At a drive through window
I saw a man cross the lane
Limping
In clothes not fit for the cold
Looking half-crazed
And all alone
And on the verge of something terrible
From depression
Or addiction
Or both
Or god knows what
Or how many reasons

I told my wife that I was thankful
Because, without her,
I could easily see myself in that man
That wild-eyed, shivering man
Who knew only hard truths
And so seldom has good news to tell
Often with more troubles than thoughts
To handle them all

Looking in a mirror
And seeing yourself truly as you are
Can shake a person to their core
She didn’t say anything, my wife,
But later she cried, I think
Because she knows how much misery I carry around
And how close I am to something terrible
From addiction
Or depression
Or both
Or god knows what
Or how many reasons

My love
I did not mean to make you cry
You do not have to

Without you
Where would I be?
Where would my cold feet
Find warm fire?
Where would be the nourishment for my insides?

Where would I be limping along?
Where would I be gawked at
By some uppity ***** in a Toyota
Eating food I wish I could have
And thanking his lucky stars he isn’t me?

He doesn’t smile too much in private
But he’ll *** me a cigarette
When he’s stones he can’t hide it
And he seldom takes a bet

I’ve known him for many a year
And it’s a little hard for both of us still
To continue with just being here
But I’ll tell you about my good friend Bill

He smiles at the lyrics
Of the songs that I bring
And I know of his spirit
‘Cause it shows when he sings

He’s lost far too much
And deserves so much more
And I think he thinks he’s not enough
To be anything anymore

He’s distant at times and stubborn
And he can drink like a fish in the sea
But when you both wake up the next morning
He’ll give you the smoke that he knows you need

He’s a little lost right now
And he has trouble picking up
But every time we do, somehow
Things are right where we left off

I left him a message on the number I have
And I hope sincerely that he hears it
And I hope in time he doesn’t feel so bad
And we can both get drunk as ****

I don’t think he will call too quick
I can’t expect that, really
But I tell you right now I’d go through some ****
If it was for my good friend Billy

Hello there, Kettle
My name is ***
You’re blackened metal
And I am not

You are used for water-boiling
And I am used to cook
You are such a soiled thing
But I have such a look!

You find yourself, I am sure,
An object of ridicule
And I am found all the more
As absolutely critical

Do not pretend to be so true
As to walk the path that I’ve got
Do not pretend that I am like you
I assure you that you are not

You must endear to be like me
Old Kettle, I’m helping you out
You could change if you’d only see
You’re the one that sticks yourself out!

So go away, dumb Kettle,
Go away you silly old fool
Do not ******* and settle
You down ‘til you know the rules:

If you feel, do not speak
Not to me, at least
But if your hunger will not leave
Perhaps you need a priest

Or someone else who can deal with this
And the problems I’ve outlined, as well
Because I don’t want to deal with your *******
Just get some mother-******* help

I am the ***
You are the kettle
I am not like you
I am not like you

A handful of pills stared me in the face
Looked me in my eyes and asked

“Do you have the *****?”

They tumbled across each other
As I turned them in my hand, thinking

“Do I have the *****?”

I chose one
And broke it in half
And put the rest of them back

I stared a handful of pills down
Looked them in their eyes and said

“I guess I don’t.“

I found a flying striper
It minded it’s own business
So I asked my mother what it was

She said it was a bee
And that they could be dangerous
But that they made honey
And that some people kept them

I saw in my head a farm
With nets built into cages
To hold all the stripes
And I wondered if I could get
Used to bees
And
In time
I did

Their stingers are sunk
Deep under my skin

Not one person in this lonely world
Walks on some singular path alone
But every once in a horrible while
There are those that come up and push you along

Here is a toast
To those that boast
And say they wish you well
When all along
They sing some song
And march you straight to hell

May they rot and grow crazed
In their shallow graves
For what they did in life
And know that sin
Is what fills the graves in
Even if they don’t remember it right

Lights haven’t looked like this
Since I was in my teens
Messing around with my hood rat friends
*** and amphetamines

I took a handful of Blue Dolphins
That were thirteen bucks a pop
If we bought ‘em in bulk, I guess
As we did more often than not

