Maybe one day I'll be free of this stress
Perhaps, one day I can finally live
Maybe one day I'll have a clear head
Perhaps one day I'll have strength to forgive.

Don't tell me it's dangerous to hope
It keeps me alit, it makes me burn
Towards the dream of a better future
One that I can honestly say I earned.

I'll push my boundaries, however far
I'll keep the promises I once made
I'll fail, I'll fall, hopefully I stand
I'll clear the rain on my parade.

How wonderful it is to be aflame
I don't long to be brighter than the rest
I wish I could burn of my own free will
But perhaps this time, death is for the best.

If there is a day when I'm set ablaze
For a brief moment I might glow again
I hope I'm remembered as useful fire,
Perhaps my rebirth will not be in vain.

I'm a strange mixture of yin and yang
With light struggling to be seen, to be heard
Pleading, in anguish, to the darkness
"Don't put me out, let me say a word!
Let's make a deal with terms for us both
I want to live, let me heal, to be free
I'll respect your space, I'll leave you alone
Don't let us become what we used to be".

Maybe we're all beggars in ways we don't understand
Unconscious, asking, trying not to demand
Believing we've been dealt an unlucky hand
Playing in ways that go wrong, the moves unplanned
Maybe we'll make it right, with luck on our side
Trying not to break, at least we'll have tried
If it has to end someday, let's enjoy the ride
If life is pain, at least death can be dignified.

If I were fictional
A part of another land
I'd use my powers to do good
No life would taste so bland.

If I were fictional
I'd be a spirit one can't see
Invisible guardian angel
To brighten a bleak history.

If I were fictional
One would always find success,
Never ever know of worry
They'd forever be blessed.

If I were fictional
The world wouldn't know heartache
Minds would be cured instantly
In strong bodies that won't break.

If I were fictional
I'd find him, and he'd be mine
I'd love to become his
Two souls together, entwined.

But I remain real
I'm not a made-up ghost
I can't change my life, I've tried
And somehow, that hurts the most.

I had my fingers on a string
And only I could see
The pleasant sound that I could bring
A note of symphony.
The fond caress of vibration
On the forgotten hand
Evokes in me such elation
I fly above my land.

Perhaps I'll never be
The one
Who's always on your mind
But know this
I am content
With being an afterthought
As long as
You think of me.

We light a candle with the fervent hope
That this shall not be the end of our rope,
That there is still more in us we can give-
There is a better way for us to live.
We wonder if we'll ever be good enough
Delicate diamonds lying in the rough.
Much as we wish that we can find a way
There is a time, a place, for a new day.
As we crave feeling in bodies struck dumb,
So we shall wait, for good things yet to come.

High along the winds of change I fly
Writing more words I'd love to live by
Running away from a looming past
Wondering if any peace will last.
Turbulence hits, and I'm taken aback,
Again and again I'm thrown off track.
The engines fail, but this plane is tough,
Yet, the controls say I'm not fast enough.
Maybe....this dream was never meant to be
Maybe I'd be safer atop a tree.
Much as I long to drown in the pain
Worries are useless, they cause fuel drain.
I've many miles to go before I sleep
Deadlines to meet, promises to keep.
This uncertain flight will still go on
Through sleepless nights, to an unknown dawn.

I didn't know that I forgot
To write for me, only me
The world can go **** itself
As I live in poetry.
Maybe these words aren't the best
Maybe they won't heal a heart
But they're mine, as they shall be
That makes them true works of art.
I know they won't go places
I find I like that they're free
As long as they're from my soul-
They're my small mark on history.

I stay hidden beneath billows of dust
It's been ages since I was read, with trust.
How wonderful the days I was found,
Perused in the quiet, without a sound
I looked for the change in my readers' eyes
(I cannot see, but I sensed, in disguise)
As my maker's words prompt a memory,
A trapped emotion, now finally free,
When they recall, when they feel, in their core
They relate; They aren't alone anymore.
It's nice to be understood, to be heard,
To be visible without saying a word.
So I shall lie, waiting, for the next time
The soot is cleared, and someone reads my rhyme.

