"muffet" poems
Sat on a sedan
Spiderman took her hand.
Went down on one knee
And said
Will you marry me?
I cannot face
The rest of eternity
With each generation's
Take on modernity.
It's old fashioned values
I look for and see -
Your confidence,
Common sense,
Your honesty,
Sincerity,
Your quirkiness
And peacableness.
But most of all
Your peerless take on life
Is what does it for me.
Will you be my wife?
Spiderman, Spiderman,
How you do woo!
And you have such qualities
That draw me to you -
Your patience,
Respect,
Your considerable intellect,
Your gentleness,
Strength of mind -
I could go on at length and find
You could be my cobweb?
I could be your fly?
Could you be the man for me
Until the day I die?
What more can I say than
You may have concurred
That I do things my own way.
So can you guess?
Little Miss Muffet Said Yes!
And do you know what?
As they lay there
On that Le Corbusier chair
Without a care in the world -
And you know it's not novel
To be graphic -
They were not afraid at all.
May 16, 2014
May 16, 2014 at 4:31 PM UTC
Little Miss Muffet
Sits not on a tuffet
But on a Le Corbusier chair.
Curds and whey
Are not for her
As she is a vegan
And rarely eats between meals.
Along comes Spiderman,
Sits down on a sedan
And questions her
On all things entomological
And graphic novels.
And do you know what?
She is not afraid at all!
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 4:30 PM UTC
This is an ode for chicks who tough it,
About an empowered Little Miss Muffet,
Sitting alone there on her tuffet,
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
Or was he a predator?
What was he after her for?
So, she said to the spider,
Who sat down beside her,
"Rak off, hairy legs!
Don't even beg!
Less is more, less is more,
P.O.Q. , you naughty predator!"
And she ate her own curds and whey!
Empowering Miss Muffets these days,
Hopefully, us old bags do say......
May 27, 2016
May 27, 2016 at 3:55 PM UTC
I'm not Little Miss Muffet
From a spider I won't run away
I'll just squish you in a tissue
Or grab a can of bug spray
If that won't be sufficient
If that would not do
I'd just take off my footwear
And smash you with my shoe!
Spider, Spider there I see you
crawling upon my bedroom wall
You give me nothing but the creeps
with every single inch you crawl
You may weave interesting webs
But don't think I'm making nice
If I were not human (but a fly)
I'd be an entangled, delicious bite!
I hate your figure-eight, rounded body
I hate your dangly legs, eight
Is there anything about you I like?
No, I think everything about you I hate!
Jul 31, 2010
Jul 31, 2010 at 10:46 AM UTC
Each has meaning to one or all of us
personally
all i learned of these
i read as i grew
these fun loving rhymes
have some meaning or other
so i put these up
to bring out the childish side!!
:) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
When the blazing sun is gone,
When the nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.
In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.
As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark.
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
How I wonder what you are.
Jack be Nimble
Jack be Nimble
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick. Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe.
Do You Know The Muffin Man
Do you know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man?
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane?
Yes, I know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man.
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
Hush Little Baby
Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's going to buy you
a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's going to buy you
a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you
a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's going to buy you
a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you
a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover
won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you
a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest
little baby in town.
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 10:50 AM UTC
Little Miss Muffet
Sits on her knees
Eschews cottage cheese
Does as she pleases.
No cobwebs
Or flies on her.
Life does not frighten her
Either side or during
Any meal.
And do you know what?
I am not afraid to say
I could write
A graphic novel
About my ideal
New Millennial Girl.
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 18, 2014 at 6:43 PM UTC
The sun is hiding away from the Moon
The dish found the courage to divorce the spoon
Little Bo Peep is left alone with her sheep
But doesn't know if they are going to stay
Little Miss Muffet is crying into her curds and whey
Jack cheated on Jill
So she pushed him down the hill
The grand old duke heard the news
and locked her up in jail
Humpty Dumpty was having a snooze
Fell off the wall, now can't afford to pay the bail
The Poor old egg is yet to be mended
So the fairytale has ended
Goldylocks accused the bears of being violent
But she's a trespassing theive so the town stayed silent
The wolf got tired of knocking the pigs houses down
So they go to the pub and it's always his round
Some have broken hearts and some are befriended
One things for sure, the fairytale has ended
Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 5:34 PM UTC
The owl and the ***** cat
went to sea in a boat
without an oar
When the boat sailed home
the cat was alone
and the owl was no more
Hey ****** ******
I’ll tell you a riddle
and I bet you’ll never guess
That Jack B. Nimble
was Jack B. Quick
beneath Miss Muffet’s
dress
Little Sol Hornstein
sat next to Maureen
eating his Christmas
pie
He stuck in his fork
and pulled out some pork
And said ‘what a bad
Jew am I’.
