My lighthouse in storms
And times of life is you.

My lighthouse is my hope,
When things feel they may fall through.

My lighthouse guidance has helped, me endure the unthinkable
Helps me through times I need, healing and making sacrifices whenever able.

My lighthouse is such a guiding force,
Guiding me toward the correct turns, in the road to follow love’s course.

My lighthouse is stability, helping to steady me in its hold,
Never letting me go, a safe haven for me to live like gold.

My lighthouse guides me at night in my dreams,
Helping me follow all aspirations, always on my team.

My lighthouse is the light in my vision,
Helping to show clarity in all that’s been.

My lighthouse is my security always,
Keeping me safe and under a watchful light, in any unknown doorway.

My lighthouse stays ever steady in its love;
I’m always looking for its guiding light above.

What do you see when you look my way?
Do you see me, or do you see something else?
Do you see all the imperfections I possess?
These imperfections make me feel less.
Like the shell of a girl in a picture frame.
Do you see what I see in the mirror looking back at me?
A body, all deformed but shapely; this body has had two beautiful babies.
What do you see when you look at my face?
Do you see the unevenness of my eyebrows and the squint in my left eye?
Maybe there are enough glasses for it to hide behind.
Do you see the freckles splattered on my face?
The sun hasn't been gentle on this aging face.
What do you see when you look at me?
Do you see my darkened eyes, so deep and dark that the colors almost don't shine?
Do you see this hair? It's starting to thin with little strands of gray.
What do you see when you look at this aging woman who is almost forty years old?
Maybe…me?

Between the world and me,
a fateful friend,
a flowing fountain.
Between the world and me,
a picture in a frame,
a field of wildflowers.
Between the world and me,
a night that keeps the stars
and hangs the moon.
Between the world and me,
a compass to a map,
a ray of sunshine.
Between the world and me,
a book with a bookmark
marking my spot,
a happy ending to a story.
Between the world and me,
you are a lamp guiding me
into my dreams,
a song without words,
written in stone.
All the wonderful things
between the world and me.

Cover me in blankets
Cover me in warmth
Cover me from heartache
Cover me from storms
Cover me when I'm frightened
Cover me when I'm alone
Cover me with sweetness
Cover me with joy
Cover me with justice
Cover me with peace
Cover me with protection
Cover me while I sleep
Will you cover me always?
Cover me with your amazing grace
I know you will cover me
You don't see me as a disgrace
You cover me because I am yours
You gave your life for me
You cover me every day when you're watching over me
My comfort and my fortune
My eternal friend
You've covered me from the beginning
And you'll cover me till the end

In the quiet space of friendship,
is a place in which we fly
Not lovers, but friends under the same
stars in the same big, old sky.

Our bond, like a tapestry, threaded
and woven with care.
A sweet, pure friendship with such beautiful flair—

No need for the moon to whisper into our ear,
for there's  laughter, stories, and music we hear.

It's in this friendship dance that we do.
We both seem like mirrors,
reflecting each other.
A bond that's pure, almost
like sister and brother.

So here's to something that
will live on like space—
this friendship with you,
time cannot erase.

For in the end, you and I wll always be
such wonderful friends.

What’s the dill pickle?
Why are you so green?
Where do you come from?
Why do people think you’re mean?

You always taste so yummy,
Making my tummy very glad.
When I can’t have pickles, I
Get very sad.

Those green delicious spears such a delightful treat.
Some like them sour, and some weird ones like them sweet.

Pickles are the best snack in a lunch to pack,
Take them on a picnic, or eat them straight off the rack.

The best pickles are the ones straight from the cold.
Don’t forget the baby pickles; those things are so bold.

So when you hear, “What’s the dill pickle?”
Don’t think someone is asking you what’s up.
It’s them showing how much they love this snack.
This little snack you love to crunch.

I can't explain my feelings why do I feel so sad?
It's almost as if I'm angry,
Leanne, why do you get so mad?
I feel like I'm alone here just all by myself,
waiting for the clock to tick, or turn the page to something else.
So emotional, so forgotten, and so blue.
Leanne, why does it feel like no one knows what the hell you're going through?
It's not very easy you can't just flip a switch.
It's almost like I have a scratch that can't even itch.
My emotions are so crazy I'm right here on the edge.
Please tell my mind to "stop it", "get away from that ledge".
I don't wish to harm me, or anybody else.
I just feel like I'm suffering, deep inside myself.
Leanne, what is this mess you have become?
What wrong inside your mind?
Can I please just feel normal and not crazy all the time.
My hands get so shaky, the biggest tears start to fall.
Sometimes they last a minute, then sometimes they don't stop for long.
I don't understand, I feel happy but my emotions get so confused.
I've got all I've ever wanted, but control of my own mood.
I may be a big baby, at least that what I feel I am.
Leanne can you please act like an adult now and not some childish little lamb?
Here I am almost forty years old, is that whats wrong with me?
Have I gotten to the age now, I feel bad for being me.
I feel like someone is always asking me why, when the tears start to flow.
It's like they have a problem with "I don't really know".
I know I'll be alright, and everything will be just fine.
I just feel I need someone around or beside me all the time.
Leanne Stop it!,get out of your head.
Look alive your not bed stricken or dead.
You have such beauty in your life, Leanne just smile!
I feel like sometimes Leanne is just letting everybody down.