You saw me when I was a piece of stone
Weathered from the land, wind, and mighty seas
You'd known me as a strong rock from before
Who could silence the sands, knock over trees.
You thought I'd remain part of the gravel
Living forever in a weak disguise
A thing to be coddled, controlled and thrown
Into paths you'd seen, that you'd advertise.
What if I wanted to rise from the ground?
With cement and water I'd make concrete
I'd become a tall building, then I'd know
That I didn't need you to feel complete.
But I won't forget the role you once played
Wounding so I fell to my knees in pain
We didn't foresee that I'd grow from nothing,
To never be broken by you again.

My heart          is in one spot
My soul                                         is in another
My body                hovers in between
      
              In uncertainty.

I

          Am

                                    All
    
 Ove­r
      
                                           The
          
               
                                                ­              Place.

I'm tired of stories of success in life,
Diamond worlds that shine through the ages
Tell me of when they were heartbroken coal
Read me the pain within countless pages
The hardship, the despair in rock bottom
The seven seas of tears from broken pride
Show me the canyons they carved in their path,
Shattered walls that led to the truth inside.

Teach me their history, I'll believe they're real,
Maybe with some hope, I can try to heal.

What if I'm shaped like a square
When the world is made of circles?
Should I smooth my sharp corners,
Or should I just add more edges?
Where do I learn to conform,
To fit in spaces that aren't for me?
Should I change to fit the norm,
Or create another, entirely?
How do I choose parts of myself
To keep, to let go, to borrow?
Can I retain my identity,
While evolving past tomorrow?

Just when you think
You've gotten over all of it
One word, one person
Hurts your smile just a bit
And the illusion fades
To show the cracked glass
That won't heal again
Patches through the greenest grass.
I guess pain doesn't go away
And one doesn't truly let go
It just becomes easier to bear
Than pretend that it isn't so.

It's a beautiful, sunny day outside
And I wish it could seep into my soul
It needs to breathe, away from the darkness
That wonders why it can never feel whole
Is there some point to hustling with a dream?
Do passion and hard work make a difference?
Why does life give hope....then ****** it away?
When will everything start making sense?

It's designed for another kind of person,
Perhaps one much stronger than us all,
Who can do everything with finesse and poise,
Who bears their burdens with grace, with no noise.

In the end,

Maybe I don't want to break the glass,
Maybe I just want to prove to the world,
That I was not made to be a waste of space,
That I could reach the ceiling in the first place.

Now that you're gone, I wish I could say bye
If there was just one more moment we shared
I'd tell you, and hope that God would be kind
But He wasn't, and now we lie, shocked and scared
All I can do is offer these poor words
And dream that you'd notice them, with love
Maybe you'd smile, and shine brighter in grace
Perhaps fill our lives again, from above.

If I must lose sleep
To dreams of you
I'll stay awake
Wishing we were true.

All I want
Is to sleep away
The nightmare
Of reality.

Thank you for your words
They made me smile when I wanted to cry.
Thank you for listening
When no one, nowhere, wanted to hear me.
Thank you for your strength
You held me up when I wanted to die.
Thank you for your music
It taught my soul to love being alive.
Thank you for the conversations
I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.
Thank you for....being you
You don't know it, but you changed my life.

I'm the lone cloud on a summer's day
So many beg me to go away
Yet I stay on for the prayers of pain
For those longing for a bit of rain.

Good habits, they say, helps one through the day
They make us rear but keep boredom at bay.
Tiring as they are to grow and maintain
They keep us grounded, once deeply ingrained.
Resigned as I am to the daily grind
There's so much to explore, discover, find
Tell me to try, try, try again, I will
Thus I'll fail, fail, fail, living on life's thrill.

She's the better one for you
I know, I know that well
Go out with her, bend my heart
It won't break under your spell.

It's just a crush (I tell myself)
I'll try to work my way through
But just for now, I won't lose hope
That we could be me and you.

