Life is lonely without you by my side
Solitude is too hard to bear
Haven't heard from you in a week
Breaks my heart that you don't care

To spend one more day with you
When you were still head over heels
Would gladly make any sacrifice
But the devil is fresh out of deals

With desperation on breath
Questions on my mind
Beg the universe for answers
To explain why you left me behind

Who is there to ask except you?
Silence selfish solution
Noble effort is wasted in vain
Sees no resolution

**** air right out of my lungs
I choke on the emptiness
Indifference is a vacuum
Swallowing happiness

Out of methods to trick myself
Truth I'm scared to face
Cannot wrap my mind around it
I am so easy to replace

You fooled me a second time
The blame lies not on you
On my own naivety
Believing promises were true

Short-lived
Still so significant
The words sincerely spoken
They serve as evidence to proof
Loving you will leave me broken

People warned to stay away
You were nothing but trouble
My untainted innocence wondered
"Could anything bad be so warm when we snuggle?"

Adoration used to exist in our smiles
Lately it isn't found where it should be
Could forever for you end so soon?
An eternity would not be enough for me

Your next chapter will get better
If patient things will change
Paragraphs haven't been the best lately
Story will be amazing someday

Discipline is difficult to learn
Ability to take control
Do things that challenge you
Rather than quit on your goal

Avoid unhurried temptation
Succumbing the worst thing you could do
Decide if instant gratification
Or achievement is more important to you

I strive not to care
Miss you
Why?
In the end memories
Always **** up my high

My mind overflowing
To say the least
It's impossible to ignore thoughts
Efforts just make them increase

Pieces every place I run
You and what we had
Linger on my possessions
Fall apart
I'm sad

To naked eye nothing stands out
Look closer
Something's amiss
In objects are stories
Traces of you I miss

Floor littered with clothing
Like discarded Kleenex used
Outside window leaves are blown
Catastrophe makes me confused

Where you once lay in my bed
Memories created wrinkled art
Broken promises collected like coins
They weigh down dusty heart

For anyone else wouldn't cry
Or waste time feeling blue
Since you abandoned me
Can't see any other hue

Birth new doubt inside
Is it my fault you fled?
Mirror reflects my flaws in answer
"Yes" already in my head

Myth merging with mixed facts
It makes it hard to tell
Death from miserable life led
Both feel exactly like hell

Is a lie all romance ever was to you?
To me was nothing more real
Bared my most vulnerable parts
Soul a secret you wouldn't reveal

Because you are expert in manipulation
Those around used to your benefit
Made me believe I was special
I was really only a target

Part of deception
Compliments you'd pay
Had total faith in your sincerity
Until instant you went away

Circle of life progressing forward
Without presence or not
Seems like the globe has stopped spinning
It's only me stuck in the same spot

If what you gave was only greif
How can I still desire that vice?
Suppose just because happiness is an illusion
Does not make it feel any less nice

Can I put rest to this heartache?
Nothing but clouds for miles
If storm carries on like this
Will drown while I am exiled

The you within the costume worn
Separated by layers
Walls
Worse the deeper I determinedly dig
Stacked like Russian nesting dolls

My unrealistic expectations and I
Draw back in disgust
Sit so far from where we started
Pile of mistakes where there once was trust

Are you satisfied with outcome?
Experiencing no shadows or weight
Someday you'll wake up with a mouthful of remorse
Tasting sorry a little too late

Of the hurt I've felt by your hand
Bruised ego and bleeding heart
No devastation compares to this
Torture of being apart

Breathe in stale taste of sorrow
Air inflates each lung
Seems so much thicker now
Emptier than when we were young

My love
What happened to adrenaline
Coursing through excited veins?
Guess the fireworks fizzled out
Only smoke and the smell of gunpowder remain

This is as bad as I always feared
More tragic than movie scene
Beyond my comprehension
Past and present where I'm stuck between

It is not your fault I'm trapped in this place
Is mine for needing you so much
Suspected one day you'd break free and flee
I still allowed you to become my crutch