Orbit

Put a satellite into orbit;
The galaxy will watch it with the stars.

The ones set in place for all to see
Tell us stories of who you are.

The influence of this earthly planet,
The way the gravitational force occurs.

In astronauts’ celestial explorations,
This space full of stars is yours.

The way the Earth orbits the biggest and brightest star.
Is the way this satellite orbits among the moon.

Never stopping to settle down,
But knowing this satellite is orbiting around.

Always moving,
I’ll never stop waiting.

The satellite will be coming back around again for me.

I remember beautiful daisies
from when I was just a child.

The world around me seemed
to be so big and wild.

When I was young,
I would always pick the
biggest daisy I could find.

Id walk along the concrete
to see who would be mine.

“He loves me, he loves me not.”

Is what I would say,
as I pulled each perfect petal
from its beautiful display.

Not to harm it, but to cherish
it's wish for me that day.
That’s why I still grab a daisy
every time I see one when I pass by.

Once this  beautiful daisy has  
bloomed. It has a special magic trick
that it likes to do so it doesn’t die.

It’s also been given the name “day’s eye.”

When night comes,
it closes its petals over
the “eye” of the day past.

Then morning  comes and the daisy
opens its petals like a ray,
and the “eye” is ready for its new day at last.

As I’ve gotten older,
I don’t see many daisies around.

If I do, I grab one and
pull it from the ground.

This pretty little daisy,
hidden in the weeds,

Does it really answer
who truly loves me?

I often wish, as I did
when I was a little child,

That life would be just that innocent,
filled with cheerfulness and joy,
like this symbolic flower
does today in the wild.

Im way to critical of myself,
It’s always something in my heart,I never feel I’m rested.

My brain gets too invested.

It’s like im a ticking time bomb, But not one that explodes.

But one who never knows when,Her emotions start to show.

Sometimes there’s  not a reason for All this silly pain.

It’s all seems pretty trivial,Seems to make me feel insane.

I hate to see my reflection  in the mirror On the wall.

Maybe that could be the problem.It’s just looking at all my flaws.

I never have liked what I see, i’ve always known why.

Can’t I just be pretty, to everyone else’s eyes?

I know looks don’t matter, It’s all just what inside your heart.

When critical of yourself, It’s when these feelings start.

I know I have my issues and probably drive people crazy.

I can’t help I get excited, I’m such a silly daisy.

I know I always ramble about nonsense all the time.

But see if im talking to someone then I’m keeping them occupied.

They won’t be so quick to judge me by how I come across.

Im really not trying to be anybody boss.

I always feel like when I turn my back.

Im the topic of discussion , on all the things I lack.

Will I ever be normal and not so in my head?

It’s starts in the morning and never settles till I’m in bed.

I guess im not the only one with this struggle everyday.

“Take a breath”, “Calm down”, “You’re going to be okay”.  

See, it’s never that easy; it’s not just the flip of a switch.

For if it were I wouldn’t feel like sometimes  I’m  such a *****.

I never mean to come off angry,  or even cut people off.

It’s just another product of one of my many flaws.

So, if you feel like me and are hypercritical, too.

Just know that there’s someone out there who knows exactly what you’re going through.

Anxiety and Fear

Looks like you’re holding a snow globe so intricate and sweet.
Once shaken, the snow starts falling in big sheets.

For this fragile snow globe is not ever really clear.
When it’s shaken and shaken again, then comes the fear.

You can’t see inside to the beautiful scene.
You start to panic; will the view ever be clean?

You keep shaking the snow globe harder and harder, and then,
The questions and anxiety creep right on in.

Will I ever get to see into this beautiful globe?
Why is it so hard to see through the snow?

Why is it like this, what did I do this time?
I’m always ruining something I feel every time .

This perfect snow globe will never be the same.
Why does it feel like I’m going insane?

I’m a huge mess of tears and fears.
This precious snow globe doesn’t deserve to be here.

