Roses red
Night sky black
Love the feeling of fingernails
Etching lines up and down my back
Outside air is vicious and cold
It's warm beneath my bedsheets
Come defrost against my skin
As senses eagerly meet
Time not exists in this place
Surroundings slowly fade out
The stress weighing down my body
A burden I don't think about
Inhaling electricity
Exhaling loneliness
Grateful for present moment
Escape from daily mess
Relief may be temporary
I will appreciate it just the same
Honestly any emotion
Better than the usual pain

The emptiness in everything haunts all I do
Truth behind the silence makes it hard to breathe
Fall before the morning leaves me on the floor
The goodbyes are all I hear and see

It scares me you moved on so fast
Dark beneath the hum of day
Light within has become so very small
Voice that I long for has nothing to say

And broken heart continues beating
Afraid how that can be
Scars I wear inside and out
Pain I wish would set me free

I compare everything to you
It really isn't fair
From the way they roll their eyes
To the shade of their hair

I fear that no one could ever come close
To being as great as you
With your wicked sense of humor
And glacier eyes so blue

How could I ever settle
After experiencing the best?
It almost burns my cheek
Laying on a stranger's chest

Although I have been single for months
It doesn't feel that way in my heart
I suppose I will always be emotionally unavailable
No matter how long we are apart

I hate the constant loneliness
So I seek comfort in foreign places
But never find the warmth I am searching for
Just different detached faces

You left a hole inside of me
So large it can never be filled
No matter how many times I wring out
I can't mop up all the blood that's spilled

And anyone who dares come near
Only ends up hurt and broken
Because each word directed delicately
Doesn't surpass the ones past spoken

I guess I need to accept the truth
Happiness is permanently out of range
I am aware it's long after the time to let go
Why am I clutching onto what I cant change?

I have tried to find another fish
But I'm drowning in the ocean
Those who say I could do so much better
Have obviously never handled such emotion

They don't understand the magnetism
The irresistible pull I can't shake
You haunt every nightmare that wracks my mind
Each daydream when I'm awake

I try to look at other men
With the same adoring stare
But I don't have eyes for anyone else
No passion or patience to spare

I know there was a time in my life
Before you lit it up with your glow
But I don't remember how it felt
It was so many years ago

I've grown dependent on your touch
Was in shock when you ripped it away
There are other arms to help carry me
I just wish that yours was here to stay

No other skin is as soft and sweet
Nobody else has a hug as tight
No sweat besides yours smells exactly like home
No kiss except yours could ever feel right

There are other guys as tall as you
They may even have freckles just the same
But even an exact replica
Wouldn't sound like you when saying my name

Once you find 'the one' you know
Pursuit of other endeavors you stop
You can't climb any higher than the peak
And baby you were my mountaintop

You gave me everything I needed and more
It seemed like you barely had to try
We were almost always on the same page
Until out of nowhere you said goodbye

But I still picture your mischievous smile
Every night as I lie in bed
I've attempted to replace your photos
But they linger in my heavy head

And the sparkle ignited in your eyes
When you map my curves with your gaze
Is impossible to duplicate or outdo
Like the goosebumps you effortlessly raise

I wish and wish with all my might
For the strength to be alright all alone
But all I get are leaden feet
And memories that cut to the bone

Everyone says my wounds will heal
It just takes time and I will mend
But it's been 20 weeks of consistent hell
I haven't yet begun to see the end

I wish I could enjoy one moment
Without wistful nostalgia clouding my brain
These hopeless comparisons cause damage
Longing driving me insane

I know I cannot have you
You are no longer mine to hold
Silent treatment has never said so much
Your shoulder never felt so cold

It's hard to imagine you at peace
With someone new by your side
After all that we've been through together
Now you're drifting out with the tide

I am glad you discovered what you were missing
I hope she is everything I'm not and more
But would you answer honestly if I asked
Was it better the way it was before?

If life was simple you'd still be right here
In a parallel universe I'm holding you near
Black and white would be so much easier to understand
Than the shades of grey blurring distance between where we stand
My world used to be colorful and bright
Since you left I'm surrounded by darkness of constant night
You made things easier with just one caring touch
In your absence I find my problems are too much
Clearly you love me or my messages you'd ignore
But lately I wonder what you take the risk for
You are currently involved in a blooming romance
That's why I am reluctant to give you another chance
You've made each moment together feel better than heaven above
There is nothing on this planet as unique and strong as our love
We express our emotions in our own individual way
Believe we are meant to be at the end of the day
I wonder why fate has forced our fingers far apart
Maybe I need to accept that your presence can only exist in my heart
We are bad for eachother
As toxic as cyanide
We were made for chemical reactions building up inside
As soon as your kiss is deposited onto my lips
The scale balancing our desires suddenly sags and then tips
Yet we are drawn in hopelessly despite inevitable explosion
Our world only shaped by resulting corrosion
I look forward to the damage you inflict without second thought
I'd choose to live without you if I could but I cannot
The beauty in the chaos created is something no one can deny
I embrace not just sunshine but the storms that grace our cloudy sky
Because I've learned that the intense highs come with equally low lows
It's a fair exchange and it's just the way it goes
But the ecstasy delivered makes it worth the disappointment and heartache
I'd go to hell and back for you as many times as it takes

