They say things must change
With me the whole world stands still
Life just stays the same

I hold him close as I can
Can't make the past go away
Can't erase pain or sadness
Memories hold him captive every day

To make something beautiful my aim
Pretty poetry painted out of this pain
Carve images into hardened heart
Transform tragedy into art

I shake time's grasp with firm shrug
Before I know it
Again feel its tug
Then spit in its face
It spits right back
Taking position on top of my back
I guess we are stuck together for good
Stays longer than I wish it would

After everything I gave to you
All the time I let you waste
You slipped out of my clumsy hands
Leaving me with all this empty space
I wonder why I wasnt enough
Guess she somehow gives you more
Than the worthless contents of my heart
That now lie trampled on the floor
I hope she is everything
I wasn't able to be
Maybe if I had tried harder
You would still be here with me

Life is lonely without you by my side
Solitude is too hard to bear
Haven't heard from you in a week
Breaks my heart that you don't care

To spend one more day with you
When you were still head over heels
Would gladly make any sacrifice
But the devil is fresh out of deals

With desperation on breath
Questions on my mind
Beg the universe for answers
To explain why you left me behind

Who is there to ask except you?
Silence selfish solution
Noble effort is wasted in vain
Sees no resolution

**** air right out of my lungs
I choke on the emptiness
Indifference is a vacuum
Swallowing happiness

Out of methods to trick myself
Truth I'm scared to face
Cannot wrap my mind around it
I am so easy to replace

You fooled me a second time
The blame lies not on you
On my own naivety
Believing promises were true

Short-lived
Still so significant
The words sincerely spoken
They serve as evidence to proof
Loving you will leave me broken

People warned to stay away
You were nothing but trouble
My untainted innocence wondered
"Could anything bad be so warm when we snuggle?"

Adoration used to exist in our smiles
Lately it isn't found where it should be
Could forever for you end so soon?
An eternity would not be enough for me

Your next chapter will get better
If patient things will change
Paragraphs haven't been the best lately
Story will be amazing someday

Discipline is difficult to learn
Ability to take control
Do things that challenge you
Rather than quit on your goal

Avoid unhurried temptation
Succumbing the worst thing you could do
Decide if instant gratification
Or achievement is more important to you

I strive not to care
Miss you
Why?
In the end memories
Always **** up my high

My mind overflowing
To say the least
It's impossible to ignore thoughts
Efforts just make them increase

Pieces every place I run
You and what we had
Linger on my possessions
Fall apart
I'm sad

To naked eye nothing stands out
Look closer
Something's amiss
In objects are stories
Traces of you I miss

Floor littered with clothing
Like discarded Kleenex used
Outside window leaves are blown
Catastrophe makes me confused

Where you once lay in my bed
Memories created wrinkled art
Broken promises collected like coins
They weigh down dusty heart

For anyone else wouldn't cry
Or waste time feeling blue
Since you abandoned me
Can't see any other hue

Birth new doubt inside
Is it my fault you fled?
Mirror reflects my flaws in answer
"Yes" already in my head

Myth merging with mixed facts
It makes it hard to tell
Death from miserable life led
Both feel exactly like hell

Is a lie all romance ever was to you?
To me was nothing more real
Bared my most vulnerable parts
Soul a secret you wouldn't reveal

Because you are expert in manipulation
Those around used to your benefit
Made me believe I was special
I was really only a target

Part of deception
Compliments you'd pay
Had total faith in your sincerity
Until instant you went away

Circle of life progressing forward
Without presence or not
Seems like the globe has stopped spinning
It's only me stuck in the same spot

If what you gave was only greif
How can I still desire that vice?
Suppose just because happiness is an illusion
Does not make it feel any less nice

Can I put rest to this heartache?
Nothing but clouds for miles
If storm carries on like this
Will drown while I am exiled

The you within the costume worn
Separated by layers
Walls
Worse the deeper I determinedly dig
Stacked like Russian nesting dolls

My unrealistic expectations and I
Draw back in disgust
Sit so far from where we started
Pile of mistakes where there once was trust

Are you satisfied with outcome?
Experiencing no shadows or weight
Someday you'll wake up with a mouthful of remorse
Tasting sorry a little too late

Of the hurt I've felt by your hand
Bruised ego and bleeding heart
No devastation compares to this
Torture of being apart

Breathe in stale taste of sorrow
Air inflates each lung
Seems so much thicker now
Emptier than when we were young

My love
What happened to adrenaline
Coursing through excited veins?
Guess the fireworks fizzled out
Only smoke and the smell of gunpowder remain

This is as bad as I always feared
More tragic than movie scene
Beyond my comprehension
Past and present where I'm stuck between

It is not your fault I'm trapped in this place
Is mine for needing you so much
Suspected one day you'd break free and flee
I still allowed you to become my crutch

A chapter closes in book of my life
This time won't go back and reread that page
Although it feels like home to me
Love is actually a cage

Whole duration was held captive
Blind to the truth of it all
Affection was simply a story
Written to make me fall

I do not know why you'd waste six years
Of lives on a meaningless game
Whatever the reason
Ruined me
Will never be the same

Make misery stop for awhile
Is too much for me to bear
Give anything to be like you
Heartless
You don't feel or care

It happened so fast was blinded
Didn't see the finishing blow
Goodbye strikes like a bolt of lightning
Destroying anything I know

Shocked at the sudden sabotage
Inflicted with zero warning
Out of blue decided to leave
Changed since the other morning

Every person who advised me to run
From you turned out to be right
No explanation or visible trigger
Our relationship drastically shifted overnight

One day life was familiar and whole
Next you ripped me completely apart
Without speaking a word shattered my world
I'm still here wondering why you'd pulverize my heart

The world I had with you is over
This time we are done for good
I won't forget the magic
Even if my brain could

Pessimistic I have always been
I'm being honest
More
Becoming more bitter and sad
Since second you walked out the door

I see truth so clearly now
In the open for everyone to view
Sensed it under the surface for awhile
Convinced myself it wasn't true

Difficulty harasses at each turn
Am unable to function at all
Too exhausted to carry weight of the planet
I collapse to the ground and crawl

In each direction lies certain failure
Nowhere safe to go
I spin circles in our small spot
Consumed by vertigo

Opportunity passed me by
Is never coming back
Too much time wasted on you
I can't get my life on track

The optimist sees glass half-full
Never really was my perspective
Looking on the bright side of things
Proved being ineffective

In each challenge thrown my way
Fight for success with no luck
By my overwhelming weakness defeated
Lack of self-assurance has me stuck

The chance I had at happiness
Blew and so you're moving on
I don't know who's fault it truly is
All I'm sure of is that you're gone

Maybe I should not take you back
Over being constantly used
I shouldn't give you a second chance
How many mistakes have I excused?

Lost something critical
Had trust so many times before
It's possible it's gone for good
Couldn't take the ache anymore

And you will break yourself eventually
At this moment can't say when or how
All I know I recognize in your blue eyes
Hurt you insist on hiding right now

Feeling rejected by proud demeanor
Much as I hate to admit
Your indifference makes me feel
We live in a mold I do not quite fit

Like sticking expectations down my throat
Burning water fills chest
Hope that just for once you'll notice
I am actually trying my best

You are why I want to stay alive
Might be crazy
Swear it's true
To me it's the world that is a ****** up mess
Only thing that makes sense is you