I have tattoos all over my body but you can't see them all.
They are the words that everyone has ever used against me permanently embedded into my skin.
The judging stares and wandering eyes that make me want to cover my body and hide away.
If you could see them you wouldn't look at me the same ever again.

Heartless- Bold and Italicized across my chest.
Regret- Hidden behind the back of my neck
Fat- Underlined across my stomach
Desperate- Beautifully written between my thighs
Lonely, Pathetic- split between my wrists

The words you keep saying, the words you pretend you don't mean are covering me.
The hatred I feel towards myself can never be fully seen.
If I even opened myself up just little more for you too see you would look away with pity and shame.

Remember this the next time you tell me you regret having me.
Remember this the next time you tell me I am heartless or fat or ugly.
Remember this the next time you tell me my self esteem has ruined my relationships.

Because just beneath the surface lies the art that isn't shown to the world.

With her three eyes and many arms Kali Ma leaned in to tell me the secret of this year.
She told me with regret and hate filling my life- I wouldn't be getting anywhere.
She said with trust and loyalty- one day I'll find my back again.
To a live that's full of love and hope instead of sadness and sin.

The Dark Mother- the Goddess of destruction and creation told me she, herself, was the bearer of contradictions.
She said we all fall apart and there are ways to get back up if we just open our eyes.
Instead of filling our self with doubt and questioning the truth instead of the lies.

So within the Ocean  of Blood I have been created by Kali Ma- and I will sooner than later be destroyed by her power.
But before the year is up she has given me the truth to rise up and fight her.
I will change for myself and I become one with the truth's that lie within me.
I will remember the good instead of the bad so it doesn't destroy all of me.

I will wear red as gypsies must do when their funeral is near.
I will let Kali Ma devour me and send me home without fear.
I will wear pride knowing I have found the truth and let the lies go.
I will be at peace when I have figured out everything I needed to know.