By Arcassin Burnham

Sectioning out the number of loses in my
History from exs to family,
There's a thing called holy Trinity,
Hope my life will get better soon from all the
Healing,
If there was a chance,
Id take it,
I'm ready and willing,
I usually stay out of problems that my neighborhood
Portrays,
Got a bundle full of fake friends that simply know
My name,
Had to hold on to the memories of prices I paid,
But after awhile I got tired and just perished away,
Now that I'm operation ghost I can not speak to anyone,
Stay inside everyday and paranoia is really fun,
Sarcasm is one of the things I picked up from this
Experience,
I'm changing all of my appearances to something
More conspicuous,
This is getting more and more ridiculous,
And I just keep fighting this anxiety while I stay
Anonymous,
Staying hidden from the world,  no more psychiatrists,
You think I'm missing sanity well I'm not missing this,
I just hope I'm in the clear.

I do not write to be cruel
I write to survive

I've seen what work mental illness makes out of people.
Self harm, drugs, drink, sectioning, suicide

Write to make sane the insane world
To ponder out the life I have lived
Tis better on paper, than on skin.

Tis better to be writing than hanging.

I want to leave my mark on this earth
With words.

Words enlighten, words frighten
Words teach, Words fight

You taught me my words
Now let me use them.

And lets hope I will reach 30
For if I don't, least you may have my words
When all else is gone.

i told her she didn't want
to get involved, but she
told me that she was
going to be,
anyway.

and i was a little
relieved that someone
had gone through
the trouble of making
that decision
for me.

you scare me to death,
like i'm the one to be
scared.

but when you show me
that part of your thigh
that you haven't shown
to that many people,
i start sectioning off
my body with the tiny
pencil i keep in my
nightstand to
keep score.

i told her she knew
she'd regret it.

i knew i could
prove her wrong
if i wanted.

abyss tried left pulling untitled beauty scales heavy chase lies shoulders flew starvation body rough broke veins water crawling beat angel sun slow fly looked morning hear walls wake live touch need blame wasn't looking gave stand whirled planet want way know pair inside hold thousands going gravity friends different universe sparks end help trance million lungs pumped oh hand struggle spine mirror bleeding surely crave suddenly draw rasp clouds face smile rushes pooling feet calls shatter glance circuited risk catch danced seeing eye pieces jumps irresistible false barefoot blow stretching helium hair-trigger deserve near wall trail wish told tip razor requiring staining pure holding un-calculated precarious short health think scare drowned tight light proportioning maybe arm filled hair fight spins centre loose vulnerable lightest balanced noticed step rope stains rot wanting deserved realized bitter connection set instead selfish cast shame blamed aside shut overwhelmed factories ***** stretch roads lattice toxic nations sores polluting cities smog mechanical landscape great guilt affection mistakes forgive ate actions intimacy tsunami given fine tired self-pity free decay came lied signs smiling doubt small fault passion words fell admit default finally true matter wounded cope pride strength burning submit okay best paint hate reading realize listening music eating lonely walking child dreamt heat bystanders wound deaf glassy sunken opened sat hidden knew sneers smoke reflection arched web lovers mother drinking beasts ***** lines rivers blameless spewing sectioning leaving asphalt blistered whilst scattered plagued villages birds peace tea countryside scars machines torn 'civilization' tarmac land etched earth towns war sprawling rip snowed forced symmetry choose changed big flakes flurrie touched shall soul follow hunt new yesterday lasted brothers seconds adapt fluid hard wet state whirling fluffy liquid ground jewles crown adorn suffocating stones ran cloying caught burst silent beneath crept shredding numbness crawled got moss moon wear does soars wingless anguish dark course retreated rushed covered festered decaying princesses lie faeries dance hide mountains 1157 feelings sameness year change forward quite happy roar everyone's lives tall wide river dreams swim cries spirits phoenixes dragons soar conversations minuets savor overwhelming single remember unable devastating mermaids beings humans weak force unmeasurable bold consume makes afar repeating shining existence space comprehend the entities human humanity vivid insignificance infinitesimal embodied edges pressure grow thought jealous inner size weight felt voice downfall thing vast seduced strong galaxy whispered plot artistry belong struggled visible prison make systematic shrunk suns carry captivity constellations lazy rigorous impulsive tons understanding term wants loner unrealistic introverted perpetual personal care-free contradiction long extrovert unhealthy rational bullshitter therapist competitive energetic detached planner burn honest optimist mediator fit hot grating mold grime weighing fingers humid disintegrated rushing faltered sockets scramble chest frantically impenetrable reason disease silence sound gasped closed fled drowning nose faded choked insects stench rationality peals drown couldn't wondrous inspired unsaid settled smaller held expanse hostage began bars lucid sleep open mess sea rest consumes not to afloat darkness little elusive try movements attracted like mind heart stars life eyes world broken just feel time blood screamed pain bring throat nature wrong breath images thoughts apart wanted glass filling anymore hope humanity skin ripping look mouth head fantasy panic hands away human brain ears air saw balance kept pass cold white fall delicate structure

All the songs we played,
I thought they were about us.
All the stories they told,
I thought they reminded you of me.
All my walls, I let crumble
and I replayed those songs
like a storm and an anthem.
I dreamt of when they had meaning

Signs you never saw and
I was blindsided by the call so
my walls did crumble,
but I never let them fall.