Stop bugging me as I sleep!
You plague me with weird dreams
You confuse with random thoughts
You leave me dazed as I wake.
Get away from me, you creep!
Everything's not as it seems
You tangle my brain in knots
Were you born as a mistake?
(Though at times you make me weep;
In nightmares I'm made to scream)
I guess you've taught me a lot
You are my glue when I break.
When I'm too afraid to leap
When all's dull, and nothing gleams
As I escape to your spot
You make me smile as I ache.

Give me a sense of peace and quiet
Take me away from this place
Leave me be...for just a moment
I'll come back, at my own pace.

I need to breathe, to think, to feel
Don't worry, I'll return soon
Leave me be...to centre my soul
I'll emerge from my cocoon.

How does one find faith during a tough time,
To choose a path that's an impossible climb?
How can one smile when everything goes wrong
Knowing that you'll be fine, that you'll be strong?
How does one build up the courage to stay
When every bit of you wants to run away?
How can one resist from giving up hope
Even when you hold on to the thinnest rope?
How does one learn to get up from a fall
When no one teaches it to you, at all?
I'm looking for answers in a dark room
Unsure if I'm headed for light or doom.
If anyone reading this has a clue
Tell me how you did it, I'll learn from you.

I'm sure there are many poems on this
Echoing a plea or desperate wish
That the world was different, just not this way
That one could be certain of life the next day
Free in the streets, to walk without fear
Not wondering if the police is near
Who can only sight the shade of one's skin
By which they'd know if one committed sins
Pardoning those of a fair demeanour
Believing the white means their souls are cleaner.
Finding a reason to redden one's hands
They'd paint it if they could, concocting plans.
Perhaps some minds cannot think beyond
The hat of privilege their clan has donned.
Perhaps some ears cannot listen to more
To voices screaming amidst death and gore.
Perhaps some eyes cannot pretend to see
Around the firm blocks of a bleak history.

I could never tell the world of my poems
If they knew who I really, truly am
If this name was real, my virtual mask gone
They'd be surprised, and treat me like a scam
Who would spend time reading these heavy lines,
Without questions or making assumptions?
No one likes poems these days, I've asked them all
They prefer those words made for consumption.
So I'll keep the veil on, now, forever
Thankful for those people here I don't know
They read my work, and look past the disguise
To a girl seen fighting to write and grow.

"Starry-eyed souls, staring at the sky
I see a burning hope in your eye
For something beyond the dreams and pain
That all the hurt isn't felt in vain.

Destiny remains a friend of mine
She tells me when all your stars align
We work together in your best hour
So you shall win, through sheer grit and power.

The road will be rough in your voyage
Consider it.... a rite of passage
But I'll be by your side through it all
I'll send a saving grace when you fall.

After each hell that you find in life
You'll receive heavens worth all the strife.
I won't say more, I have things to do
Don't forget- I'll always be with you."

I know what it's like to have a monster in my head
That wants to be productive, but can't get out of bed.
I know what it's like to suffocate without masks
To be paralysed with panic over simple tasks.
I know what it's like to have doubt buried deep inside,
That questions each tear that falls before it has dried
I know what it's like to wish to silence my brain
To wonder if overthinking would make me insane
I know what it's like to detest every part of me,
To hide it from people so they don't think I'm crazy.
I know what it's like to scream with pain, aching to die
With a heart that lives on, whispering, "One more try".

Who would love a person
Held hostage by demons
That demand a ransom so steep-
Every breath, every thought, every step?
Who could love someone like that
Knowing they will be dragged down?
Would they choose love over a life?
Choosing ******* over freedom?

You are the river, the one that seeks the sea
Changing, powerful, strong, you go along with the flow
Following every impulse, soon, you will reach her.

I am a tree at your side
Living because of you
We will never meet again
You can't stop for me
Yet I fall for you anyway.

'Fake it till you make it', I'm told
As I tremble under the weight of fear
It's a warm statement, yet one so cold
What do I fake if nothing's clear?