I then take a seat and set the globe down.
Upon my face, there’s such a big frown.

I’m upset with myself; what did I do?
I’ve broken something beautiful, shiny, and new.

It’s then when I look at that snow in the globe start to slow down.
It starts to settle back down to the ground.

I start to breathe slower; the tears and fear calm their war.
It is then that I realize what I have done, and all becomes clear—

that I do have some power over my anxiety and fear.

Leanne

Under the moonlight, into the deep darkness,
The pale indigo moonbeams shine on all things here on Earth.
The stillness in the air causes the trees to stand alert.
Moonlight shines onto the creek where your dreams overflow.
I'm holding onto the moonlight casting down towards the dirt,
hitting rocks and pebbles like hidden silver treasure for me to search.
Each star, specifically placed in the sky, shines down, sparkling like diamonds into my eyes.
They reach the dull, dark brown hue and make them shine bright and new.
Down here, the nighttime sky guides me from behind,
sure to light the way so I am safe and secure from the deep darkness ahead.  
As I look, I see a white, cotton-like pillow on the ground.
It seems to be be a cloud that has fallen down.
It's not just a cloud that lay undisturbed,
but it's lit from within, like stars and moonbeams were placed inside.
This pillow is hard to resist; the comfort is evident from the sight of it.
I grab it up into my arms and hold it tight.
I carry it inside to sleep with it for the night.
I fall asleep so easily and relaxed with this pillow under my head.
Instantly dreaming of the nighttime sky that rescued me from the darkness I can finally leave behind.

Emotional release,
A cleansing for your soul.
Sadness has a way to cease;
Happiness is on a roll.
The shock of life’s moments,
These are raindrops of the soul.
Expressing what you feel inside,
No need for noise or attention.
Just showing raw emotion,
Sometimes even in a rage.
These are the silent words of the soul,
The flow of sorrow’s river.
When grief or sadness draws near,
Emotional breakdowns and uncontrollable sadness—maybe fear?
These things happen to anyone.
These tiny little drops of dew,
Like those on the fresh morning green,
Are just tiny teardrops we all have seen.
If you haven’t, don’t say you never will.
These drops fall like a steady rain,
Not to hurt you or bring you down;
These are healing for you,
Like a medicine you release to relieve yourself.
These are your tears.

These **** bottles of pills.
What kind of person have you made me?
When I take these little pills.
It’s only to alter some brain chemistry.

Lately it seems as if they are making me mad.
Quickly destroying all that I have.
These **** bottles of pills,
Yell out from the shelf.
“Please take me I’m here for your mental health”.
The problem with these **** little pills,
Is are they causing a problem, not letting me be free.

Tuning me into a mess, and not letting me be me.
This plastic facud I place on everyday.
Let’s me fake out everyone, Like,
“look she’s okay”.
Really though am I?
Have you seen this whack?

I’ve become obsessive, angry, and an emotional train wreck.
It’s taken over my sweet little brain.
Makes me feel as if I’m insane.

“Take this pill for your anxiety, even though it says depression”
“Oh and take this one, it will help you focus.”
“But keep in mind it also keys you up so your anxiety may be running little a muck.”
“Oh and don’t forget these pills they will settle you down, help you not have another run of the mill panic attack.”

Lets be real for a minute, let me ask you a question, how do you know that?
Only I know the real me and the one whos mind is off track.
Sometimes I feel like these pills are making me lose all control.
Like I have no say in what my brain tells these idle hands to hold.

I just jump in headfirst and keep diving in,
Not thinking of others’ hearts and what I might do to them.
Moral of the story is: Stop blaming the bottle of pills.
Keep control of yourself; don’t let yourself falter.
Find other things to occupy your brain rather than laying your pills on the altar.
Don’t worship the pills like it’s the only way out.

You are the person you were meant to be.
Let’s take away this mental health stigma and stand up for yourself.
I promise you’re really not crazy.
We all suffer from some type of mental health issue; you are not lazy.

She's always in her mind,
looking for things she can never find.
She's chasing crazy dreams and wishes.
She's always chasing ***** dishes.
She's always in her mind,
looking for love she left behind.
She's always overthinking every situation,
causing her to wander to higher elevations.
She's always in her mind,
running from troublesome thoughts on the carousel you wind.
She's a worrier, always expecting the worst.
Why did she ever think of these troublesome thoughts at first?
She's always in her mind,
always working and on the grind.
She has to finish what she starts.
When she doesn't, she feels she shatters beautiful art.
She's always in her mind,
looking for ways she can always be kind.
She feels she's doing something sweet
when she gives loved ones things she finds neat.
She's always in her mind,
feeling as if she's leaving people behind,
she stresses over how others feel.
It makes her upset, almost ill.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she feels confined, like a person locked in a room,
like she's chained and faces an uncertain doom.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she were dressed up and disguised; she puts on a mask to show off a smile. Sometimes it's something you haven't seen for a while.
She's always in her mind,
Maybe it's what she was prescribed.
She sometimes feels crazy and she doesn't fit in.
But boy does she love when she's pulled into them.
She's always in her mind a scary place to be, but if she weren't in her mind, she wouldn't be.