I can now hear the wind mumble
I don't need its protection anymore.

Collecting items, slamming doors
and the plans you ignored

We were supposed to keep the time,
Carry the tune,
Rest our worried minds,
We were never supposed to outlast the changing seasons
and I can't disregard your reasons.

I can sleep alone
and I can follow a trail while
I continue to roam.
You always walked without creativity
and moved like a chain of reactivity.

I just wanted to loosen one chain
because you carry all the blame
that colors your past
and trickles like beads of sweat down
the mask
of your ship that you sail
insecurely with pride
and all along,
my expectation was simply
that I was just along for the ride

I had no destination in mind
and in my forced leave
I unraveled the weave

The beautiful mess
we created a life around
and the happiness we found
terrified and drained you.

I forgot that when I met you,
I already knew.
How you needed your chains
you needed the pain.

So you poison sun beams
and search for darkness in summer afternoons

Sectioning your life into hotel rooms
and that little rain cloud that looms
and follows you into every room
I thought were trying to escape,
but I learned it was more of a cape
or a badge you displayed
of past roads you have paved
and followed to a beginning
that was was supposed to be new,
but you live in repetition.

Thinking resolution is found
in the color blue.
All along missing the patterns of mistakes
and the souls you slowly crack then break.

There is no way to find restoration
in this healing process without a destination.
but I know I can't compete
or point out those grainy mistakes
that create a sandy wake
you travel in front of

I could feel your love
but it was true to the darkness
We were just tangled in a mess of lies
from the moment we met
you wanted to unravel every sun rise
but had given up on it by sunset.

I woke up to the fact that I've been compartmentalizing people.

Sectioning off different aspects of their personality and treating them like strangers.

As if they aren't just one and the same.

It's gotten me in trouble to fall in love with
The good you's and developing too much leniency for the bad you's.

Almost ignoring the bad altogether.

But sometimes we have to put it altogether to accurately make an assessment on someone's character and if we really love them,
And even if you really love them,
Is it safe for you to love them?

I can't hide from the whole anymore.

Its gotta be all or nothing.

I cannot continue to compartmentalize
Each aspect of my life
Individually
Separately
In cardboard boxes on wooden shelves
Waiting to be moved into one house.

My existence does not work in cubicles
Sectioning off each area of who I am
One by one
9-5 jobs
Some work overtime.

And yet, I do this so frequently
I continue to store things away
In the back ruins and corners of my mind
They go into storage units.
I guess I picked up the technique after being abused
So I could dissociate from the experience.

But I cannot keep putting on different identity hats
Sarah, the child abuse victim is a black beanie
Sarah, the ex-cutter and ex-bulimic is a red bandana
Sarah with daddy problems is a knit cap
They are all mutually exclusive
They cannot occur at the same time.

So why can't I continue to shelve these things
Intricately and one by one?
Because I am Sarah
The whole person
The individual
The human being who deserves recognition for her progress
Not her vices.

burn me down
like Babylon
consume my flesh with fire
unquenchable
Desire

Raze me to the ground
scatter every brick
To the four winds
bury me
like Osiris
divided
divine sectioning
seconding
Sacralizing

phallicizing
Pour your living waters
down my throat
into my belly
and up from beneath

holify me
gushing, rushing
Living Water
sacral ******* water

energize me
Wholify me
receive me
willingly, this sacrifice
please me
please me
pacify me

resurrect me
Holify me
living waters never quench
Holy fire
Lavafy me
Molten living metals
running through every channel
veins, arteries, capillaries, nadis

Open me
i, the channel, emptied
eradicate me
Split me up the middle
reverse my topology
Outside like the Inside
precisely as the Inside

I receive you
Open me, Penetrate me
lava flowing up Inside me

like the infinite Outside
show me
the unbounded Abyss within
mirror still
Lake Placid
reflecting
Perfectly
not a ripple
but still vibrating
Energy
forever on fire
Lake Salome
the gushing wet birth
of the twenty-four-sided Jerusalem
forever on fire

