Driving down some endless road, one littered with memories and bones.
Glancing out the driver's window lends the perfect view.
Shards of glass grace this highway's eyes, as the rubble garners it's long tortured life.
But amongst the garbage, trash, and filth lies a poem lost at sea.
A lonely hubcap lay on one side of the road, blink an eye and it'd be gone.
How many miles had it traveled, along with it's trusted wheel?
How many adventures had it turned, before the earth shook it free?
Now it lives alone, no wheel to call it's home.
The endless highway continues as the sun begins to set.
The hubcap night grows ever near, a bitter loneliness every driver fears.
Until that time they must drive on, always circling their trusted friends whom they rely on.

I'm alone again.

This happens a lot.

No one around...

...just me and my thoughts.

Life seems empty.

Moments seem grey.

My heartache worsens with each passing day.

****, film, music; imperfect distractions from this tragic reality.

Is it silly that every time you smile at me, my heart skips a beat?
Or how even your laugh causes my legs to go weak.
Going without you for a day makes my stomach all quesy.
Or how looking at you causes my world to freeze.
Even the simple touch of your hand makes my world go numb.
Or the sound of my name, leaving your tongue.
Electricity flickers across my skin when you're near.
My heart never aches, for I know you have no fear.
Is it silly to feel all these wonderful things?
Or is it simply my love for you, that gives my life wings.

Dancing in the darkness.
Moving in the midnight.
Crying at my lies.
Tragedy grasps at me.
It claws at me.

.ǝɯ ʇɐ sʍɐlɔ ʇI

Am I ok?

It's been a rough year.
It feels so tiring, to be so alone.
When I wake up in an empty bed, I cannot help but run away.
My heart has no home.
I long to fade into you.
Am I the chorus or the verse?
Neither lasts that long.
I know not what I do.
I just want to be held, to feel like I belong.
I reach out my hand, but only touch the void.
I feel it flowing through my veins.
They say This soon shall pass.
But it will never fade, my loneliness has already overtaken the day.

Luck brought her into my life.
I fell almost instantly.
Loving her was ecstasy.
Life made sense when she was near.
If only she had never gone away.
Everlasting love, yet alone for an eternity.

Sad songs bring me to a special place within my soul.
Every haunted note sung shatters my outlook on what the future holds.
A stream of moody chords could cause salt and liquid to blend, tears flowing onto my pillow and bed.
Melodies cursed to possess my very core.
My heart aches with every lonely lullaby that echoes into my fragile ears.
Brain signals fire left and right, confused at what tragedy has caused me to feel so low.
Has he lost someone dear?
Is he coping with some unknown fear?
Does he wonder if his own death is near?
Maybe some of those ring true, but sometimes it is for no sane reason at all.
Some days I long for the love I once had, so I play a song that once brought joy to a world not yet sad.
Those cheesy pop songs, folk tunes, and haunting notes are now played for one reason; I miss the heartache I had from someone I loved.
Because even if they chose to leave me, at least the songs we had can remind me of the pain that came.
I would rather feel the pain of their betrayal over and over again than feel nothing at all.
They left me with nothing, so what could remain?

Just a cloud, floating in the sky

Born at 1 am on a Saturday.

As a child I loved to play, running through the fields all day.

My mother taught me all I know, she raised my sister's and I all at our home.

Before I turned 18 my heart had found love with a wonderful girl.

Before I was 20 she was gone from my world, so my heart ached and cried to find another to love.

I found someone who lived quite far away, but my heart wanted it to be that way.

She broke my heart yet convinced me to run, so across the country I moved for her.

Soon after moving she found a man, so quick had she left me that it broke my last stand.

Lost and crying, I almost left my life.

But that was the day I finally started living right.

Life was actually worth living, when I lived it for me.

I started going to college again, and met some friends who now feel like family.

One day as I walked to class, my head began to ache and spin.

My family rushed me to the emergency room to learn of my potential fate. 

Cancer was what I had, one of the worst in the brain.

But I was 23 and still alive!

So I fought it and won, at least for awhile.

Because life, I believe, is worth living.

Does any of it make sense?
The riddle of reality will never be realized.
Our human existence, summed up in three words .
what
a
waste.