Wee Willie Winkie
Tiptoes through the house,
Upstairs, downstairs
Quiet as a mouse.
Closing every window,
Locking every door,
Drinking all his daddy’s beer
And barfing on the floor
The hippy dippy spider
went uptown to score
He got a bag of ****
from the hippy dippy
store
He smoked up all that
**** with his hippy
dippy friends
So the hippy dippy spider
went uptown again
There was a crooked man
Who walked a crooked mile
He met a crooked woman
Who wore a crooked smile
He brought her to his crooked house
And upon his crooked bed
He had his crooked way with her
(And now the ***** is dead)
(And from an old restroom wall)
Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
(He kissed them too cuz' he was gay)
Jun 25, 2011
Jun 25, 2011 at 9:08 PM UTC
Evil Tales
So you think, you know who I am,
I killed Mary, and ate her little lamb.
I killed Goldilocks and ate the three bears,
then dumped the porridge down the stairs.
I pushed Humpty Dumpty off that wall,
I'm the reason for his great fall.
I'm the one who killed Bambi's mother,
that deer tasted like no other.
I put the poison in Snow White's apple,
the blood from the seven dwarfs,
I put in every red Snapple.
I chopped off all of Rapunzel's hair,
yes I know that wasn't fair.
I'm the father of Cinderella's step sisters,
after midnight I gave her some cold sore blisters.
I put Sleeping Beauty fast asleep,
then ran her over in my new Jeep.
Georgie Porgie kissed the girls and made them cry,
that is the reason, he had to die.
Little Miss Muffet ate her curds and whey,
it was my spider who had a Muffet buffet.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
I pushed Jack down and gave Jill a thrill.
Little Red Riding Hood went to Grandma's house,
then the big bad Allen pulled up her red blouse.
The Three Little Pigs never had a chance,
I huffed and puffed and ate pork til I **** my pants.
This old man, he played one,
knick, knack, paddy whack,
then my dog ate his thumb,
There was an Old Woman who lived in a shoe,
then one day, I filled it with crazy glue.
I killed Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy,
inside my head is very, very scary.
Sep 26, 2013
Sep 26, 2013 at 2:59 AM UTC
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
The little dog laughed,
"Jack, jump over the candlestick."
Along came a spider,
the cat and the fiddle,
who sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away.
"Hey, ****** ******
"Yes sir, yes sir."
Jack be nimble
Who lives down the lane.
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring,
and one for the little boy
who lives in Drury Lane.
All the king's horses and all the king's men;
To see such sport,
don't say a word.
"Have you any wool?"
"Do you know the Muffin Man?"
"Three bags full."
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Jack, be quick,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.
One for the master,
Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.
One for the dame,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
Jack jumped high
The cow jumped over the moon.
Jack jumped low
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Jack be nimble,
Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Jack jumped over and burned his toe.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
Hush, little baby,
one little Indian boy
couldn't put Humpty together again.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
ring a ring o' roses,
and if that looking glass gets broke,
you'll still be the sweetest.
Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
did you ever see such a sight in your life,
as three blind mice
stole a pig, and away did run.
And if that billy goat won't pull
a dog named Rover,
see how they run,
they all ran after the farmer's wife,
and Tom was beat.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
and the pig was eat,
and Tom went crying,
Mama's going to buy you
A pocketful of posies.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark
down the street,
One little, two little, three little Indians,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
Much wants more, and loses all,
little baby in town.
Three blind mice,
who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
see how they run.
We all fall down.
Dec 13, 2013
Dec 13, 2013 at 8:31 PM UTC
Rumpelstiltskin caught the clap
Miss Muffet got a slap
Breadcrumbs leading to the gap,
Indicated on Grimm’s map.
The Magic mirror’s spewing crap
Helping the Huntsman continually fap.
The Third Little Pig, stripped of his red wig.
Booked a new gig, on Cinderella’s oil rig.