Or maybe a few of the triple stacks
Red something-or-others, I think
They didn’t work on me this time around
‘Cause I threw ‘em up in the sink

Now I am in my thirties
And my scripts **** with my brain
I know I am speeding my ***** off
But at least I feel like old times again

I have begun to think about
The many times I’ve fallen down
And realized I had no crown
Because I am no king
And I cannot even imagine how
I don’t know the path that led to now
But I’ve tightened my hands onto the plow
And stood up after everything

Most of the time I’ve been around
I’ve wanted to find a poetic way out
Because living this way is a little too much to bear
I’ve been talking to myself as I lie on the ground
Wasting my life, losing weight by the pound
But I guess it’s fine because I’m still here

I guess I’m fine because I’m still here

******* me
******* me
Why can’t I ever see
What I should probably be
I may never know
Any better than this
Because God ****** me
Oh yes he did

******* me
******* me
******* my hands
******* my feet
******* my thoughts
******* my breath
******* my life
******* me to death

And that’s when he said to me that
This is
As good as it gets
And I am
Your only friend
And the sun goes
No-where
When it sets
He said

And now I am only a little bit
Taller
Than when that was said
And I am
Such a broken man
And I know
That the sun goes
No-
     where
When it sets
     Because
     That is what
He said

I found a song the other day
That sounded a bit like me
So I went and showed my girl
And she said that she agreed
So I said I was sorry
And then she asked me why
And I told her that I loved her
But that my song was a pretty tough life
So she smiled a little smile
Nodded and said she got it
I found a song to show my woman
And now I feel like ****

Run away, my dear cowards
Run away, my dear friends
I haven’t the sight to know
How this will end
But I know if you love
And I know if you stay
You won’t have the strength
To try and stand in my way
‘Cause the fires burn bright
‘Cause the fires burn hot
And all that I touch
Will be more burnt than not
If you need someone to stay here
If you need a friend
I do not suggest that
You ask me again
You’re no longer here
So I no longer care
And I don’t think the two of us
Should breathe the same air
Don’t think of me fondly
Nor hardly at all
I now need the freedom
More than I need to talk

My wonderful seamstress quit yesterday
She said she wanted to come in
But didn’t say why
She couldn’t

So
Today I called my good tailor
One of several that I know
And I asked if there were any appointments left
Being a Monday
They were quite busy

No
He said
It’s been too long since you were patched
But there is nothing I can do
I have far too many jobs today
As it is
Perhaps
He said
Sometime later

A little confused
I called another good tailor
One of several that I know
And asked
If he had any time left in the day
Or if
As a long
Shot
A house call could be made

I have already closed up shop today
He said
And suggested a weekend
I asked him if he could help me find a doctor
Mine had not picked up the phone
Again
He said
I will look

I called three more good tailors
Each
One of several that I know
And they all wished me well
And they all turned me away
Saying
Not today
Not today
Not now
Not later
No
Not today

My coverings feel so shabby and thin
I do not know if I should shake
This way
In this heat
My threads have frayed
My seams have split
And all of my close tailors
Have other things to do

I do not know how many years I was terrified of the Titan
It spit in my face the stink of ancient beer
Clogged my nostrils with smoke and massive fingers
As if to rip off my nose
As if to crush my bendy bones in its fists
All the while hollering
For more
And less
And itself

I only know that now
I have seen other
Things
Than it
Things with far more power than it
Things that howl louder than
The Titan
I have risen to meet them
I have looked in their eyes
As I brought
     them
To kneel before
     me
Have brought them
To know fear

Soon I shall make battle again
With the great beast from some hell of its own
It does not yet know
To be afraid

So,
You want to know:
Why good things happen for those who don’t deserve,
And the worst **** happens
To the rest of us -
To the best of us on Earth?

It isn’t just
Some dualistic
View of how things work
It’s more that it’s
The heavy fist
Of a God all gone berserk.

While the Devil sits,
His voice a-twist
With laughter at the fall,
The bad get new beginnings.
The good?
Nothing at all.