This picture of you
Under the blanket making no noise and pretending I don’t exist
This picture of you
Drawn on my wrist

Now it feels like you’re the one holding the blade
Drawing the same picture
I told her I'm addicted, confessed everything
With a painful throat, she asked me to grab her

Breaking windows, getting naked
Begging for more
Where the dreamers go
I just wanted to prove everybody wrong

Let me be
I begged, down on my knees
I only need time, not a home
Time is where the heart is, to cure my hope syndrome

If home is where the heart is
Then what do I do with this hollow chest
Happy pills?
Look me in the eye and ask for it

Hold your head high gorgeous and look at mine
I’ll **** to see you smiling
She told me that it’s too hard to talk when you want to **** yourself
Non mental complaints but a physical issue

Physically opening her mouth and making the words come out
Smooth and in conjunction
Not everybody understands this but if you do
I’m sorry, but who does?

A different kind of art
It felt cold for a while
But the sun's rising everyday to keep us safe
Teaching us everyday how to behave

"It’s okay I understand" I interrupted her madness
With that I was introducing mine
It’s my only release from pain
That's all my sanity needed to sustain

The voices in my head are back
She knew them all
When I saw her lying on my bedroom floor
With mascara crawling down her face

Gasping for air, with the moon-rise
Gasping for darkness
I brought her back to life
Cleaning the blood

Razor..Blade..Scissors
For her magical game, we were wizards
Over and over again, drained-
Every though from the stars we gained

"It’s the treasure you’ve been always looking for
Please keep in mind that you will find the pain release and blood strangely addictive
Control it"

Never.will

"Stick to a few small
Shallow cuts here and there that won’t be deep that will heal
Begin to fade
Depend on it
Itches and burns
Spread slowly but steadily
She took a deep breath after letting all that out"

She was there in the deepest times of my life reminding me that everything was going to be like blood
She was the one who gave me the strength to keep wanting to survive
She was the only one who hadn’t given up on me even when I had given up on myself
She saved me and I could never thank her enough

Tempting..

During my ambitious journey
I've never felt any place I lived in
But the past I lived in

The smells I have smelt
Crawling down the sense
I have missed to sense

The touch of the beauty
Defined by an angel rather-
Than me, the selfish thing

The laughs confused with cries
Oh! What I got myself into-
But smiles upon sad skins

Melancholy melodies swaying over-
Soft lullabies stream in slow motion
Like a waterfall down her lips

Grumpy kids walking innocently
Smiley parents rushing guiltlessly
My pale face feels nothing, endlessly

I get up on my knees slowly
That’s the highest I could get
Then sunk back to the future
The one I have always left

Hand is shaking silently as you reach for the medicine
You want to pull your hand back but you’re too weak for it
Turn to walk away before you remember again
That you’re doing this for me
That you’re doing this for you
Framed five stitches on the left side of your mind
A broken glass was what did the harm
Not the thoughts in your head or the hand that you loved
Behind the bandage
Do you need to know what took what we had?
Look me in my closed eyes and tell me if the fall from the chair was that bad
What raced through your mind
I took my last breath then read it all
To taste the bitterness

I made my way to the throne, but darkness is all what surrounded me

Tonight's gear:
Blades, bank cards and a white dress
Tonight's mission:
Red fountain, Shakespeare lines and an empty chest
Watching you cut
Your skin puffs, pulling out my guts
Flawless, sprint through time
Blood river flowing perfectly, our blades rhyme
It tingles
it burns
So that’s only the worst
Your body is in pain but your mind is at ease
One turns to two and two to four
At this point you just keep asking for more
There’s no stopping yourself from the warmth flowing through your tongue
Everyone else is happy so why can’t you be too?
Everyone’s blood is red, why yours is blue
It stings, I can see it in your eyes
Your gums getting numb, my nose too
Itchy
You only want to feel the pain to feel the rush
Enjoy the satisfaction

She was drowning and nobody saw her struggle
I saw it all during another sleepless night trapped in my own mind..