Snow White fell back asleep.
Creepy dwarves tentatively creep
The Big Bad Wolf’s known to weep.
Staring regretfully at the flock of Lil Bo-Peep.
Mother Goose’s gone years without a peep.
Recognizing that royalties shouldn’t come cheap.
Humpty Dumpty forgot the wall, forewarned of the inevitable fall.
Beauty left Beast at the mall, said kind words, but never did call.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 8:30 PM UTC
Nursree-Rhymed-Rap
you got yer Jack be nimble
you got yer Jack be quick
you got yer Jack jumpin over a candle stick
he jumped so high
he almost touched the sky
you see he burnt his nads
and it made him cry
you got yer 3 little pigs
you got yer Goldilocks
you got yer big bad wolf dumber than a fox
he huffed and puffed
and took a big hit
and they all joined hands
they were smokin some ****
you got yer Little Red
you got yer 3 brown bears
sippin on soup and sittin in chairs
Red danced on the table
yeah she danced really good
the bears gave her money
to see what was under the hood
you got yer Jack and Jill
you got yer buckle my shoe
climbin that hill what they gonna do
Jack played pattycake
according to rumours
trying to get inside
of little Jill's bloomers
you got yer Little Miss Muffet
you got yer itsy bitsy spider
he made a big mistake sitting down beside her
inside her purse
she kept a can of Raid
she drenched his ****
and now he's daid
you got yer hey ****** ******
you got yer dish and spoon
you got yer old spotted cow jumpin over the moon
there's Humpty Dumpty
and the fiddling cat
the little dog laughed
to see Jack Sprat splat
you got yer round the rosey
you got yer ba black sheep
pullin the wool over yer eyes as you sleep
****** ****** dumplin
so what is my point
whoever wrote these riddles
musta been smokin a joint
Gomer LePoet ....
Aug 29, 2011
Aug 29, 2011 at 10:02 AM UTC
Humpty Dumpty what a numpty
thought that he could fly
with paper wings attached with strings
he leapt into the sky
Jack and Jill stood on the hill
and watched him with delight
as up he flew their laughter grew
at such a wondrous sight
The fiddler cat said fancy that
as with her love did spoon
and watched awhile with pleasured smile
the cow jump or' the moon
The blind mice three they didnt see
and neither did they care
for he'll come down and break his crown
like ev'ry fool that dare
Miss Muffet thought it's all for nought
though eggs will one day fly
the spider spoke well then the yolk
will be on that poor guy
The clock struck one the night was gone
the paper wings caught fire
poached or fried Briar Rabbit cried
of both I'll never tire
Thing one thing two yes you and you
don't stand there get a net
and bring green ham oh Sam I am
for breakfast now is set
So read and learn before you burn
the wings your heart hath bore you
for this the end my learned friend
as I wouldn't want to bore you
Nov 29, 2012
Nov 29, 2012 at 8:41 AM UTC
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Jack died on ***** and Jill on pills.
Mary lost her little lamb
but she just don’t give a ****
Little Boy Blue blows a new horn,
he’s the star of animal ****
Humpty’s crack was caused by bad smack,
and Little Bo Peep finally murdered those sheep.
Old Mother Hubbard sells shrooms from her cupboard
and Mother Goose used to be called Lady Loose.
Old King Cole like to smoke pole,
while Little Miss Muffet licked **** on her tuffet.
All the kings horses banged all the kings men,
then headed to the Caterpillar’s ***** den.
The Pied Piper dropped E in the village well
and danced all those children to techno hell.
These fairy tales I’ve tainted, they’re twisted and sick.
So read it again and hide it away quick!
Mom and Daddy will yell, this isn’t ok,
but I’ve painted the truth at the end of the day.
Life isn’t all sunshine and roses and smiles.
Sometimes it’s darkness, loose women and their wiles.
