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Hayley Siebert Jan 2017
I'm a feminist.
I'm a feminist because 85000 women are ***** every year
I'm a feminist because domestic violence will effect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men
I'm a feminist because a woman has a right to wear no make up and a man has a right to wear make up
I'm a feminist because if a woman faces difficulty in terminating a pregnancy why doesn't the man for leaving in the first place?
I'm a feminist because a father has as much rights to his children as the mother
I'm a feminist because 1 in 5 women aged between 15 and 59 have experienced ****** assault
I'm a feminist because I believe in equal pay regardless of race, religion and gender
I'm a feminist because a 1/3 of people blame the victim for their **** or assault
I'm a feminist because 12000 men are ***** every year
I'm a feminist because I believe it is ok for men to cry!
I'm a feminist because male victims of abuse deserve the same support as females
I'm a feminist because most women in the UK do not have access to a **** crisis center
I'm a feminist because what I do with my ****** shouldn't determine my self worth
I'm a feminist because there are 5700 cases of FGM in the UK alone
I'm a feminist because a women has a right to cover or uncover her body
I'm a feminist because middle aged men are the at the highest risk for suicide
I'm a feminist because who you fall in love with shouldn't be a sin
I'm a feminist because crimes against properties receive harsher punishments than crimes against a person
I'm a feminist because everyone has a right to say "No"
I'm a feminist because my position as a woman shouldn't be determined by whether I breed or not
I'm a feminist because no ones gender determines their career in life
I'm a feminist because my ****** shouldn't prevent or deter me from body modifications
I'm a feminist because women are far more likely to be assaulted or killed by their partners or ex partners
I'm a feminist because everyone has a right to education and health care
I'm a feminist because everyone has a right to practice their religion
I'm a feminist because being a man is not determined by the size of his ***** nor the amount of women he has ******
I'm a feminist because men can be pampered too
I'm a feminist because fathers deserve as much time as mothers off work to be with their children
I'm a feminist because manspreading is pathetic and sexist
I'm a feminist because of the Suffragette movement
I'm a feminist because of Elizabeth Tudor, Anne Boleyn, Boadicea , Cleopatra.
I'm a feminist because I needed no father to learn how to be strong, loud and powerful
I'm a feminist because my Mother raised me on her own
I'm a feminist because my mother inspired me to be as loud and as crazy as her
I'm a feminist because my father beat my mother
I'm a feminist because my uncle committed suicide
I'm a feminist because my brother is branded a freak for his mental illness
I'm a feminist because my sister is branded a scrounger for being a mother
I'm a feminist because I buy my boyfriend flowers and pay for meals and treats
I'm a feminist because the man who sexually abused me walked free
I'm a feminist because the ex that abused me branded me a *****
I'm a feminist because I can be as brutal as any man in the metal scene
I'm a feminist because songs shouldn't glorify **** or violence against women
I'm a feminist because being blonde doesn't mean I'm dumb
I'm a feminist because no one should touch anyone or grab their *****!
I'm a feminist because my pads and tampons are not a luxury but a necessity as I control control the bleeding from my womb
I'm a feminist because my breast tissue is no different from a mans yet why must I be shamed for uncovering them?
I'm a feminist because no ones bodies should be sexulised against their will
I'm a feminist because I shouldn't be made to wait until 25 to have a smear test
I'm a feminist because I came from no man's rib but a woman's womb!
I'm a feminist.

"I will have but one mistress here! And no master!"
Hayley Siebert Jan 2017
I do not write to be cruel
I write to survive

I've seen what work mental illness makes out of people.
Self harm, drugs, drink, sectioning, suicide

Write to make sane the insane world
To ponder out the life I have lived
Tis better on paper, than on skin.

Tis better to be writing than hanging.

I want to leave my mark on this earth
With words.

Words enlighten, words frighten
Words teach, Words fight

You taught me my words
Now let me use them.

And lets hope I will reach 30
For if I don't, least you may have my words
When all else is gone.
Hayley Siebert Jan 2017
I wish you knew me
but you don't.

Where were you!
I needed you!
As my father before, you left me

You two never left me when I was a babe!
When I was trapped in that glass box
The entrappings of wires and needles
of life machines, and sterile rooms

But, you left me now.

"You only did it for MY attention"
You are MY mother, it is natural for me to want your attention!
You always make it about "you"

Well allow me to do so.

I am ashamed of you!
You make me tremble and sick
You make me weep and cut
You make me thick with strife
You make me hate this life.

Why are my parents so toxic!

One's a woman beater, the others suicidal
This is about you.

I look at you, my mother and all I see is what I must force my eyes to see
Reality has come forward.
Truth has come forward.

You are the reason I do not want to become a mother!
Could I bear to put my own flesh and blood through
The horror you slew all us three through.

Could I bring forth life, only to want to abandon it in death!
Blame it! Shame it! Damage it!

How can I look to you?
When all I see is a mother who makes me hate my skin
My poor siblings, the 3 crucified

You think you know me.
The amount of men I gave myself too
Drunk and drugged myself up
Sliced myself as if I were butchers meat!
All because my Father and Mother are toxic!!!!

My father left me in life
You wished to leave me in death.
Me, Pig, Abby.
Look at your children. For you do not know them at all.

