes my heart wrench and when you finally did, it died. Love is beautifully sickly sweet, like the last apple, at the top of the tree, that never falls through December, but just sit there to rot, and you know what they say about the bad apple, in the bunch.

So just like love, we could both make splendid pie's, if only someone had the heart to try.

Feel like I’m drowning. Feel like. Feel like.
Feel like I’m burning. Feel like. Feel like.
Feel like I’m dying. Feel like. Feel like.

Is that the way of the way of the world, or just the way of the heart?
Keep your sanity intact, or life will tear you apart!
Oh, you’ve been through so much, and slept through even more!
So why not punch that other girl, when she calls you a *****?

Is that the way of the world, or just the way of the heart?
Keep your sanity intact, or just join a black art.
It’s clear to see, neither of you really want to fight,
But crowd is gathering round, looks like it’s gonna be one of those nights.
So hitch up your beautiful wedding dress, and prepare for a brawl!
This is insane, but your both on your third choice alcohol!

Feel like I’m sinking. Feel like, feel like.
Feel like I’m weakening. Feel like, feel like.
Feel like I'm falling, into the ever dark abyss.
And from it I get a sense of overcoming bliss.

Is that the way of the world, or just the way of the heart…?
Keep your sanity intact, or game over, and restart!
Fists are flying, knees through the air,
****** off her weave, “Oh God, my hair!!!”
Teeth, hair, fingers, skin!
Is this what it feels like to win?
Your beauty girl, it’s showing.
And now you're an unstoppable force, never slowing.

Good job, you messed up, at your sister’s wedding.
Fought another chick, you would prefer to be bedding.
So what did we learn, with an ice pack and a morning after pill?
Once you start drinking, everything… Goes downhill.

I
was
CALLED
a ******.

How nice of you.

Clearly your a cordial personality.

Everyone beautiful is eventually meant to fall,
So I’ll just stick to being an abnormal oddball,
Won’t see me played out on piano keys,
Or executed, on my knees.
Because I’m not beautiful, I’m just me…
So what can a peon like that, ever truly be?

When I was a child, I wished to be famous,
And actually have the patience to deal with every ignoramus,
That walked up, and questioned, who the hell I was,
Without pointing a gun, and yelling “Was-sup, ***?”.
But that's just me.

Putting, pen to paper, is so **** difficult,
But writing your first anything makes you feel like you joined a cult!
Higher power, soon enough you might get your platinum card.
But if come out alive, you’ll be battle-scarred.

So what is it then? Ms. Left or Right?
Can you be happy in darkness, or do you need a little light?
Is insanity intelligence, just an unexplored part of the brain?
Or for for simply saying that, am I myself insane?
Is life as i see it, just a silly child’s game?
I don't know.

Putting pen to paper is so **** difficult,
But writing is beautiful, and now you understand the cult,
So cry not my child, I will protect you through the night.
And when day hits, we shan’t exist, but i will still hold your hand.

I feel so inconsistent, why does the page stare at me with such distaste?
I'm sorry, lately I've been different, distant, I don’t want to leave a mark on its face.
I'm hearing thing, your silence. Your still stuck in the choir.
Choir of oh so similar voices, that sing of the burning of the pyre!
And i swear i need some kind of medication, for the pain.
That doesn’t even exist, half the time, like when it rains.
It’s so quiet, and i'm found, flying on Nefarious Wings.
And your choir of voices sings, yes it does.

Alarm ringing, maybe that should be my inspiration,
Because it’s so hard to find something in this generation.
Lotta lackey’s, giving other kids flack.
I gave up on these loser, might as well call me a quack.
Because, pretend to know em, through and through.
Truth is, I know a million other kiddies just like you.
That walk like you, talk like you. They might as well just be you.
It’s OK that your confused. What I'm saying is that you need a break through.

Putting, pen to paper, is so **** difficult,
But you’ve written your life away, say bye bye to the cult!
You thought we were the realist there were ever gonna be.
But now your like Biggie, lying dead up on the streets.