Powdered concrete broken down,
Rocks show on the barren ground.
Tiny particles of dust and sand,
The dirt is rich in this poor land.
But you see a **** poke from a crack—
That's just a sign of beauty, new growth pushing concrete back.
The **** bares a sight of simple charm,
The sweetest daisy, growing strong, green leaves for arms.
The beauty this daisy possesses shows such grace;
It shines upon her yellow florets, her face.
What beauty comes from something walked on,
Something that's kicked and never looked upon!
This beautiful daisy, not only a new birth from the ground,
Shows signs of a new beginning and joy all around.

A moment

A moment in time
Does this flip on a dime
A moment in time
Hanging on like a lifeline
Does this moment in time vanish
Fast like a breeze
Or this moment we speak of roll like the seas
This moment is yours its all up to you
You spend these moments anway that you choose.
Spend them fast where your holding on for dear life
Let them go like a rock dancing across the ice
However you spend these moments let no one judge you
For I'll tell them they're all wrong.
This moment in time is your choice to have
Dont put this fate into another ones slippery hands.

Leanne10/21/24

Rain falls swiftly from the sky,
Feeling like little knives stabbing into my skin.
I try to duck and find cover,
All I can do is wait in pain until it's over.

Leanne
11/23/24

Whether you reach for a friend or a lover,
Always remember to reach for Mother.
When you reach, hold on tight;
Don't let what you love take flight.
Reach for stars, goals, and one another.

Leanne 11/23/24

What's at the bottom of the bottle?
Is it sorrow, fears, and a life gone wrong?
Maybe what's at the bottom
is a little something more.
Maybe it's what you've been looking for?
Maybe it's where all your dreams have gone,
Maybe it's where all your days have been,
Maybe it's a life well-lived.
The best thing about bottles
is that when they are empty,
they can be refilled with
whatever you desire.
Maybe it can be filled with new, clear, refreshing water that makes you feel fresh and free.
Maybe it's something wrong for you, but it's your only way to breathe.
What's at the bottom of the bottle?
The choice is up to you,
Because what's at the bottom of the bottle is meant for only you.

11/23/24
Leanne

We are always on the edge of something:
On the edge of danger,
On the edge of anger,
On the edge of laughter,
On the edge of tears,
On the edge of falling—
In or out of love.
Whatever edge you are on,
Just know this edge is safe,
For at the bottom of this edge,
there is no cliff.
All you need is a little faith,
to make it to the end.

Leanne
11/23/24

The boat floats, the waves toss about,
My favorite thing about this movement,
Is the view with you within the boat.

Leanne
11/23/24

My heart beats steadily,
My face starts to flush.
When I'm beside you,
I get a big-time rush.

Leanne 11/21/24

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day she was born,
She had them locked on me like the cellar from the storm.
God knew what He was doing when He placed her in my life,
Just when things got crazy and there was so much strife.
The darkness of her big, brown eyes just pierced straight to my soul,
I delivered a missing piece, once missing, now she has made me whole.
I never thought the day would come when I'd have a precious baby girl,
I believe my daddy sent her from above to send me in a beautiful whirl.
It's never been too easy, yet never has been too rough,
But heaven gave this little girl specifically to us.
And boy, is she a tough one!
Don't cross her when she's mad. She is the prettiest little one I ever could have had.
The heart of an angel and the courage of a lioness,
Nothing has ever stopped my girl. She has always been so blessed.
She has always persevered and pushed on,
Even when she struggles and feels like she can't compete.

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day that she was born,
She took those big, brown eyes of hers and lit up my whole world.
And to this day, I look at her and can't believe she's my little girl. ♥️

The tree on the hill, the strong and majestic oak, has roots spreading out beyond the safety of its beautiful canopy.

Could he be the roots that steady this noble oak tree, protecting it against all in war and peace? He doesn't know he helps to hold her steady in the storm.

Could she be the faith-filled canopy that covers the roots of this righteous tree, offering the beautiful acorn seeds that help share the love and good luck to the deep roots beyond the ground?

Like the oak tree and its roots, they both steady one another without knowing what each other does. Can our souls steady each other and love so deeply without revealing it?