For if you did, why are each and everyone of us shattered?
*****? abused? rejected? forlorn?


When they find me, you will know I was never selfish
If you could leave me in death, so can I

And 30 years will have never been reached from 1993
Hayley Siebert Jan 2017
You tell me I'm selfish
But who was left to clean the blood?
Who left their children, for their love twas never good enough!
We were never good enough for you to live...
we were only good enough for you to die.

I took my fill, repeated history
as my uncle before me
walked between life and death
even before I left your womb
I was on the edge, between worlds
lost in the void

My heart stopped twice
And it has tried to stop ever since
all it has ever wanted, was to STOP

You were rushed out
with every peeping light
every flashing siren, every nurse and doctor
There is no power in motherhood
where death is concerned

Tiny little babe, with no air to breathe
no strength to thrive and no life to live
was forced yet to live

By "force" I mean you.

You call me selfish
40 intoxicating pills later
You call me selfish
A bloodied arm later
You call me selfish
23years later.

In truth I was forced to live
You are selfish
You forced me to live
a life you couldn't even live for...

You are selfish
because you failed to pull the plug
Hayley Siebert Dec 2016
The boy in the stripped pyjamas
The experiment of a Jew and Muslim
Schindler's list, the pianist
The blood on God's land
Of innocence, of Mother, daughter, son and Father

We have learned nothing
We play it on the cinema screen
We read it in the books
Yet? We have learned nothing

I am tired, tired of the pain..
Of the bloodshed, of the abuses
Of the wars, murders, rapes and doom

You look to history
What do you find?
Holocaust, slavery, war, witch hunts, inquisition
The hangman's noose
The stake, the torture chamber
The gas chamber  

They say "Its different now, we're civilised"
But you know in your heart of hearts
It is not...

70 years ago they thought they were civilised
200 years ago they thought they were civilised
600 years ago they thought they were civilised

This land is scorched
This land is tainted
Of a million souls
Christian, black, Jew, Muslim, human
And what have we learned?

**** all

The **** salute, The KKK
The Israeli fear, the trauma
The stolen Land, Standing rock!
Gaze strip, stripped of rights
Syria weeps! Towers struck
Virginity ripped, solider beheaded
Daughter's sold, Son's beaten
Trump has power
Nukes galore!
The Madonna burying her son!

We seek the scapegoat
Once twas women, twas Jew
Now its the women in a veil
My friend!

I will never force the hatred of the past into this present
I will walk side by side with her
Take her to the temple mount! The wailing wall!
Hold her hand and cry for Abraham and Muhammad to hear

We are all children of God!
Blood will not make the soil fertile
God forgive them

I see today in the chosen people's nation
The replay of history
A family torn from their beds
Homeless in death
At the mercy of a government that hates them
And soldiers that will **** them...

These people of God
Stricken by prejudiced, tormented by centuries
Will become the monsters, they so fear

I have no birthright to that land
No land baptised in blood is any land of mine!
Nor is it the land of my ancestors

6 million Jews did not die
So we may become the oppressors
To march in two by two
To tear away the Mother from her children!

No, no, no
I have no birthright, I gladly give it up
Give it back to the family, or sell it for charity
That land is no ones

It is Gods!

And look what you've done!
Oil in the ocean, gases in the sky!
Death of the splendid life

What have we done? What have we learned...

God forgive them
**They know not what they do
Hayley Siebert Dec 2016
I will always be a Siebert
I will live and die a Siebert

I will die before you do
My soul escaped my body,
in that glass box

My father
this man they all loathe
But cannot ****

They will **** me
Me and brother
never belonged

We have his blood
we were both strapped to a machine
We were both stricken of life

Lungs scarred
The voices are genetic
This introvert loneliness

This manic death
Slowly consuming me
I walk with my father's name

His shadow over my crown
This jewish rat! This stupid blonde dead baby
I will never belong

My brother calls out
He has my eyes
He sees what I see

Born of the same stock
Faces lost in books
Perspective of the world
from the view of education

Horst? Can you hear me
I am my father's daughter
I will always be a Siebert
This is how I will die

Like you, I will die young
I will never marry
I will never bear children

I am nothing, nemo
The name will die with me
But I am his daughter

They will dance on my grave
Or they will mourn the loss of their scapegoat

My body is hallow
I lost my soul
God forgive me

Saul is his hebrew image
Where is he now?
Dead, the man I knew is dead

The star of David
they all mock
But they forgot

How history repeats itself
How the creeping of death is vast
Silent on cold dark nights

To die is easy, to live is hard
I will die a Siebert
I will be eternal in my Father's name
That is my crime
and it will **** me

It killed me then
It just didn't take the body
Hayley Siebert Dec 2016
If  I die by my hand (or another)
Promise me this

Bury me with my babies
lace them in my arms
So we may rest together

Do not lay me like a corpse
but as I would asleep
on my side, curled in a ball
So my mother may tuck me in one last time

Dress me in white
for the wedding dress I will never wear
place the star of David around my neck
so I may slumber with God

But above all, publish my works
my poems, in this diary
and the Marilyn one (it has paint on the back)
publish them not for fame
but to show that I once lived
and a part of me shall live on forever...
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