Anxious all the time that this world isn't for me
Fearing failure with every opportunity
Racing heart, trying to breathe, to think, searching for air,
Agony, so many emotions, too aware
Intrusive thoughts, nothing makes sense, loud, amplified
Dying before death arrives, I'm a coward inside.

In the dark of the night I sleep
The day tires, exhaustion does creep.
But I wake, as the mind races
It does not rest, it goes places.
Cascading thoughts of years gone by,
Of years to come, I worry, cry.
I think of those happy around
And how I always wear a frown
How, when they can converse with glee
It is when I’m quiet that I’m free.
The past consumes, it hurts, I bleed
Deep inside, I know what I need.
Mistakes made, pride before a fall
Catastrophic, I can’t stand tall
Only to me it seems that way
They say, “Move on!”, but I just pray
For strength to exist, to not fail
Yet again amidst wind and hail.
So I hide, I don’t speak to them
Those who bear my monstrous emblem.
I read, I’m told, of self-esteem
That’s what I see in waking dreams.
Envy, anger, sadness I spout
Company I can’t do without
It makes one feel weak. Who am I?
A girl who waits but doesn’t try?
One who turns off lights to see dark?
Or one who tries to make a mark?
We’re all worn pieces of fabric
Pristine, glorious, woven magic
Of frayed threads, of holes, botched stitches
Some, stories from rags to riches.
We do not know when it will end
We don’t know what the fates will send.
Life’s the course we take to finish
Our fine cloth without a blemish
Perfect it may seem from afar
But It is made from many scars.
The past made us who we are now
Bid goodbye to it with a bow
For it made us strong, made us strive
Again, once more, to try and thrive.
I will no longer let it rule
Forget the girl I was in school
Ignore my self-deprecation
Omit the failed conversations.
I will not let them define me
Fallen leaves of my standing tree.
Long-lost dreams fade, new ones begun
The mind's made up, I'll have some fun.
Long road to travel, things to do
Hard work smartly done with a clue.
Music's gentle hand guides my way
My only light in the dark days.
Smiles, laughter, speech with confidence
I'll try and lace them with good sense.
Perhaps the God above knows well
Things he won't explicitly tell
He'll shine in places we can't view
Clearing our way in unknown queues.
Giving strength when we do feel weak
Oiling our machines to no creak.
With that faith, I will move some more
Finding new paths, opening doors.
The future’s mine, I’ll make it right
My life, in the dark of the night.

Through life's every dark, dreary winter day
When time goes by, morning to night
When the mind wants to run, the heart to stay
All I can do to breathe is write.

There’s a cloak I keep around
A fine, invisible one
One cannot feel its texture,
Or play with it for fun.
I can’t hear its many sounds
And neither can I see
The object of my leisure
A worker’s company.

How do I know it exists?
Perhaps I fool my brain
It’s a phantom wisp of air
That somehow hides my pain
That helps calm when one persists
In hurting what’s inside
The worn bubble worse for wear
When all weak tears are dried.

When internal demons wake
The cloth begins to fray
When the heart is torn apart
The stitches do not stay
The joints start to tear and break
Grow weak with weeping thread,
The engine now cannot start
One that was always dead.

Through the holes they find the *****
Some fellows in my land
Working their way through the fold
Turning stone to mere sand.
Why do they not stop to think
‘What is this good fabric?
Looking so when once so bold
Despicable magic!’

Therein lies the bitter truth
The folly of our time
They cannot see the poor cloak
As it is in this rhyme!
Only the wearer can sleuth
Which holes made when, are where
Through dumbness, anger it soaks
Each cruel word, each harsh stare.

Pull it closer, guard within
The fragile soul and smile
Hide well, know with clarity
That it is worth your while
Each mistake you call a sin
Throw it outside the cloth
With faithful integrity
Forgiven, not forgot.

Then build inside nerves of steel
Strength of iron so great
In the kiln of your own brick
Control what you create
Take the helm, but do not seal
The course of actions done
Know the plan, but do not trick
Make hay under the sun.

