2 days ago

I'm dreaming
of laying in a field
of wild poppies.
Their fragrance
sweet as sugar.
Their petals
softer than silk.
I imagine
them wrapping
around me,
soothing me,
singing lullabies,
as I slowly
drift up high
into infinity.
Where the moon
shines bright
guarding the heavens.
I will kneel
before her,
asking her
to hang me
as one of her
most beautiful
stars in the sky.

~ infinity ~
#love   #sadness   #heroin   #dreams   #poppies   #lullabies  
4 days ago

I have been seduced down a wormhole by the cheerful insanity of addiction. My brain, pleasure sensors within, flicker with half words unsaid while ticker taping away silently jerkingly forward without memory. I can feel my blood as venom, as desert crude, lying waste, burping, pleading. My words are without meaning and my veins begin to clot with razor blade richness, chlorine, and those anti-depressants.

Burbling with heartburn, a fractionalized robotic voice painfully began to speak. Summon me into the red ionic darkness over checkerboard horizons and heads up displays. Bring my heart forward with tripping, staggering defeat, seduced deeply by the will to seed. And wither all those hearts that wander to and fro between pages of history with no spear and with no stone. All my chains of command have been bludgeoned into madness, half wittingly, have knowing not of any dishonesty, lying naked, still tarrying the blows.

The needle and my H are the last true disciples of Christ. Romans cascade down through wilderness sages on the wings of the Renaissance into new age illusions. A new history of warfare as subtly begun on my dying body feeling cold. Feeling crisp on the height of a sky high glacier, I am so swallowed by darkness, no light, but a crimson red faintly behind my eyelids. Starless and bible black, true grounds for the blues, spacing out the witnesses while deceived; harshly teased by some demonic ruse. This ain’t no sickness, this ain’t no joke. Deception of the Thrush sings the only song we could never know.

death song
#poem   #addiction   #depression   #life   #death   #anxiety   #heroin   #christ  

You entered into my bloodstream just like the drug I was once so hooked on.
You said, “At least you can see your ghosts, mine prefer whispering things into my ears and never showing themselves.”
I laughed because what else was there to do. You smiled, too.
I told you never to be like me; never to act like one of the ghosts that hovered around and stifled you.
You said that every time you saw me then, you couldn’t help but see a blue light glowing around me.
You said I reminded you of hospital bathrooms and lies and imperfections. I reminded you of thin needles and punctured skin.
I was just glad we were finally getting somewhere, getting to know each other.
And I was glad you never asked why all my poems were written in the past tense, too.

let's not pretend the reason i have all these scars is because i was sad.
dots and not lines.
#love   #heartbreak   #lies   #addiction   #death   #drugs   #heroin   #blue   #unrequited   #hospital  

You forget how to love her and she forgets what it’s like to feel like there’s enough oxygen in her lungs. Oddly spaced breaths and too much blinking – how can she even walk in a straight line these days? You’ll go right, knowing she’ll go left and you’ll lose sleep over it because what you think is best always turns out to be the worst mistake. And you promised her you’d stop trying to solve all your problems by drowning yourself in alcohol and in return she granted you the softness of her skin, the brightness of her smile. Without your drinks – you aren’t yourself. That’s what you tell her. She laughs and tells you she knows who you are, don't worry. And you don’t understand because you don’t even know who you are but you’ll believe just about anything if it means getting out of this and being able to hold on to her and her jasmine scent. She's just like spring; and where you live there's only ever two seasons.

my hands never stop shaking, i'm tired of winter
#love   #heartbreak   #addiction   #death   #heroin   #loss   #winter   #her   #spring   #unrequited  
Feb 22

Fly high!
That's what they'll say,
after you wreck your car
and spill your brains.

They won't know--
or maybe they will.
Heroin tomb,
disguised as "wonderful daughter,
great friend."

Everyone has earplugs,
blindfolds too.
The epidemic is supplying
some for you.

Russian roulette
has some competition.
This ain't some new

Nobody cares--
it's not them.
Nobody cares--
unless it's them.
But it's too late by then.

#sad   #dying   #pills   #drugs   #heroin   #drug   #killing   #opiates   #fuckheroin   #drugepidemic  

It started as a puncture,
but the seam slowly ripped;
a thimble can't protect
from a poison needle tip.

She tried to mend it
by making more holes;
the tear only grew
and grew out of control.

At the spinning wheel
her life would quickly dwindle;
frantic attempts to hem
were depleting the spindle.

What started as a puncture
of seductive sedation
fueled the abuse
of machined perforation.