I’ve just told the truth my dear little friend,
I hope you enjoyed it but this is The End…
Aug 25, 2016
Aug 25, 2016 at 3:44 PM UTC
Little Miss Muffet,
she certainly loved it;
rolling with boys in the hay
She always had company
but now her belly's a bump, you see
The father? No one could say
Feb 10, 2012
Feb 10, 2012 at 9:57 PM UTC
Fractured Fairies
the stalk was tall but Jack climbed high
they said he was looking for a golden goose
but the giant wasn't keen on him getting by
he caught the little brat and kicked his caboose
old mother Hubbard lived in a shoe
she had lots of sole and a rather large tongue
her old man was proficient in kung foo
when she bent over he kung foo'd her ****
Alice lived in wonderland she was constantly high
her and that crazy rabbit eating mushrooms wild
they looked into the looking glass and my oh my
they both had golden locks so neatly styled
once upon a time there were three bears
they couldn't eat the pourage on their first attempt
they shaved their bodys except for their ***** hairs
found out they were Jewish and now verklempt
little Miss Muffet sat on tuffet eating her curds and whey
along came a spider and sat down beside her
and she stomped him good put a crimp in his day
Mary had a little lamb what a big surprise
the doctor's scratched their heads in disbelief
they just couldn't even believe their eyes
but when old McDonald had a farm good grief
Gomer LePoet...
Sep 15, 2011
Sep 15, 2011 at 8:47 PM UTC
I won't confirm or deny that I'm in a league of my own. Trapping these thoughts and neatly arranging them on the paper....or screen. Regardless you know what I mean.
I won't confirm or deny that this is something I love to do.....it's better than keeping track of all those kids that live in a shoe. The mother she used to be fine.....until her husband introduced her that bottle of wine.
I won't confirm or deny that she came down to my place. She was mumbling some jibberish and I kindly asked her to step out of my face. Her eyes were bloodshot red....she began mumbling about wanting someone dead.
I asked her nervously "Who?" She momentarily stepped out of her stupor and said "you know who!" Now I had no clue ....just like you......I'm looking at her strangely......not knowing what to do.
She begins to cry and plops on the chair.....she utters these words and heartbreak fills the air. Jack be nimble ...Jack be quick....Jack left me with all these kids.....He makes me sick.
I have struggled for years to raise these babies...and did all I could do. Do you really think a mother wants their children to grow up in a shoe? I talked to my girl Ms. Muffet ....and spider is still trying to scare her away.....she said she saw Jack trying to talk to Jill.
He doesn't want to be a father.....he wants to go up the hill. Plus, her brother Jack broke his crown....cause he was creeping with little Bo Peep. She lost her sheep the other day. Jack came by and wanted to play.
She lost her focus and lost her sheep....because after Jack left she fell fast asleep. I won't confirm or deny anything I wrote here.....Hey Jack B. Nimble you better sleep with one eye open.....your wife is near.
Just a little mental exercise......
Oct 7, 2012
Oct 7, 2012 at 6:01 PM UTC
Nursree-Rhymed-Rap
you got yer Jack be nimble
you got yer Jack be quick
you got yer Jack jumpin over a candle stick
he jumped so high
he almost touched the sky
you see he burnt his nads
and it made him cry
you got yer 3 little pigs
you got yer Goldilocks
you got yer big bad wolf dumber than a fox
he huffed and puffed
and took a big hit
and they all joined hands
they were smokin some ****
you got yer Little Red
you got yer 3 brown bears
sippin on soup and sittin in chairs
Red danced on the table
yeah she danced really good
the bears gave her money
to see what was under the hood
you got yer Jack and Jill
you got yer buckle my shoe
climbin that hill what they gonna do
Jack played pattycake
according to rumours
trying to get inside
of little Jill's bloomers
you got yer Little Miss Muffet
you got yer itsy bitsy spider
he made a big mistake sitting down beside her
inside her purse
she kept a can of Raid
she drenched his ****
and now he's daid
you got yer hey ****** ******
you got yer dish and spoon
you got yer old spotted cow jumpin over the moon
there's Humpty Dumpty
and the fiddling cat
the little dog laughed
to see Jack Sprat splat
you got yer round the rosey
you got yer ba black sheep
pullin the wool over yer eyes as you sleep
****** ****** dumplin
so what is my point
whoever wrote these riddles
musta been smokin a joint
Gomer LePoet ....
Mar 28, 2013
Mar 28, 2013 at 10:44 PM UTC
Little Miss Muffet
Got ******* on her tuffet
‘Cause she don’t know what curds weigh.
A scholarly spider
Sat down beside her
Said, “Tuffet baby, it ain’t spelled that way.”
But, confused, he asked
“How did it come to pass
That you got laid and I have not done yet?
With eight legs to grab
I should be able to nab
Likely many more than than you can get.”