Make points clear, do not mask
With some thoughts said aloud
Keep a hat large for your head
I mean- do not be proud.
Perform with love each tough task
In your own, unique way
Care and earn, and share your bread
With every passing day.

Mend the cloak as you move on
With the good gift of life
Show it off well when you can
Fighting undeserved strife.
You don’t know why you were born
You do not have to wait
The brave roar of a lion sang
From stories of your fate.

I don't even care anymore
About getting hundred percent
My life is dull,drab and absent
Who really cares about their scores?    
Because I don't care anymore
About impressing professors
Appearing diligent, sincere
I was like that long before
For i started to care no more
About immaculate neat work
Now it starts to drive me berserk!
Papers scattered about the floor
Because I really care no more
About how proud parents would be
'Wonderful child!' They do decree
Blinded by pride- my eyes are sore
Because I can't cry anymore.
What does one get out of it all?
Filthy numbers before a fall?
An urge to run out of the door?
I don't even care anymore
About dreadful stories conjured
Out of acronyms-minds injured
Bleed ignorance desperately bored
It's pointless to care anymore.
'Have a thirst for knowledge', they say
Little do they know it has stayed
To form an ache amidst the gore
Of trying to not care some more...    
Writing nonsense is habitual
It has become a dumb ritual
Spinning yarns like the days of yore...
Am I supposed to care anymore?
Four years of engineering
After which the truth is leering
At those whose rambles are adored
Unaware of anything more.  
'This is college! Learn on your own'
They say,and we wear till our bones
Trying now to invent folklore
But now i don't care anymore.
Must I persist?now I must ask
Am i really up to the task
Of understanding from the core
I'm sure of nothing anymore.
Yet I insist, why so? Why now?
I could leave- a cowardly cow!
Moving to things on other shores
Must i try to care anymore?
Some people get drunk,some smoke up
But once one starts then one can't stop
So I moan through my rhyme galore  
You see, I can't care anymore.
But I question without answers
Too tired to be the seeker
My brain is an assorted store
With new ways of caring some more.

He did not want it.
So he tells me.
He simply did what he could
A simple gift by Lady Fate
So he says, sheepishly.
He shrugs in nonchalance
Graceless in his apathy
Yet he is given the reward.
Why is that so, Destiny?
Why do you keep me searching for you?
Why do you smirk
As I am blinded and deafened in my pursuit for the light
Some clarity, an opportunity?
And you throw it in my face?
I could so easily be mad at you
I could so easily wail in agony
I could so easily grit my teeth and curse your existence
I could so easily abandon any pretence of control
Yet I do not.
I dare not vocalise these petty thoughts
I dare not challenge you, for I am at your every whim
But you cannot stop me from asking
You cannot prevent me from questioning
Why him, why not me?
What did he do so much better than I?
As he fakes illness and emotion
As he swaggers around in brilliant obnoxiousness
What is that one talent that I am without?
Must I lay my hands at your feet?
Must I praise your questionable presence?
Must I abuse and disregard you for some show of mercy?
They say one must wait
They say ‘Be patient, every dog has its day’
Then what am I?
A miserable dead unworthy hybrid
A perverse creation that ought not to exist
That it is not given a part in even one proverb in innumerable?
You desire that I let it get to me
You desire that I grow more impatient than usual
You ****** things away from reach so I sigh in resignation, as you laugh
Cruelly, in mockery of my fumbling limbs.
But I smile
I keep the thoughts in a little box sealed away
I gather every ounce of sincerity and joy
I collect my courage, I move my muscles
Enough to speak, to type, to send, to wish
To the blessed child of good fortune
‘Congratulations’.

I'd walk ten thousand miles to find peace
To Japan, via Portugal and Greece.
I'd hike the Himalayas to find calm
I'd discover the meaning of a Psalm.
I'd meditate in Tibet to find quiet
I'd learn to maintain a balanced diet.
I'd take a yoga class to stretch my feet
I'd focus on the sound of a heartbeat.
I'd be mesmerized by the light of day
Lurking by a sea, staring at a bay.
I'd swim across an ocean for a while
Wishing to regain my former style.
If and when I do reach my goal
I hope I'll finally become whole.

