There is a blood
that is beating in my skull
that is gluing my veins
and is pulsing in some silence,

へへペ
but my hands are moving,
but my breaths are dripping
out and watching me
without reason or thought,
and my tongue is ticking too,
howling from me a language
I have yet to understand,
let alone voice,
and in the end,

へへペ
an urgency is returning me
as a snapped over twist,
leaving me without purchase
and bleaching my words stark,
so I wonder:

へへペ
what's in my bones
that's making me move?

The whole time,
I was running as fast as I could, consumed by the flames that only knew that they should whisper
—————————————————
to just run
—————————————————
just run away,
—————————————————
that they should lick me
to get a taste
and desire me forever,
—————————————————
that they should laugh
to keep me fleeing,
—————————————————
so away and away,
—————————————————
to keep me fearing
for my life and even
other lives,
—————————————————
so
many
lives
—————————————————
enough
t­hat in a terrored moment,
I couldn't remember
if they were my own,
—————————————————
and at the end of the edges
that I just kept running through,
—————————————————
even though
there was nothing left for me
to see or feel,
nothing left to convince me
that safety was only steps away
if I could please,
please
just keep taking them,
—————————————————
I was stricken,
impaled on
the thought,
the horrified suspicion,
some feeling bent on attacking me too,
the final flagship of my guilt,
—————————————————
a death speech,




—————————————————
that maybe I was leading those flames instead.
—————————————————
Where should we have gone?

They stand
like I almost did,
look like I almost do,
and speak like I almost have.
'=================='

But they walk from me,
leaving me ugly and bared by my ill name,
without any purchase in the words I have left,
'============================='

and they return to those
who waited for them
to just come back.
'==========='

They become
hurting and healing
in one fluid stroke,
forgetting about
the edge they have always
walked along.
'========'

They are ready to stand next to them
instead of me,
in my stead,
by my heart,
'======='

so I turn back to the mirror
and refuse to let
someone who
doesn't want
to be real again
walk away from me.

To you, I return coal-dull
and as embers,
smoldering as their petals,
soft as their roots,
but rough as their stones
and to you, I become
gray.

Go back.

I steal love with

the

part of my lips,

the

fall of my chin,

the

reverence in my temples,

//

so I scoff with

my

unblessed prayer,

my

impossible keeper,

my

wretched skin,

my

faultless pleasure,

//

and grace swoons,

puts me back in my place,

mutters sin in my mouth,

tightens grip in my hips,

stokes flame in my skin,

//

threads pain

inside,

weaves mind

inside,

names fear

inside,

makes more

inside,

//

and I am unfeeling of pardon,

unwanting of heaven,

ungoverned by god,

not bothered, on purpose,

not waiting on mercy,

//

and I stand with the evil,

the blind,

the kind,

the pained

and the stained,

and steal love with them,

because

//

we are unneeded by hell.