Slam the door with silence, no friction
Your deathbed awaits by the sun
Facing it, with your right hand tickling the moon
Left one carrying a gun

“Ninth circle of hell awaits”
Whispers, as I wait for the sun
“Ninth circle of hell awaits”
At the galaxy’s edge, I stump

Where a dress made in heaven
Specially for her November
For her special mirror she wore
My chest shivers, as she carries me

My chest shivers, as she opens the door
Take me to the galaxy’s edge
Wear me upon your hazel hair
To let go of my old one

From a nameless stone fix me
Into living bones fix me
I sink into your mind
When it turns to be a black hole

Endless, with sensational blares
Echoing at the endless core
Take me to the sun
My only one, my only home

My mind convulses into spasms!
While I nap over her ocean
Where light wins every fight
Where darkness’s fading, I live

For a new life I live
For a new shadow of mine
Lifted by her soul
Lifted unbroken

I’ll show you my old little secret
Just something I’ve always wanted to do
Tell me what you think about this
Because it’s getting older and getting worse
***** it
We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away
A pill each day to keep me sane
Ignore the truth and listen carefully to my lies
Because that light at the end of the tunnel
Is actually a train
Head for the light
It all starts with one stare
That one stare turns into one scream
That one scream to fill up my empty chest
Turn it to two
Then downhill from there
A ship sinking from there
You’ll be missing your so called misery
You may not be scared of death darling I know
What freaks the hell out of you is what comes after
And I know that you must be really hating me to be doing this
I tried pouring gasoline on myself and ignite in flame but didn’t feel the same way
They kept saying that dreams come true
Forgot to mention that your nightmares are mine as well
Do you think they’re bluffing like me?
Now get back to that comparison and tell me if I’m still telling the truth
Because when we sit and stare at the night sky
Keep remembering that this is hell and we can’t leave it
Fall over my broken skull and die
Crash and burn
Scream and struggle
Anticipating the moon
What a beautiful sight of you
No matter
I still have the will to fight darling
With a pocket of dreams that we can share
And the other pills that may **** my back
Maybe now we’ll see it well
Because loneliness kills
Even though it’s one life
And we can use it once only
But the results may vary
This addiction wasn’t my choice
It’s a sickness but not a choice
Chronic depression if you understand it well
You may criticize it because you won’t understand
Some people prefer staying blinded and jump into conclusions
When it’s all in the scary details
Just like that our drink, it won’t end
Even with all the screams, surrounding me
Calm
I’m sorry because it’s not my fault
Physical torment couldn’t stop me
I’m burning from the inside and I can see myself tomorrow dying in cold blood
Would you feel sorrow or show love?
Please don’t hurt yourself tonight I’m begging
You’re a fighter, a soldier
But you won’t get through it
You’ll get through this
While I get through you
Let me wipe your scars with my fear
That dark cloud you’re building inside let me sleep inside it forever
I might find my answer at the bottom of that cloud
Stumped
Pour your heart out for me
That taste that I can’t ever get enough of
Where I can draw that line in the sand
To watch you lay inside it
I’ll be charming, I’ll speak in poetical format
I’ll be just
I might be a good liar but will you believe this lie or skip to the puzzle that we’d both **** for
Staying embedded into my mind for the next few months
Now you’re wondering if that’s a lie or not
Forever you’ll rethink this until I bring you back my cold desire

Visions I see in my sleep
Dreams, you've planted inside my oceans
A debate between ink and nightmares
Overdosing on your pills and potions

Soothe, my mind my aching bones
Soothe, gently with madness with the-
Purity of yours, breaking me to build me
Flaying me alive, as it soothes my mind

Your innocent mumbles
My ears’ favorite song
The smoke of my last cigarette
Swaying over my favorite song

Your angelic smell is-
My daily perfume, my daily bliss
That your wear every moon-rise-
Upon your dress, upon my chest

Under the shivering white leaves
Of winter, under the superior sun
Of summer, we’ll both melt down
Next to your white heart, I’ll live

Next to your weak leaves, I'll fall
By your vanilla blossoms, I'll rise again
On the smell of your chocolate cosmos
I’ll live, by your spring’s censer

We’ll live through the sun’s explosion
Through my condensed blood
By my melted flesh
I’ll live, next to your soft warm hair

Madness, living by your eyes
Scripted, upon your eyelids
Artistically, upon your iconic skin
Stitches and scars, drawn upon your heart