I cannot shake the feeling.
Wondering if it will ever go away.
Turning around, only to realize no one is there.
Eating out, facing the empty seat across from me.
My heart quietly breaks as I sit alone.
Whispers in the wind do not call my name.
Everyone likes a post on Facebook, unless it is from me.
I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to take me.
I awake, longing for the night to arrive.
Why do I feel so alone?

Your arrival was magical to me.
You never said much, or listened too well.
Some days you would wander into my room, just to lay near my bed.
Plopping down onto the ground, quietly laying still.
Somehow your silly visits made me smile, every single time.
Everyday, exactly at 5, you would come into my room and whine.
Out of everyone's room you always chose mine, because I was so easily convinced.
You just wagged your tail and I knew, you wanted some **** food.
I think of your puppy dog eyes, guilting me into yet  another treat.
You are my best friend and best dog; you always will be.
I have loved you so much.
You have changed, gotten old, age has finally caught up with us.
Your fur is patchy and grey, your eyes wander and gaze.
I know I don't have much longer, I feel the day drawing near.
This is not fair, I do not want you to go.
I have lost so much already.
Please.
Muddy.
Please don't leave me with another empty space.

Remember.
Relive.
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Forget the common love songs, their melodies trite
Ours is a deeper chorus, a psalm of the night
Can't you hear it, darling, this hymn we ignite?
In your eyes, a million sparks, a dangerous gleam
No false comparisons, it's you I dream
Can't you see, my love, this passionate scheme?
Sleep is for the weary, but tonight we're ablaze
Intoxicated by chaos, caught in a daze
Love's a shipwreck, darling, lost in a maze
This world fades to whispers, a dream we create
A sanctuary for two, sealed by fate
Can't you feel it, darling, this love's estate?
Life's a fleeting ember, a wisp of thin smoke
But hold me close, darling, for all that's awoke
Can't you see, my love, the promise we spoke?
We'll dance in the shadows, where secrets reside
This desperate clinging, with nowhere to hide
Can't you deny it, darling, this love can't subside?
Hold fast to this moment, this exquisite pain
Let our bodies intertwine, in the pouring rain
Can't you surrender, darling, to this beautiful strain?
We're bound by this darkness, a twisted embrace
An eternal echo in this lonely space
Can't you hear it, darling, our love's saving grace?

Thunder rumbles gently throughout the cloudy sky.
Lightning cracks and cries, lighting up the nights dark eyes.
Rain falls atop the trees, dripping through its green leaves.
Gliding down the bark and wood, water floods down to the ground below.
Creatures dive for cover, hiding from the storms harsh blows.
The elements swarm in a torrential dance as the sky bellows.
The world waits for the storm to calm.
For the winds to end.
For the rain to cease.

Wandering through a forest of misremembered memories.
Milk curdles in the sun's ceaseless heat.
Love fades away into a blood red sky.
My mind has been broken, like a tape being played until it was frayed.
Nirvana is a lie that hopeless souls cry for.
Reality and depression are the only forms of mental suppression I cannot deny.
There is something down in my heart that just will not die.
Like some form of misplaced nostalgia, my soul calls for her.

My eyes forever looking upwards.
Awaiting the descent of a ghostly spectre.
A phantom image of a soul long past.
Never more will that enchanting creature visit my vacant forest.
Forever it will stay, in a memory immortal.

A face so perfect and smooth, floated above my bed.
Her beauty was never forgotten, no matter how much time had gone by.
I lay there, looking up into her smiling face.
Tears began to run down my face.
She lowered down her ghostly form, and placed a phantom touch upon my now wet cheek.
Her translucent fingers attempted to wipe away my pain, but I felt nothing.
I closed my eyes, trying to feel what I no longer could.
Her voice whispered inside of me.
"It's ok. I'm here"
But as my eyelids rose, she was nowhere to be seen.
Once again she had faded out of my life, like a projection from a time long past.
So I lay there and wept, for the woman I had lost.
I cried for the heart in my chest, that always breaks.
Darkness surrounding me.
Sleep overwhelming my tired body.
Maybe one day that old projection will once again be my reality.

