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Lace Nov 2018
Notice me.
Say you’re proud.
Something.
Everyday, you cross my mind.
I hate to complain.
But why are you the way that you are?
Who hurt you?
And who were you before that?
Do you care to explain?
I’m standing in the rain and I just want a call but I fear the silence that still remains.
I just want something.
Everyday I feel like I’m crawling out from underneath all of the what if’s in my brain.
You never show me anything.
Do you understand this pain?
Tell me something, anything


Please explain.
Lace Dec 2018
Maybe life is meant to be this way
Maybe it’s suppose to all fade away
Once in a while we need a break
From the bland and mundane day to day


I have reminders in my mind
Every single day
From when you would scream
And throw a fit to get your way

I’ve grown
And I hope you have, too
Lace Nov 2018
My heart is racing.
I feel sick.
My anxiety knows me better

than anyone.
Lace Dec 2018
you are the corner of my eye
the pizza of my pie
the apple of my
                            cornea
Lace Jul 2019
Mind racing
Angry pacing
Not breathing
Inwardly seething

Chit, chat, chatter
I want to climb down the ladder

This constant game
My mind, I can’t tame

Bipolar express
Unbearable
I’m a mess

Constantly fearing
My chemicals veering
Down a different path
How long this time?

So high that I can’t come down
So low that I...

Bed.
Can’t get out.

H E A D

Can’t
                   get


              out.
Help
Lace Nov 2018
Cut it up
Lay it out
In a line
Let’s go

Take me places
I don’t know
In a line
Let’s go

Conga line
It feels fine
In a line
Let’s go
Lace Dec 2018
Smokin’
Chokin’
Trying to catch some air.

It’s December....

and there is

                    sadness
                                   ­    everywhere.
Lace Nov 2018
It’s loud.
It’s violent.
It’s ringing in my ears.

It’s nothing.
It’s nothing.

My thoughts stop.
I hear it again.
The overwhelming sound

of silence.
Lace Sep 2019
A part of me died
When my brother
Was laying motionless
In a yellow shirt

It's an image
That
Won't
Go
Away
Lace Dec 2018
It’s December

and

             it’s getting worse
and worse
             and worse
and worse
             and worse.
Lace Jun 2019
I see people
through
a one way mirror.
Transparent to me,
dark to them.

I see myself
through
a piece of frosted glass.
Lace May 2019
The old me was numb and high.
The new me is sober and dry.
Do you like this version?
Neither do I.
It’s been 6 years
of this viscous cycle,
it was eating me alive.
But what is life
if not just a never ending cycle
of training our mind
until we

                              die.
Lace Sep 2019
I'm gullible
I crave sincerity
I'm fragile
That's not a lie
Lace Sep 2019
Relaxing causes astigmatism

Sights of lights

Vision blurs out

And fades away
ngl
Lace Feb 2022
ngl
Cheeks aching
Thighs shaking

Am I alive?
Are you real?
I like how this feel     s
Lace Nov 2018
Can’t sleep.
Can’t reply.
I have no words
for this heart of mine.
Lace Nov 2019
Ache in my chest
A shake in my hands
Zoned out gaze
I saw this coming
I like to ignore
The red flags
Lace Aug 2019
Bright appearance
Blue eyes
All those little lies

Treating me like nothing
Sometimes there
Acting like you care

Maybe you do
I know you’re not here anymore
And with that let me say
I no longer mourn
Lace Nov 2018
Winter is cold knuckles
and
wet socks.
Closing your eyes to the cold wind
and
shaking.

Winter is not being able to
get
out of bed.
Disassociating to the point
of
mania.

Winter is standing outside
to
feel something.
Never telling anyone that you can’t
*******
breathe.

Winter is how you made me feel
deep down
inside.
I need to get in touch with
the other
seasons.

Until next year
Lace Aug 2019
Eyes wide at 5 AM
I can’t tame them
My thoughts are miles away
Might as well call it mind decay

I drive in circles for hours
My fear hovers over it me, it towers
Just pick up the phone
No one will know, you’re alone

The cravings won’t stop
My thoughts are the robbers
And my common sense is the cop

Not very well trained
My brain is strained

Jump out of bed
Jolts through my feet like a knife
I’m on the run again
I have to choose
Lace Jul 2019
It’s my own dilemma, really.
I gave you the power

To
            Break
      My
                            ­                 Heart.
Lace Sep 2019
The color yellow is
Overwhelming
The color yellow is
Heavy and hard
The color yellow is
Panic and pain
The color yellow is
Nightmares and not
Being able to breathe
The color yellow is
Images glued to the
Inside of my brain
The color yellow is
Drastically changing
The color yellow is
Transforming into
         Sunshine
Instead of
                         Rain

— The End —