Upon your bones I lay my head
Through your heart I crawl to sleep
To watch the night stars
Craving your eyes, and you, my heart

Cut
Shoot
Jump
Cut me, like you need to be loved
Pills to sleep
A silver blade
A frowning face
Thick
Straight lines no more space
Blood stained sleeves
A burning ache
You roll them up your hands they shake
One last cut a few more pills
You pull the trigger, it kills-
To watch your mom, as she cries
Your dad just stands
Stares down at your body
Holding your mom’s one hand
While I lay on a dead star
While they watch me fade
While I draw a picture
If I do it correctly a red beautiful fountain will appear
I’ll try to kiss it
To take away my pain and wash away my fear
I understood self-harm
I understood the pain that causes it
Just know that I will never judge you for it
I’ll be always there for you staring at you while you get quieter
Skinner
Naked
Funny how numb you feel while am cutting your pain away
But I can take a knife to my soul and feel almost nothing at all
Just empty numbness
I can see that you’re hurting
It feels like everyone is sitting in the sunshine
While staring at each other under the mercy of the ****** rain
Trust me I know exactly how it feels
Never too deep never enough to die
But enough to feel the pain enough to feel the scream inside
It’s always worse than it seems
Your liquid is clear but your wrists are stained
Pretend during the day break inside my soul at night
“What is depression like?” she whispered
It’s like falling, while laughter is all what you can hear..

Angelic soul but made of thorns
Between a river and a plain she was born
The day all stars have fallen upon-
Some planet merely governed by non

The day her soul grew, magic dwelled on-
A universe been stuck in a single dawn
Upon dark wells emptied of emptiness
Mountains full of secrets nobody could confess

I stress! And I stress! On a seen-
My mouth got stuck trying to express
With pleading ears I sense a hiss
Crawling in me, its source I couldn't guess

Until it tickled my mind with flaccidity
Obsessed! A language mixed with peace and tranquility
Some feeling I once experienced, I eventually guessed
Therefore I stumped, I've fallen into a cosmos of bliss

The sun got perfect, the sky seemed disassembled
The moon got reckless, the oceans trembled
On the same hiss that summoned
My thoughts, my scars, for her to assemble

Stressing, over a gun you were born by
Just like that bullet you were waiting
To penetrate every change about to come
To ****, not to hang around, not to stump

They paint you in black and white, though you hate it
You love it when you do
You lick your scars with frustration to burn
Your present, your future, as they seem too blue

Blue, as your madness, blue as your fate
Your fate will hit you, like a bullet in the back
Though it feels so great, it hurts to wait
You wait, for it to knock on your door

Hard, stronger than it did before
Fate, running towards your open gate
Can’t hug yourself you can’t runaway
Beautiful, but everything upon your skin is fake

Rage, against your soul against what made it cruel
Lost, what you crossed many times before
You crossed, the filthy lines between your thoughts
Kissed, your gun to cool down the trigger you fought

Swallowed each bullet to taste the bitterness-
Of your future, of your lustiness
Take a look at your blue heart as it beats down for you
One hit, can turn your loud laughs into one long silence

In the middle of emptiness you pulled yourself
Stuck, in the middle of resembling
Your past your present and your future
Your misery your happiness and their mutuals

In between weak mountains you lost your soul-
Mockery of the strength I’m aching, I held it
Mockery of the misery lost in emptiness, I saved it
Saved it from silver, from gold, from pain

Of the love stranded in fields of silver
Good God, it felt so good, God-
It felt so painful, blissful
God, how your own greed can get so blissful

Scripted misery of them
Lost, isolated with no humanity to find
Inside the same hole, of whispering, of warmth
I look into the mirror, as I get blind

Warmth scripted with their blood-
With demons, quenching my thirst
Eating up my own soul, with thoughts that burst-
The walls of the future, of what it has to behold