the compartmentalising
sectioning off
apart, separate, lives lived

the confusion of persons
who they are
what they do

come together
slowly healed
the meditation of love

Word of the 'SSSSS'
Austere as yeast in formidable winter snow,
tosssed from sssunken cobbled English shack, struts
       tied by ample legged wires to housess of bare boness
            and break neck...  fairytalessss ...
"void are the prohibitssss now" said the sssanake
   and full crucible of wieght dashes  splinters of
leads and copper wispsss that only the dark can sssseee
and knows the laws of the takesssss
          Scythes dances and ssysstemss  a xylophone void
                               introverted frail call to step by sstep by
                                                        ssstep pounding ssstep!
         The feeble minded prey acquires my touch feel
      and wanton disgracesessss "I shall **** yee sss my
little unchained peachy mutton chop!" though jabs
saliva ringing the ground bury blood before
and after such was known, so ssory..
the simple Sandra D didn't
       know to walk by my tree and
        the night of the sssnake!
     And Eve took the first bite of the apple but ultimately
         what was learned?... A vat turning vapid or strains of
                Demonthankyig ancient webs spun silken worm
                     negligees no easier than supple thoughts betray
                            they burn and singe the fire is a coy thunderous
     lightening strike on the weaning little break in the toes
of light that step foot here... "ahhh that's better" said I
the snake no more lisp in my words?! but the constricts
      uh.. uhh.. constructs of my mind are
         still absurdsssss... hmm...
      "astress astresses.. no *****!the assertions!"...
    ...so easily so aesthetically theres she... is austere
with no simple selecting for the stake, for sake of sectioning  ssscertain.. Aus! So once holy
thunder beguiled thee, the intrepid
self now begotten by florid visions
of the dire, meal left on the
     pantry the continental shelf
        grown of breezzy sss and
            wave ssss and land ssss
                and'I'mssss able as
                 transcendentalist
                        sincerity.
       So it shall be this beauty did not pass but fed me!
                  And the equivalence of higher learning didst
                    so take the fire from the girth of mirth revived by
                     the thought I might be a flight of fancy of wits rather
                  than feckless for and feather brained for no reason but
                 to feed on the eventuality that governs all nature
          respectively...  survival of the ssssneakiesst... so you see
    were it not for the bit of you dear humans
         in me then the sworn enemy of the eternal
            staunch stalwart support haven of godly lifestyle
                might soon catapult its way down in a spiral of death
                     almost as if a mating eagle had found fortune and
                       purpose in it and off with thought and reverie so
                            soon as Satan had spoken a word! See how
                                  important thisss meal
                                         isss to me?!

Austere as yeast in formidable winter snow,
tosssed from sssunken cobbled English shack, struts
       tied by ample legged wires to housess of bare boness
            and break neck...  fairytalessss ...
"void are the prohibitssss now" said the sssanake
   and full crucible of wieght dashes  splinters of
leads and copper wispsss that only the dark can sssseee
and knows the laws of the takesssss
          Scythes dances and ssysstemss  a xylophone void
                               introverted frail call to step by sstep by
                                                        ssstep pounding ssstep!
         The feeble minded prey acquires my touch feel
      and wanton disgracesessss "I shall **** yee sss my
little unchained peachy mutton chop!" though jabs
saliva ringing the ground bury blood before
and after such was known, so ssory..
the simple Sandra D didn't
       know to walk by my tree and
        the night of the sssnake!
     And Eve took the first bite of the apple but ultimately
         what was learned?... A vat turning vapid or strains of
                Demonthankyig ancient webs spun silken worm
                     negligees no easier than supple thoughts betray
                            they burn and singe the fire is a coy thunderous
     lightening strike on the weaning little break in the toes
of light that step foot here... "ahhh that's better" said I
the snake no more lisp in my words?! but the constricts
      uh.. uhh.. constructs of my mind are
         still absurdsssss... hmm...
      "astress astresses.. no *****!the assertions!"...
    ...so easily so aesthetically theres she... is austere
with no simple selecting for the stake, for sake of sectioning  ssscertain.. Aus! So once holy
thunder beguiled thee, the intrepid
self now begotten by florid visions
of the dire, meal left on the
     pantry the continental shelf
        grown of breezzy sss and
            wave ssss and land ssss
                and'I'mssss able as
                 transcendentalist
                        sincerity.
       So it shall be this beauty did not pass but fed me!
                  And the equivalence of higher learning didst
                    so take the fire from the girth of mirth revived by
                     the thought I might be a flight of fancy of wits rather
                  than feckless for and feather brained for no reason but
                 to feed on the eventuality that governs all nature
          respectively...  survival of the ssssneakiesst... so you see
    were it not for the bit of you dear humans
         in me then the sworn enemy of the eternal
            staunch stalwart support haven of godly lifestyle
                might soon catapult its way down in a spiral of death
                     almost as if a mating eagle had found fortune and
                       purpose in it and off with thought and reverie so
                            soon as Satan had spoken a word! See how
                                  important thisss meal
                                         isss to me?!

We want freedom
We want equality
Equality to work! Equality to rock!
Equality to be -you dread it- ******! If you like the word
It's my pride - to be what you deny

Give me my feminism
But don't take the fun from me
Give me all that feminism
but don't take the spark from me
If it doesn't make me high, it's not it

Don't get inside my bed
and tell me to be a good girl!
Burn all your Gods
Heaven or earthly bound
No one ever tells me who to ****!

You all think you know much! But you don't know at all
Freedom is the aim! Freed from everything
We want men to be our friends, in and outside our bed
We don't need you, righteous people!
We don't need you, voice of reason!

Freedom to show my body, freedom to decide
Give us those rights, give us life
To fully explore and become people not stuff
Don't ever let us fall
down the rabbit hole
of their clonic boring mores

Right to get respect
for all we are, "no more sectioning of the self"
choosing between my two halves and picking the wildest one
What if I like to be a little naughty imp
when I am with him?

Right to be ourselves
not less
We are for real, we are here
So swallow back all that ****
I want my rights
Not laws about my lower parts