A chapter closes in book of my life
This time won't go back and reread that page
Although it feels like home to me
Love is actually a cage

Whole duration was held captive
Blind to the truth of it all
Affection was simply a story
Written to make me fall

I do not know why you'd waste six years
Of lives on a meaningless game
Whatever the reason
Ruined me
Will never be the same

Make misery stop for awhile
Is too much for me to bear
Give anything to be like you
Heartless
You don't feel or care

It happened so fast was blinded
Didn't see the finishing blow
Goodbye strikes like a bolt of lightning
Destroying anything I know

Shocked at the sudden sabotage
Inflicted with zero warning
Out of blue decided to leave
Changed since the other morning

Every person who advised me to run
From you turned out to be right
No explanation or visible trigger
Our relationship drastically shifted overnight

One day life was familiar and whole
Next you ripped me completely apart
Without speaking a word shattered my world
I'm still here wondering why you'd pulverize my heart

The world I had with you is over
This time we are done for good
I won't forget the magic
Even if my brain could

Pessimistic I have always been
I'm being honest
More
Becoming more bitter and sad
Since second you walked out the door

I see truth so clearly now
In the open for everyone to view
Sensed it under the surface for awhile
Convinced myself it wasn't true

Difficulty harasses at each turn
Am unable to function at all
Too exhausted to carry weight of the planet
I collapse to the ground and crawl

In each direction lies certain failure
Nowhere safe to go
I spin circles in our small spot
Consumed by vertigo

Opportunity passed me by
Is never coming back
Too much time wasted on you
I can't get my life on track

The optimist sees glass half-full
Never really was my perspective
Looking on the bright side of things
Proved being ineffective

In each challenge thrown my way
Fight for success with no luck
By my overwhelming weakness defeated
Lack of self-assurance has me stuck

The chance I had at happiness
Blew and so you're moving on
I don't know who's fault it truly is
All I'm sure of is that you're gone

Maybe I should not take you back
Over being constantly used
I shouldn't give you a second chance
How many mistakes have I excused?

Lost something critical
Had trust so many times before
It's possible it's gone for good
Couldn't take the ache anymore

And you will break yourself eventually
At this moment can't say when or how
All I know I recognize in your blue eyes
Hurt you insist on hiding right now

Feeling rejected by proud demeanor
Much as I hate to admit
Your indifference makes me feel
We live in a mold I do not quite fit

Like sticking expectations down my throat
Burning water fills chest
Hope that just for once you'll notice
I am actually trying my best

You are why I want to stay alive
Might be crazy
Swear it's true
To me it's the world that is a ****** up mess
Only thing that makes sense is you

I am half a person now
You were the greatest part of me
Seems like all I have are broken things
In place of where your love used to be

You made life a whole lot better
Then you left and took bliss away
Showed me what a blue sky was
Of course good things can never stay

You were the person who kept me happy
With you believed that I could be strong
Told me that I was beautiful
I'm starting to think that you were wrong

I still feel your gentle touch
Picture the hazel eyes I adore
Memories will only last
Until I cannot hold on anymore

Too much of myself has been broken
Cannot be who I was back then
Fear that I am too ugly now
For you to love me ever again

Yes I smile
Laugh once in awhile
But as soon as I slip into bed
Sad thoughts of you flood my head

Reality can be hard to take
Inside and outside feel the ache
Makes you sad acknowledging the fact
Good memories are never coming back
Best experiences you would give anything to relive
Enough to find reason to forgive
Happy moments seem like they're forever lost
You wonder if it was worth the cost

Standing outside seeming lost
Striding circles with confusion
To the side by waves I am tossed
Sea simply an illusion
Losing self I've always known
Chasing light that is fading
Where sun once brightly shone
A river of shadows I'm wading
Forever rise to fall to knees
Rusted
Bent
Bruised
A cycle of mocking memories
Reminding me I was used
The ascending sun seems further away
Round the earth slowly spins
Harder feeling its warmth every day
Scattered like bowling pins
It's taking a toll on welfare
Screams of peace of mind
Louder as life strips me bare
There is nothing good left to find
This silly sadness spawned space
The emptiness consuming my soul
A powerful demon wearing the face
Of person who once made me whole

