I remember
when you used to hold me close
and say you loved me

up through most of the night
lights from the hallway
peering from under the doorway
shadows walking right up to the door
no sound
no heavy movement from foot
or creaks from the floor
slowly my door handle turns to open
then released
i think i'm going crazy
the voices continue on
from what seem to be very dark corners of my mind

Poems are lovely
simple words painting vivid images
lovely paintings of girlies who
have long since left me
with only words left to express
nothing left to leave my mouth
only write
soon, i will serenade my love to show her
how someone can truly love another human

Almost believed the girl when she said
she missed me
but she's not making an effort to talk to me
and thats okay cause i wouldn't talk to me either
i just wish she wouldn't have said she missed me
it's all i've been thinking about

Demons that you only see in your nightmares
play with me all night
endless games
loops
nothingness
void of anything forever
i am everything and nothing
he has shown me that with meaning
nothing means anything

It's been months now
i can somewhat
manage a smile when i hear your name
happy feelings are coming back
no more slow music

they play out in my dreams
all the memories of us
overplayed
every night
i want them erased
wiped from my brain
i miss you a lot

I already hate myself for the things i do
their not good for my health
but they feel so good
no matter what
i find myself seeking out the substance to bring me up to the clouds
the change of character that comes with them
the confidence they bring
it's lovely
words are easy, songs flow out like a river
this feeling won't last
the ideas only exist under the influence
rinse and repeat

i hope they take me while i sleep

So fast
i waited for you for so long
once you were finally within reach i sprinted for the chance to love you the way i always wanted to
this shower of affection was all too much for a recently broken
girly
i hope she actually loved me, it felt like it was real
but the way she left me without even a word
screams that she never cared at all

I feel like i know a lot
but i don't know
what day it is

Let's try it again?
same book, same ending
it's my favourite book though
i'll never get sick of it

If i had one night ima spend it with you
i need help real soon
i might die in my room

watch them closely
the lights in my room
changing
shifting
along with feeling
purple for numbness
i hate feeling alive
its pain
red for hate
i hate you
so much
because i knew you'd never love me
like i loved you
dancing with them
i see your face in the rain from my window
pain still exists
soon to exit
your exit.

Drugs on the nightstand
i feel dead
but your alive for me
do you want to feel like me?
take one or two and we can spend
forever together

Need a break from airheads
empty people with empty words
nothingness to fill the void
Melodramatic emotion pumped teenagers
latching onto anything
i hope they find themselves soon enough

Memories
forever
only as long as i can remember
it starts to get blurry and i'm breaking down
i don't want the last thing i had of you to be irrecoverable
devoid of meaning
lost within the confines of my brain
ruined

Something about childish love
playing with your hair, holding your hand
makes me feel full again
laying with you in a field
watching clouds
will forever be warmer than anyones insides

Jaw dropped
eyes dead
all i want
is to never wake up again

you were nothing more to me than when you loved me in my dreams.

Awful thoughts,
terrible ideas of departure in my own room
i dont wanna be like this forever
just hold me now, i cant breathe

Despite efforts to try to erase you from my mind
i still catch myself wondering how your day is going
who you talked to, whatever drama it is you have now
is this what love is? if so i have it for the wrong soul
if i can convince myself you never had a second thought about me
maybe i can get over this mountain of memories

The more you complain about
your imperfections the more
i fall for you,
scars upon your skin are glimpses into the life you've lived
longing for the stories you hold
what made your soul so peculiar
it crossed with mine

dancing around truth
language presenting love and care
true intentions of selfishness
hard to pickup
but we have played together before
no longer intoxicated by love
catching tone
body language
slight shifts explain everything before
voices ever do

Voices right around corner
conversations just out of reach
barely audible arguments to take up the
every bit of silence
fabricated by self
consistent
footsteps from nowhere
within an unknown setting i would be
driven insane with
gossip from the dome

Early leave of confidence to live
worlds going to ****
apparent mindset

Playing in circles
For the week
Next week your departure is certain
Dramatic but the same every time
We’ve done this 3 times now my love
Eye contact is gone, along with memories of simple love
Till I catch your eyes connect with mine
Can’t see emotion in your face anymore

Broken clocks
times stopped
memories preserved in anger
feelings never fading
physical attraction absent
lust to learn how you
love now

You need to stop for a second,
Look around you baby, its empty
Where did all your time go ?
How’d we end up here ?

Weird to see another real soul within this fake world
Similar circumstances have put us together my love,
Now is the time for only the enjoyment of small blessings
Already running out of time, I’ll let the words leak from my mouth
Short run ins with love taught me to hold my tongue
Just like the rest we will part ways, take the lesson
And better yourself for me.

No need for petty lies my dear,
Simple conversation fixes everything
Be honest for once
With yourself and me
I believe you mean no intentional harm
But your mind is all over the place
And sudden changes in heart leads
To destruction of self worth and
A twisted idea of what love is supposed to be

Euphoric escapes from reality
in a small apartment locked away from the world
were all i lived for early on
now i see the terrifying loop of addiction
individual, beautiful souls
losing themselves to substances
fear of death is no where in sight
oddly, the lust for departure from earth
is front and centre in their mind
death has become a beautiful idea
for kids