And all your old so called friends, they laugh at ya,
How did ya die, who even knows, probably lynch law!
Because this industry more viscous than a ******* honey badger,  
And you weren’t **** yet to be talking how ya did, just an adder.
It’s like the old saying, “Ain't over till the fat man sings…”
Song sang, ya done, now lifting you to hell, on Nefarious Wings!

****






Sorry, that's just the easy way to grab someones attention nowadays. Are you getting enough sleep? How about water?

Is knowledge, truly half the battle?
                                                         ­   I know so much.
But I always lose.
Maybe that saying is just a cruel joke on all us thinkers out here.
                                                           ­ Or maybe, we're the joke.
For, instead of expanding muscle mass,
We expanded our vocabulary.
                                                             And I don't know about you...
But playing video games is about the only other thing I know how to do.

A sunset. Purple's and gray. A lovely girl, kissing you, up close in your face. She's so beautiful, and reminds you of home. And reminds you of home. Reminds. You. Of.
                                                             Home.

life has an odd way, of punching you in the gut, to show you It's love.

so did my father, he never understood, I'm not the running, nor learning kind.

through these revelations I have found that perhaps love is something that is quite impossible to find.

there is no such thing as love at first sight only hate, because as humans, we are more like snakes than doves.

                                                       I've experienced the end of the world, and it's oh so beautiful, for you ran away, JUST GO AWAY.

and i find that having hope in humanity makes about as much sense as does loving someone you just met, you can only really do it when drunk or high.

                                         i don't want to die...

                            DECAY roses are red DECAY
                       DECAY just want to go to space. DECAY
                         DECAY and forever live alone DECAY
                                         Stop Reading My ****

Writer's block, written on to the chopping block, waiting for the crowds, all their awe and shock. My head rolling off, migraine popping up, losers talking to me, yelling to me, “Was-sup!” Teachers told me, I could amount to so much, put my mind to the music, and now I bet they think I'm such, a disservice, a loss of good life, a beautiful mind, lost to rap and rhyme.

****** of crows or a raven flock? Hearing the celestial clock, going “Tick, tock”. Lost to time, and I can't keep track, putting my songs on the top of the rack. Lost my heart, sold, like a starter cap. But don't worry y'all, least I ain't going back! Laugh at me, say my beats are hella wack. But one day I'm going to be throwing all of you like hacky sack!

Only 16, and I've already gotten my heart broken twice. Every-time you talk to a someone, it's a roll of the dice. Adults think experience is what makes a man. I think it's the bravery to say I can!

I can talk to her, I can be with you, I can be immortal, if that's what I want to do! My music makes me grow, it makes me a man! Way better, than silly old life can. That's the way of my elders, not the way of me. I loved you kids; see you on the other side of the street! Tick, on the chopping block, tock. I guess a kid doesn't have writer's block….. Straight outta love and I'm straight outta hope, being broken by the current, crushed like a rock.

End of the world,
End of our butterfly kisses.
End of me calling you mine,
And people calling you Mrs.,.

All because one of us was a psychopath,
And you can’t begin to understand, how happy i was to put a cap in your ***.

STOP!
All the thoughts in my head.
Won’t stop racing,
Til I’m dead.
Impossibly docile,
Inefficiently plain.
Shoot off all my fingers,
And only faith remains!

GOD!
It’s been so long since we’ve spoken.
I once believed I was to be a conduit,
Thought I could be chosen.
   Unbelievably simple,
Disgustingly new.
Cut off my head,
I shall sprout two.

EVIL!
Why do you exist?
Are you simply here,
To ruin all happiness?
  Happily together,
Yet always apart.
Kick it back to the beginning,
And i'll restart!

Physical: My beard is still both scary to look at, and incredibly scruffy. I still have a messed up lip, from the time I was bloodied. My head is still *****, and in total disrepair. My skin is still soft, and sorta fair. I still dress in rags, make it seem like I'm homeless. So yes, I still look, like, totally bogus.