Muffet said, with a shrug
“You pitiful old bug,
Your brain must be little more than silage.
For everyone knows
How the old saying goes
It’s not the age of the tire but the mileage.”
The spider understood
What anyone would
That Miss Muffet knew what she was doing.
He went on his way
With no more to say,
And Muffet went right back to her ********
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 3:08 AM UTC
A newborn babe given to the ones who saved her from the fate of poverty and misery.
To portray the loving family of white middle class or at least the struggling to be that.
A girl of light and newness with almond eyes and darkened locks with fragile skin.
A kin to Italian plite
A kin to Irish blood
None of that to bathe in just a different type to be cast in
********** was among the living creed this family held fast the dying deed of :
no talking, no whisper, no whimper or scream.
Be quiet little one....be inside the room of your friendly playthings and create the fantasies you will keep faith in.
Fantasies are nimble and sweet for a delicate mind to entertain inside
Door closed
Fights outside it...loud and booming!!
Mother and Father no longer a family
Plates are thrown and different things left strewn about.
Her shouts sure drown the frightened whispers
The lil girl told her playthings in the room fanciful with butterfly walls and trellises that lined the closet walls
It will all be over soon
Mother will succumb to her way of being numb
She will be nice again
The lil girl can come out and try to play with her brothers of 1/2 kin
They call her brat
The mother calls her muffin or muffet
The father calls her squirt
The land of fantasies run deep in this family
Pretending is a way of life
Apr 22, 2012
Apr 22, 2012 at 2:20 PM UTC
to the rhythm of "Miss Muffet"
A lone little girl
sat in her room
holding her stuffie so tight.
The terrible shadows
wrapped close about her
forcing her sad eyes to cry.
she cut at the shadows
but cut only herself
wishing the shadows would leave.
she dreamed of a plant
that could bloom over her booboos
where she had made herself bleed.
Her shame was so mean
and crawled bout the corners
where all the mean memories lay.
"Can't sumbudy save me
an chase out the night,
befow I cut mysef away?"
When suddenly to
her surprise and delight
the door opened, pouring in light.
The shadows hissed cruel
as they slinked off in fear,
cursing and suffering blight.
The sound of His voice
was all that it took
to chase the bad memories away.
"Come to Daddy's arms
my sweetest of treasures,
Daddy's now here to stay."
"you will not be scared.
you will not have fright,
as long as you hold Me tight.
Daddy will be here
to cuddle you close,
all throughout the night."
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 5:03 PM UTC
please kind sirs
i assure you i meant no harm
-can't you see the poor girl is telling the truth-
revered jury i apologise
i didn't realise my sin was so great
-really, gentlemen, it's a first offense-
i take all the blame
i was where i should not have been
-a girl's got to make a living-
weaving my webs of destruction
i accept the punishment
-please, have mercy-
execute me if you must
but wouldn't it be easier
-hear her plea-
to simply be rid of me
show me the door i'll gladly leave
-i beseech you on her behalf-
please, miss muffet
was quite mistaken
-hear, hear, the witness is tainted-
an attempt at friendship
has thrown me on the mercy of the court
-save the poor spider-
May 26, 2010
May 26, 2010 at 4:50 PM UTC
Twinkle, star, you are
So high, up in the sky.
And Little Muffett Miss
Has gotten so ******
Very upset that from
Someone else’s thumb
That was stuck in a pie.
She didn’t know why.
So she cut off tails
Enjoying the wails
Of sightless mice
Though not nice
Not fooling around
She’d blow the house down
Then give a harsh drub
To three men in a tub.
She swiped all the ciggies
Of three little piggies
But she could not see
Why everything was threes.
Narcissistically proud
She was laughing out loud
Then she started to croon
About a cow on the moon.
She looked for a fiddle
She could hey ****** ******
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare
So, she left the dog home
And began to roam.
On the way past Saint Ives
A man beating his wives
Muffet did begin
Beating with rolling pin
And the guy ran away
Not seen since that day.
Miss Muffett turned old
Folk tales into gold.
Oct 10, 2015
Oct 10, 2015 at 6:27 AM UTC
lil jack horner, sat in the corner
nursing his aching back
stuck his fat thumb, right up his ***
and miss muffet gave him a wack
Mar 11, 2010
Mar 11, 2010 at 12:47 PM UTC