Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Joshua Michael Mar 2018
10 drinks in me, I'm drunk
I left the party early tonight
All those empty conversations
I'm watching the cars and the trucks whizz by
And I thought 10 drinks would hold me down, sort me out
But the demons stay and play about
Joshua Michael Jun 2018
Alors merci, for breaking me
You taught me what's not love
You showed me indifference
Alors merci, for making me tough
...
Alors merci, for leaving me
You broke my chains
You set my mind free
Alors merci, for showing me
...
Alors merci, for being so cold
You showed me to find better
You left me for another to love
Alors merci, for showing me my value
...
Alors merci, for being the wrong one
You allowed me to find the right one
...
Alors merci ma chère
I have found love now and thank you, I was looking in all the wrong people and now I've found the right ones.
Thank you I am happier now.
Joshua Michael Jul 2018
How sad is it
to be so afraid
of being too happy

You feel
at any minute
things will change

That happiness
all ripped
right out
from fingertips
the moment
you claim it

The moment
you realize
you deserve it
Joshua Michael Sep 2018
A part of you i saw
A part i think you've never seen
It was beautiful and serene  

Why do you hide it
Put on a brave face
A hard closed facade

I've seen your heart
The love you have hidden
Behind your coarse surface

Set your heart free
I promise its safe
I'll gaurd its gate

Set your heart free
Let your truth grow
let our love flourish

Allow me to love you
...
Joshua Michael Jul 2018
Now to be honest
I shall fill your mind with lies  
I'll tell you things
So I can get in between your thighs  
I'll lead you on and take your heart  
But I won't tell you is
How I'll take it apart  

Indeed I have nice eyes
A charming smile and soft lips

I'll even win you over with
my flirtatious charm

You won't see it coming
You are blind to love

I'll hold your heart in the palm of my hand  

You won't  be able to make a
stand  

When a real man comes along and tries to win your love  

He won't be able to
I'm in control,like the big man above  

You're not the 1st girl I've done this too, your one of many  

But I fooled you into thinking you were special, what a pity  

When I’m done with you, I’ll toss you aside  

Give you your heart back, but a little is still mine  

I took something special from you, that only special men should get  

But I fooled you into thinking I was special, special I'm not, far from it  

I made you miss opportunities with real love, and I'm not sorry  

I got what I needed from you, now onto the next girl I meet at a party  

You thought you meant something to me? Wow, but I'm not sorry

My buddies will get a laugh out of this one, You were just my night stand 

Something for me to take home
But now your outdated  

I got new girls to ***** over, but trust me you weren't out played yet  

Because once I had your heart
I had a taste for your genes
I used to love till it was taken, now it's there game I'm playing
Joshua Michael May 2018
The wind it blows in a grey sky
On the corner alone i cry
For as the weather changes
So do I
Im not ready to say by, im holding on my best. I hope you find you way back to me, somehow, somewhere , one day
Joshua Michael Mar 2017
A burning grip,nails deep,scratching
Heavy breathing,sweaty palms,biting
Clothes ripping off,thrown to floor
A raging lust burning with craving
Now, just two bodies in the dark

Full of love,in love,but no fire
What happened,where is the beast
The uncontrollable raging urge
A bit of flair,spontaneity at least
Now,just two bodies in the dark

No passion anymore,just bodies
No fire anymore,just skins touch
No desire anymore,just friction
No love anymore,just ***
Now, just two bodies in the dark
Please, I crave you
Crave me too
Joshua Michael Jul 2018
Take and use my body
As I ride the wave of your lust
I won’t deny you my pleasure
Even though to you I’m just a rush
I understand you don’t want anything serious
You just want me to be your boy toy  
Listen I’m not one to judge
You’re just tired of the frustration
You’ve been a lady for years
Now you want ****** gratification
When you’re done you can tell me to leave
I’m fine with that arrangement
I won’t sit around expecting a phone call
I’m not gonna ruin your boyfriends relation
You can go on with your life
Marry the man give him your heart
He’s the rest of your future
I’m the man of your fantasies
He can fulfill your hopes
But you know I consume your dreams.
Joshua Michael Jul 2018
She is a trail of destruction
Corruption, a ****** up malfunction
A love full of dysfunction
Playing with your emotions
You've been chosen
Chosen to be broken
But still you sit hoping
You sit choking
Falling while knowing
Asking where is this going
You're hers to play
She won't ever stay
Just leaves you lost
Astray
But at least you can say
"I loved you anyway"
...
Joshua Michael Aug 2018
I’m sorry I’m sorry
I said, Stepping in
The mental hospital
I’m not right in the head

I’ve been constantly slicing
Cutting through skin
To escape myself
To survive my hell

I wish to see your face
when they finally let me free.
I wish you would write
or call me just once

But for now, just visions of you
While I’m drowning
In my own crimson blood
Tearing
       Splitting
            Ripping
Searching for the key
To this mental prison