Mental: I'm still emotionally immature, and pretend to be fine. Fine is the word I use when running outta time. I still chase girls, only for them to break my heart. I still feel like something on my inside, is falling apart. I still laugh out loud, at nothing at all. I still feel the urge to pop pills, miss the rush of Adderall.

Emotional: I still cry when angry, haven't found a way around it. I still walk under the sun, and run when it's moonlight. I still hate simple things. Still believe I just lost my wings.

Summary- Something scares me. And by something, I mean everything. I just fear being afraid the most.

Feel the need to make their father proud?
Walk around their school with their head bowed, getting kinda tired of hate, turning off your alarm just to make yourself late.
Feel completely joyless, but not hopeless. You met your hope everyday, and she's the one that does this.
Makes you wanna die, cry, and you suffocate, every-time she lies.
You hear the Blue-jay repeat you, and the Mockingbird sing.
That's life.
Everything is so empty, but you swear your alive.
What does it even meant to be....
Who cares.
You stopped reading already.

I
                  
                  HATE
Writing the same **** **** every day.

                              MAKES
Me feel like I'm on ******* replay!

                                             BUT
This is the only way I know how to express my love!

                                                      LOVE
Is all i don't believe in, sort of.

                                                                  THAT'S
Fine because is still don't even know if I'm going to make it!

                                                                                 I
Cry because that's all I have left in my frail body to do.

                                                                                      GAVE UP
On everything, there's no point of life, endless void, filled with....

PAIN AND STRIFE, ******* FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY, I HATE EVERY BIT OF YOU GO AWAY, AND DON'T COME BACK AGAIN ANY DAY.
                                  
                                                         ****

I'm not dead. I'm just not living yet, and that's scary, 'init? The peeps, beeps, bops, and sch-loops of life gnaw at my head, warning me that silence is unattainable, and noise is everywhere.

When I was young, I tried to be the loudest thing in my environment, tried to scream louder then the muffled yelling downstairs, tried to cry till my face became a distorted mess, and tears come easier than a smile.

When I was young, I wanted to be anyone else, to run away, to hide from it all, I wasn't content with my sub-par, if even that, lot in life...

Now, I cry my heart out, and leave my lungs to rest, my whole body has become that distorted mess, my smile is so easy, it discards the tears, till I'm left alone with my fears. The yelling is clearer, for it was always me, fighting with...

Myself.

Love is like an overshadowing darkness, in the light, that forces you to feel a way.
Love is incredibly simple, however complicated it may seem, and most realize in a dream.
A dream, not asleep.
But a quick glance, and the heart begins to beat.
Whether it’s outside, in the pouring rain.
Or a simple sunny noontide.
Cupid’s arrow will always hit.
At the most inconvenient possible time.

Love is like a taxi ride around a small country town, when all you know, is the city.
It’s always new, foreign, and incredibly unsightly.
The food *****, the music is not at all your style, but you pretend to enjoy it anyway.

Basically…. Point is, I think I'm falling in love.
And I don't want to get hurt again.
I'm so tired of feeling numb.

Migraine building up,
Could have anything in life, ‘cept a little love.
Because as much as I try to sit through the pain,
All i can hear outside is rain!

This is my eulogy song, print it in black.
This is my happy ever never, as in never coming back!
I tried so hard to love you,
Now i would prefer, to undiscover you.
What happened to the me, that was happy and hyper?
Got taken away, no one paid… The Piper.

In a perfect world, I would be a different man,
Instead of the scared rabbit, the dog with the plan.
But i don’t see us ever working out,
Now can you tell me what that’s about?
Your lies and deceptions now fall on deaf ears,
I’m in tears!

Trying to find a way to calm my rage.
So I start a new empty canvas. Just another blank page.
But as much as i would love to, i just can't cope,
Keep churning out songs, I’m losing all hope.

I used to believe, i had a purpose.
Now i'm stuck on my own, waiting for my faith to resurface.
Staring at this no-longer blank page, maybe it can guide me.
Maybe it can come to life, in actuality!