"Don't mourn a living corpse"
were the last words she said
as she drew the needle
that held the last thread.

#addiction   #life   #death   #heroin   #needle   #thread   #sewing  

I saw an old friend today.
She'd aged 30 years
in the few she'd been away.

Her former glow is all but gone,
No spark behind her green eyes.
Little more than skin and bone.

Time takes us all for a ride,
And leaves the marks on us
To check our faith and pride

But the woman I saw was not
A victim of time, no,
Her fate has been hand-wrought

My heart is broken, I fought tears
While she stood there
Recounting addiction that had added those years

I saw an old friend today
That time and heroin have taken away.
She says she's clean,
Trying to get her shit together.
Her face is skeletal,
The track-marks got her arms like leather.
But she says she's better.
It's hard, but she's better.
She just needs a break,
And if the world will let her
A chance to come back,
A chance to start over,
She says she's clean again,
She tells me she loves me,
And that last part is the straw
That breaks my emotional back,
And the pain in my chest
Feels like a heart attack
And I hugged her as if
I'd never see her again.
And begged any God that would listen
To prove me wrong.

I know I'm typically tighter with form and pattern and syllable counts, but this is some emotional work. I'm not even proofreading.  I'm a mess right now.  My little podunk home town is a opiate wasteland and seeing somebody that I love so much looking like death really gave it "a face", so to speak.  Pardon my language, but FUCK HEROIN, and the people that sell it.  And while we're at it, the doctors that get people hooked on the legal stuff.
#sad   #addiction   #life   #heroin   #sickness  

L/ yesterdave, I can picture Glaswegian Dave
w/ his Robert Plant locks (sebaceous oils hairoically
serving this roughsleeping Jock), embroiled in t/ usual
skelartries of vagrants w/ SKOL arteries:
sherry, heroin, needlesheroin shenanigans
& shenanipettycrime. Tucking into some horse
w/ no need f/ a pairofteeth, after a Specialbrew aperitif,
then some post 'iccup pisticuffs w/ crabby cabbies
down Tesco taxirank. They drove away, but he drank
& stayed & stayed & stayed. Dave
also got my grunger brother from another mother,
Koopa Trooper's lil' sis in t/ familyway at 14. Kudos
to underage Liz tho', being wooed
by such a tatterdemalionmaned skaggis,
Sideshow Boabbarneted smackonteur
- love is, after all, showbiz. Anyhoo, 1 time
Glaswegian Dave regaled me w/ a gouch down memorylane,
of riding pillion on a furshlugginer chromeboneshaker deathtrap,
revved by a fellow fuckhead porridgewog across
t/ Forth Bridge at breakneck Braveheart brums,
a Highlandwind afroing his Robert Plant mane
(preserved so remarkably,  I must reremark,  
by sebaceous oils, despite a lifetime
on t/ slabs & on t/ tiles), w/ a deathwrap
of Deadly Nightshade, belladonna sellotaped
under his armpit. Dave davulged that  t/ trick
was to rip that bellotaped selladonna
off t/ 2nd  you felt toxin titillate
t/ psycho-attic sweet spot, or
'Ma hert widhae exploded, laddie, at 90 miles an oor!

A typical Gen Xer deathwish teen at t/ time,
that oxterry devil's cherry deathcultmystery
& armpit raspberry to life, Atropic trip
on a murderbike sounded l/ a ride home to me.

If anyone considers 'porridgewog' racist, they really need to get a life.
Feb 11

Keep your friends close
but your enemies closer

That why I keep you
right under my nose
and right at the
edge of my skin
just above
my favorite vein

a bittersweet reminder
of the chaos

far enough away
so I don't destroy myself

just yet

You never leave my mind
although you're absent
from my blood
It's been three long years
since I've used you
as a crutch

I imagine we'll meet again
when I'm too old
to live alone
Wasting away the last
of my days
in a fucking nursing home

I'll order you like room service,
it'll be just like
old times
The nurse that brings you in,
an angel working
on the devil's dime

Institutionalized again,
the first time
to wash me clean
Another supervised rodeo,
this time
to make a fiend

I honestly can't wait

Rehab to rid myself of you, the nursing home will bring you back. I hate you almost as much as I love you.
#heroin   #opiates  

i watch you
rockin' and noddin'

my heart swoons

rockin' and noddin'
that's all your body can do

blood inside your sleeves
puke and piss on the floor

my mama heart
my mama heart

your precious heart

this mama heart
can't take no more

Copyright © 2017.
Christi Michaels.
MoonFlower Fluer de Luna
All Rights Reserved.

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