The nurse walks away
After haven given
Me some medication
Something to calm me

The straight jacket now
Holding me firm
They put me down
I Sit there an empty stare
  
They filled me up with drugs
keeping my head in narcotic haze.
Pill after pill all day, every day
I am broken and defeated

Paralyzed
Broken
Alone
Sitting here in a mental home.
Its been a few days inside now, i'm finally allowed some time to write and use the computer. Its cold in here, its lonely and they are constantly watching The screams at night are the worst.
Joshua Michael Aug 2018
Take my clothes
One bag
Forget the sentimentals
Start again
Quit my job
Free again
Open my mind
Just roaming
Tell no one
Just go
To where next
Who knows
No plans needed
Just wanderlust
Dessert Sea Snow
Baring all
Never ending journey
Forever going
A lost soul
Just wondering
Home is not a place, but a feeling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5YOhcAof8I
Joshua Michael Mar 2018
Sitting liquor lip loaded in a empty house
Its not a home, just a empty shell
Housing a broken soul with a full bottle
Dragging on cigarettes, slurring speech
Just trying to close eyes and fall asleep

The voices shout in his head, waking him up
All the regrets keep calling his name
Worthless he feels,and tired, just tired
He has all the love in the world to share
Just not the energy or strength to be hurt, again

Whats left is the last that he has got
He can't take another stab in the heart
This time it will **** him no doubt
But still he gives the last of him away
Just to pray its not broken, thrown away
Joshua Michael Feb 2018
I can hear them again,
I can hear the voice.
They are calling me out,
To make the choice.

They want me to start,
To use again.
They telling me to end,
End all the pain.

I know this numbing high,
The brown slop.
I know they are right,
It makes it stop.

They are screaming listen,
Listen.
The voices are back, the demons the ones who tell me to do things.
Joshua Michael Jan 2018
You say you want to be with me,
Give me a better life to see.
Then why do you push me away,
Teating me like a bored option for the day.

I fell like I'm a hobby to you,
Just a game to play on through.
Maybe just something on the side,
To boost you ego and pride.

Your in a relationship and committed,
And I still try my best I admit it.
Well i can't help my heart chose to,
So it wont change no matter what you do.

Push and attack,ignore or stab to bleed.
It just hurts but i wont leave.
So here I am,its for you to decide whether,
my heart you will torture or pleasure.

But why am I giving away me,
When you share you with another being?
What am i to you? why cant you say it?
Do you feel the same, or are you hiding the feelings?
Joshua Michael Oct 2017
I come home and I sit on my desk chair.
Lighting a cigarette listening to music, I feel alone.
Not in the sense that I have no one in my life,
but in that moment I feel very alone, as If I needed you.
I longed for your touch and your soft lips
that had been on mine before.
Maybe that's the feeling you're suppose to have
when you loose the person you love.
Maybe you're suppose to feel alone,
so you know how important that person truly is.
Maybe that's just how this game is played.
Joshua Michael May 2018
Dismayed and confused, alone
Alone i stay as the city rumbles
no one bats an eye, they all march on

The cab leaves as you smile a goodbye
Me, i just stand alone and cry
Gone she is , a little wander of life

I try to hide my sorrows
But its hard, hard to say bye
Bye to an angel who gave life
Life back to my mind and soul

I will miss my little wanderer
I will miss having the comfort
Comfort of someone who cares
Cares not just for me
But cares for who i was,am and will be
I miss you ....
Joshua Michael Jul 2018
Loving you
was like
floating
in outer space

in some ways beautiful
in some ways free
but also
cold
and distant
Joshua Michael May 2018
i can feel my heart beat faster as a drop of sweat forms on my temple with her thought, her brown eyes arouse me as she shares a cheeky smile. Teasing me with each word attracting me more. my mind ponders on caressing her silky skin, touching lips to her neck and sending shivers down her spine to the dimples on her back. . The thought o her clothes slowly slipping off as she leas me to the bed and sets my hands on her hips to lift her as she wraps her legs around me, pressed up against the wall with the world disappearing around us as the ecstasy takes over our actions, in dizzy light headedness falling upon your back as i slip my way down your body with only the sound of heavy breaths as tension builds and sheets get wet. A release off pleasure is stained in mind as screams echo off the walls
Your my drug and i could take you forever, never coming down from the high yo gave me
Joshua Michael Apr 2022
Do not fear my child,
for I am not gone.

I am the wind that
blows through your hair.
I am the sun that
kisses your skin.

I am the rising sun
with rays that glow.
I am the first star
to watch you at night.

For you see I am not gone,
I am here.
I am eternal in our love,
and in our memories.
Joshua Michael Sep 2018
Sick of feeling sick of it
Sick of the adictions im aflicted with
Sick of counting flocks of sheep
Sick of tryna fall asleep
Sick of being sick of voices
Sick of bieng the designated driver
the designated driver to all of it
its your fault my mind is now illand i have to drive it now
Joshua Michael Oct 2016
A small ember burns.
A wind ignites the flame,
Fueling the burning craving.