How possible is it to change everything you know, become better as a person, stop looking at others, and give U, the single most remarkable person I have ever met, in my entirety of existence, a clue that I like U?

I get it, you don't read my **** because it's not beautiful, or elegant, and i talk about love and suicide way to much. I get that everyone else on this sight is better than me, 10/1. I get that you ******* hate it when I ******* cuss. But LOOK here. I'm not changing for you, my dad, my grandma, or anyone else. I am me, and i will be so gloriously, constantly, and ******* dutifully.

                                  And if you actually took the time.
You can ******* now.

I've begun to realize, how ironic my own life has become. A **** ton of pain, ha ha, now isn't that fun. It's a self destructive barrel of hate that can't chose a side… so it jokes about its own suicide. I'm not an atheist, but I don't believe in God. I've seen too much, been through too much, to the point it makes my heart stop. Echos against the cave wall, we're slowly nearing the river. While digging my own grave, the world has become so much clearer. And music is no longer art, so many revert back to poetry, I've given up on love, i’d prefer some Jasmine tea. Hurt so many people I care for, before the yonder window breaks. And I'm now in a sea, filled with liars, filled with fakes. Isn’t that just the most manic thing you've ever heard? Young man throwing a fit through life, attention completely undeserved. But i guess that explains the ******* generation, old folks blame the tech, I blame the ******* medication. Or maybe the people, cause we’re all ******* toxic, all we want to do is start fights and talk ****!

Getting heated, setting up the next verse, stretching my fingers, prepped to be taken away in that black Hearse. But I enjoy the feeling of being put behind bars, but i'll eventually need to come out to see the stars! Revving engines, getting ready for a ready for a round 3, all right world, ******* come at me! Few are even to worthy, don't get ******, you have to understand what I’m saying first, to be properly dissed... I just want to escape what feels like an endless cycle, just want to realize, that's my real in life, no more living just for survival. Wanna be happy, and soar among the clouds, be surrounded by my family, have them finally be proud. Want to live just for me, and not for anyone else! That's not a selfish wish, it's perfect in itself! Colors surround me, and all that i own. Perhaps, Heaven, could be my new home.

I guess, something I've learned, is that poetry is a-lot like life. It's not about following, nor flipping the rules. It's about the effort you attempt to put into each situation. No matter what, do what you love, and love what you do. God, Buddha, Allah, whoever you believe in?

They have a grander plan than you can't possibly understand.

Blank slate, new canvas. New page, blank mind.
Why is it, with at least half my vision, I'm so blind?
I choose to see what i want, and only that.
Like trying to see the entire world, from the viewpoint of a rat.
But instead of noticing my blindness, I just yawn.
Why must it be so obvious, I'm not special, just another pawn.

I'm just me, a small man, with no sense of shame, that has absolutely no game.
No matter what I do, i feel Ill be stuck under a shadow.
Got two super successful parents, both with an extensive amount of ammo..
So what do I do, if i don’t make it big?
No billboards of my name, my lady hates the crib
Well, sorry to say, but,
I don’t feel, life has ever been a challenge.
Sure, no gold on my wrist, but by God I’ll manage.
Just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs.
Wait to finally be stricken dumb.

Ugh…. Realizing self-expression, is sin, almost as much as drinking copious amounts of gin.
With a simple action, of derring do, I wonder if I, could eventually earn you. Because i haven't done ****, in my eyes, but perhaps you were just a kind surprise.
A beautiful dawn, before a sunset, a chance at life, perhaps I'm not done yet.
Maybe we could be something, last forever, because i heard true love, will always endeavor.
So how do we do this, can we truly be apart when together, please don't look to me for answers, though normally I’m quite clever.
Perhaps we should run away and hide, and somewhere far, far away, I’ll make you my bride.
When it rains, it doesn’t pour…
Maybe I should stop talking about giving up,
Because I don't want to end up at the end of a red solo cup.