A note on the floor seaks to explain an open door.
Heart skips a beat, reading the words scribbled with ink.
Tears run down the cheek, dripping onto paper beneath.
Memories flash before the eyes, like vivid visions of fantasy.
Over and over, slower and slower.
Knees press into carpet, as the legs buckle.
Emptiness once more, as darnkess begins to encompas the floor.
Lost in the cold echoes of torrential reality, alone again, and forever it shall be.

Red and yellow, gliding through the sky.
Just a little biplane trying to find meaning in life.
Nowhere to land, since the Earth left so long ago.
Without a warning, no hesitation, Terra herself left the little airplanes show. High above what he once loved, flying through the blue sky.
Through gray stormy clouds, lightning and thunder, the plane flies all alone. Nothing under.
No touchdown connection.
No radio tower to call.
Just the empty sky.

A simple glance during class brightens my day.
I look down and see your shoe tracing circles on the carpet.
Sliding my foot closer to yours, I hold my breath.
I stare forward, my mind blank.
My heart beats rapidly, pounding in my ears.
Suddenly I feel your shoe tap against mine.
Once, twice, several times.
Shivers go up and down my spine.
I catch my breath and close my eyes for a moment.
My world is at peace, my heart is calm.
I glance over to your hands, twirling a pencil around.
If only it were as simple to touch your hand.
I imagine reaching over, and your fingers interlocking with mine.
My heart begins beating faster and faster.
A sudden noise awakens me from my daydream.
Class is over.
My sun rises up, packing their bag.
I force a smile and say goodbye.
They smile back, wishing me well.
As they walk away I smile, my heart skipping a beat.

Standing, shaky, stumbling around some darkned room.
With a voice soaked in loneliness I call for help.
Yet even if a thousand voices rang out in unison, I hear nothing.
Traped in  a land filled with hope, but all I see is the darkness and smoke.
How many years have I been lost down here? How many years filled of wandering tearsl?
Does it hurt more when they push you away?
I always thought that the pain felt real either way.
Screens flicker across my eyes.
Skies pass as I drive by.
The world moves on as I do not.
My heart every day, it is broken anew.
In that room all alone
Calling for you.

I didn't know you were there.
I suppose you never went anywhere.
Seeing him in his chair caused me to realize I kind of cared.
Never before had I really stared.
But he changed my world by just being there.
I suppose this is special in some way.

Her laughter, born of grief, a discord shrill,
A poisoned echo 'midst their solemn sigh.
Were Heaven's voice to break this mortal chill,
Her tongue alone would hold its righteous cry.

Each Sabbath wanes, a ghost of faith long dead,
And hollow words like ashes choke my prayer.
"Worship in shadows," thus my love has said,
The only shrine my soul finds solace fair.

"Born sick," they cry, with eyes turned cold and bleak,
Yet in this taint, a twisted beauty gleams.
Bid me be well... her smile, a promise weak.
Amen, amen, to embers in my dreams.

Take me to church, though every stone be false,
I'll kneel before their altar of deceit,
Confess those blackened sins, heed virtue's waltz,
And offer up my soul, a death most sweet.

If pagan gods I court in hushed delight,
She is my sun, the darkness I adore.
Their goddess craves a pyre, a sacrifice so bright –
What offering shall please her evermore?

A priest, perhaps, in robes of purest white?
Or jewels that gleam in their cathedral's gloom?
This holy hunger burns with blinding might...

Take me to church, let wickedness consume.
Grant me this death, oh Lord, break virtue's hold.
No king, no creed, when my dark rites commence.
In whispers and in sins, the truth untold,
I find my cleansing in this sweet offense.

In earthly mire, where earthly beauty sleeps,
A fragile grace those pious ones disdain,
Amen, amen... yet still my spirit weeps.
Take me to church, where my cursed heart remains.

I look over at you, seated in the next row.
Glancing at your hand, I wonder how it would feel to hold.
Our fingers curling together, grasping each other.
My heart skipping a beat.
Chills running through my body.
Your warm palm pressing against my own.
Our hands fit together like puzzle pieces.
I rest my head on your shoulder and smile, closing my eyes.
What a world it would be, if you were with me.
Until then I just sit alone, wondering what that place would be like.
Maybe one day I will finally feel the safety your hands provide.