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Joanna Alexandre Apr 2023
My guilt is starved and it’s begun eating me alive
This sick feeling in my empty stomach is the lack of truth I can confide
The distractions aren’t distracting from the thoughts inside my mind
My guilt is unsatisfied and it continues eating me alive
Joanna Alexandre Jan 2023
Death came knocking in the middle of the night
He asked you to join him, death was calm and polite
He had watched you for a while, smiled as you said goodbyes
Death understood the pain and the love behind our cries
He was gentle when he took your hand and led you to the light
Death gave you a shoulder to rest on and he hugged you tight
Death was warm and inviting, he had a familiar face
He opened a door for you that led to an unknown place
Death stayed with you until long after you were gone
He still lets you come and visit in the dusk and in the dawn
Joanna Alexandre Nov 2022
I love him
For five days out of a fortnight
Sometimes less
We spend more time talking
About how much we miss each other
Than we do making up for the lost time
Our five days every fortnight
Are split between his family and friends
And my work
So we end up with weekends
I love him for two days out of a fortnight
And I miss him for 261 days a year
We spend time more time fighting
About how to spend our time
Than we do spending it together
Our bank accounts are more connected
Than sometimes it feels like we are
I get to love him two days out of a fortnight
The same amount of time spent on that plane
Sitting next to strangers
Working for those two days just the same
I love him for one third of the year
The rest I deal with the pain
Patiently waiting for him to come home
And say that was my last day
Joanna Alexandre Nov 2022
I love you so much

I wish that I could give you this eternity

That we could have a little old black cat

Who we were convinced was a witch

I wish we could grow with her

Sharing all our hearts between us three

And I wish we could cry together as her time came

And plant flowers over her grave

And mourn and feel and fall on each other

Like leaves on the ground

I wish we could spend our eternity

Laughing to lull us into sleep

In our old bed that you’ll complain hurts your back

But that we never change

Despite the creaks and the way it feels

Like it might break under us

Because it never does

I’d spend my eternity running early

And you a little bit late

And we’d meet somewhere in the middle

I’ll always ask you to turn your music down

Your response will be to dance when I do

I won’t be able to help but laugh and join you

We’ll have an eternity of loud music and silly dances

I’ll eventually put up with the way you play your music

Because you put up with my bad singing

And we will be the most annoying people in love

In the nursing home

I wish I could give you my eternity

I know we’d be so incredibly happy

But my eternity is ending early

And yours is running late

So you’ll have to bury our little witch alone

And plant the flowers on your own

But know, I love you so
Joanna Alexandre Sep 2022
The blood between my legs

Had you salivating

Like you hadn’t eaten in years

And I was a scotch fillet steak

Cooked medium rare

Seasoned well with salt, pepper and fear

Your favourite dish

Served with a side of underage and innocent

Drizzled with balsamic *******

The kind of meal that forces silence

In a room full of people

Fresh blood dripping on your lips with

Eat bite that you took

A sign of a good piece of meat

A sign of it being well cooked

When you finished you didn’t wipe

The grease across your face

You worn it with pride like it was war paint
Joanna Alexandre Jun 2022
I watched myself die
Played it over and over
Scanned it for all the little details
How did this happen
When did this happen
Why did this happen
I saw myself fall away
Saw the parts of me I loved, leave
And the parts of me I hated, grow
I became super human
Able to shape-shift
I could break, shatter and crumble
And still come back together
You couldn’t see the cracks
But it took all of my efforts
To keep from falling apart again
I wept through the seams I sewed
And said it was sweat and maybe it was
After all I was working so hard
To keep track of all the pieces
I had left of me, the pieces
I didn’t lose when I watched myself die
Joanna Alexandre May 2022
It’s really not about the flowers
They might make me happy
They might look lovely
On the coffee table
When I wake up, or people come over
I might feel proud to say you got them for me
I might stop and smell them in the shop
And dream of them in our home

But it’s not about the flowers
It’s about the small but
significant vow,
It’s a reminder that you think of me too
And more so an idea that you enjoy
Making me happy, its about
Not asking you to get the flowers
Because I wouldn’t ask you to love me
If you didn’t want to

So you see it’s not about the flowers
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