I hear your ragged breathing,
Turns out your just like me…
We both spent last few nights bleeding.
Nothing but funny, don’t you agree?

What was it like, being young?
I never had that, have always felt like a loaded gun.
My words like bullets, shooting out to ****,
You should stop reading, from here it’s all downhill….

I'm not Disturbed, that’s a band, good one at that.
What do you mean you just can't love me?
When you talk, you sound like a ******* bureaucrat.
Your talking about my life oh so carefree!

Can’t you see, I’m a monster, that can't stop myself from loving her?
But who is she? God, life moves in such a blur.
Can you save me, lover?
Can you help me RECOVER?
Can you give me a drop of life,
Save me from my pain and strife,
Or just stab me through, with a knife...

What's the point, you don't even know me,
And when you talk, i hear the calls of a Banshee.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
And I'm sure when you find the one you truly love, you'll agree.

So, good bye, forlorn lover, see you at the end of the road.
I’m sure we shall see each-other again, in God’s abode.
I will truly miss you, so please, be at peace. I love, and miss you,
Signed,
Me

In the light, i feel so blind.
But in the dark, i want to die.
                                      One of the leading causes of death among teens?
                        Suicide.
I do not like it, Sam-I-Am.
As much as that man did not want green eggs and ham.
                     How do you save a nation of kids, that don't want saving?
Easy. Or at least, it should be.
                                            Inferiority.
When my flesh touches another, my heart skips a beat.
But when I'm alone, I die slowly.
                                                          Will I rest in peace?
Can i ever recover, my lover?
                                                   I'm alone, like the soft blue of summer.

Untitled Document. What a strange set of words, that speaks to me oh so completely, like the druid doth a bird. Now, I get quite lost in words such as these, for I know not what i am either. But the fact that i can help you, Untitled Document, means quite a bit to me. Means i can, form and shape you, and make you as I please. Tell you the stories of your brothers and sisters, who already have great success in this world. But what will you be? That is a question, i truly sit here and ponder, for i think i know half your destiny as it is! You were created to be special, for success! And I know, Good Mr. Document, you’ll make it in this world, all you need is a few more t’s, maybe the word flower, leave you alone for a minute or two, up to an hour. And keep crafting my most special mix i have yet to make. Writing is easy, all you need to know is how to bake.

Orphan. This word makes the least sense of all to me, to never “make sense”, to not quite “belong”. Because even when i was getting beaten by my dad, or hit by my stepmom, i knew still there was love, just a lot of hurt feelings. My words can be like venom, and now I do see clearly, what’s it like. Because life moves on. Dad gave up, found a new wife, new Mom. But i guess i don’t belong in that picture perfect family. Way too many issues, even talking to me seems to be a calamity. So i got kicked to the curb, tossed aside like a mutt. But i still realize the love, he didn't wanna give up. But my Aunt, wonderful lady, told me things, that forever freeze my heart. Made me realize i was just a lost kid, orphan. Right from the start. Mom is afraid to see me, scared i'll start a fight. And, like he does with girls, this christmas he took her side.

Suicide. Standing between life and death isn’t fun. Joke’s over, we laughed, but now can this be done? I’m tired of hating myself, while doing nothing wrong. My god, if this keeps up, one blam and I'll be gone. It’s confusing, walking the valley of death. Putting on a brave face, so no one thinks your scared. I’ve done it all before. Don’t think your alone, or that i love you, you disgusting *****! Sorry… Sometimes, i just get angry, and scared, and lonely, and Jesus ******* Christ! This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? For me to be exposed, to feel lost, and hopeless. Well, I got what you deserve, you miserable wretch! Now leave me be, as I pull out the gun, **** it, two shots in my head will put me back in place. ******* God, I’m like a rabbit running the turtles race. History says I’ll lose, but I believe if I believe, for it’s too late, to turn back, and run, cry, that perhaps I have an infinitesimal, that means almost ******* impossible chance… To live. To laugh. To love. To be happy. To be wanted. To want. To breath. To breath. To breath.