I have spent too much of my time hoping you will grow up
My entire world held at bottom of a half-empty cup
Tug of war between what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart
Between the two equal matches I am torn so violently apart
Darkness and the secrets kept creep up in my clinging skin
Making it clear you are not the same man as when we saw this begin
Both have been in denial about how bad our problems are
My teachers are your hurtful words
Every tear
And scar
Repeating my lesson so many times it's insane
So that I grow but I never learn from the pain
May I grasp eventually what life is attempting to teach?
In this cruel world that knowledge is only out of reach

They say life flies by in a flash
Then why do these nights feel so long?
Things haven't been the same all alone
Ever since you left every second feels wrong

Life has never seemed darker
I find my mind drifting back
Racing circles around memories
A never-ending track

Though I am so very tired
Exhausted from keeping pace
I'm desperate to escape the loneliness
So I refuse to forfeit this race

It's always one step behind me
Sometimes I trip and fall
When that happens I have no choice
But to get lost within it all

The sadness overwhelms me
To the point I would rather die
Than bear another miserable day
Where I waste my time in bed and cry

It seems my supply of tears is endless
They never ever run out
It's hard to feel happy for one moment
Because you're all I think about

I never thought the pain of your absence
Would hurt more than any other ache
Life feels like a reoccurring nightmare
Except I am already awake

No matter what I am doing
My skin yearns for your touch
I should have known better than to let
You matter to me this much

But I couldn't help falling hard for you
As hard as I tried to stay away
You are a drug and I needed more and more
High of the lovely words you'd say

Now you're gone and I'm feeling the hole
Left when you left me here
Nothing begins to fill it up
Only you can make it disappear

I dont know why I wasnt enough
But I guess you wanted more
So I'm stuck here holding onto broken pieces
Of the love we shared before

(Verse 1:)
Dreaming is for fools daring to shut their eyes
Keeps us sleeping soundly
A bed of lies
Rendering us blind
Incoming demise
So confused cannot tell day apart from night
In desert searching for something to drink
What can you do out there with just your thoughts but think?
Like dreams written in your head in blood-red ink
Everything you want hard to get when you're living on the brink
Difficult roads lead each direction
Beautiful destinations if given correction
Its kind of funny
You make the connection
Best people are created from pain and rejection
No one knows what is coming until it arrives
An earthquake to shake up their life
Go to lengths to avoid destiny
You can't escape fate by going to extremes

(Hook:x2)
And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes
I cry sometimes about it
And girl I know that **** hurt
Maybe if this world was perfect
We could make it work but I doubt it

(Verse 2:)
Difficult roads lead directly to our fate
Beautiful destinations that meaningfully await
Allowing to see good things are on the way
My mothers words haunt me to this day
"Underneath surface things are not as they appear"
Layers upon layers make picture unclear
100% something seen is real
Stable
Sincere
You reach to touch it and in seconds it disappears
I move through life like it is all a dream
The world around me is not as nice as it seems
Mirrors leave me wanting to scream
Crying about everything
Enjoy little bit of peace I have before it fully fades away
Things fray nerves every difficult day
All we have
One life
Not a day more or less
Take a moment to pause and realize you are blessed
Is reality real?
It's anybody's guess
Either way I'm going to give it my all and try my best

(Hook:x2)
And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes
I cry sometimes about it
And boy that **** hurt
And ain't nobody perfect
Still we could make it work but you doubt it


(Bridge:)
They say perception is everything
Why can't I control the things I see?
Try my hardest to grow to be the best that I can be
But my head and my heart do not always agree
What the **** do all these coincidences mean?
There has to be something more out there for me
Caught in between where I wanna be and where I am
Because if I am being honest this was never my plan
I am just trying to survive the only way I can
With a chip on my shoulder and knife in my hand
My legs are tired but I continue to stand
Don't know why I still give a ****
Guess some lessons take time to understand
Depression has the upper hand but soon that's gonna change
Because it's about **** time I take the reigns
Begin writing a new chapter and turn the page
Take control of my life make it rearrange
Grow the **** up and start acting my age

I know I shouldn't talk to you
You deserve far less than that
I tried my hardest for weeks on end
Eventually caved
Your texts I looked at

Wasn't surprised to see how they started
Two variations of 'Amanda, I need'
Then went on to say we had to talk
'Please'
That's all there was to read

Effort unworthy of a reply
I let silence shout instead
Meaning displayed loud and clear
That I had no words to be said

I wanted you to apologize
Admit that you were wrong
At the very least ask me how I'm doing
But your personality is too headstrong  

So after that you say nothing
Guess you've got nothing to prove
It would appear we've got a draw
Both reluctant to make the next move

They say when rain falls it pours
Is best to stay inside
Somewhere cozy
Dry
Warm
Watch at home
You hide

Sometimes storm starts to subside
Just when you think it's done
Glimpse lightning in your periphreal
Instead of cleared
Only begun

Keep eyes trained on what you want

On dreams
Not nightmares

It's easy for you to forget me
Wish I could say the same
Your memory stalks me like a ghost
Haunted by your name