The demons start to wake,
Crawling out from within.
Reality slips away.
It's now to late.

SNIFF...
SNIFF...
SNIFF again.

Now fully consumed,
The white lines,
The demons.
They now control me
It's brings out the Demons inside a feeling unexplainable in just normal words
Joshua Michael Mar 2018
Pain is calming to me in an ironic way
Its the only emotion i know so well
The only emotion that will never leave me
I find safety in my pain,i feel alive
If i face the truth it will leave me
but in lies i find it stays, right beside me
The truth scares me, i am born of dark
I am the devils right hand
The devil does not love himself
He has lied to convince himself he does
Just as i choose to believe in my own lies
My own lies that everything is alright
The devil offers nothing but pain,as do I
For i know in my pain i'll never be alone
It will always be the vice in my head
The devil and me are the same
An angel with an extinguished light
Hate for himself the world and life
Joshua Michael May 2018
Its been a affecting me
while I've been neglecting me
I'm Always ******* questioning me
Is this all necessary

As the blade cuts blood draws
been fighting in my own war
As i bleed out the answers pour
They not enough i need more

I tell my self I already know
Do I stay or do I go
Its thee end of the show
My last cut final blow

Tell myself and reassure
There will be no encore
Shut and lock the door
watching red stain the floor

Finally...through with it all.
2 yearss ago i tried for the first time i was found and stopped, i soke to my best friend after and he said i understand and its your choice, but give it one more year and if you still feel the same then i understand. its been 2 years twice as long, im tired now just tired.., not sad not happy not depressed, im nothing, just tired...
Joshua Michael Dec 2016
Pen in hand ink hasn't flown yet.
Deep in thoughts, deep in my head.
Smoke rings flow out on a coarse set.  Ironic,It twists into a delicate infinity,
Then slowly fades away.
My mind is now empty,
My thoughts all astray.
Sometimes you just need a cigarette
Joshua Michael Aug 2018
We drive on
But in the steps of time
We are mere electrons
In the eternal slime
Joshua Michael Mar 2018
Its the feeling you get when your mind is a war zone, a warped home where grimmy thoughts roam, with no guidance or support zone, your so frightened to fight it on your own. More poems of suicide and self harm, you ever dreamt you died and felt calm? Just a truant mind with health crimes, help cant cure a ruined life in Hell's palms. You fell in to a ditch and because of it popping bottles of pills that you mixing your ***** with, then nodding off a bit picturing god and all of it, a doctors on the phone telling you to ***** it. Consistently monitored, the alcohol, the quiting , the six, seven seizures, its the moment a schizophrenic freezes, hearing a voice that whispers when it pleases, the vigilant bulimic, the obsessive and compulsive,the bipolar mood swing and stomach ulcers. Its the hidden issues that the medicine alters. Its the judgmental that the depression repulses ,the anxiety, the psychs with the notes, the post traumatic stress and the vices to cope. The prices of dope,the ice in the pipe that you smoke. The knife the rope, the temptation of slicing your throat. Its the stigma determined to scare you, when the bourbon your served is your urgent repairer. When not feeling nervous becomes rarer and your mom quits  her job to become your permanent carer. Its the psychotic episodes, the days that you lost seeking help, but being crazy isn't something I am ashamed to admit, so stay strong anybody who relates to this, please.
Joshua Michael Mar 2018
Its that feeling you get on the brink of a rough patch
You rush back to the drinking and just crash
You act different, distant and drunk as...
One bad binge then you blink and the cuffs latch
You drink *****, snooze and withdraw
Usually fall, puking and refusing to crawl
Wake up no memories confused at it all
Then a tear surfaces with nervousness
The darkness reemerges, asking is it really worth this
Na but pretend its fun
So fun you don't need a friend when your drunk
Just a loner on a balcony tempted to jump
To mend it with a thump can end it at once
Some days we trip when it rains
Cause the brain can slip
But staying strong though it
Hope someone related to this
Joshua Michael Jul 2018
You made me feel unwanted
by all the things you did not say,
a simple goodnight, how was your day?
Joshua Michael Aug 2018
I walked passed the park today
You where between the trees as they sway
It was a day dream, my imagination
A tear shed in my eye to this realization

This whole town now tainted
Memories of you everywhere, all dated
Home now feels hollow missing you
I have to leave to somewhere new

I have to find home again
I have to find you
...
It's you, it's meant to be you, it will always be you
Joshua Michael Mar 2018
Days may go, days may fade
Drifting with the cigarettes sway
But the days of you never leave
Ingrained like the smoke on my sleeve

Etched is this addiction to my soul
Your eyes,touch and all of you whole
You are laced with nicotine
The essence of what is my fiend

The existence of you is what I breath
You an addiction I'll never leave

— The End —