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May 2021 · 250
To begin
Lace May 2021
our relationship was purgatory
a couple of suffering sinners
pushing and pulling a cup
that neither of us could fill
both intentional and accidental
a magnet from within
i erased all of your photos
what felt like on a whim
feeling pretty empty about it
just like the cup was
To begin
Nov 2019 · 305
Red flags
Lace Nov 2019
Ache in my chest
A shake in my hands
Zoned out gaze
I saw this coming
I like to ignore
The red flags
Nov 2019 · 242
Untouchable
Lace Nov 2019
The fear originates in the fact
That
Even when you're in my arms
You
Have your own agenda
But
That's where the beauty shines through
You
Decide your own path
Oct 2019 · 239
Young Love
Lace Oct 2019
Holding your gaze
And your face
And your body
As close as I can
Sep 2019 · 606
Loving You is Easy
Lace Sep 2019
Love used to
hurt.
Love used to
be hard.
Love used to
scare me.
Love used to
make me cry.
Loving you
doesn't hurt.
Loving you
isn't hard.
Loving you
doesn't scare me.
Loving you
doesn't make me cry.
Loving you
is easy.
Love isn't
what it used to be.
Love is no longer
hard.
Sep 2019 · 400
Indecisive
Lace Sep 2019
I can't ever
Make up
My mind
But with you
I don't have
A decision
Sep 2019 · 8.7k
Touch
Lace Sep 2019
Hands
All over me
Up and down
In and out
Breathing faster
That's no doubt
Love me raw
Make me pout
Sep 2019 · 669
Love Me
Lace Sep 2019
I'm gullible
I crave sincerity
I'm fragile
That's not a lie
Sep 2019 · 512
World
Lace Sep 2019
She belongs to the world
And I belong to her
For she is my
Whole
          World
Sep 2019 · 307
Complete
Lace Sep 2019
There is beauty in life
There is beauty in your soul
You're the piece
Intertwined within me
That makes me feel
Whole
Sep 2019 · 191
Your Gaze
Lace Sep 2019
Your gaze holds me hostage
And to you
I subdue.
Sep 2019 · 159
Witches in the Woods
Lace Sep 2019
Wisconsin
Cheese
Falling to my knees
I'm falling
It doesn't hurt
Your gaze holds me hostage
And to you, I subdue.
Sep 2019 · 376
Hold on Tight
Sep 2019 · 1.6k
Yellow
Lace Sep 2019
The color yellow is
Overwhelming
The color yellow is
Heavy and hard
The color yellow is
Panic and pain
The color yellow is
Nightmares and not
Being able to breathe
The color yellow is
Images glued to the
Inside of my brain
The color yellow is
Drastically changing
The color yellow is
Transforming into
         Sunshine
Instead of
                         Rain
Sep 2019 · 200
Death
Lace Sep 2019
A part of me died
When my brother
Was laying motionless
In a yellow shirt

It's an image
That
Won't
Go
Away
Sep 2019 · 554
The One
Lace Sep 2019
When you look at me with those
eyes

My heart
soars

My soul
sighs
Meg 9.8.19
Sep 2019 · 462
At Peace
Lace Sep 2019
Your eyes peered straight into the depths of my soul and whispered, "Welcome Home."
Sep 2019 · 279
2:04AM
Lace Sep 2019
You got my zodiac wrong.
Your inhibitions were down;
you came off headstrong.

I can't even picture what you look like.
I just notice when your energy is gone.
It's as if there is this magnetic pull
and it's overwhelming strong.

The fear of having no fear
is quite a mysterious conundrum.
Over time my heart had grown cold
and for you, I believe, it has longed.

I've never felt anything quite like this
and I'm starting to sing along
to all of the words in the songs.
I'm starting to feel myself coming alive.

Suddenly I am seeing things
from a different perspective,
through the rose colored glasses
that I took off when I was a little kid.
Aug 2019 · 246
Sunday morning
Lace Aug 2019
Eyes wide at 5 AM
I can’t tame them
My thoughts are miles away
Might as well call it mind decay

I drive in circles for hours
My fear hovers over it me, it towers
Just pick up the phone
No one will know, you’re alone

The cravings won’t stop
My thoughts are the robbers
And my common sense is the cop

Not very well trained
My brain is strained

Jump out of bed
Jolts through my feet like a knife
I’m on the run again
I have to choose
Aug 2019 · 2.3k
Reminder
Lace Aug 2019
Bright appearance
Blue eyes
All those little lies

Treating me like nothing
Sometimes there
Acting like you care

Maybe you do
I know you’re not here anymore
And with that let me say
I no longer mourn
Jul 2019 · 339
Bipolar 1
Lace Jul 2019
Mind racing
Angry pacing
Not breathing
Inwardly seething

Chit, chat, chatter
I want to climb down the ladder

This constant game
My mind, I can’t tame

Bipolar express
Unbearable
I’m a mess

Constantly fearing
My chemicals veering
Down a different path
How long this time?

