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One moment,
so fleeting,
it's already gone.
Your smile,
never forgotten.
My heart,
already broken.

I promised myself not to remember
and here I sit,
with the memory
so clear,
it could be the present.
 Jan 2021 Constantine
I always want what I can’t have even if it results in me falling apart
So it’s hardly surprising to hear
That I knew it was a problem falling into your arms
And when I call you rarely answer
You read my messages but “forget” to reply
Yet somehow you have the ability to mollify when you finally get back around to me
Just to say, if you’re interested in my mental state
I’d rather say it’s “all good” than die a slow death in your impervious pity
I suppose it’s true, I should really admit
That maybe I should relax sometimes
Take a note straight from my sphincter
Rather than sit on this unstable fence
When I should be exploiting my naive impulse to wanderlust
I’m satisfied collecting splinters like a housebound spinster
Who fears their best days are behind them
And like them
I’m just waiting, waiting, waiting
For you to let me down easy
Because evidently all my dreams are supposed to rust
Grind down insufferably at laggard speed on its journey to dust
If I’m lucky that is
Otherwise I’m happy enough drifting along in this platonic state
Thinking of unbelievable excuses to why I’ve lost so much weight
As long as I might one day end up with you
And to your credit
You string me along impressively like a regimental echelon
Winding on for miles just like my satiating desire
Too much of you and it leaves me sick
Not enough and I fall to bits
And worse of all, don’t you just know it?
It’s written all across your face
Right at the point you call me irresponsible ‘cause I scuff up my jeans
Like it’s somehow a direct metaphor for my life
Meaning of course
I’m doomed to break your heart in clear sight and watch it tear at the seams
When the reality is you’re more likely to break whatever spirit there’s left in me
How ironic
You’ve now had a great epiphany of an outcome that has long been predestined
Like a knock-off psychic you’re coming off dangerously indecisive
And just like them
You still haven’t figured out a way to lie to me
I’ve always had a knack of siphoning unnecessary excess
Ever since my temporal lobe long sussed out your frontal lobe
It’s obvious you don’t agree with a single word that drips out of your mouth
Although it must be hard
Trying to keep me at arm’s length when you’re in bed with your spouse
The one you proclaimed over and over to be so desperate to leave
And like a fool I was easily persuaded to believe
Whilst I was falling head first into your trap called “Love”
How ridiculously predictable that was
You were here 
just for a while.

I can still smell your scent
from the last hug you gave me.

You made December feel 
like an eternity, 
but maybe for you
it has been just a blink. 

I could not watch you walk away
because it would have meant 
that your back was the last thing 
I could see. 

I'd rather remember your smile 
because it was the first thing 
I fell in love with.

      ©Words of a withering soul
 Oct 2020 Constantine
Yesterday we talked and I realized
we aren't the soulmates that I wanted us to be
We grow neither at the same pace
nor in the same direction
Maybe we've been soulmates one day
But I guess we've outgrown each other
When I was an
ideal and dreamy teenager walking amidst the
trees in the backyard,
there, curled up beneath a pine, I discovered a small creature and stared at it.
I gently picked it up and held it to
my chest.
It opened its eyes.
I felt The power within .
It went back to sleep,
and I set it down.

The next morning
when I walked
out the back door,
headed for school,
the little creature
was sitting there,
wide awake,
looking up at me.
It had the most
unreal looking eyes.
They seemed to change color.
Apart from English and art class, I hated school.
I didn't quite fit in .
I had good friends,
but I always felt lonely.
Bouts of melancholia struck me at the strangest times,
soon after, I found
it to be the
terminal affliction of being a poet.

I stayed home from school that day and played with the
It seemed to
hear me, almost understand me.
I liked the feeling.
it became my
best friend.

I fed it every day
and it grew and became unruly and hard to control at times, but overall, it caused me much more joy than pain, way back then.
I missed it when it
was gone,
and threw my arms around it when it
came home.
I named it buffer
because it was an equalizer for me,
and the world, and pain,
It went inbetween the sharpness and vividness, in which I didn't know how to cope.

It got big
and became
a beast.
I had a love / hate relationship with
the thing.
I sacrificed a lot
for it at the
altar of idolatry.
It wouldn't let anyone get close to me,
My wife, my kids,
I chased them
all away.
I was alone with
the beast.

After years of
pain and degradation,
I put the beast down.
I shot it in
the back of the
head, like a rabid dog.

Life raged on.
Pain and joy came with equal measure,
but I no longer
needed a buffer to
keep living, laughing, and learning.
I finally figured
out how to
truly love.
As many of you know, I've struggled with addiction for years. This is a poem about the struggle and the power of addiction. Check out my poem ****** on bandlab
Thomas W. Case.  .   It's a spoken word version of the poem over a musical backdrop. ****** Master track on band lab
Take rare moments here
Keep perfection protected
Memories stay safe
 Feb 2019 Constantine
being around you feels just like a movie,
and i am the entranced spectator
watching as the frames zoom in closely,
my desperate eyes trying to capture
moments where you unknowingly cause butterflies
and gardens to bloom from within me.
each time your fingers tightly grasp mine,
i want to replay that heart-stopping scene
for the feelings of dizzying euphoria
to endlessly run through my veins,
much like what people want more of
once a breathtaking movie comes to an end.
i know that whenever i am with you,
forever does not seem like a long time,
and if this wonderful movie starring only us two
continues into the lovely night, i would not mind.
 Feb 2019 Constantine
your laughter is my favorite song,
a honey sweet tune that i can listen to
and never get tired of, no matter how long.
my favorite place is next to you,
our shy hands clasped and bright eyes locked
as the tender morning turns into a lazy afternoon.
you have become my favorite work of art,
a creation that is too good to be true
if the world is a museum made for my heart.
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