Showering ourselves with a mixture of black powder,
Wax and liquor
Let the turbulence fall over us
With a slight of liquidity
Then blow it up my face
Fading
Falling into a parallel universe where I can meet you back again Where we can read the book all over again looking for a new ending Ending up with the same sorrow
Will there be a parallel universe to the parallel one?
Will we need to shove it all inside our brains with fear and expect non?
Shall we cry for our misery of what wouldn’t stop us.
Because I’m about to
Day by day,
I get closer to the type of universe where we can ride a shooting star
Where nothing will be behind it other than your image
Where we can stand over there and paint it, picture perfect
Picture vivid
Where we can blow smoke wherever we want and meet it up again in another planet to inhale it back again
Poisoned rain
Crying kids drinking it, the thirst inside wouldn’t stop them
Parents murdering others in the name of peace
War in the backyard while the house is full of ease
Pulling her hair back to my bottle
Where both of us can settle for a broken smile
Looking at her mocking me from a mile
A mile of dirt and sadness lying to us
She believed in it,
I didn’t
She murdered it, easily
Then lectured me on the fact that luxury can turn into misery
Using my book as a reference
With a help of hundreds of angels, they will believe everything she says
I’d put that love away
Unless you wanted me to put it down
Silent screams
Black and white with a hint of velvet blue
Dream together of paradise
Instead of waking up to a living hell
This is life
Lies there and everywhere
And the only way to get away
Are the capsules of artificial happiness you make me swallow
Self destruction is the answer
Or just plain sleep..

Turn weekends into weekdays then build up the reflection
You could’ve loved a dying plan
But you chose what’s worse
Or at least you could’ve pretended

Set it back on the dialogue of my broken mind
So we won’t worry about it
I met suicide twice today and we noted down an appreciable function
The photographs been meaning so less
You’re still hiding there staring at me
But I won’t ruin your safe house
Because in the land of stars and suns
I was a shooting star
Living under the suffocation of white colors
******* it up
Sick thoughts leading me
What we dreamed of before now feels like a horror movie
Now all I can notice are just noses standing at my closed gate
Trying to convince me to fade
But I can’t fade until I fade you
I wanted to be sure that you won’t cheat me no more
But I played it well to convince you
Then the reflection we wanted to study turned out to be an understandable concept by me
Only I only
Wanted to greet you so I shoved it all up your ear
Smirked back while you were laughing
New palm trees for tonight only
Your badness made me do what I did I had this big urge to dive into your mind For the chaotic peace you screamed for so well

Divine

Our resurrection gave me no time
Iconic skin
Leading me
Pulling me from the inside of my deep within
My grenades are fading
We both asked for that
We both fell into that
Let’s feed it
Listen to me you’re going to spark
I’ll teach you how to get away with it
Deep underground dark desires
You bathe mine with your wetness

Coating me slick

Nobody would believe my day
My addiction my temptress
Putting up a good front for mine for the forces
Alone bringing up some new meaning to desire
Strip your saviors at my door
Happy faces, upon them we frown
Jumping into a pool of peace
Biting my sorrow as I warm up her ears
Her hand behind her back pulling her closer
She’s submitting willingly
Filthy mouth dripping with sin
She had defeated me successfully
When it drips I collapse, she prostrates
When it’s all running fast she’s just waiting
Heat spreading from my head to her toe
Turning us to ashes
She longs for me to do more
She shuts her eyes and imagines
And her mind never minds
Conquering mine easily, Shakespeare lines
Covering it all up in a single valley
But the worst is the best
Stopping the nonstop can ****
And I can’t stop
Just below her river
I found my lost miles from my hometown
Full of dense sunlight
Sharpness of millions of artists
I’ve seen it all inside her brain
Drying inside this highland air
But time is a devastating drug, then we laugh at nothing
And as I touch your skin even the ground rocks become alive
Piece by piece
She’s turning to me
Washing her with my eyes
Uncovered inviting me in
Empires of the lonely nights burning up fresh
When she ignites the morning in my arms
Around the mystery of mutual fire
Heavenly blaze Raptures of the sunlight
Hysterics of delight
We lay confused and vanished
Mingling souls
Flaming kisses falling into boundless blisses
Down at once we sunk back into heaven..