So high that I can’t come down
So low that I...

Bed.
Can’t get out.

H E A D

Can’t
                   get


              out.
Help
Jul 2019 · 152
The Power
Lace Jul 2019
It’s my own dilemma, really.
I gave you the power

To
            Break
      My
                            ­                 Heart.
Jul 2019 · 676
Violently Clean
Lace Jul 2019
Another day goes by
Dealing with cravings and my pride
The signals in my brain short out and scream
I dream about getting high

Drowning
Gasping
Afraid

Swallowed by the thoughts in my mind
I go to a quiet place
Feel the sun shining on my face
And everything is okay
For a moment

Then it's gone

Numb
Quiet
Pain

They say one day at a time
But what about the night
The demons of this disease
Are putting up a good fight

The head and the heart
Make fighting a form of art

Pensive
Overbearing
Can't breathe

They say

One
Day
At
A
Time

But I'll fight
Day and Night
I'll get this right
25 days clean
Jun 2019 · 471
Day Eight ... De(L)ight
Lace Jun 2019
It's taken time to admit
That I was going under
Drowning in my use

A storm was brewing inside
Bright lights and the thunder
Ready to hang from a noose

Guilt, shame and a racing mind
It was time to choose
Do I want to live

Or am I ready to lose

Little did I know
What I was about to do

Looking in the mirror
I picked up the phone
And called the man who did most of the abuse
He listened and informed me
That there is hope

I'm on day eight in rehab
The dark circles are gone
I'm alive for a reason
It's my choice to choose
Thank you for cutting the noose, Dad.
Jun 2019 · 228
Frosted Glass
Lace Jun 2019
I see people
through
a one way mirror.
Transparent to me,
dark to them.

I see myself
through
a piece of frosted glass.
Jun 2019 · 54
28 days
Lace Jun 2019
Admissions
Losing my commissions
Gaining accountability
Maybe some reliability
Who I am
Is the question
No more life lines
More than fine
Now is the time
May 2019 · 314
Life’s a Ride
Lace May 2019
The old me was numb and high.
The new me is sober and dry.
Do you like this version?
Neither do I.
It’s been 6 years
of this viscous cycle,
it was eating me alive.
But what is life
if not just a never ending cycle
of training our mind
until we

                              die.
Dec 2018 · 222
Apple of my Eye
Lace Dec 2018
you are the corner of my eye
the pizza of my pie
the apple of my
                            cornea
Lace Dec 2018
Smokin’
Chokin’
Trying to catch some air.

It’s December....

and there is

                    sadness
                                   ­    everywhere.
Dec 2018 · 142
December
Lace Dec 2018
It’s December

and

             it’s getting worse
and worse
             and worse
and worse
             and worse.
Dec 2018 · 74
2000 something
Lace Dec 2018
Maybe life is meant to be this way
Maybe it’s suppose to all fade away
Once in a while we need a break
From the bland and mundane day to day


I have reminders in my mind
Every single day
From when you would scream
And throw a fit to get your way

I’ve grown
And I hope you have, too
Nov 2018 · 270
Blow
Lace Nov 2018
Cut it up
Lay it out
In a line
Let’s go

Take me places
I don’t know
In a line
Let’s go

Conga line
It feels fine
In a line
Let’s go
Nov 2018 · 275
Nope
Lace Nov 2018
Can’t sleep.
Can’t reply.
I have no words
for this heart of mine.
Nov 2018 · 102
Deafening
Lace Nov 2018
It’s loud.
It’s violent.
It’s ringing in my ears.

It’s nothing.
It’s nothing.

My thoughts stop.
I hear it again.
The overwhelming sound

of silence.
Nov 2018 · 357
Seasons
Lace Nov 2018
Winter is cold knuckles
and
wet socks.
Closing your eyes to the cold wind
and
shaking.

Winter is not being able to
get
out of bed.
Disassociating to the point
of
mania.

Winter is standing outside
to
feel something.
Never telling anyone that you can’t
*******
breathe.

Winter is how you made me feel
deep down
inside.
I need to get in touch with
the other
seasons.

Until next year
Nov 2018 · 1.1k
Anxious Alice
Lace Nov 2018
My heart is racing.
I feel sick.
My anxiety knows me better

than anyone.
Nov 2018 · 96
1954
Lace Nov 2018
Notice me.
Say you’re proud.
Something.
Everyday, you cross my mind.
I hate to complain.
But why are you the way that you are?
Who hurt you?
And who were you before that?
Do you care to explain?
I’m standing in the rain and I just want a call but I fear the silence that still remains.
I just want something.
Everyday I feel like I’m crawling out from underneath all of the what if’s in my brain.
You never show me anything.
Do you understand this pain?
Tell me something, anything


Please explain.

— The End —