I'm a train that's off the rails
With its brake stuck
With no one to pull it back
And I know, I do know
That at some point I will crash
And I'll wonder why
Why I didn't stop myself
But I'm so tired
I don't know if I can go on
I'm looking for strength
For the discipline
For the fortitude
Within myself
To replace the brake
Dust off my wheels
Pull myself onto the tracks
And start over again.

I feel like I'm seeing myself from above
Wondering, 'Why aren't you someone I can love'?
Imperfect, awkward, boring in some way,
Active at times, lazy the next day,
Why can't I be what I'm supposed to be,
Why is it a chore to try to be happy?
Some find joy quickly, to others it's elusive,
Maybe it's something that's exclusive
Was that in a memo that somehow got lost?
While we now pay the price, alas, what a cost!
I wish I knew where the answer would lie,
I hope I figure this out, before I die.

I'm a dead-eyed damsel who wants to fly
Who's too scared to leap- and doesn't know why.
Forever in distress, I lie in wait
Till some hero swoops in and saves my fate.
Alas, he doesn't arrive, and I die
Drowning in the pool of tears I cried.

I live on top of my very own tree
Lush and green, just like all my friends
They long for the fall, when they'll touch the ground,
Must I go along with this trend?

It seems so pointless, waiting for autumn
Staring at the sun, playing with its rays
I'd rather be here forever and grow
I don't want to waste the rest of my days.

Alas! This wish was never to come true
I fade to brown, bidding goodbye
I join the wind, that guides me to the earth
In my next life, I'll reach the sky.

‘Death is so absurd.’
So I used to think.
But, the lines are blurred
When you’re gone in a blink.
It’s hard to believe
That you’re not alive
But who would deceive
That you no longer thrive?
I see your weak frame
Still on the cold floor
Who is there to blame?
Why are you no more?
Reality strikes then
Now I’ve to accept
Beyond my dull ken
Now, after I’ve wept.
I can hardly know
If you are colder
As you lay there low
You grow frail, older.
A strange peace I see
On that unmoving face
An anguish I feel
Belied by your grace.
Quiet, loud tears around
Something that you’d hate
If you weren’t bound
To the harsh strings of fate.
You left so, so soon!
Succumbing to cancer
For you, it’s a boon
To escape more torture
Of that sad disease
Eating away life
Causing more unease
Amidst earthly strife.
So wherever you are
Wherever you head
Shine among the stars
As if you were not dead.
Raise us with your strength
Keep us of sound mind
To lessen arm’s length
Together to remind
You live within us
Those who remember
Crescendo in chorus,
Flame through dying ember.

Here's a bit of light
In your darkest hour
You can get out of this
You can do more than cower.
I'm with you, always
Rise up from your knees
Find your way out of the tunnel
Dance along that breeze.
You may not know the steps
You may not hear the song
But your twirl is your own
You are forever strong.

I'm trying to find perfect words to say
I'm trying to find perfect words to write
Anything in my power to get you to stay
Anything to have you near, in my sight
I treasure the words you return to me
I wrap them, lovingly, and keep them close
Messages of all kinds in memory
Still fresh, like the beauty of a wilted rose.
I could never tell you how much I feel
This, my only secret, tender and true
You're a poem immortal, so brilliant, unreal
And I'll be right here, watching, in awe of you.

Little match girl
Standing on a sidewalk
Seeing a world move on
You know you will be gone
Will anyone remember
Your words forged by pain,
Aching to be read,
Your tunes searching for hope,
Pleading to be heard,
Your voice, weak, feeble,
But unlike any other?
There wasn't time
To get through fear
To show them who you are
Alas, you lie, awake
Buried in books
Waiting for your last breath
Listening to this elegy
Was life worth it?
Are you proud
Of who you have become?
Could you have done better
If you had more time?