I need to find a map
A map of my mind
Because lately I’ve been lost
In a labyrinth of emotional suicide
With walls built to the sky
And dead ends everywhere
Maybe I’m stuck here
With no way out
Living this endless cycle
Dying every time I wake

All my problems fell away
When my hands were on her hips

I hate all the things that I love
Things that don’t make any sense
Drugs
Religion
Politics
The list goes on
But out of all these things  
I love you the most

You wanted to know the real me  
So I introduced you to my depression
You wanted to know why
So I introduced you to my obsession
You wanted to know how to fix it
So I introduced you to the drugs
You wanted to know the feeling
So I introduced you to the plugs
Now we self destruct together
And it’s all my fault
Too many introductions
Now you’re falling apart
I’m sorry that I caused this
I can never get to close
dragged you into my darkness
Now we take the same dose

If heaven is real
Then this must be hell
Burning alive in my own head
Awaiting the day
I can live without the agony

I stopped taking meds today
Letting my mind run free
Moving too fast
And I can’t catch up

These voices control me
Running circles around my vessel
Taunting me
Screaming at me  
Killing me

Is this was pure insanity feels like
An uncontrollable explosion of infinite stimuli
Endless torment with no solution
  
I need to wake up from this nightmare
before one day I don’t wake up

Were you in love
Or just in pain

Light my demons on fire
and pray to god
they burn off

This blade gave me relief
Cutting away all the insecurities
Validating my grief
Blood spilling on the floor
A red pool of emotion
I close my eyes
As the pool turns into an ocean

You can't see depression
Only feel it
Haunting you for a lifetime
Infecting everything that you love
Friends
Family
Significant others
It's a parasite that never stops feeding
Draining you of energy
And evicting your former self
Sustaining life through a new vessel
Barely holding on to the life you once lived

You make your mistakes
your mistakes don't make you

Follow me
I can show you were the bottom is

I walk around this room
With the devil on both shoulders

I tried to **** myself once
With a bottle of pills
And a mind full of voices
Swallowing two dozen
Everything was blurry  
My vision was gone
But my mind was clear
I saw everything I loved
I saw everything I hated
I was face to face with every insecurity
And at the same time
Engulfed in self love

I live a life of mild highs and extreme lows

Depression is my home
With locked steel doors
And windowless walls
The lights are always out
And the water is always running
Filling up each room
Drowning everything in sight

One day I hope to leave this home
Before the water gets too high
Evicted from the dark
Brought to the light

Praying I get out  
Burning this home to ashes
Leaving everything inside
Insecurities
Regret
Death
Sorrow
Pain

I'll build a new home
On a mountain top close to the sun
Where rays shine through my bedroom window
And my doors are always open
Where I can bathe in the light of life
Instead of drowning in a room of despair

Skydiving with no parachute
Thats how I’d describe my depression
Constant anxiety and fear
Freefalling to your own demise
The feeling of pure helplessness
Knowing you are no longer in control

That’s how I feel on a daily basis
Not at the wheel of my own life
Depression escorting me to rock bottom
And trapping me in this loop of fear

Dear God,
I'm sorry I don't believe
I really want to
That feeling of comfort
That feeling of relief
Believing that things will be ok
Even when everything is burning around you
I've been burning for some time now
With no answers from above
And a flood of calls from below
I'm sorry I don't believe
But how could I

I started using again
Relapsing to relax
Filling my cold empty vessel
With a warm flood of emotion

I bleed emotions from my brain
And treat it with self destruction

Got so high
I forgot
To forget

Today I bought a gun
To **** the thoughts inside my head

I know the drugs are killing me
Maybe that's why I take them
Hoping one day
They'll set me free