Her pillow covering all of my face
Suffocation

Tears suffocating me
Won’t let me breathe
Her pillow covering all of my face
The more she tries to pull me out the more I sink into a worse place
How everything started to get so morose in some robust planet in space
Where I always took my time to enjoy my one and only grace
Her pillow covering all of my face
Inhaling her tears from last night’s race
Enjoy the silence of our heartbeats

Pace
Will it get better by any chance?
Or any change?
Will we be able to embrace?
Her pillow covering all of my face

Watch her shut down my full-of-blood face in one glance
The sacred geometry of chance
Watch her draw in silver then lick her sorrow as it turns red
When my veins eventually got the chance to meet their soul mates
When I got the chance to finally appreciate
Appreciate; the ray that is running towards me screaming love when we both know it’s full of hate

Her pillow covering all of my face

Never thought she’d be hiding from me the key to my fancy world’s gate
Inhaling her tears
And I’ve always enjoyed shutting her mouth
Anticipating her suffocating innocent screams
Then with one glance she was able to read my mind
She knew it
Knew well
That If I died today
Lots of aliens would be at my funeral
And she’d tell them about the joyful memories she shared with me

You know what *****?
Read it all over again
Read it all over again with some serenity
Read it with some dignity

Sweaty rusty bed sheets covering her chopped body
Fifty stitches all over her skin
But her wide bright eyes will fix the whole picture and make it full of mildness and flaccidity

Tranquility

Then her screams again teasing my ears starting up the electricity
Running through my veins getting me thirsty craving for more intensity
And if I could
I’d replace my ink with her blood
Because I needed my papers to bloom
Turn it into a meadow on the shape of her eyes
All of a sudden
Woke up with nothing to look at other than the bathroom tiles

Nausea, revulsion, disgust and repugnance

Nothing to shorten the distance
Until my eyes started screaming for more of my addictive substance
One shot
Got me into watching a huge fight between romance and brilliance
Smudge my face with her blood and tears
While all what were flashing before my eyes are the past four years
Cutting my head open anticipating the brainwash
Until something got me to calm down and bear
A cup of our old cold drink
Pouring it inside her lungs to drink it happily
Then after I was done she smiled then spoke through my mind
That gave me a new brain and a new key that I should’ve tried
Went fine until I found the huge gate with no lock in it
The bus stop that I wouldn’t want to leave
My tears won’t
How will I make it when I can get it all in one night
Even if I could hold it in for one month?
I’d blast myself to keep my veins full of that drug
To keep my life full of that love
To save me from her devil
A maniac if you looked at it from a different aspect

A sick puppy stabbed in the face with a flower*

A sign of loneliness strikes again
But I forgot my shoes at the mountain while rethinking my future
Dreams versus nightmares
And the winner was her
Orange and grey, all I can remember
A beautiful abounded house
I’d lick her fear within a second
Eat her up then ***** all of my internal organs
Building a wonderful cycle of admired calmness
White dress
Warm cheeks
Feeding the sad freak
Hiding in the very first place that people will find love at
Angel
Everlasting one
Holder
Power
The arbitrator behind all my happiness
Dances for a while and then disappears again
Light and awareness
She’s the aliveness and energy controlling every apparent motion inside me and all motion in my mind’s motion and all mind is her mind
And all my thoughts and actions are licensed by her
Empowered out of me and returned to her
She’s the correct consciousness of my mind
Everything I see
Hear
Do or know is enabled out of me
It is my mind and my being in use
To end up falling from the furthest planet into the lowest ground
To end up where I can never be found
With her pillow covering all of my face

You don’t hear my mind screaming
But this is the place,
Where my pen sits calmly
Waiting for me every moonrise

You don’t see my blue veins
But this is the place,
Where they empty themselves
To refill them in the morning

This is the moment when I pour down the ink-
Mix it with my sorrow,
And stain all the papers with my blood
This is as wonderful and painful as it gets,

But you don’t hear my scars giggling
Pretending they’re tough
Or my silver shivering
Whispering to me stuff

I'm here when you need me
I'm all yours
Come hold my blue skin am aching
But you don’t hear my bones begging for more

The way I wanted you to
You don’t see my eyes bleeding
The way I wanted you to
You don’t see the big picture,

The way I drew it for you
This is the place
Where my pen overdoses on my thoughts
Here,I see through everything, I never get cold

You will never see me hiding