Think about your face all the time
Climbing the wall I'm stuck behind
Before you left felt so strong
Now just feel strung along
You spun webs of silken lies
I am the prey you caught that dies
One day say you love me
Next nothing at all
Since I've still been waiting for a single message or call
Something has changed the way that you feel
More likely
Feelings weren't real
Your words can con anybody with enough charm
What do you gain by causing me harm?
**** relationship with stupid mistakes
Suspect are choices you intentionally make
You are a person I don't even recognize
Where best friend stood is a stranger with blue eyes
Happiness stolen by time's vicious stare
****** up to the point beyond repair

I struggled in the past
To write a respectable rhyme
More I create the harder it gets
Have to put in increasing time
But this is the first time in months
By far the most in years
Inspired I have felt
It's all thanks to my tears
Bad news is I'm crying
That means more pain
Root of excellence isn't sunshine
For me it's pouring rain
Meaning hidden in the suffering
Can't feel good 100% of the time
Otherwise things wouldn't feel good at all
Without other to compare it to
Is no difference between short and tall
I express better in shades of sorrow
Than I do in colorful rainbows and bliss
Negative emotions waiting in my soul
I try to verse happiness
Doesn't come out sounding truly authentic
That's because it's forced
Words meant to gallop freely
Not corralled
Coerced
I suffer writers block in moments of peace
In a way I'm grateful we are apart
Won't lie and say I'm not bothered by it
At least the result is some beautiful art

I did not realize the weight of all these bad decisions
Directly in the shade cast by massive collisions
Needed to move somewhere warm
Escape the cycle of snow
Garden was fading when it needed to grow
For own sanitys sake I fled
Couldn't outrun the hell inside my head

Though I am by myself
You are always with me

My shadow had taken shape of your own

The silence loudly leads me down long winding paths deep
The darkest crevices of my troubled mind

The more I veer to avoid pull attempting to navigate thoughts to a happier place
Faster I race to the opposite destination
Location I have grown to rightfully hate

Why must memory torture me so?

I wish I could harness control

I long to shrug off my shoulders like a coat two sizes too big

Heavy
Unbecoming

But you stick tighter to my body than my very own skin

Take more space in my veins than my blood

Your life holds far more importance than the pathetic one I endure myself every day

I bottle emotions up
Learned that from you

I know that is not healthy but since you are never going to get better there is no point in me getting well either

It appears to be working swell for you so why not give it a shot?

Being a 20-something year old crybaby sure was not doing me any favors

Only still am an emotional wreck
I am a little more fluent in composure now

So writhe on the inside instead

A blank expression while war rages within

Morals and values defending self-esteem as best as they can from attacks from demons with their most powerful weapons
Doubt
Degredation

Battleground foggy with lies you said
Bombs exploding with the sound of laughter
Smelling gunpowder from the fireworks set off just by merely visualizing your face

A whole ****** battle concealed by layers of makeup and brushed brunette hair

And worst thing about this isn't even the casualties

It's that you are not even worth the fight

The pieces of us
Puzzle way too hard to solve
I won't stop trying

I've stopped time in fantasies
What can I do to make it real?
Is it a crime to be honest
Expressing how I feel?

Been solving puzzle since day one
Haven't made much progress
Has love become an object to you?
You no longer want to possess?

Evolved
Different creatures
Hard as I tried to resist
Clock hands pushing us forward
They felt more like fists

Have problems gotten the best of us?
Way over our heads
Dissolving our hopes and dreams
Drowning in separate beds

No reason to keep fighting
Nothing left to continue reaching for
Were unwilling victims of change
Still hold onto the life we knew before