They will always be connected, like the tree on the hill that produces beautiful flowers of hope in the fall, which is when they reconnect by the heart.

They both are like this tree, filled with wisdom. This wisdom gives the oak longevity and slow growth, which makes it so wise.

The longevity of their connection has been there from the start. They both have just hidden it deep inside their hearts.

Like the tree on the hill, the roots and tree are connected like souls mended together.
We may not understand it, but we hold onto this connection, one which we never knew we had.

Just like the oak tree's connection with its roots, she will be there for him, and he will be there for her, like the tree on the hill, taking care of one another from below to above.

I'm just shell of who I once was,
I used to be much more
But lately I feel so empty
like I don't know what I'm for
Not to long ago I had alot of fans
People who looked up to me
Because I did so great
Today this isnt right
It's so not the case
I feel like I have let the most important
People down
Like I jumped into the deep end I can't swim
I might drown.
They expect a happy healthy home
But how can you have that
With a loser for a mom who can't seem to get on track
There's so many out there looking to hire
But when I turn in my resume it seems to be set on fire then they go about thier day
Why does no one want me? Do they know I'm a loser too?
I have so much I need to work for so much I don't want to loose.
I'm driving myself crazy like who have I become
I'm afraid I'll forget how to work and everything will go all wrong
I know people love and care for me deeply, if they only knew the hate I feel just at the reflection that I see
I could be talking crazy, it could all be in my mind
I feel like no one believes me but lord knows how hard I've tried.
I guess this is the new me ill have to get use to, being told your not wanted and then ignored by all
I guess this is the valley, no one told me how hard  I would fall.

Racing thoughts, uncontrollable thoughts at that, second guessing, stress, feeling maybe to obsessed.
This is what you do to me

**** you Anxiety

Sweaty palms ,heart beating fast, hyperventilating, lips turn to blue, air feels cut off
What do I need to do?

**** you Anxiety

It looks ok from the outer view but deep inside stomachs turning, I break a sweat, feels like all eyes are opened they are studying me.

**** you Anxiety

Take your meds! Did you take your meds? call your doctor that's what he says, it's not the problem cant you see nothing helps

**** you Anxiety

I wonder how normal feels? You mean you don't get flushed? your heart doesn't ache, your whole body doesn't shake?

**** you Anxiety

I guess it just me, this is who I am ,
some pitiful stricken Anxiety lamb.

**** you Anxiety

Seasons of Change

Change is inevitable; it happens to all,
No one is exempt.
We sometimes must fall.
There are mountains we may struggle to climb,
Then the deep valleys where the vines intertwine.
It doesn't matter if you're there for the view;
It's something that everyone will stumble through.
But it's life we are living; some things you can't change.
Don't fear the long trek or the rugged terrain.
The valleys may hurt you or fill you with fear,
But don't hesitate; your loved ones are near.
Keep pushing and climbing; you'll soon reach the top.
Then once you realize upon looking down,
The trek you have been on is oh so profound.
You notice the trees, the leaves have since gone;
You wonder where time went; its kept ticking on.
For your time in the valley, you never noticed the trees;
You couldn't see the season of change in the leaves,
A Change unnoticed; as you couldn't see, with your head bowed down, looking away from above.
In this season of change, still not knowing why you were placed on this path. Some things don't add up; you can't do the math.
You never saw the beauty; it was hidden by your pain. If you keep looking back, you'll be behind in the game.
The ones who love you also care; if they weren't friends, they wouldn't be there, waiting for you and cheering you on. Giving you comfort with words oh so strong. They have your back as they lead you ahead. They travel this journey with you; not one has fled.
Just keep pushing forward, climb to the top, enjoy all the seasons as change never stops.

Darkness

Eyes close, darkness rises.
My life has thrown a surplus of surprises,

Some good, others I wish had never started.
This life I loved, once shown in bright light,
Is now covered by a solace of night.

Will the light shine back upon me again so this **** dark in my eyes can fade into oblivion

With hope and a friendly face and words that take me to a special place,
That place there, it's abundantly clear, the darkness was just my raging fear

Waves

Waves toss me against the tide,
Pushing and pulling at my sides.
I wonder and wait, will it subside?
Can this wave be but a beautiful ride?
The turmoil, the danger, the roughness at sea,
Were these waves meant only for me?

Is rescue coming? Please, hopefully soon.
Will it pull me to safety? Will it be my safe haven and refuge?

Waves, oh, so beautiful, your colors of turquoise blue and pearl white,
But waves, oh, how your danger pulls me into your riptide.

Waves, please be calm, be still, please be at peace.
Let me rest upon your still seas.